FML: "Today, I walked into the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "you know you can't wash and reuse these." FML

I just got home from my girlfriend Sakura's house. We went there after school, made out, and eventually had sex again. That was a usual routine for us.

Sakura's been my girlfriend since we were freshman until now, so that's about three years. We started having sex when we had our three-year anniversary, and ever since then we've been doing it. And Kami-sama knows how much we do it a week!

So I got home, went up into my room, and started texting Sakura.

To: Sakura-chan

Hey there sexy chick ;) today was great

-Saku's_Drug

To: Sasuke-kun

ohh, yummy ;) it was amazin cnt stop thnkin bout you 3

-Sexy_Saks

Kami, the things that girl can do! "Sasuke sweetie!" I heard my mom call. I groaned at that nickname. She still calls me that?

"What mom?" I called back. "Throw down your laundry!" She replied. I sighed, and changed my jeans and shirt to some sweats. I stayed shirtless because I'm too for my shirt (or at least Sakura says so).

I tossed down my clothes from today down the stairs and my mom caught them and put them into the laundry basket. I walked back to my room and went back to texting hot messages to my girlfriend.

-One hour later-

"Sasuke!" I heard my mom call again. Great, now what? "Hold on!" I said, texting bye to Sakura. "Srry babe, gtg mom callin. Love you." "Love you too Sasuke!"

"Mom?" I called when I got downstairs. "In the laundry room Sasuke!" I heard her say back. I made my way to the laundry room when my mom pulled a condom wrapper out of my pants pocket. She looked at me and said "You know you can't wash and reuse these," she said.

I felt my whole face turn white. "Ah fuck mom!" I groaned. "What? It's not my fault that you left a condom wrapper in your pocket! Really now, when your father and I were young, we-" "OKAY NO THANKS!" I yelled as I ran away from her. Seriously, the LAST thing I need is to hear ANOTHER story about how my parents occupied their time when they were younger.

That's just wrong. I know how me and Itachi were made. I don't want the extra details.

As soon as I got in my room, I closed and locked the door and grabbed my cell phone and called Sakura. "Hey Sasuke! What's up?" I heard Sakura say. "Sakura, we kinda have a problem," I said nervously. "What? Is something wrong?" She asked frantically.

"So, my mom found a condom wrapper in my pants pocket..." I told her slowly. "WHAT? Sasuke how could you be so careless?" Sakura yelled at me. It took me a while to calm her down. After a few minutes, Sakura managed to come back down to Earth. "Are you grounded?" she asked. "I don't know, actually. Mom didn't say." I replied. "Oh, okay. Well I'm gonna go to bed. Night Sasuke. I love you." Sakura said. "Night, love you too."

-The Next Day-

I got back from Sakura's house and stepped into the kitchen. I saw my mom in the kitchen cooking dinner and I got nervous. "Um, hi mom," I said. Mom gave me a weird smile. "Hey sweetie. I just bought some tomatoes. They're on the counter." I looked at her suspiciously as I grabbed a tomato. "Um, thanks?" I said, arching an eyebrow.

"Welcome. Dinner will be ready soon." Mom said. I walked up the stairs finishing my tomato. What's up with mom? Well, she did find a condom wrapper in her son's pocket, but other than that everything's fine. I got into the upstairs hallway and saw Itachi, and once he saw me it looked like he was suppressing a fit of laughter. "What's your problem?" I asked him. "Mhm, oh, n-nothing Sasuke!" he said, laughing. I arched an eyebrow at him. "R-really Sasuke! G-go to your room I'll t-talk to you later!" Itachi said, running into his room.

What the hell? What's up with everyone? Anyways, I made my way to my room, closed the door, and tossed my bag who-knows where. I was so tired, and I jumped on my bed. But as I sat on my bed, I heard something. What the hell? It sounds like a wrapper. I looked around my bed, and my face turned white.

On my bed was a variety of condoms in all sizes. Near it was a note. Oh fuck. "Dear Sasuke, don't forget that you can't reuse condoms! So I bought you a whole bunch with different sizes since I don't know how big (or small) you are! You don't want to get Sakura-chan pregnant anytime soon now, do you? Have fun! -Mom"

I felt all the blood drain from my face. My mom. My mom gave me condoms! My mom is basically encouraging me to have sex. With Sakura. I sighed. Then I let out a loud scream. When I was done, Itachi came into my room and started laughing. "S-Sas-uke! Mom said you can't r-reuse c-condoms!" He said in between laughs. I threw a (sharp) pencil at him yelling "GET OUT!" to him, but he only ducked as the pencil stabbed the wall. Still laughing, Itachi waved off and left.

I sighed in annoyance, then looked at the condoms again. Mom seriously bought a lot. Then a sudden, awesomesauce idea popped into my head. I smirked and grabbed my cell phone. "I'm such an idiot! Why didn't I think of this before?" I asked myself. I texted Sakura. "Saks, I'm not grounded, but how about I come over tonight?" I sent the message, and five seconds later (damn that girl can text) I got a reply. "Great! And sure, I'm missing you ;)"

I grabbed some condoms and was out the door. God, my mom can be a pain in the ass, but in a good way.

Sometimes...

-A couple weeks later-

"Sasuke! Do you need anymore condoms?" My mom screamed at the top of her lungs. "I'm going out to buy more! Your father and I have run out!" At hearing this, Itachi and I ran out to the hallway. "GROSS MOM!" We yelled. "Well, do you? And Itachi I'm getting you some too! You need to get laid soon," Mom said casually.

I muttered a slight "yes" as Itachi face-palmed himself. Oh god mom.