A/N: Couldn't get this idea out of my head. Takes place after Barry & Iris see the message from Nora but before the montage of what I'm guessing are the next day's events. There will be a part two from Iris' POV.

*Many thanks to sendtherain for beta'ing.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

Chapter 1 - Barry's POV

The night Nora was lost to them, Barry couldn't sleep.

He was grateful when Iris was able to doze off after hours of holding her close in bed. While it was somewhat restless, he was glad her body could get some rest. She needed it. She deserved a break from the anguish and the tears; the sadness and the helplessness.

He, on the other hand, had not been so lucky. Time passed slowly for him, and every moment was excruciating. He replayed not only her disappearance in his mind but also his reckless abandonment of her in the future after he'd felt betrayed by her secret. After he'd chosen what he decided was the team's best interest over his own daughter, and how he'd made Iris feel so wounded and hurt and furious as a result.

Would things have been different if he'd never sent Nora back? She never would have run through the negative speed force. Would that have stopped what she assumed would be its permanent effect on her if she ran through it again?

It weighed on him heavily.

He thought back to the message Nora had left them in search of some relief. Despite all his mistakes and blind anger, she'd loved him so much. She credited him and Iris with making her a hero. And one day they might see her again. She might be a little different, but she would still be their Nora, and they would still love her just as much.

His eyes were tired of being closed, so he opened them to stare up at the ceiling. He couldn't see much in the dark, even with the moon streaming through the drapes hanging over their bedroom window.

All he could hear was his own breathing. Iris' was a little more distant because she'd faced away from him in her sleep, but he heard it too. He was glad they could be there for each other and vowed to be as strong for her as he could when she was always so strong for him. They were going to make it through this, even if it would be a long while before they'd feel anywhere near okay again.

His mother, his father, nearly Iris, and now Nora. It was alarming how terrible he was at saving those closest to him. And how there could be people in this world so full of hate that they would want to hurt or kill the loved ones of a protector, a hero of this city.

Sudden sobs interrupted his thoughts and he turned his head to see Iris trembling beside him, her head thrashing back and forth, and her hands clenched in the sheets, her legs moving beneath the covers. He propped himself up quickly and gently but firmly wrapped his hand around her arm, coaxing her to wake up.

"Iris?" he tried softly, not wanting to startle her, but the hesitant approach wasn't working.

She'd started to cry openly, yelling at some unknown presence in the room with her eyes shut tight. He had a feeling of what exactly was giving her such a strong reaction and knew her mind had been spinning in sad circles just as much as his. The only difference was his nightmare was a waking one.

"Iris."

He gripped her arm harder, squeezed, shook her a little, spoke with a little more volume. He repeated her name several times over, then turned her so she was on her back, and her eyes flashed open, a gasp ripping from her as soon as her eyes met his.

"Iris, it's okay," he said gently, rubbing his hand soothingly along her arm. "It's okay. It was just a bad dream."

She swallowed and her face relaxed.

"It wasn't a dream, Barry," she finally said, now aware of her surroundings. "Nora's gone."

A cold sweat whipped down his spine, and he lay back down, pulling her to him. She eagerly clung to him, closing all the space between them she could, resting her head on his chest with her hand over his heart. She pressed a kiss to his skin, which appeared to soothe her. When he craned his neck to kiss her forehead and sift his fingers through her hair, she looked to be almost completely relaxed.

"I know."

Silence stretched on as his thoughts returned to all his mistakes, all the things he could've done better or should've done instead, how he was to blame for all of this.

"I'm glad you're here," she said, pulling him from the brink of despair again.

You are? – was his first thought, but he couldn't open his mouth in time to speak it before she was talking again.

"When you went into the speed force two years ago…I was so alone. The loft was so empty, and that first night was the worst."

Guilt flooded through him. He tensed beneath the blankets but forced himself not to interrupt her.

"Losing Nora…it hurts so much. It hurts more than anything I thought possible." Her breath caught in her throat. "But…" He held her tighter, aching to make her pain go away. "But I have you," she managed, lifting her head and reaching the short distance across to trace the curves of his face with her fingertips.

"I'm not alone. I have you."

You'll always have me – he responded silently. He would always belong to her. She'd always have him in that way. But his seemingly unchangeable and permanent disappearance was just five years away. She deserved better than to be told promises he didn't know if he could keep time and time again.

Instead he said, "You have me," and forced a smile that she would accept, meeting her lips halfway when she started to reach across the small space between them to kiss him.

"I love you," she murmured, her eyelashes brushing his cheek as she stayed near enough to feel his breath on her skin.

"I love you, Iris," he whispered back, sending a warm ripple down her back.

She laid down again, still snuggling close. Just when she thought she was okay, that maybe she could fall asleep again, that being with Barry was all she needed to get through the night, the dam broke again, and she started to cry. Hard, heavy, wracking sobs that she couldn't get under control.

Barry was quick to soothe her, running his hand up and down her back and arms, telling her he loved her, holding her tight, telling her it would be okay, that he was right there with her, that they would be all right.

And then, he just held her, because he'd run out of things to say and sensed she just needed someone to hold her or she'd leave to be alone again – or ask him to leave. He didn't know if he could take that again. Just the thought of it made him start to cry too. Nora, Iris, his mistakes, the future…it was too much to keep inside.

He pulled Iris up so their faces were side by side on the pillow. Her tears landed on his chin and his landed on her cheek. But the intimacy created by their shared sadness hailed a calm in the storm, a peace when they were too tired to cry anymore.

Now their legs were intertwined beneath the covers. Iris' arms were tucked between her and Barry, and Barry's were wrapped around her, keeping her impossibly close.

"Will we make it to tomorrow, Barry?" Iris asked, nearly asleep again.

Grateful that sleep had started to lure him too, he whispered back the only thing he could.

"As long as we're together."