"The one with the power to vanquish the Masters of Defense, oh and the Dark Lord too, approaches... born to those who thrice streaked through Hogsmead, born as the seventh month dies... and none that teach him the Art of Defense shall be left unmarked, he will have power the Dark Lord knows not... The Master must destroy the Student or fall to his hand... The one with the power to vanquish the Masters of Defense, oh and the Dark Lord too, approaches... "
'The fuck?' thought Albus Wulfric Percival Brian Dumbledore.
Eleven years later
"I am sorry Cassandra but I am going to have to let you go." said Dumbledore sadly.
"But why?" Cassandra exclaimed "You have been happy with my teaching for the last twenty years. What has changed? I have been doing something wrong? If I am, I can fix it!"
"It's complicated." sighed Dumbledore "But you won't be teaching here next year. If you wish to use me as a reference I am more than happy to give a good word."
Dumbledore watched sadly as Cassandra left in near tears, but it was for the best. He was rather fond of her and he would hate to see her struck down by Harry Potter. Unfortunately he would need to find a replacement before the next school year came around. Somebody he wouldn't feel guilty about using as a sacrifice to the altar that was Harry Potter. Luckily the answer to his dilemma fell on to his lap a week later.
Dumbledore stared in bafflement as Quirinus showed up to his office with Voldemort's foul magic radiating of off him. Did Tom think he was an idiot and wouldn't know that Tom was using Quirinus as a host of sorts? Dumbledore considered attempting to strike him down right then and there, when a idea struck him. "Ah Quirinus I am in something of bind. You see Cassandra had to leave this year and you have professed an interest in the Defense Against the Dark Arts in the past, would you be willing to take the position?"
"Of-of course Dumbledore." said Quirinus giving Dumbledore a shaky smile.
Dumbledore smirked.
Well that hadn't quite worked out like he planned. Harry only managed to kill Quirinus and let Tom get away. Well the prophesy never stated when Harry would strike down his targets, so maybe it was only a matter of time? Well as long as he kept Harry alive, everything should work itself out.
'Ugh' thought Dumbledore. He hated these damn Ministry parties. He felt a headache coming on from listening to all these morons spewing their idiotic drivel. He gave the blond idiot in front of him a warm smile and said "That is quite fascinating Gilderoy."
"I am pretty amazing." agreed the pompous windbag. "Your accomplishments are pretty impressive as well. They aren't as impressive as my own of course, but you to do quite well for a school teacher."
Dumbledore barely held back an angry retort. He should put this fool in his place. He could... No, he really shouldn't... He was a better man than that. "I am flattered you think so Gilderoy." Dumbledore bite out.
"Maybe one day you could even be as great as me, with my help of course." said Gilderoy.
Fuck it "Gilderoy would you like a job?" asked Dumbledore. Hopefully Harry would burn this one to death as well.
As Dumbledore watched the mediwizards cart Gilderoy away he couldn't help but feel impressed by Harry's vindictiveness. At first Dumbledore regretted his rash decision and considered firing Gilderoy before anything happened to him. But every time he went to let Gilderoy go, he had to actual speak to the man and well... he stopped feeling guilty again each time. And apparently Gideroy had been illegally oblivating people anyway so it was really karmic justice in a sense.
Dumbledore felt like shoving rusty nails in to his ears just so he could drown out the never ending whining of the sack of shit in front of him, aka Remus Lupin. "... and then a owl pooped on me." Remus finished whatever he had been rambling about with tears in his eyes.
Holding in a sigh Dumbledore spoke "Remus as much as I enjoy your company, I am afraid I am quite busy so unless there something I can help you with, I have other things that I must be doing."
"Well..." began Remus with his irritating voice "I kind of need a job and since your Defense position is open..."
"I would love nothing more to give the position Remus." began Dumbledore. While Remus grated on his nerves he didn't want the same fate of the last two victims of Harry Potter's wrath to befall Remus. "But-"
"It's because I am werewolf isn't it." interrupted Remus. Dumbledore's eyebrow twitched. If there was one thing he hated it was being interrupted. "No one else will give me a job because of my curse or be my friend or..."
'Oh god.' Dumbledore couldn't listen to this any longer and interrupted whatever depressive ramblings that would come from the werewolf's mouth hole. "If you had let me finish Remus you would know that you already had the job. I was just going to say that we would have to have official interview at a later date as a formality.
"Really?" Remus said surprised "Even with my curse? How do you know that I won't hurt anybody, I am monster and -"
"I believe in you Remus." Dumbledore somehow managed to say with a straight face.
Huh. That was another one that got away. Sure Remus's reputation was in ruins in the wizarding world for almost eating Harry Potter and all, but Dumbledore could hardly call that vanquished. He guessed the prophesy had a more liberal definition of vanquish. Unless Harry was merely biding his time... Oh well not important.
Dumbledore hummed merrily to himself as he walked through Diagon Ally when he was suddenly knocked off his feet and landed on his nose hard. "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!" bellowed Alastor.
Dumbledore got to his feet and gingerly touched his nose. With a grimace he confirmed that it was broken again. 'Why is it always the nose?' he thought dismally. He turned and scowled at Alastor "Really Alastor? Don't you have anything better to do with your time?"
"Nope." responded Alastor with a grin. "I was forced into retirement yesterday. So I am finding new ways to entertain myself." Dumbledore closed his eyes in exasperation and was promptly hit with an expulso curse. "CONSTANT VIGILANCE!"
He laid there on the ground fuming for a minute before getting to his feet again "Well Alastor if your bored could I interest you in a job?"
Alastor made a face and said "Ugh. Teaching kids? That's sound absolutely awful."
"Well if don't want the job." Dumbledore said with shrug "I guess I will have to give it to Severus."
Alastor scowled and said "I forgot that bas- he worked at Hogwarts. He wants the job huh? You know what I can stand to teach for a year."
"I am glad to hear it." said Dumbledore with a beaming smile and twinkling eyes.
Damn. Alastor managed to survive by being kidnapped and then replaced by Barty, who had been promptly vanquished by Harry at the end of the year. Well he supposed that being locked in a trunk for a year was punishment enough, so he would forgive Alastor.
"Thank you for coming to meet me Dumbledore." simpered Dolores. Or as he thought of her, bloated toad bitch.
Dumbledore forced himself to keep the smile on his face and said "It is always a pleasure to speak with you Dolores."
"Well let's get down to business, I regret to inform you that you been removed from the position of Chief Warlock." she said sweetly.
Dumbledore blinked before he said "I believe that usually a vote is held for removal of the Chief Warlock."
"We had a emergency vote yesterday, did you not get your memo? The Wizengamot removed you due to fear that you may be suffering from senility" she said smirking at Dumbledore.
"I see." said Dumbledore reining in the urge hex her. "Well if that is all I need to get back to Hogwarts."
"Oh there is one more thing." she said "If you don't find an approved teacher for the Defense position the ministry will provide one."
"May I ask who you will be providing?" Dumbledore asked through clenched teeth.
"We have not decided yet, but rest assured they will be vetted by me." she replied.
"Well as long it is not you, since you are beyond useless, it should be fine." said Dumbledore "Oh dear, did I say that out loud? I must be getting senile."
"Get out!" she said with a snarl. Dumbledore walked out of the office with a skip to his step.
Wow. Just wow. Violated by a herd of centaurs. Even Dumbledore wasn't that cruel. Harry must have been feeling particularly nasty this year. All though he couldn't really blame Harry since Dolorous was a odious woman . Also that was another teacher that hadn't been slain like he thought they would be. Hmmm he better make sure that Harry could actual kill Tom. Well time to do some research this summer.
'Tonight is the night.' thought Dumbledore nervously as he walked to Severus's office. 'You can do this Albus.' He knocked on the Severus's door and after hearing Severus's curt "Enter." he opened the door.
"Ah Severus there was something I wanted to talk to you about." started Dumbledore before trailing off.
"Well." said Severus impatiently.
"So Severus I have proposition for you. One that I feel that we have both wanted for a long time. I have seen the look in your eye letting me know this is something you desire" said Dumbledore.
"Oh god no! You are way too old and wrinkly for me!" said Severus far too quickly for Dumbledore's liking. He could have at least thought about it a little.
Offended and heartbroken Dumbledore spoke "What? Severus what in the world are you talking about?"
Severus gave him a suspicious look and said "Weren't you just hitting on me?"
Dumbledore let out a chuckle "That is not what I wished to speak with you about Severus, my boy. Are you still interested in the Defense position?"