Disclaimer: As always I own nothing but the changed lyrics and the situations all characters end up in. Everything else belongs to someone else, and that's the way of it.
The Twelve Days of Kingsman
On the first day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
A puppy in a puppy crate.
On the second day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Two new guns
and a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the third day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the fourth day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the fifth day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the sixth day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Six suits a tailored,
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the seventh day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Seven continents traveled, six suits a tailored,
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the eighth day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Eight million kisses, seven continents traveled, six suits a tailored,
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the ninth day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Nine envious agents, eight million kisses, seven continents traveled, six suits a tailored,
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the tenth day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Ten thousand hugs, nine envious agents, eight million kisses, seven continents traveled, six suits a tailored,
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlon, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Eleven marvelous martinis, ten thousand hugs, nine envious agents, eight million kisses, seven continents traveling,
Six suits a tailored,
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns And a puppy in a puppy crate.
On the twelfth day of Christmas my Kingsman gave to me
Twelve happy months, eleven marvelous martinis, ten thousand hugs, nine envious agents, eight million kisses, seven continents traveled, six suits a tailored,
Five golden rings.
Four calls from Merlin, three French kisses, two new guns
And a puppy in a puppy crate.
)
"Sorry to keep you waiting, Eggsy. Merlin was…being Merlin." Walking over to where Eggsy had quite made himself at home behind his desk Harry jerked his chin in the direction of the piece of paper Eggsy had been glaring at when he'd reentered the room after a quick meeting with Merlin. "What are you working on? Did Merlin give you reports in place of coal this Christmas?"
"Nah. I got bored so I decided ta surprise ya with a reworking of 'The 12 Days of Christmas'. Only now I'm rethinking the third day cause you've given me way more than three French kisses. Only I can't think of anything else French."
Intrigued, Harry walked around his desk to stand behind Eggsy, who was still seated. Leaning forward Harry read over Eggsy's revised lyrics, chuckling at the boy's imagination even if some of the words didn't quite fit or were slightly ridiculous.
"I'm not sure I've kissed you eight million times."
"Ya may be right bout that." Eggsy agreed with a solemn look Harry didn't buy for a minute. "So I guess we better be gettin home so that ya can boost our number afore Santa comes. Wouldn't want ta make a liar out of me, now would ya? I'd end up on the naughty list."
"Oh I'm quite sure we're both on there. And that us going home will only cement that fact."
"Too right."
And full of holiday cheer Eggsy pulled Harry in for a kiss that was definitely on the naughty side.
Happy Christmas indeed.