Author's Note: * chanting * Angst, angst, angst, angst!

Disclaimer: The following characters belong to J.K. Rowling, and this story derives from her original works, storylines, and world. Please do not sue me, I can barely pay tuition.

Warnings: NA

Stacked with: MC4A; Terms of Services; Shipping War

Individual Challenge(s): Gryffindor MC; Hufflepuff MC; True Colours; Cuppa; Short Jog; Themes and Things A (Learning); Tissue Warning

Representation(s): Auror Tonks

Bonus challenge(s): Middle Name; Second Verse (Nontraditional); Chorus (Machismo); Demo (Odd Feather; Creature Feature; Surprise!; Sweetest Burn)

Word Count: 1253

Shipping Wars

Ship (Team): Nymphadora Tonks and Remus Lupin (Technicolour Moon)

List (Prompt): Spring Big List (Love Letters)

Mailbox

It wasn't usual for Teddy to be so elusive, and even if he was mad or grumpy or having a bad day. The fact that he hadn't joined Harry and Andromeda for tea was one thing; the fact that he hadn't come down to say goodbye was another unusual turn. The attic was the last place Harry could look for his godson.

"Teddy?" Harry called, crawling up. When he peeked in, he saw Teddy sitting in the corner cross-legged, with a shoebox filled with paper before him. He was holding a sheet of lined paper that had been torn out of a Muggle notebook, and he didn't even try to hide his sniffling and tears when Harry came in.

"Hey," he said softly. "Hey, Teddy, what's going on?"

"I wasn't snooping," Teddy said. "I promise, I was going to come up here to see if we had an old copy of History of Magic Tome III for school, that was all."

"Okay," Harry said, sitting down with him. "Okay, that sounds fine. What have you got there?"

"They weren't with the rest of their things," Teddy said, nudging his head towards the other side of the attic where the boxes they'd made years ago, when they'd packed up Remus and Tonks' flat after the Battle of Hogwarts, stood.

"What are they?" Harry asked.

"Love letters," Teddy said. He chewed his lip. "And… and letters where they're fighting."

"What about?" Harry asked.

"About whether they should be together," Teddy said. "He… he was spying in a werewolf colony, for the Order of the Phoenix, and she left letters for him at headquarters for when he came through. He told her to stop. But this whole stack, wrapped with the twine, are letters he wrote her then but didn't send."

"Can I see?" Harry asked.

Teddy nodded and passed a few letters over. They were all dated, and seeing them was like jumping across the three years that Remus and Tonks had known each other.

...If I didn't think it was of the utmost necessity to maintain this distance, I wouldn't be doing it. It is, by far, the most difficult thing I've ever done but I can't bring you into my world. Seeing the conditions of the colony has convinced me of this enough. There is so much pain here, I don't want you to have anything to do with it...

I choose you. I don't know how else to tell you Remus. I don't know how else to write it. I choose you and I want you and I know you, and that doesn't change anything. If you don't understand that, I'm at a loss. But I don't want to let you believe that I gave up or stopped loving you or started believing that you really were less-than. — T.

Have a good day at work, don't worry about dinner I've got it —Dora

...Sometimes things happen in the werewolf colony and they're outlandish or funny or horrifying or sad and I catch myself wanting to tell you, but that's just a habit. Habits can be broken. We'll both be okay, and better off, on our own...

...Please come back. You said you were doing this to protect me, but I'm so, so heartbroken. I don't know what to do and you're the only person I want, or could, talk this through with. It's an awful paradox...

I didn't want to wake you up before I left, but happy six month anniversary. There are muffins in the pantry for you (before you ask strawberry rhubarb—I know who I married). All my love and even more, RJL.

...Love doesn't have to be difficult Remus.

….You deserve someone whole and healthy, someone who can live a normal life, someone who can give you a family, someone who can give them themselves without also burdening you...

This 48-hour shift is going to be really gross and I'm going to miss you a lot. See back of note for picture of a duck that will keep you company in my absence.

Dora, I said I was going to go see if I could find Harry, but I need you to know that if Harry needs my help I'll stay with him. I'm sorry, but the best I can do for you and this child is to leave. I'll find a way to make the world a better place for you two, but having me around will only bring pain. I'm a mark, Dora. I don't want to damn the two of you. It's the best I can do by the both of you and I swear I'll do it. —Remus

Harry looked up to Teddy again, not needing to read more.

"I know it's… it can be hard to read things like this…"

"Did my dad not want kids?" Teddy asked.

Harry chewed on his lip.

"He did," Harry said. "I think he did. He loved kids, he was really good with kids too. He was just scared of how the world would treat you, and he didn't want you to be born a werewolf."

"That's not how that works," Teddy frowned.

"It's not genetic at all, you're right," Harry nodded. "But… frankly, that's something we know because of you. Before that, it really wasn't clear."

"I knew I was an accident, I just didn't know I… I wasn't wanted," Teddy said, lip quivering.

"Hey," Harry said. "Lily was an accident. I probably was too. That doesn't mean 'unwanted.' It definitely doesn't mean 'unloved.'"

"But the letters…"

"Were written between two people who were trying to love each other as best as they could, which isn't as easy or straightforward as it sounds." Harry said. "Your Dad was very protective, he didn't want bad things to happen to the people he cared about. He was soft and caring and gentle that way, but it wasn't always good. He underestimated how much people cared about him. He was so scared to hurt the people around him without trying to. Sometimes it stopped him from seeing how the people around him were strong enough on their own. And your mum, she was like a force of nature."

Teddy looked through the letters.

"I'm just… I'm confused."

"Other peoples' love stories are usually confusing," Harry said.

"Some of this is so pretty," he said. "It's like poetry."

"Yeah," Harry said. "They really did love each other, Teddy. I wouldn't lie to you about that.."

"I can tell," Teddy said. He rubbed at his eyes.

"And they would have given that love to you too," Harry said. "They did, in a way."

Teddy nodded.

"It's just… it's complicated, because it would be easier to remember them as a fairy tale and all," Teddy said.

"Yeah, it would be," Harry said. "But now you can remember them through their letters, and it'll be like remembering them a bit better."

Teddy nodded.

"Can you…" He took a deep breath.

"Not tell your grandmother about this?" Harry asked.

Teddy exhaled.

"Okay," Harry said. Teddy chewed his lip and then looked back at the letter in his hands right now. It was an otherwise meaningless note about picking up milk, which of course meant the world when it was written by someone who existed so intangibly in Teddy's heart and mind. She'd signed; Love, love, love, Dora.

"You can keep one if you want," Harry said. "Carry some love with you."

Teddy smiled, and folded the letter and tucked it in his pocket.