When Fangirls Attack
A/N: I don't know how I came up with this...
Warnings: Crack, OOC-ness, standard Hetalia racism, slightly Snapped!Canada, human names.
"So you see, I think we should switch to water-fueled cars to help with Global Warming-"
Ludwig was interupted in his report by a frantic knocking on the door. "Feliciano, will you please get that?"
"No!" the Italian cried. "What if it's a pasta-stealing monster!"
"Stop being such a pansy," Honda Kiku snapped, getting up and walking towards the door. "I'll get it."
He opened the door to revealed a mauled Ivan Braginski, who collapsed on top of Kiku.
"Fangirls... Rabid... worse than... Natalia..." The Russian managed to gasp out before falling unconcious.
"...Where's the panic button!" Feliciano Vargas fretted, running around in circles. Everyone completely ignored the crushed japanese man, as well as the Alfred look-alike in the back of the room who was holding a rabid-looking bear.
"It's okay, Mr. Kumajiro," Matthew Williams whispered, petting the fluffy animal who was now foaming at the mouth. "I'll fend them off. You won't need to eat anyone today, I know how eating too many blue eyes gives you a stomach ache..."
The only person who heard this in the room, the bushy eyed Brit, looked at the Canadian with wide eyes. "Um, Alfred, are you okay?"
"I'M NOT ALFRED!" he roared, making Arthur Kirkland cower. "Mr. Kumajiro will EAT you, green eyes and english blood are his favorite!"
"Hey, where is that sexy american?" Francis Bonnefoy asked, getting a rape face. "I was going to invite him to my place later..."
Everyone turned to see Alfred F. Jones cowering in a corner, rocking back and forth. "Fangirls... Snapped!Canada... crazy author... I can't take it! I can't be the hero anymore!"
With that exclamation, the country threw himself out the window. Arthur and Matthew ran to said window and watched as the American made the word 'SPLAT' on the ground.
"Alfred!" the Brit cried. "I loved you, git!"
"Yes... The revolution has begun, Mr. Kumajiro!" the snapped Canadian cheered, spinning around his bear. Some of the foam that was dripping from the animal's chin flew off and landed in Kiku's- who was still crushed under Ivan- hair, who twitched.
All the countries froze when they heard girlish cheering and knocks on the door.
"Enland is SO the best!"
"No ducking way! France is great!"
"But Greece is sooo dreamy..."
"Japan is so cute!"
"I love how sadistic Russia is!"
"Maybe Italy will let me eat pasta with him!"
"I hope China's there, I just love him!"
"Me, aru?" Yao Wang asked hopefully, inching toward the door.
"I hope Austria's playing the piano!"
"I will now express my excitement with the piano!" Roderich Edelstein sat himself at said instrument, to find that Arthur has used superhuman strength to throw it out the window.
"Not. One. Sound," he threatened.
"No!" Francis whisper-yelled, chaining and nailing the door shut.
"Are you guys kidding? Germany is so epic!"
The German who claimed to kill a man with his own mustache and a grape whimpered and crawled under the table, sucking his thumb. Nobody noticed Matthew and a convulsing Mr. Kumajiro inch towards the door...
"When is Germany going to realize he was Holy Rome and that him and Italy belong together?" Feliciano froze from his pasta meal and turned towards Ludwig.
"You were... Holy Rome? How could you leave me like that?" the Italian cried, gorging himself with pasta. "I hate you!"
Matthew slowly started unnailing the door...
"Poor Canada is never noticed, the second I see him I'm going to hug him and tell him I notice him!"
"Yeah, me too!"
"Me three!"
"Who's Canada?" Gilbert Weillschimdt asked. "Even the awesome Prussia doesn't know!"
"Me, idiot! I don't see how they make PruCan fics when you don't even realize who I am!" the demented country screamed, before kicking down the door. "I hope the fangirls kill you all!"
That was the understatement of the century.
2 hours later
The remaining countries groaned and picked their bloodied figures up off the floor.
"I'm... alive, aru?" Yao asked, a little disappointed. "I thought they liked me more than that!"
Ludwig was unconcious, his arm around the Italian, courtesy of the GerIta fans. Overall, they attacked Feliciano with love. He snored peacefully and snuggled into the German's bloodied chest.
Arthur rocked back in forth in a corner, eyes wide and mouth opened. "So... many... autographs..." he lifted his shaking, bleeding hands. "Papercuts!" he screamed.
Lovino Vargas lounged in a nearby chair, smoking a cigarette. "Nobody ever notices me... they all love Feliciano..." he sneered.
"I notice you Lovino!" Antonio Carriedo promised, latching onto the bitter Italian.
"Shut up you stupid Spaniard!" Antonio was thrown through a wall.
Vash Zwingli crawled over to his little sister, shaking her roughly. "Lichtenstein, wake up!"
"Oh, hi Vash! Those girls were nice, right big brudder?" the young girl asked, rubbing her eyes cutely. "I just wanted a nap."
Francis' clothes were scattered across the floor... while Francis himself was nowhere to be seen.
Kiku was curled up under a table, the fangirls having dragged Ivan off of him. "They are a disgrace to the anime world..." he whispered roughly, polishing his katana. "The next time I see them..."
Heracles Karpusi was curled up like the cats he loved, a bit of drool hanging off his face. His shirt was missing, as well as his shoes for some reason.
Apparently fangirls love shoes from Greece.
Gilbert was nowhere to be seen...
Matthew and a twitching Mr. Kumajiro sat on top the table, smiling insanely. "That was fun, right guys? I just love fangirls. I didn't even have to use the hockey sticks, scoop knife, or fourty pound curling stones I brought with me!" With that, the Canadian walked out of the door, whistling. His pet bear snarled once before walking out after him.
"...What a git," Arthur murmured.
Matthew was back in a flash with some paper. He slashed Arthur's legs then ran back out the door.
"PAPERCUTS!"
This is the product of taking an independent study day while my TV is on the fritz and I'm bored out of my mind. Yeah :P