I wrote this back in last year, suddenly having an urge to write something focussing on Schu. The different writings may be somewhat confusing in the beginning, but I'm not going to explain it here since it's atually one of the main features< of this fic. I hope you will understand as you read on. Enjoy, and please write me some feedback.
[010100]
As it was in the beginning
Thief!
You stole it, I'm sure you did.
'If you don't admit your wrongs, I'll just have to call your
parents.'
No! I didn't steal the wallet! That guy over there did it, I can
even hear his mind now, laughing at my misfortunes just
like I can hear yours now, Principle, that you think I'm a
hopeless child. And all the other kids out there they're
all calling me names
Just because you've got good grades. If it's anybody else,
Principle would've called your parents long ago.
If you didn't steal it, how'd you know where it was hidden?
I bet he did it. Who else could it be? He's always such a weirdo
anyway.
That's not true!
You're hopeless. Hopeless.
I tuck my dyed hair behind my ears again, a useless gesture because it always falls back out – my hair is simply too thick. I remember Brad's face when he saw me, my hair colour changing from gentle pale green to angry flaming red. He narrowed his eyes as if the colour stung him, but made no comments.
Yes, it's only my hair, but I deserve a little more reaction than just that, don't you think? Nagi was nice, he was saying that it looks just as good as the green and wishes he doesn't need to keep his original hair colour because of school policies. I told him I cannot imagine him with any other colour hair. He is a sweet kid, very sensitive and conversation friendly. Brad is of course not like this. Sometimes he pays me so little attention as if I'm not part of the team, and I'm not embarrassed to say that I do not like this, that I have formed some attachment to this so-called leader and would like to get recognised too.
The person being discussed is sitting across the table from me at this moment, stirring a cup of English tea and watching it swirl. Business talk, oh yes, otherwise he wouldn't have told me to come out. He was going on about what those three geriatrics over in old home Germany want us to do. Very very boring talk, so dull that I just told him to stop because I wasn't concentrating anyway. I can tell now from the look of his face, without even needing to read his mind, that he's annoyed because it's his job to relay the work to us and basically I'm just making his life more difficult.
Sorry Brad. I don't mean to do that to you. Later, I'll listen later, okay? For now just let me relax and sip my Irish coffee.
Thief.
I look up. No, that's just a thought from the guy over there. It's nothing.
I need a holiday.
Red looks pretty good, I'm just used to the green, that's all.
'Bill please.'
Will I impress her if I learn how to drive?
I can't go home! Mom and Dad will kill me when they see my report!
Oh my. He's such a cute guy. Does he speak Japanese? My English is no good
'1750 yen please.'
I just want to die.
Wish Schuldich will try and concentrate a bit harder.
Shut up!
Brad jumps when I suddenly reach across the little table and grab his hand. Some twenty voices that just rung in my head die down into a fine stream, finally switching off. Brad looks positively annoyed again, that's because I've never explained to him why I occasionally have to touch him and it makes him feel almost harassed. Psychic powers interfere with each other; Brad's makes my mind tune into other people's more easily, sometimes even against my will. 'Tuning in' is what I call my ability. It drives me nuts when all of a sudden so many voices speak in my head when I don't want them to. A physical touch can get it under control. I'll try to explain to him, but not now. Another time maybe.
We step into the bright, sunny afternoon with perfect, cloudless blue sky, our breaths forming white mists in the icy air. The sound of traffic, of people talking, the feeling of my shoes touching the ground, of cold air brushing my skin, ah, this feels so good.
And all I can see is darkness, the endless darkness that enwrapped me; I can only hear the sounds of my own breathing and sometimes, my heartbeat. Cold walls, cold floor, and a permanently locked door.
So, what now? Got to talk to Nagi, but has school hour ended yet? And where's Schuldich going?
'It's Saturday, Crawford. Nags isn't in school. And where I'm going' I slide my arm across Brad's shoulders, lean close and practically breathed into his ear. 'Why do you want to know?'
Oh look at that. He's really pissed now. I've deliberately stepped on his tail, firstly by reading his thoughts, secondly by touching him like that, and thirdly by whispering to him so close. It makes his hair stand on end. I know I'm not doing myself a favour to make him angry, but it really is fun and I just can't help it at times. And anyway, he usually forgives me, or at least pretends he doesn't care. See, he glares at me now, and all I need to do is to smile innocently, like this there, I'm forgiven.
What a simple smile can do.
Being clever, he veils up his mind now with his power and turns to leave.
Don't turn your back to me! Please!
'I'll go with you, Crawford. I haven't got anything to do and wouldn't mind keeping you company.'
'I do, though.'
'Please?'
Brad's shoulders sag and he sighs as if there's nothing he can do, then he gestures for me to walk with him. He doesn't like hanging around with me because I catch too much attention, us being much taller than the average Japanese and my hair being so long make us stand out a lot. It just makes people stop and stare. I don't mind. I love the attention I get, I can hear them gasping in their minds and making the most wonderful remarks about us, partly from their fascination with foreigners and partly because, well, we are rather fine look men, are we not? It just feels so cool to be walking around with him.
'Yeah, you might as well come along and try to listen when I brief Nagi about what you didn't pay attention to just now.'
'Don't be nasty to me, Crawford. Making people smile can be a virtue, you know that?'
'Being Schwarz, you talk to me about virtue?' Brad says, digging out a packet of the mint chocolate he likes so much from his coat pocket. 'You're always smiling anyway, aren't you?'
It doesn't hurt to smile.
'Well yeah.' I shrug. 'I'll listen this time round, okay?'
'You better.' Brad says under his breath, chocolate melting in his mouth. 'Where's Nagi then?'
That I know, of course. The quiet and gentle Nagi if you don't know him, you will never guess where he hangs out.
Nagi is of course at the dance machine in the games arcade.
'Nags, good game?' Brad and I squeeze our way through the crowd of spectators.
Nagi's eyes remain fixed on the screen as he continues to dance according to the arrows. 'Join in.'
Why not. I put in some coins as well and join Nagi in the game. Brad is feeling very surprised now, he has forgotten about shielding his mind again. He has never thought we're into this type of games, in fact he doesn't even know what the game is as Nagi and I move our feet to step on the panels. Brad you're just too grown up, you need to know more about your teammates to be a good leader, you know?
The people are actually clapping when we've finished the game, and Brad is rather impressed too, despite that scowl on his face. 'Can we talk now?'
'About what?' Nagi brushes off a few girls that are trying to chat him up and leaves the arcade with us. He is again wearing only a turtleneck with a flimsy jacket, the mere sight of him makes me feel freezing already, but he seems to be fine with it.
'What jacket? I
haven't seen your jacket. How would I know where it is?'
Liar. I just heard them say in their minds that you've hidden it.
You'll never check on the roof.
So my jacket's on the roof then.
Why do you all have to be nasty and mean to me? What have I done?
Why can't I be one of you guys?
I roll my eyes and give an exaggerated sigh. 'What else would Crawford come to us for.'
We both turn back and look at Brad with an identical expression on our face, and Brad just crosses his arms and gives us another one of his scowls.
Kodak moment!
Nagi and I cannot help bursting into hysterical laughter.
'What?'
'Not Nothing!' I'm practically bending double now, my stomach is hurting from all this laughing. 'It's just just'
'The look on your face!' Nagi manages to stop before I can, but his eyes are wet already.
I've laughed so hard that I choked myself and Nagi helps me by patting my back. I wipe the tears in my eyes with a finger. 'Sorry Crawford. It really was funny.'
Brad isn't finding this very amusing at all.
'Do you think I'm
going to believe you, Schuldich? It isn't even funny.'
'I'm not lying, Father! I really can hear what the other people
are thinking!'
'Get away, Schuldich, I'm trying to work.'
Don't brush me off like that don't turn your back to
me
'If you two aren't going to listen, I don't see why I should waste my time with you.'
Nagi and I watch Brad walking away.
'Is he mad at us?'
'How should I know.'
Why won't you try to understand me a little more, Brad? I just want your attention, it is all, that really is all I want. Give me your approval. Trust me a bit more. Don't brief things with me again and again as if I won't do them if you don't tell me five times. Please?
'Crawford!' I run to him. 'Sorry. We'll listen, really.'
Brad lifts one doubting eyebrow.
'Really.' Nagi apologises too.
'What are you two trying to pull? Especially you, Schuldich. You're doing everything but listening to what the job is, you'
Me. Be interested in me. What I have been up to, what I want to do, who I am! Do you even see me when you look at me, Brad?
'Who do you think
you are?! You're useless without those psychic powers!'
'If you follow our orders, you live. It's this simple.'
You're no more than a pawn to us.
Are you just like one of them too, Brad?
' Are you even listening, Schuldich!'
'Yes I am. You don't need to shout.' The annoyance in my voice surprises me. You've never listened to me, Brad. This is not very fair is it? 'Keep talking.'
Somebody. Anybody. Please listen to me.
I must be looking edgy because Nagi has stepped between us, holding his hands up. 'Chill, chill! Let's just find somewhere to sit down and get things done. Don't look as if you're going to kill each other, okay?'
Brad ignores Nagi and starts firing at me again. 'I just don't know what to do with you, Schuldich!'
What are we
supposed to do with you, Schuldich? You're evil. The Devil in the
form of a child. You're not my Schuldich! You're not my son!
But why, mother? I spent nine months in your womb! Mother!
I must get rid of you, otherwise there will be disaster in the
family.
Father, I didn't choose to be able to read minds! Everything I
have comes from you, my parents! If I'm the Devil in disguise,
then what are you? What are you?
'I'm just not the type of person you want, Crawford. I can't make myself become what you want.'
'Talk sense, will you?'
' Forget it.' You give me a chance to talk when I'm out of words for it? 'I'm sorry. I'll stay awake and listen.'
Another smile gets me out of this mess. For some strange reasons, Brad seems defenseless against my smiles.
'Let's get this briefing over and done with. I'll do everything you say, Crawford.'
'Why should I do
what you say?'
'So that you can stay alive.'
Why would I want to stay alive? My parents betrayed me, sold me
because they're afraid of me. Everyone I know turned their backs
to me. I've been ignored everywhere. I'm shunned. Give me a
reason to live.
'Have you made your decision?'
I'll do what you say. I'll stay in this room with no light. Only
because I won't need to face the society that has neglected me.
Let what I do here I inflict pain on those who rejected me.
This is my revenge: as they have abandoned me, so I abandon them.
[to be continued]