Disclaimer: I own nothing. All characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I'm just playing with them. This is for entertainment only.

A/N: This not my first fanfic, but it is my first Stephanie Plum fanfic. I read One for the Money for the first time this year, and immediately read through FLF. I haven't read SS yet, because I've been busy reading fanfic. I've only made it through a small portion of what's been posted, so if this resembles another story, it's not intentional. It's just an idea that came to me. Let me know if it's worth continuing or not.

I'm not sure what I've done to piss off God or whatever higher power is behind everything, but someone has to be laughing at me right now. I just know it. My life has turned into one big joke at my expense. I keep encountering the same disasters, with the top three being: my car blows up, someone breaks into my apartment, and my least personal favorite, someone kidnaps me.

Today, two out of the three of those occurred. The first happened when I was just getting ready to leave the Trenton Police Department after dropping off a skip. It had been an easy enough capture, so I should've expected something would go wrong. I was walking to the exit with my body receipt in hand when I heard an explosion. Sure enough, it was my car. At least it was just this month's POS and not another one of Ranger's cars. Half of Trenton knows I've blown up enough of his cars. As usual, he had dropped off a shiny new black SUV before the fire department had even put out the flames of my now former vehicle. He put the keys in my hand, ruffled my hair, said "Babe" in an amused tone, and was gone before I had a chance to respond.

After Joe had unleashed the Italian temper and yelled at me in the parking lot for at least ten minutes, he went back to work and I drove back to my apartment to spend the rest of the day in bed sulking. Of course, because my car blowing up wasn't bad enough for one day, when I got to my apartment, I could immediately tell that someone had been in there.

I closed and locked the door, taking the elevator to the lobby, where I called Ranger for backup. I was not in the mood to be held at gunpoint today. If the intruder was still in the apartment, my very own Batman would take care of it. If the intruder was already gone, at least Ranger would be happy that I called him for once, instead of trying to handle it on my own. Plus, my gun was in the cookie jar, inside my apartment. I had my stun gun, but with my luck today, it wouldn't work.

Less than five minutes after I called, Lester walked through the lobby door.

"Ranger's on his way, but I was closer," he explained.

I nodded and we took the stairs back up to the second floor. I handed over my keys and he unlocked the door and told me to stay outside while he went in to check. A few minutes later, he opened the door again and motioned for me to come in. The look on his face was a cross between amusement and dread.

"All clear," he told me.

"Then why do you look like you're afraid to tell me something?" I asked.

"Bombshell, are you redecorating your bedroom?" he asked. The look on his face had changed to hopeful.

"No, why?" I pushed past him and walked toward my bedroom. When I opened the door, I immediately knew why he had been afraid to tell me what he found. "Where the hell is my bed?" I screamed.

"Babe." Ranger said, "I just got here. What's going on?"

I turned around to find Ranger leaning against the doorway to my bedroom. Lester was nowhere in sight.

I pointed to the space where my bed usually was. "My. Bed. Is. Gone. Someone broke into my apartment and stole my bed!" I screamed.

Ranger just shook his head and left.

Now it's well past midnight and I'm on my way up to Seven to sneak into Ranger's bed. I had planned on spending the night at Joe's, but he gave me another ultimatum, and I told him where he could shove that ultimatum. He knows how much I hate it when he tries to control my life, but tonight takes the cake. He actually said to me that unless I agreed to quit my job and marry him, he would no longer be sleeping with me. Yes, the same Joe who will use any excuse to get me in his bed, refused to have sex with me tonight. I told him that he didn't have to worry, because I would never have sex with him again, or ask him for anything else. He got a smug look on his face, like he expected me to come crawling back to him tomorrow, but he'll be waiting forever for that to happen.

It only took about ten minutes of trying to sleep on the couch before I left my apartment with a plan. I could've just went to my parents house and slept in my old room, but it was late and I didn't want to wake my parents, or tell my mother that I had broken up with Joe, once again. I thought a Ranger-induced orgasm and a night sleeping on his heavenly sheets was a much better idea.

As soon as I opened his bedroom door, he turned on the lamp beside his bed. I should've known there would be no sneaking up on him.

"Babe."

I threw my bag on the floor and started to take off my jeans. His face was blank, but his eyes were following me as I slid my bra down my arms and walked closer to the bed.

"Playing with fire, Babe."

I shrugged.

"What about the cop?" was all he said as I slid in next to him.

"What about him?" I replied, trying to keep the anger out of my voice.

"Take your clothes off," he told me.

I stood up and lifted my shirt over my head, watching as his eyes passed over my naked breasts. Then I slid my panties to the floor and the desire in his eyes was obvious. I slid back onto the bed and waited for him to pounce.

Then I burst into tears.

"Babe," Ranger sighed.

"I'm sorry. Can we just have sex now?" I said, furiously wiping the tears away.

"Not like this," he said as he pulled me to him.

My head rested comfortably on his bare chest and he rubbed soothing circles across my back.

"What happened, Babe?" he asked.

"Well, you know about the car and my missing bed," I started, and then told him about Joe.

Ranger barked out a laugh. Yes, he actually laughed.

"It's not funny!" I said, but then I started laughing too.

"You two will be back together before you know it," he told me.

"No. I'm done with him, for real this time. I care about him, but we're not good for each other. And also, I think he's the one who had my bed removed."

I felt Ranger place a kiss to my temple and I sighed.

"And I think I'm going to tell Vinnie I quit."

"Babe, why?" Ranger pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"Because I'm tired of having stalkers and getting kidnapped, and crazy people breaking into my apartment. Because I'm not very good at being a bounty hunter and I'm tired of being the laughing stock of this town."

"Do you want to work here again?" Ranger asked.

I nodded. "You're so good to me. Why are you so good to me?"

"I care about you, Babe."

I smiled.

"I'm done crying. Can we have sex now?" I asked hopefully. Crying released some of the tension, but I still wanted my Ranger-induced orgasm.

"Not tonight, Babe, but you can sleep here."

"What? Why don't you want to have sex with me?" I demanded.

"I do, but not tonight, not like this."

"Ugh, I never get what I want!"

"What do you want?"

"I want you!" I screamed in frustration, before I took time to think about the consequences.

I don't think that was the answer he expected.

"Explain."

Great, now we're back to one-word responses.

"I think that statement is self-explanatory," I said, trying to pull away from him.

"Stephanie," he sighed.

Uh oh. He used my name. He must be serious. I felt his hand on my jaw, turning my head to make me look at him.

"Explain," he said again.

When he forced me to look at him, it was impossible for me to explain anything to him. He can be a little intimidating. How can I tell him that he's the one I've been in love with all along?

After a few minutes had passed and I hadn't said anything, he switched the bedside lamp off and pulled me down in bed with him. I thought I was going to get lucky, finally, but then he spoke.

"Sleep now. We'll talk tomorrow."

When I woke up the next morning, Ranger's side of the bed was empty, but there was a note on his pillow.

Babe,

Went running. Didn't want to wake you. Breakfast in the kitchen.

R

After a trip to the bathroom, and dressing in yesterday's clothes, I made my way into the kitchen, where I noticed a bakery bag on the counter. I warily peered inside and about fainted when I saw my favorite donuts.

I was moaning in pleasure from the sugary goodness when Ranger came back from his run. He was sweaty, yet somehow still managed to look like a Cuban Sex God.

"I can't believe you let me have donuts," I told him, licking my lips to make sure I hadn't missed anything.

I watched his eyes follow my tongue before he responded with, "Thought you would appreciate them after yesterday. I'm going to shower, then we need to talk."

"Need some help?" I asked hopefully. I still wanted that Ranger-induced orgasm and I wasn't going to be shy about it.

"Babe." He shook his head.

And then he disappeared into the bedroom.

I groaned in frustration and picked up another donut.