don't let go yet
( beautiful
beautiful
beautiful )
This is what Bella whispers as she traces fingers down her spine, runs them through Alice's hair. This is what she says as she presses hungry kisses to Alice's cupid bow mouth, tasting of cigarettes and madness and danger.
Alice wonders if it is also what Bella thinks when she makes the ground run red with blood, when she holds her wand high and screams curses, uninhibited, wild, free. Alice is almost sure she does.
( i love you
i love you
i love you )
This is what Alice murmurs in the early hours of the morning, when time disappears and the world is empty, the world is theirs, and the way Bella looks at her almost tricks Alice into believing in her own words. But she can see that their time is running out and she's not sure she wants it to stop.
It is also what she tells Frank, with sugar-sweet kisses and interlaced fingers, as they lay side by side near the lake, gazing up at the cotton candy clouds. She supposes it's perfect, he's perfect, but she doesn't think she likes perfect much.
( i'm sorry
i'm sorry
i'm sorry)
This is what Alice screams as she feels her bones break and crumble beneath her, feels her mind slip away.
She's sorry for being young and stupid and falling in love with a girl.
A girl who laughed and loved and hated all too loudly, and took Alice along with her. And she is sorry for being in the eye of the storm and not stopping it while she had the chance.
Because she knows what Bella means, she knows she is nothing but trouble, and she loves her, fully, completely, totally, in spite of who she is.
Because it was that reckless love that took away the life of the man she couldn't give her whole heart to (but maybe she could have) and took her away from the child that she never got a chance to know (although she should have).
It was Bellatrix that destroyed them.
( beautiful
i love you
i'm sorry )
These are the words Bella weeps when she stands by Alice's bed, staring at the still, lifeless body of the girl she loves (she did that), and as they fall they wash away the last fragment of sanity she still has left.
Then she dries her tears but she never really stops crying.