Princes
By Schildkroete
Jack had lost count of the hours he had spent sitting here, motionless, holding Charlie's wrist between his fingers and clinging to his pulse, to the warmth of his body like a drowning man to the last piece of floating wood. He had sat here and stared at the equally motionless man in front of him as if willing him to wake up, but he never did. Didn't open his eyes, didn't talk to him, and the only movement was the slow rise and fall off his chest. Jack thought that he should look peaceful like this but he didn't. Jack thought that maybe he would have felt better if he had, but then again, maybe not. He stared at Charlie's slightly parted lips and thought, in a sudden fit of insanity, what a pity it was to never have kissed them.
Jack had lost count of the hours he had spend here, but he knew the exact number of times Charlie's heart had beat since he first took hold of his hand.
He didn't notice Sayid when he sat down beside him so he couldn't tell how long he had been there by the time Kate touched his shoulder from behind, if he'd come with her or had spend the past three hours silently at his side. From far away he heard her voice and didn't pay attention to it.
"Looks like Sleeping Beauty hasn't woken up yet," the voice said softly. There was movement at his side.
"Sleeping Beauty?" Sayid's voice spoke, and Jack could hear his questioning look in the tone of his words.
"That's a fairy tale. Don't tell me you don't know it", Kate's voice indicated that she was still standing right behind him and Jack knew that her hand was still on his shoulder though he cold not feel it there. He heard a new voice speak and was almost surprised to recognize it as his own.
"It's the story of a princess who was cursed to sleep for a hundred years, until a brave prince came along and woke her with a kiss." And he laughed a little, the noise almost choking him. He could feel the look Kate and Sayid shared. He felt it and didn't care.
"Jack," Kate's voice spoke again. "You should rest a little. There's nothing you can do for him."
Jack felt the pulse beneath his fingertips. Another voice spoke up, unwanted yet persistent, speaking in another place and another time and heard only by him. Around him were the walls of a collapsed cave and darkness, only disturbed by the gleam of a flashlight somewhere in the dusty air. I won't forget that, the voice promised, but he had, hadn't he? Maybe all of this would never have happened if only he had remembered.
"Jack," Kate spoke again. He wished she wouldn't use his name quiet that often. It made him feel sick, uneasy. Her fingers wound around his, trying to move them away from Charlie's hand but his grip was firm. He needed the warmth of that small body to tell him that there was still hope. "Charlie has made his decision," Kate's voice was a bit harder now, speaking without mercy. "He's not coming back."
Jack didn't have to close his eyes to see Boone dying in the jungle. "I can't give up on him", he pressed out. He had thought these words so often in the past few days that being spoken out loud they sounded wired, alien.
"He's given up on himself," Kate said.
She was right, but Jack was not yet ready to admit defeat. He had done what he could and now all Charlie had to do to live on was open his eyes. Before, in the real world, back home, they could have played this game for a long time. Here, in the wild, he would either wake up soon or he would die, and the decision had already been made. The feeling of defeat had never been this strong.
The pulse beneath his fingers was weaker than yesterday, or the day before. Jack only wished that Kate and Sayid would leave him alone now, so he could finally break down and cry.
-
Sayid knew that something was lost when Jack got up and left without another word, but he couldn't tell weather it was a battle or a war. Kate went after him and Sayid knew that he should stop her, because the doctor looked like he needed to be alone now but in the end he let her go because he needed to be alone as well.
He didn't know how long the others had been gone when he finally moved, taking the two longest steps of his life before he leaned down, his hands to either side of Charlie's head. So close that his hair was almost touching the face beneath him. For an unknown number of endless minutes he just stood there, not moving, perhaps not even breathing, while his eye travelled over that pale face, taking in every detail as if he'd see it for the first time and would never see it again. Like it was some priceless and fragile treasure. Look but don't touch. Finally he leaned in completely, crossing the distance that remained between them and softly pressed his lips to Charlie's in a kiss that was more tender than any he had given ever before. His tongue brushed over the other man's lips, over the outside of his teeth. He closed his eyes and for one merciful moment the world stopped turning.
Then he broke the kiss and leaned back just far enough to study Charlie's face, to look for any kind of reaction. But there was none, not flutter of eyelids, not movement of lips that missed the touch of his own, only silence and the slight caress of Charlie's breath on his face.
The smile on Sayid's face was sad one.
"It seems like I am no prince then," he said, and he gave Charlie's hand one last squeeze before he turned and walked away.
-
Later Sayid thought that maybe Jack would make a better prince than him, that all the doctor would have to do was press his lips against Charlie's and he would open his eyes and everything would be alright.
Charlie lived for three more days and Jack never tried.
-end
May 11, 2006