Summary: Apparently, blizzards can often help strengthen relationships.
Disclaimer: Shingeki no Kyojin © Isayama Hajime
Notes: My most deepest apologies for submitting this so very late - I wrote it earlier, found myself stuck on 24-hour train ride and couldn't get anything up on time. Catching up will be a challenge, but I'll try my best. Forgive me in case there are any mistakes, and feel free to point them out. Hope everyone had a very merry Christmas, and that I don't get into too much trouble for this late submission.
x
OF CEREAL AND SNOWBALL FIGHTS
mlikasa
x
It was a dark, stormy Christmas night.
(Well, not exactly. It was indeed dark, and it was indeed stormy, but it wasn't the kind of dark and stormy you'd expect it to be. Usually, when one thinks 'dark and stormy', one imagines a mysterious castle deep in the woods with towering turrets and spiraling staircases, where spooks that lurk behind bathroom mirrors are the main, tragic reason for the deaths of many innocent children. Even if one doesn't think exactly that, I'm sure one's thoughts are somewhat similar to those disturbing ones.)
The point is, the night was dark, but the mood was not particularly dark, you see―and how could it be, when one is stranded with a rather unhelpful friend on their birthday at a log cabin in the most remote location of the mountains without any proper food, water, wi-fi or mobile-phone reception, during a blizzard?
Oh. Wait.
"Well, at least you have me," Mikasa muttered (after taking all this into consideration), trying to brighten the 'dark' mood, knowing it wasn't very reassuring.
"That seems to be working very well in my favour, doesn't it?" Levi said.
Mikasa snorted, but it was admittedly quite hard to think of a snarky remark. "I was trying to be optimistic and supportive."
"Supportive." Levi huffed. "You're doing a rather good job at that, by lying on the couch and finishing the cereal."
"Am not," Mikasa said, subtly shoving the cereal box under the couch.
"I saw that."
"Besides," Mikasa continued as if Levi hadn't spoken, "we have a proper heating system. Thank god for electricity, right?"
As if on cue, there was a strange buzzing sound, and a moment later, the lights went out. To the two travellers in the room, it was the most tragic and devastating thing that could happen.
"…Sorry."
"It's all right. Not your fault." He was obviously more tense than he let on.
After a few minutes of staring at his blank phone screen, Levi got up and began roaming around the cabin. Soon enough, Mikasa lay down and shut her eyes. She heard him in the kitchen, muttering something under his breath about 'the damned Eren' and 'I don't want to offend Sasha but she can be so inefficient at times', and 'left me alone with Mikasa'.
She wasn't very sensitive. She had been, at one point, but ever since the beginning of her second year of high school, feeling things had become quite hard. Yet, for the first time in over a year, she felt a slight pang in her chest. Not a pang, per se. According to most stories, pangs actually hurt. This didn't hurt, nothing really ever hurt her. It felt more like her heart trying to do a little somersault but failing, instead landing head first in a very unfortunate position. Why, though, she couldn't understand.
"I assume you don't want to eat dinner," Levi said flatly.
Mikasa opened her eyes lazily. "Yes."
"Yes you do want to eat dinner? Or is my assumption correct?"
She averted her gaze. "I don't want to talk. I don't want to eat."
"Good, because we don't actually have food in the house."
Mikasa's response was immediate. She turned over to face Levi in an instant. "No food? What? Excuse me, but I'm a growing young lady, I think I need my nutrition."
Levi's eyebrows shot up. "You're twenty-one."
"Am not," Mikasa said. "My birthday's less than two months later, you keep forgetting."
"And my birthday's today but no one seems to be remembering that." He rolled his eyes. He added, "No dinner, though. Remember."
"We celebrated your birthday," Mikasa said calmly. "No one's forgotten. The real shame is that it's also Christmas, which means that I don't get to have the usual delicious Christmas food, or the (occasionally not burnt) food Armin and Eren annually cook for your birthday―but let's be optimistic here; I have cereal, which is cooler and tastier and better than actual 'dinner food', so who's really winning?"
Levi had no response. He fumbled for a few minutes, shook his head, muttered a quiet, "I've had better birthdays, involving less snow and more comfort," followed by an even quieter, "Cereal doesn't provide you with nutrition," and then sat on one side of the couch which wasn't occupied by Mikasa's body. He lay back, stretched, and let out a deep, awfully dramatic sigh. He looked tiredly over at the television with the words 'NO SIGNAL' written on the screen. Really, Mikasa couldn't seem to comprehend why anyone would be against storms when they're in a comfortable cabin with blankets and three bedrooms. It was a delightful, tiny heaven for her. So far, she'd spent three days there, and she'd put every minute of those days to good use. The mornings after breakfast were spent in her room, reading the books recommended by her good friend Historia. After that, she'd write, and go on writing for hours, maybe with a lunch break in between. Then, she'd sit by the window in her room, with a brilliant view of pure ivory snow and naked silvery brown trees with claw-like branches. Finally, she'd eat a small dinner and sleep for the next eleven hours. That was her routine, and she liked it that way.
Unlike Levi.
He would spend the entire day typing furiously on his laptop, watching some weird sports game on TV, compulsively cleaning every corner of the cabin (his personal favourite, Mikasa liked to believe) or (and this was the worst part) complaining bitterly about how things supposedly never went the way he wanted them to.
Honestly, being alone with someone who clearly doesn't even give a damn about you isn't too exciting. Levi obviously missed Sasha, Armin and Eren. In fact, all five of them had initially planned on going together, but somehow those three had been 'too preoccupied' to join them. So, Mikasa and Levi had to go together, and so far, things hadn't been particularly grand for either of them. Frankly, Levi didn't even have a reason to be upset with Mikasa's behaviour. She wasn't the one who was perpetually whining about the weather and the poor Internet connection.
The blizzard didn't seem to be calming down. They couldn't see anything beyond a certain point, mainly because of the giant spirals of snow and ice sheets. The trees swayed, they swayed too much, threatening to topple over and crush their pretty little cabin. The window, luckily, was firmly closed, but quite often they'd hear the soft thud of snow against the glass.
"So," began Levi, "I'm not planning on sitting here silently until the storm's over."
"Neither am I, but I don't see what we can do," Mikasa said, pursing her lips. She sat up, and almost instantly, she shivered. "I'm cold."
"Aw, you want me to make you feel warm?" Levi smirked.
Mikasa rolled her eyes. "Do something about it."
Levi seemed to be thinking about it. "I'll get you a blanket."
Moments later, he returned with a blanket, and offered it to Mikasa, whose teeth were chattering. "Th-thank you," she stuttered, and snatched the blanket from Levi's hands. Once she'd finished wrapping it around herself, she felt absolutely divine. She let out a satisfied moan, and leaned back. She glanced once at Levi, who seemed to be glaring at the television even more angrily than usual.
"What did the TV do this time?" Mikasa asked dryly.
"I don't want to stay in this place anymore."
"Oh? You'd rather be out there in the storm?"
He was actually considering it. "To be honest, yes."
"You're crazy," Mikasa said, and shook her head in disbelief.
"That's one of the many things you don't know about me," Levi smiled. It wasn't one of his regular broad smiles - it was a small, silent one, in which only one side curled upwards.
Mikasa stared at him. "What else don't I know about you?"
"Do you really want to know?"
"I do," Mikasa said honestly. If there was something worth knowing about someone, she made it her business to know that something.
"Even if I kill you after telling you?"
"Absolutely."
"Wow, you're persistent."
"And that's one of the many things you don't know about me." Mikasa smiled. Levi chuckled almost immediately, and said, "Why don't you tell me about yourself first?"
"Why don't I," Mikasa said, after a moment of consideration. "As long as you promise to tell me about yourself right after that."
"Done."
Mikasa sighed. She narrowed her eyes and bit her lower lip, trying hard to think of any interesting facts about herself. "I like reading, I suppose."
Levi scoffed. "No way. I mean, it's not like you're always avoiding us by sitting in the corner and reading a book while we talk about better things."
Mikasa turned to give Levi a sharp glare. "Better things? Please, sir, do tell me about these supposedly better things you speak of."
"Does it even matter?" Levi frowned. "Socializing is as important as reading. Sure, you have a fantastic life within your land of books, but everyone deserves to find the same sort of happiness in their reality. At least I interact with people, you don't even talk. It's important to make friends, you know."
"I have friends and I'm perfectly happy," Mikasa said, sticking her chin out obstinately. "I don't need more."
"I can literally count the number of friends you have on my fingertips," Levi said.
"Go ahead," Mikasa shrugged.
Levi actually did. A moment later, he held up four fingers, and said, "Me, Eren, Sasha, Armin."
"Do I look like I care how many friends I have?" Mikasa asked. "Having fewer friends is better. I prefer being good friends with one person to having tons of friends but not being close to any of them."
"But you're not close to anyone," Levi mumbled. He added, "Except maybe Eren."
"If we hadn't been close, I wouldn't have agreed to come on the trip with you," Mikasa said.
"Yet, clearly, we're not close enough," Levi pointed out.
Mikasa couldn't argue with that. "Fair enough. But that's not my fault alone, is it?" She paused, then continued, "Well, whatever, I'm not done telling you what you don't know about me."
"Wait a minute," Levi said, holding up one hand. "How much do I not know?"
"Um," Mikasa said hesitantly, "I don't think you know anything about me." Quickly, she added, "I'm not complaining or…or accusing you, or anything, I'm just being honest. It's my fault, actually, it's my fault entirely for not trying to open up. Really." Her tone wasn't very convincing.
She stayed silent for a while after that, and he didn't try to break the silence.
A few moments later, she said, "My mother passed away when I was thirteen. Lung cancer. My father hasn't even looked at me since then." She drew in a sharp breath. "I'm not, you know, too upset about it. I remember feeling terrible initially, but I can understand why he'd do that."
This time, Levi responded. "It's not my place to say something like this, and you're probably going to hate me for saying it, but your father's a coward." Mikasa didn't react; her prescient side had foreseen that sort of response. "Trust me, I know how hurt and awful and crushed he must have felt after his wife's death, but he completely forgot about the fact that she wasn't just his wife, that she was your mother." He paused for a moment. "I'm sorry, but his behaviour was completely unacceptable."
It took a few moments for Mikasa to think of an answer. Finally, she said, "No, I've felt that way too sometimes." Her voice was quieter than usual. "I can't ever seem to hate him for what he did, though. He's still my father."
"Don't be blinded, Mikasa," Levi said. "Just because you love him, don't ignore his flaws."
"I don't," Mikasa breathed. "I just find it pointless to hold a grudge against him."
She pulled the blanket closer to her and hugged herself. The temperatures outside seemed to be dropping further and further, and the storm appeared to be worsening the more they spoke ― not a single speck of sky was visible, and the view was obscured by thick sheets of magnificent snow. Not for the first time that day, Mikasa felt slightly anxious. They were stuck in a place that was miles away from home, in a (luckily) sturdy house, with someone she hardly knew despite the fact that they'd been "friends" for almost three years.
Out of the corner of her eye, she glanced at him. She couldn't deny it, he was attractive. He had high cheekbones, icy blue eyes that could send a dagger through your chest if you angered him, and she'd seen him shirtless enough to confirm that yes, although he was short, he was well-built. Quite often, she'd catch herself staring at him, but she'd avert her gaze quickly enough. Sure, he was good-looking, but it was wrong to look at him that way, especially since he was her friend. Liking him, let alone having perverse thoughts about him, was completely off-limits.
"What's wrong?" Levi asked, interrupting Mikasa's thoughts.
She blinked and looked up. "Nothing, I…I just remembered that you haven't told me about yourself yet," she lied. "You promised you would, don't go back on your word now."
"I won't, don't worry," Levi said. He sighed, and ran his hand through his hair. "Alright, so first things first: I've never met my parents." Mikasa's eyes widened in an odd mixture of surprise, confusion and a very slight bit of concern.
"I…I don't―"
"Calm down, they're not dead. Well, to be honest, I don't really know. I don't think they are, but that's only a gut feeling. It's strange, but I can sense that they're around somewhere―I just have no idea where."
"What happened to them? Have you ever even met them?" Mikasa asked.
"No idea, and I think so," Levi said, his words slowly turning into a low murmur. "I should have clearer memories, which means that these may be false ones, but I vaguely remember two people. Not helping anyone, I know. But I haven't met them otherwise, I'd remember."
"Obviously you would," Mikasa said. "They're your parents."
"Yeah, but…sometimes I don't want to remember them," Levi said, so softly that Mikasa had to tilt her head to try and hear what he was saying. "If they neglected me when I was a child, I don't see how great they'd be as parents. Often, when people tell me things like, 'Oh, you poor child, losing your parents must have been very difficult' it takes everything in me not to tell them that, quite honestly, it's better to grow up not knowing them than to grow up knowing a monster."
"I see what you mean," Mikasa said slowly, surprised to find that she did actually see what he meant.
There were a few minutes of silence, before Mikasa apologized.
Levi was taken aback, to say the least. "Sorry? For what?"
"It's Christmas. It's also your birthday. We're in a log cabin in the middle of the mountains. There's a storm going on outside which we may not survive and I've not properly said my goodbyes to my dog. Also, I'm sorry for asking you to get me a blanket and for acting like your birthday doesn't matter."
Levi looked somewhat perplexed. "I…accept your apologies, but I have to ask―you have a dog?"
Mikasa sighed. "No, but if I did, my dog would be the only person I'd care about. Anyway, what about everything else? It took all the courage in me to apologize to you, y'know. I almost thought you'd never forgive me."
"I'm very forgiving," Levi said. He added, "Another thing you didn't know about me."
"So am I," Mikasa said, "to a certain extent. If you steal my cereal, though, we can never be friends."
She turned to face the window, and almost smiled widely. The storm was finally calming down; it was now a gentle sheet of snow and occasional snowflakes.
"You're quite attractive, you know," Levi said.
Mikasa's head spun around to face him, and it happened so quickly that Levi almost thought that it might fall off. "That was quite…random. And sudden. And strange. What possessed you to say that?"
"It's the truth," Levi said.
There was a very uncomfortable pause during which neither was sure what exactly to say, but Mikasa managed a hesitant, uncertain, "Well?"
"Well what?" Levi asked. His pretend-nonchalance was astounding.
"I feel like that statement was the beginning of something, not just an innocent statement. Are you going to do anything about it?" Mikasa asked.
Levi seemed to be thinking about it. "Can I kiss you?"
"Only once? And then forget it ever happened?" Mikasa asked.
"Precisely."
"You know that never works, right?"
"Precisely."
Mikasa was left almost speechless. "Are you trying to―"
"So is that a yes?"
She didn't want to say 'yes' just then―she had so many unanswered questions, and they'd remain unanswered unless she asked them now. Was he trying to suggest something else? Did they really know each other well enough? Did he really care enough to want to know more? Would anything remain the same after this?
"Yes," she said, although she was on the verge of getting a heart attack just thinking about the consequences; although she knew everything would change, and she didn't know whether it'd be for worse or for better.
He leaned in, and it was strange. On the outside, Mikasa was only being guided by Levi, and her movements were awkward. Inside, though, her stomach was full of little exploding firecrackers. Kisses had never appealed to her that much―what was romantic about pressing your lips against someone else's?―but she'd never experienced one earlier. She'd had no idea how beautiful they could be. It was strange that certain kinds of intimacy made one feel uncomfortable, but others made people want more and more of it. Surely, Mikasa wanted more of this sort of intimacy. It felt so…perfect, but she needed it to end soon, so that she wouldn't lose herself completely.
They sat side by side on the couch. The storm was finally over.
"I've never interested you, so why?" Mikasa asked.
"You have," Levi sighed. "You have, but I just wanted to get to know you better. I needed an opportunity. I still don't know most things about you, but I had to make sure that you don't hate me."
Hearing that felt strangely pleasing.
"I never hated you," Mikasa said honestly. "I just couldn't ever make up my mind about you. I haven't made up my mind about anyone, except Eren and Armin. I'm cynical by nature. That's all."
"That's…nice to hear," Levi said, sounding genuinely satisfied with her response. "I was actually worried you might hate me."
"I don't know what possessed you to think that." Mikasa shook her head. "I've never hated you. Oddly enough, I've always felt…drawn to you. I thought you hated me. I mean, maybe hate isn't the right word, but I always thought that you were uninterested. Yet you say you have been interested, so…I'd like to ask you a few questions."
"I know," Levi said softly. "Why now? Why today? Why have I always been so dismissive, and why am I suddenly so forthright?" He turned to face her. "I don't know, and I can't answer this question more honestly. I have no idea, but I know I've always wanted to do that, and I know I'll never have another opportunity. This isn't going to happen again, but I'm glad it happened once. So thank you."
Mikasa bit her lip. This ending was too bittersweet for her; she needed to change it. "It can, you know. It can happen again. This doesn't have to be the end."
Levi turned to face her, a strange look on his face. He opened his mouth, paused, closed it, then opened it again to say, "Maybe."
Mikasa wanted to ask him what he meant, but before she could form a question, he stood up and walked towards the window. He stood in front of it, and looked out at the snow settling on the ground. "Would you look at that? That goddamned storm finally stopped." He turned around. "I think I know what you're going to suggest."
Mikasa nodded. "But I know what your response is going to be, so I'm not suggesting anything."
One of Levi's eyebrows shot upwards. "Oh? You knew I'd say yes?"
Mikasa almost beamed.
As expected, it was practically freezing outside. Tugging their coats and pulling on their mittens, they rushed outside. The snow was at least eight inches deep, but somehow they managed to traipse through it and walk out. Mikasa paused in her path for a moment to wrap her scarf tighter around her neck, when all of a sudden a snowball came and hit her shoulder.
"Ow," she murmured, frowning and indignantly brushing off the snow on her coat. She looked up and scowled at her attacker, who had the most smug expression on his face. "Really? Really? You actually dare to challenge me in a snowball fight?"
Levi smirked, bent forward, and scooped up some more snow, patting it down to form a roughly spherical shape. "You can't possibly be better than me."
Mikasa ducked as a snowball came spiraling in her direction. "Nice try, but you'll have to do better than that." In one swift motion, she scooped up two snowballs in both her hands, and aimed them both at Levi.
The battle continued, and less than two minutes later, Levi found himself sprawled across the snow. Mikasa ran over triumphantly, ready to mock him, but before she could he placed his foot in her way so fast it was almost cat-like, causing her to fall face-first into the snow right next to him. As he chuckled, a red-faced Mikasa lifted herself onto her elbows and glared at him.
"I must admit, this has been one of the best Christmases―and, well, birthdays―I have ever had," Levi said, and Mikasa almost thought he was smiling a bit. "Merry Christmas, Mikasa."
"Maybe" would never work as an answer. It was too vague, full of ambiguous promises.
Mikasa managed a sigh and a half-smile. "I'm glad," she murmured, and for the first time in a long time, she actually was. "Merry Christmas to you, too, Levi."
This didn't have to be the end.
Somehow, Mikasa felt, it wouldn't be.
x
Notes: Please don't favourite/follow without leaving a review; I'd love to hear your thoughts. Thank you and I sincerely hope you enjoyed it.