A/N: Back at it again with starting new fics instead of finishing current ones! I hope any of my Kingdom Hearts readers who happen to be reading this will forgive me; this idea hit me at 1am a few weeks ago and hasn't left me alone since. Sorry friends Zutara hell waits for no man apparently

Thanks x1000 to Lexosaurus for betaing this! Without her this fic wouldn't be half as coherent like seriously she is amazing (Btw if you also like Danny Phantom you would totally read her fic "Everything Was White" you won't regret it)

This takes place post-canon but is slightly au to the finale, but what ways it's au will become clear in this chapter. In other notes, the title and chapter headings are from the song "Name" by the Goo Goo Dolls. Enjoy!

~Even though the moment passed me by, I still can't turn away~

"Feeling nostalgic?" Katara grinned out the corner of her mouth, strolling up to the prow of the ship.

Zuko's head twitched just enough to show that he'd heard, but he remained leaning against the railing, staring at the horizon as they cut through the frozen sea. Despite the no-longer-familiar cold that sunk into her bones as they travelled farther north, he looked as comfortable as ever – well, as comfortable as he could be in those bulky Fire Lord robes. She didn't miss how he tugged at his collar when he thought no one was looking.

"No," he replied without looking up from the water.

She gazed at the ocean too, following the waves as they rolled away from the ship's metal sides in mesmerizing patterns. White foam mixed with the stormy cobalt water to create a palette of swirling blues. Mist sprayed up and tickled her face when she leaned closer, a comforting sensation that she hadn't gotten while travelling on Appa.

"The last time I was here I almost died, remember?" He said, managing to make it sound like any ordinary fact. Koala sheep ate grass. Water froze when it got cold. Zuko almost died.

Phantom lightning flashed against the back of her eyelids when she squeezed them shut. The North Pole wasn't the closest he'd come to dying. Not by a long shot. His hand hovered just below his chest over the hidden scar, as if he was recalling the same memory.

Well, soon he'd be able to forget a little more easily.

"You've almost died a lot of times. I wasn't sure this one was that memorable." She forced a joke, hoping to distract him from the melancholy he'd settled into. He'd been so quiet this entire trip… alright, he was the quietest of her friends anyway. But lately he'd had that scrunched look permanently plastered on his face. Normally that expression only surfaced when he was puzzling through something particularly difficult, like when he'd tried to get Aang to focus on learning firebending, or when they'd devised their plan to face Azula.

Maybe his mood wasn't over anything that big this time. It could be because this was his first time out of the Fire Nation since his coronation four months ago. But with his uncle taking care of everything back home, she'd thought Zuko might be able to relax. Or, well, whatever the Zuko version of relaxing was, since he'd never quite known how to handle a break.

Not that this trip was a break, technically. They were meeting to discuss opening trade with the Northern Water Tribe, which might not be his idea of a fun vacation. But he'd complained enough about sleazy politicians trying to sway him back home that Katara thought he'd appreciate the blunt nature of the Northern Tribe.

Ignoring all of the official reasons for the trip, she knew at least one thing that he was looking forward to. Even though his suggestion had cut her inside, she would help. She owed him that much.

She owed him more than that. Even if he wanted to forget, she didn't.

"I don't think I could forget almost being crushed by the ocean spirit. Or nearly freezing. Or…"

He finally met her eyes, his lips tweaking into a smirk. She met it with a relieved grin of her own.

"Or what?" She snarked back, leaning against the railing too. After all, it wasn't like she had anything to worry from falling overboard.

"Or you kicking my butt," he admitted. Her face warmed.

"I hope you're not expecting an apology. You were a real jerk back then." The words came out before she thought them through. Spirits, he was her friend; even if she'd been feeling conflicted about the purpose of this trip, there was no reason to snap at him.

He winced and then shrugged. "I'll give you that."

Her stupid mouth—she could be as bad as Sokka sometimes. She'd come over to figure out what was wrong, not make him feel worse.

"You've changed so much since then," she said.

Just on the horizon, the icy architecture of the North Pole caught her eye. The early winter sunset set the whole place aflame; the white snow of the buildings bled to ethereal reds, oranges, and pinks. She held in a gasp at the sight, but Zuko looked like he barely noticed.

"Everything's changed," he said quietly, his chin dropping to rest on his hands folded over the rail. "I just wonder if they'll see that."

"They will. You paid to have the whole tribe rebuilt! And technically it was the ocean spirit that wrecked it more than the Fire Nation. You've already gone above and beyond what you had to."

He closed his eyes and sighed. "It just… it feels like it still won't be enough. My country spent one hundred years at war. Hurting innocent people. And now here I come, asking for a personal favor…"

His gloves stretched tightly over his knuckles as he gripped the rail.

"This was stupid. This whole idea was…"

She placed her hand over his.

"It was a good idea," she insisted, despite her own personal, selfish objections. This wasn't about her. It was his body, his scars, his choice what to do with them. "You had to come here for the delegation meeting anyway, and Yugoda will listen to me. I'm sure of it."

Well, maybe sure wasn't the right word, but she was confident. She'd done more impossible things before.

"I didn't have to come." He wiped his face with one hand. Steam puffed up as the frost melted from his glove. "I could've sent the ambassador."

"Well, I'm glad you came anyway. I'd much rather be sailing for a week with one of my friends than with some stuffy old ambassador."

He gave another shadow of a smile. Spirits, she'd missed those, though she hadn't realized just how much until she finally saw him again.

"I'm glad I could convince you to come for a couple weeks. I couldn't do this without you."

It wasn't flattery, and his matter-of-fact voice showed it. He really couldn't do this without her. She was the only one Yugada would trust with the water from the Spirit Oasis.

She was the only one he would trust to erase the two blistering marks on his skin. One, seared there by his own father, he'd finally told her. And the other, the jagged star below his chest, from when he'd—when he'd—

After months of practice she could keep the memory from completely drowning her, but it still came in fragmented snapshots. The blinding blue flash. His terrified shout. The paralysis that froze her without a single spark touching her skin–

Because he'd been there to take it for her. She could have lost him forever, because she'd been stupid enough to look out from behind that pillar. Because he'd been… been everything enough to try to save her.

To almost die for her.

That had… put a lot of things into perspective.

But not quickly enough. Maybe if she'd sorted through those feelings before Mai had come back…

No, she wasn't going down that path again. Zuko was happy, and alive, and that was all she wanted.

Without warning, she felt a hand shaking her shoulder. She looked up to find Zuko staring at her in wide-eyed concern. He was closer than she remembered; she shut down the sudden urge to touch the scar under his chest, just to make sure he was still okay.

"Katara? Can waterbenders get seasick?"

"I'm not seasick," she grumbled, brushing him off in embarrassment. There was no way he could tell what she was thinking, but that didn't stop her from feeling like his golden eyes would see straight through her.

And see what, exactly? We're friends. Which was exactly why she needed to get those traitorous feelings under control. She wasn't going to make things awkward, not like Aang had lately.

"Oh. Err, sorry." He turned towards the water again, his face etched with that familiar Zuko flavor of awkwardness.

Well, at least he didn't look despondent anymore.

"I hope I didn't pull you away from anything too important. Well, I mean you're travelling with Aang, and he's the Avatar, I guess everything you're doing is important…"

She snorted. "Are we remembering the same Aang? He's probably off riding giant koi or something. Sokka's visiting Suki in Kyoshi, but Toph's sticking around for a little bit longer, so he won't be by himself."

Aang might wish he was after a week of just the two of them, though. She smiled at the thought of Toph teasing him, and of him shamelessly taking it until she got bored and gave up. Hopefully that would be the worst of it. Katara didn't know what she'd do if she came back and found that the two of them had conned an entire village again.

"You're not worried about him at all?" Zuko asked, sounding surprised.

"Should I be?" She frowned, pushing aside her earlier thoughts. She couldn't watch over Aang and Toph forever. This "vacation" would be good for the three of them.

"No offense, but you're the worrying type. And Toph and Aang by themselves…" He grimaced.

"Who's the worried one now?" She laughed. "Don't get me wrong, they'll drive each other crazy. And probably destroy a few things. Maybe scam some people… Okay, so I might be worried. But you're not the only one who needed to get away for awhile."

"Really?" His eyebrow crinkled.

"Really!" She braced her arms against the railing. "I might not be running a country, but keeping track of those two is probably as much work."

"I won't argue with that. How are they doing?"

"They're doing fine." she said.

He must have noticed her undertone, because his eyes narrowed shrewdly.

"How are you doing?"

He'd asked the same thing at the start of the trip. But this time was different. The first time had been an awkward icebreaker—he'd reverted back to some of his original shyness in the four months since they'd last seen each other—but this question was sincere. Maybe this trip really could be like old times, when they'd learned to open up to each other more than she'd ever imagined.

Too late she realized that she'd relied on him more than she could ever admit.

"I'm…" Katara paused, letting out a mixture between a sigh and a laugh. She hadn't been asked how she was in so long, she almost didn't know what to say. The war was over; everyone just assumed she was happy—and she was, mostly. There was just something, something…

"I miss Sokka," she found herself blurting. It wasn't the main thing, the right thing, but it was what came out. And it was true. "I love Toph and Aang, I really do, but Sokka's my brother. He's always been there for me. I write him every week, but it's not the same."

"Oh," he said a little awkwardly. Of course, he wouldn't understand. His sister was literally insane. But for a brief second, she wondered if he'd ever missed his sister when he'd been in exile, despite how horrible she was to him.

"That must be rough," he finally said. "I'm sure he's missing you too."

"Pff, I doubt it," Her eyes fell back to the waves. "He's having the time of his life designing machines and spending time with Suki. He tells me all about it in his letters."

"Maybe he just doesn't want you to worry about him?" Zuko suggested.

"Maybe."

"Have you told him you miss him?"

"Well—no," she admitted.

He shrugged. "Maybe he thinks you're having too much fun without him, too."

She hated to admit it, but he had a point. She was so used to staying strong for all of them, she tended to only write the fun things they did in her letters. Only allow Sokka to see that everything was okay.

"I could see that, I guess. He doesn't know how much–" She bit her lip.

"What?" Zuko asked, catching her eyes again. She felt her face flush, and his brow furrowed.

"Are you really that embarrassed that you miss him? Sokka's a good brother. I'd miss him if I were you too. I mean, I already miss him, and he's not—"

She covered her laugh with her hand as Zuko's rambling became less coherent. She hoped this didn't happen to him too often, or else he'd have a hard time as Fire Lord.

"I'm not embarrassed about Sokka, I'm—okay, you have to promise not to laugh."

"You're worried about me laughing?" He raised an eyebrow before putting on his most serious face, one that made her laugh.

Okay, maybe she wouldn't mind him laughing—only because she heard his laugh so rarely, and she couldn't admit that she'd missed it.

"You know what I mean." She rolled her eyes. "Anyway, ever since you and Sokka left, and it's just been me and Aang and Toph… Aang's been…"

She massaged her forehead, wishing she didn't have to say it out loud. Even more than missing Sokka, this was what had really been bothering her. She'd never spoken of it aloud, even though Toph had clearly guessed by now.

"Aang's been what?" He asked, and for all his talk of her being a worrier, concern laced his voice. Her face burned; did he really have no idea? Even though it had gotten worse recently, Aang had never exactly been subtle.

"He still… he has this…" She gestured her arms widely, uselessly through the air. He stared at her, his head tilting slightly. Spirits, she was just going to have to say it, wasn't she?

"He's had a massive crush on me for who knows how long and it's just getting really really awkward." It all came out in one breath. His good eye widened, but before he could comment, she continued, "Somebody put it into his head that because he's the Avatar and he beat the Fire Lord, he can have any girl he wants. As if that's how love works! I swear, whatever idiot gave him that idea must never have spoken to a girl in his life!"

Her voice was rising, grating as harshly as the steel against the ice the ship began to cut through. She was drawing stares from the crewmen on deck, but she almost couldn't bring herself to care. She was tempted to just glare back at them, as if asking, was it you? Were you the idiot who told him that?

"I told him I was confused before the comet, but I was just trying to let him down gently, since he had enough to deal with getting ready to fight Ozai." She dropped her voice but kept rambling, wanting to get it all out while she could. "I should've just told him no then, then I wouldn't be—I thought his crush would just go away if I ignored it long enough, but I—I just don't want…"

There were too many thoughts, too many feelings, trapped in her head for too long. They couldn't all come out at once. It wasn't like her; normally even when she was angry, her words came out in a steady stream of righteous indignation. But it was too hard to stay angry at Aang. Maybe she wasn't confused about how she felt about Aang, but she was confused about what to do about it.

"I don't want to hurt him," she finally muttered, still not daring to meet Zuko's eyes. "But if he keeps trying to woo me, or whatever he thinks he's doing, I'm going to have to. I think it's the only way he'll listen."

She finally looked back to Zuko, wondering what he was thinking. It had been a while since she'd dumped a rant like this on him, though it certainly wasn't the first time. He'd listened to her vent a number of times on Ember Island, on the nights he'd follow her into the kitchen to find her scrubbing dishes so hard they almost shattered. She hadn't taken that for granted, but after all these months without him, she wished she'd thanked him for that more.

His expression wasn't anything like the calm commiseration he had back then, though. He blinked at her like she'd been speaking a different language this entire time.

"Wait." Zuko shook his head quickly. "So you don't like Aang… like that?"

"What? Were you even listening? No I don't like him like that!" She didn't mean to snap, but she couldn't believe he would think she'd actually… Well, at least it meant he hadn't guessed her true feelings.

"Of course I'll always love him, but like, as another brother. Anything else would just be weird, especially the way he's being now." She crossed her arms, as if they could keep the rekindled frustration from fuming out of her like a hot geyser. "Not that it stops him from trying. Or Toph from teasing me about it. I'm sure she's just doing it since you and Sokka aren't around anymore to joke with her, but it's still the worst."

"Sorry," he said instinctively, his gaze dodging hers. His hand hovered just below his chest again.

"It's not your fault." She felt a little bad for dumping that all on him. He had more important things to worry about than Aang's crush. Considering where his hand was brushing, his scar might even be hurting him again. Her heart twinged, but there was nothing she could do for it now.

Soon, though. She was the reason he bore that scar; it was only fitting that she helped him be free of it. That was what he wanted.

"It's not like you could've stayed, anyway," she added. Hopefully none of her regret over that—or over anything else—bled through.

"...Yeah." He frowned. "I guess not. Anyway, even if it's not my fault, I'm sorry. That sucks."

Well, that was one way of putting it. For as calm as his voice stayed, she caught the flicker of fire in his amber eye. But before she could wonder what it meant, he turned back towards the interior of the ship.

"Sorry, Katara. Just feeling kind of—seasick. I'll find you when we dock, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay." She breathed as he strode away, the cape of his Fire Lord outfit billowing out behind him.

The wind felt colder without him standing next to her.

XXX

The candles in Zuko's room erupted, threatening to ignite the ridiculous fancy drapes the crew had insisted on hanging in the otherwise bleak cabin. He bit back his anger before any lasting damage could be done, but an acrid stench still lingered. His nostrils flared as he paced the cabin, trying to control his breathing. The candles flickered in time before settling back down. His own emotions weren't so easily tamed.

Aang had lied to him. Aang, the Avatar—no, his friend—had lied to him.

His bedroom door had creaked open.

"Zuko? Can I ask you something?" The normally cheery voice was subdued, but Zuko didn't process that yet. He was too busy wondering if this night could get any worse. Why couldn't they just let him sleep this whole humiliating experience off?

"Nngh. I'm trying to sleep, Aang." He rolled over, flipping the pillow over his head.

"Yeah, but…" Aang trailed off. Still standing in the doorway, a flickering fireball in his palm casting shadows across the room. He obviously wasn't going to be swayed easily. Maybe answering his question would take less effort than sending him back to bed.

"Fine, I'm awake now anyway," Zuko grumbled, but didn't sit up. "What do you want?"

Despite the gruffness of his voice, Aang took the invitation to sit on the edge of his bed. Nngh, that light was so bright…

"It's about the play," Aang said quickly. His voice was way too urgent for the middle of the night, especially if it was just about that horrible excuse for a play.

"Forget it," he said, eyes still shut. "It's all fake anyway."

It was an echo of Katara's earlier reassurances, the ones she'd given to the whole group as they'd eaten a subdued dinner. But really, if Katara hadn't been able to comfort him before, what made Aang think Zuko could?

"But was it all fake? Really?"

With a long-suffering sigh, Zuko finally caved and sat up, wiping crust out of his good eye.

"Why are you asking me this now?"

Aang just stared at him, his face almost ominous with the flickering light held under his chin.

"What happened in the tunnels under Ba Sing Se?"

Zuko blinked. Out of all the questions Aang could've asked, he picked that? This wasn't a conversation he wanted to be having in the middle of the night. Or ever.

It's none of your business, he wanted to say. He'd done a lot of stupid things that day, but that moment… he couldn't bring himself to regret letting her in, as much as he regretted everything after that. She was the first person he'd allowed to touch his scar. He couldn't help remembering how cold her fingers had felt. But soft too – like ice water. Fitting.

And her offer. For all that the stupid play had made fun of her for it, Katara did know how to share hope. The idea of the magic spirit water still lingered in the back of his mind. He didn't know how to bring it up again without saying, "Hey, Katara, remember that time in Ba Sing Se when you tried to help me and I totally stabbed you in the back?" Even though she'd forgiven him, he couldn't see that going well.

"Something did happen," Aang muttered darkly, reading the wrong meaning into his distracted silence.

"It was nothing," the lie was dry in the back of his throat. It wasn't nothing, not to him, but it definitely wasn't what the play had made it out to be. As if Katara would ever see him like that.

That thought pricked at something in his core, but he chose to ignore it. Nothing good would come from it, anyway.

"Look, Aang," he said when the younger boy kept glaring. "What do you think happened? I was working with Azula. You know Katara didn't want anything to do with me. Agni, I fought you guys right after that!"

But he realized he was addressing the wrong problem. "Why does it matter anyway?"

He had a sinking feeling he already knew the answer. There was only one reason the boy would wake him up in the middle of the night for this.

"Katara's my girl," he said, the fire in his palm leaping up. "And she said she's confused right now. I just wanted to make sure you're not the one confusing her."

Katara? Confused? But she was more sure of herself than anyone Zuko knew.

"Look, if anyone's confused here, it's me," he snapped, rubbing the heel of his palm against his forehead. "If I didn't know better, I'd think you were threatening me. In my own room. While I'm trying to sleep."

Aang had the decency to look a little abashed. Good. If things weren't going well between him and Katara, it wasn't Zuko's fault. As much as he sometimes wished it could be.

He immediately shut down that thought. Agni, this is why you didn't have conversations like this in the middle of the night!

"Can I go back to bed now? Or is there something else you want to accuse me of?"

He probably shouldn't have released his frustration at Aang, but it worked.

"Just… be sure to give her some space, okay?" Aang said, sounding a little more like his usual self before he slunk back towards the door.

"Whatever," he mumbled before flopping back on the bed.

So this day could get worse after all.

Aang had lied. The play had been accurate in one respect, at least—Katara did see Aang as a brother. Zuko snorted. That would've been nice to know months ago, when…

When what? When he'd actually had a chance? He was kidding himself. He'd almost let himself go down that path right after the Agni Kai, when she'd brought him back from the brink of death. Those memories were little more than a blur. The only clear image he had from that time was her face hovering inches above his, her eyes glittering with tears, her lips parted in an endlessly repeated prayer.

"Stay with me. Zuko please, stay with me…"

And that was probably just a wishful fever dream, anyway. Even if she hadn't been with Aang—if he'd known she wasn't with Aang—he couldn't have told her how he felt then. What if she thought it was just trauma-induced delirium? Or worse, what if she said she liked him too, but only because she felt that she owed him for taking Azula's lightning bolt? That wouldn't be fair to her at all.

That was months ago though. Now you could.

The candles flickered again as he shut out that voice in the back of his head. It was hardly like he could ask her out when she'd just complained about Aang's unwelcome advances. That would be insulting. Besides, he was with Mai again. For however long it would last this time…

He scratched at the scar on his chest through his robes. He wasn't sure when scratching at the scar had become a habit. Maybe if it hadn't, he wouldn't be in this mess now.

But he had to wonder how long Mai silently narrowed her eyes at that simple action before she'd spoken up about it.

"It's a scar, Mai. It's not like I can get rid of it," he grumbled, self consciously drawing his hand away from the one over his abdomen and brushing the one at his face. "Believe me, if I could I would, but I... passed up that opportunity."

Her eyes widened for a moment with unusual interest. "But it's possible."

He turned so his scarred side was hidden from her. "Maybe. I don't know. I didn't exactly give her the chance to try…" Which was a good thing, he had to remind himself. She'd needed the spirit water to save Aang. Would he have been able to live with an unblemished face if it had meant the world burned?

Mai snorted.

"What? There wasn't time! That was when—"

"Seriously, Zuko. I didn't ask for your excuses."

He felt his old temper flaring up. "You never ask me about anything! Do you really not want to know what happened at all?"

"Why does it matter?" She asked flatly.

"Because—" He stopped himself. How could he explain it? He knew in his heart that it did matter, that everything he'd been through had forged him into the person he was today. But he couldn't figure out how to put it into words. Not now. And he really didn't want to fight again. He was so tired of fighting.

"Nevermind," he muttered. "Point is, my scars are just a part of me now. You'll just have to get used to them."

"Hmm. If you say so."

But when she pulled him close to kiss him, he couldn't help noticing her hands never danced near the scar in his core.

After that, he hadn't been able to ignore it. She glared every time he drew inward, holding a fist over his middle. But the more he tried to hide it, the more his habit seemed to grow, as if he needed to protect that most vulnerable spot.

"Does it hurt?" Mai finally asked.

His eyes had widened in surprise at the concern. "Not anymore. She did a fantastic job."

He knew that was the wrong answer when her lip curled.

"Then why are you always touching it and making that face?"

"What face? I don't make a face!" For a second he hoped she was going to mimic whatever face she'd made, just to show him. But of course she wouldn't break her mask for that.

"Whatever. I'm going on a walk."

"You don't go on walks." His brow furrowed. He really didn't know what she was talking about. Did he make a face?

"And you don't make faces." She shrugged, heading towards the edge of the courtyard before he could stop her. But she paused at the edge of the columns.

"Her name."

"What?" His heart skipped.

"You don't say it. You assume I know who you're talking about." It seemed clear that Mai had been thinking about this, but he didn't understand why. But her question was something he could grasp onto. Maybe for once, he could find out what she was thinking. That was, If she didn't walk away first.

He stood and reached out, but couldn't bring his feet to move towards her. "What—"

"I do know who you're talking about, Zuko. But if there's any girl who's name should go without saying, it's your girlfriend's. Right?"

"...Right," he replied, a chill running through him at her sharp gaze. Don't ever break up with me again, she'd said. This look seemed to say the same thing. He was supposed to belong to her.

The scar he scratched over his middle said he belonged to someone else. And suddenly it all made sense.

He was making that face. Mai had been right. He couldn't keep going on like this.

Three sharp knocks on his door pulled him out of the thoughts. His hand shot away from his scar as if Azula's lightning still buzzed there.

He cleared his throat. "Come in."

The crewman cracked the door but didn't take his invitation. "Ship's about to land, my Lord."

Zuko sighed. "Thanks."

"Uhh, you're welcome," he replied before striding away. The crew was still getting used to Zuko showing them basic human decency. He didn't even want to think about how they'd been treated under his father and Azula, not to mention his own past self.

Agni knew he had plenty to think about already.