I own none of these characters, I only take them out to play once in a while. I wrote this on a post-Kartik crying spree. It kinda reflects the way I felt when Kartik died. One shot for now, maybe continue with reviews.

"You cannot just leave, Gemma, please. I need you here. Come to Paris with me," Felicity begs. I have never seen her beg before, and part of me wants to gloat, but that part of my heart is covered in memories of him. I cannot bring myself to think his name. "Think of Ann, she has only just begun her life on her own. She needs my advice, and I need your help, Gemma."

"I have to go, Fee. You do not need me; you shall be fine all on your own. But me, I have to leave. I cannot stay here," I murmur, trying to stay calm and keep the tears at bay.

"Why, Gemma? Running away will never change the way you feel, you cannot out run your secrets." Fee whispers afraid that a sudden loud sound will send me running. "It is because of what happened to him, isn't it, to Kar…"

"Don't, Fee," I interrupt. "Please, don't say his name, please…" I trail off.

"Tell me, Gem. As your friend, you owe me that, tell me why. Please." She looks desperate not to lose her only true confidante, the one other who knew all her secrets. For all her talk of being independent, Felicity never thought she would be left alone. Like Pippa, another love I lost to the realms.

"I cannot stay here, Fee. I see him everywhere. When I close my eyes," my voice breaks as my tears are let free, but somehow I continue, "When I close my eyes he is there. And when I dream, I dream of him. It breaks my heart, and what is left of my damaged heart is covered in scars in the places where he touched. I cannot live like this; I cannot even bring myself to die because I think of how he died protecting me. Even in death I cannot bring myself to hurt him." I let the tears fall freely, the only visible sign of my grief. I see a flash of pity cross over Felicity's lovely face, and I realize how much she truly cares for me. That she loved the magic, but she loved because it was a part of me, like the freckles sprinkled across my nose. I feel guilty that I could have ever doubted her loyalty to me.

"Oh, Gemma. I had no idea, I am so sorry." I can only nod. My pain breaks through fissures in my stone heart, and I find I cannot speak. "I went into the realms yesterday. I saw him, I saw the tree. It was the most beautiful place I have ever seen, Gemma. Ten times as more lovely as the Garden could have ever been. It was a place of true love. I never could understand how you cared for him, but I now see how you felt. I could feel it in the air, as tangible as the wind. It's the same way I felt about Pippa… it is the most beautiful love I think I shall ever see," Felicity says revealing her own pain, her own losses. I reach for her hand, surprised to find myself wanting to comfort her. I felt as though I would feel nothing but sadness again. The thought that I am not alone, that there is someone who aches in the same way I do is oddly soothing. "Have you seen the tree?" Fee asks, and I nod in response. "He whispers your name like a chorus a lover's sighs yet as soft as a breath."

"I know," I sigh, "it feels like him. His voice, his caresses, but it is not the same. He is not the same. I wanted to believe that he would stay the same inside, when I felt his heartbeat I hoped…But he changed; now he is more beautiful and more complete than ever and yet I find myself wanting to hate him for it. For giving himself up when I need him, for finding his true destiny while leaving me all alone. But I shall never hate him, I…" I want to explain more. To tell my friend how my pain eats at me. How the guilt comes with the pain and the love until I feel as though I shall be ripped apart by it. But I cannot find the words, so I leave them unspoken.

"Then you should go, Gemma. Find whatever peace you can. I only ask that you write often. You are not the only one alone, Gem." I embrace my dearest friend for the final time and turn to leave. It was supposed to be our goodbye, but as I board the ship that will take me to New York, I see her, waving with tears running down her porcelain cheeks and her newly sown pantaloons displayed proudly. And somehow I know she will be alright, she was born to lead and I look forward to the impact she has on this world.

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The first sight I see of America is of a woman. She is larger than life and holding a rather ugly torch, but there she is standing proud. When I see her for what she stands for, for freedom and choice, I feel almost alive with hope. I look to the rising sun behind me and I know he is there, for his love is like the wind, you cannot see it but you can feel it. I close my eyes I can almost hear him whisper, "Gemma…I love you…You are beautiful…I will never leave you…Gemma," I find my heart start to heal and I know that this is what he truly wanted. For me to live everyday and know I am loved. I smooth my hand over my slightly bulging stomach and the part of him that grows there and know that I shall never forget him for I have a keepsake that shall always hold the evidence of our love. I know I shall find a way to bring him back, I will find my answer all because he gave me the hope I needed. I thank him by finally whispering his name, "Kartik."

I took the time Gemma and Kartik "did it" in the realms literally. When Gemma says she was "changed" I thought she meant she lost her virginity.