Disclaimer: I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer owns it all.
TANYA POV
I'm a horrible person. Really, truly awful. I beg forgiveness from anyone left listening, but I fear there hasn't been anyone in earshot of my pleas for the last thousand years. And alas, my pleading must be silent. I am too ashamed to have the rest of my family know that these sobs are not only for my lost sister, but also for my lost love.
It's easy to hide here in the car as we make our way home from Forks, Washington. We are all distraught over Irina and cling to each other. Eleazar drives with one hand on the steering wheel and the other gripping Carmen's hand. Comfort and love flowing between them. Sitting behind them, a sobbing Kate finds shelter in Garrett's arms. He is coming home with us now that he has found his own home at last in Kate. I'm happy for her. Truly, I am. I've lived her life along with her and I know what the alternative is to this place she's found with him. I cannot begrudge her that happiness.
Behind them, I sit alone in the back of our SUV. The blunt force of the truth hits me that I am now the odd one out. One thousand years without a mate. There have been lovers. More than I care to admit. However, I am a succubus and it is my nature so I cannot feel too ashamed, but I am tired of not feeling anything at all. I had my fun and like the rest of my family grew weary at the taking of innocent lives. We found our nourishment elsewhere. That helped to strengthen my soul, but not the way that love could complete me. Of course, I came upon this realization once I met my darling Edward.
We happened upon the beautiful boy with the reddish brown hair in the forest near our home in Denali with the rest of his family on a cold winter night many years ago. In all my years, I had never seen anything so breathtaking in my life. I couldn't help but stare. Vampires are by far the most striking and stunning incarnations of human-like beings, but Edward far surpassed any who had ever walked the earth. From the moment he looked at me, I would never be the same. Whoever he was, I needed him to be mine. He did not hold my gaze and quickly looked away. I later discovered that he was able to read my thoughts and was slightly uncomfortable by the lustful direction my deepest desires had taken. I had hoped beyond hope that perhaps this would lead him to me in the most direct route possible, but I soon learned that Edward was unlike any other man I had met.
A quiet, shy boy, who his sister Rosalie later informed me, had yet to become a man. How could this be? This earthbound angel standing before me had surely taken as many lovers as I had. He could have anyone he wanted yet the opposite sex held no interest for him. I could help him with that I had smiled to myself. Being a succubus had its advantages. He was frozen at seventeen, the prime age for male sexuality. Maybe he just needed someone as skilled and up to the challenge as say a succubus. I could be that guiding hand leading him towards the sexual relationship all men crave.
I could not have been more wrong. All of my methods and approaches were wasted on someone who saw me as someone to fall victim to, not someone to love. So many ways I had tried to tempt him. I had even stopped trying to tempt him and tried to be his companion instead of someone who he only saw as consumed with finding the right angle by which to become his mate. It was then that he became even more perfect.
Edward was brilliant. A scholar, a debater, a musician of the highest skill whose compositions tore at my heart even if he never gave my heart a second thought. That is not to say he was cruel. No, Edward was a gentleman. A solitary gentleman at that. He had no intention of hurting me by rebuffing my advances. He considered himself lucky to have me as a friend and that happiness broke my heart.
Over the years, we had developed a deep friendship. We sent each other letters with suggestions for books to read, songs to hear, sights to see. Letters turned to email and I welcomed the contact that became more frequent. My hopeful heart soared every time the Cullens visited us and Edward was still unattached. He became more comfortable being alone with me now that I was aware of and respected the unspoken boundaries. We walked through the forest discussing everything from music to history to philosophy to scientific advances to even our human lives. Well, what we remembered about them anyway.
I was grateful for this insight into Edward's past. The son of a well-to-do lawyer in Chicago and a well-respected lady of society, Edward had been raised to be the perfect gentleman. A gentleman, however, with a soldier's heart. Even as a young man, he was full of conviction. A force to be reckoned with even though he was a privileged young man, the product of the best private schools Chicago had to offer. He remembered the formality, the friends, the baseball games, the events of the season, the dances, the amusements of 1918 Chicago. All of it in hazy, fleeting memories. However, one memory stood out and would never fade from his mind's eye…his beloved mother, Elizabeth.
The first time the subject of his mother came up; he stopped in his tracks for a moment while we were walking around the nearby lake. It was like his undead heart was breaking all over again. Edward had never spoken much about his father, Edward Sr., who I had surmised was what we now called a workaholic. It didn't seem as though Edward harbored any ill will towards his father. He just was closer to his mother. And oh how he loved her! It is Elizabeth Masen I must thank for giving me the gift that is Edward. Every graceful mannerism, every train of thought, every concern for others had been nurtured by her. She taught him everything. She was the first and only woman to get close enough to love him. And it killed him. Surely, upon her death, the gates of heaven were thrown open at her arrival, but Edward believed himself to be a soulless monster who would never be allowed in heaven. Therefore, he would never see the mother he loved so much ever again. It was the first and only time I had ever seen Edward cry. Not cry, but sob uncontrollably. He fell to the ground with his head in his hands. I sat down next to him and drew him into my arms. He didn't flinch, but instead seemed happy to have the contact of another. I didn't know if I believed that vampires were soulless, but I cannot imagine that Elizabeth would ever desert her boy. If the day came that Edward ever left this earth, I knew that Elizabeth would fight God tooth and nail to allow him entry.
That moment was the closest I ever came to seeing the real Edward. He was always real, but always guarded. Just like the time not so long ago that he appeared on our doorstep with what I know now to be female problems. At first, I was filled with hope that he had finally come to claim me as his mate and profess his undying love since he came by himself. He also seemed panicked. Not an emotion one had ever seen cross his face. But alas, it was another who had driven him to me. He was gone as quickly as he had arrived. My heart broken all over again.
Soon, I learned that Edward, my Edward, had fallen in love with another. Not just anyone, but, in fact, a human. Her name was Isabella Swan. She preferred Bella, but in my initial fury, I called her many names, "Bella" not being one of them. From Rosalie's description, she was a clumsy, mousy young girl with a complete lack of fashion sense. Common was the word she used.
And so it had happened. The impossible Edward Cullen had found himself in the midst of an impossible love story. He was a man changed by the love of a woman. I heard from Peter and Charlotte that Edward had taken to smiling and laughing and was hopelessly in love. I no longer had the fortitude to take Rosalie's nightly phone calls about this "horrible" girl who had completely upended their lives. I was afraid to answer my cell phone. Rosalie knew of my unrequited love for Edward and thought she could vent to me, but I could no longer listen to stories about how Edward was lost to me forever. For it could only be the most unique and beautiful creature that could draw Edward in letting his finely cultivated mask of stoicism fall by the wayside. I steeled myself for the inevitable. He would surely be her sire and she would join him in this life.
Yet, he did it again. He gave me hope. Edward left his love behind. Would there be a chance for me once more? No, there would not. He left her behind to save her from this existence. His heart was already broken when he heard the news of her death and he raced off to Italy to end his life. But alas, Edward and Bella's love rose from the ashes of mistaken visions and unconfirmed assumptions. He was hers once more. And not surprisingly although still shocking, Edward made sure that she would be forever his by proposing marriage. I couldn't handle it. When I heard the news from Rosalie (she had become my messenger of destruction), I ran off into the woods and screamed at the sky. Who was this god who had such fun playing with my already shredded heart? When would someone let me in on the joke? I came back to the house and packed a bag. I needed to get away. I went to the airport and booked the first flight that sounded appealing. Hours later I found myself in the Austrian countryside. I could not bear to go to Paris or Rome, the cities that celebrated eternal love.
I made quick work of bedding a local man in order to feel something other than sadness. It worked for a short while. One night, while watching the moon's glow upon the snow-capped mountains, I made a promise to myself. I would forget about him. I wouldn't let his growing happiness invade my mind any longer. The lion could have his lamb. I would leave them in peace. Edward never did anything but try to be my friend and friends were happy for each other, were they not? It was over. This one-sided love affair had died over and over again, but I had yet to bury it. This time I made sure the coffin was sealed nice and tight, buried as far deep in the earth as possible.
And so I steeled myself once more when the elegant wedding invitation that was surely Alice's handiwork arrived in the mail. As I stood there reading it, I felt Kate's hand on my shoulder with a look in her eyes of concern.
"I'm fine. Really. Truly. I'm fine."
"It's okay to be a little upset." She offered.
"I'm going to be happy for him. It's the only way to get through this and arrive on the other side with my dignity in tact. So don't worry, I won't grab onto Bella as she walks down the aisle and bludgeon her to death."
She laughed, "Ah, so it did cross your mind!"
"For one…brief…moment. Maybe. Possibly, but I'm over it. Edward was always upfront with me and never made me any promises. Any crushed dreams are only of my own invention from letting my mind hope. No, I shall be happy for him. And for her. We all deserve love. I take this lesson from Edward: No matter how long it takes, there is love waiting out there for all of us."
"I hope so." I put the invitation down on the table and embraced my sister. It had been a lonely road for both of us. She knew all too well my pain at being alone.
So soon after, we arrived at the wedding of Edward Cullen and Bella Swan. It would be the very first time I laid eyes on her. She was a quiet beauty. At first glance, she didn't seem like anything special, but one soon became lost in her brown, sparkling doe eyes encased in porcelain and framed by a long shimmering mane of silken mahogany hair. I couldn't help, but notice that she was the complete opposite of me physically. Also, where I stood up straight, she was slightly meek. However, her spirit grew whenever she was in Edward's presence. And he became softer whenever her eyes were fixed upon him. Yes, they belonged together. Meant to bring out the best in each other. On top of it all, the girl was extremely sweet and kind. She easily accepted my apology for not coming to the aid of the Cullens when fighting Victoria. I watched them dance together and in all my years, had never witnessed such a strong bond between two people.
It was relief to be back in Denali. I was becoming better at forgetting him. I kept busy with traveling, reading, learning. It was quite a shock to get an urgent call from Carlisle insisting that we return to Forks. Carlisle sounded beside himself. Ever the calm and collected leader of his coven, Carlisle had never faltered in his speech or demeanor. However, one got the sense that his world was about to come crashing down. We could not let him down again. He was our family.
A few minutes after arriving on the Cullen doorstep, the full power of Edward and Bella's love was forcefully unleashed upon me in the form of a child. Little Renesmee Cullen. A true copy of her father with her mother's eyes staring out at me. She smiled an innocent smile, but I almost felt like she was taunting me. Somehow, Bella had managed to give Edward something I never would have been able to. Was that the attraction? It also did not go unnoticed that Edward was in fact an incubus. His seed, his child growing inside of Bella had almost killed her and he made damn sure that she stayed by his side. She had won his heart in life and in death.
Edward's heart though was even more beholden to his little girl. Many a night when Bella was out or occupied, it was Edward who sat on the couch with Nessie nestled in his arms while he fed her a bottle. It was Edward who left the conversation to go and give Nessie a bath.
"Daddy, I'm tired." Her little voice whispered to her father who promptly delivered her to her bed in the cottage and sang her to sleep in the sweetest tones I had ever heard. I had followed them one night staying far enough away for Edward not to hear me. I found myself falling in love with the little girl because she was a part of Edward. She always wanted to play with me. She loved to play with my hair. She loved for me to run with her on my back. But her mother inevitably returned and the three of them would sit together. Edward held his daughter in one arm and the other arm held Bell close to him. He kissed the top of Bella's head and the two of them watched their daughter together. Edward was still beloved to me, but it was as a friend. I couldn't let my friend go through the pain of losing his family and so I would stand with him to save them.
Soon the dreaded arrival of the Volturi darkened our days. Possibly our final days. The bullies were easily defeated, but not before murdering my sister, Irina. Oh Irina! How could you have gone against the Cullens! Cries of victory, relief and happiness rang out. Those feelings eluded me and my family. After saying our goodbyes, we quietly filed out the door and took off for home. Our number the same now that Garrett had joined us, but we would never be the same. Kate, Irina and I…the three musketeers. I knew I would feel her loss the most being the odd one out now.
As we drove on through the night, I couldn't help, but remember the look of love exchanged between Edward and Bella knowing they would be together forever with their daughter. They loved fiercely. He loved her and she loved him, but I couldn't help but feel that I knew I would always love him more.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I truly appreciate it. Constructive criticism is always appreciated.