Title: Help Me Say Goodbye
Author: scgirl_317
Summary: Post 6.01, "Survivor's Guilt." Everyone gathers for Matt's funeral.
Author'sNote: By no means am I too proud to admit that I bawled pretty much the entire way through this episode. I tip my hat to Bradley Walsh; the way he portrayed Ronnie's grief ripped my heart out. The AA meeting and the last scene with Jamal's mom… Makes me tear up just thinking about it. Matt Devlin will be sorely missed. But then again, isn't that what fan fiction is for?
The rain seemed fitting, Ronnie noted, as the mourners gathered around Matt's grave. The number of people who had turned out to DS Devlin's funeral would have been surprising if it was anyone else, but everyone who knew Matt loved him. Half the coppers in London were there, as well as almost the entire CPS, most of the people from the estate where Matt had lived, and other random assorted people, down to the bag boy at the grocer down the block from Matt's flat.
As the priest who stood at the head of the grave spoke words of peace and blessing, Ronnie's mind drifted back to various things he had said in the days following Matt's death. Dying really isn't that hard. The hard part is finding the strength to live on when you're the one left behind.
Blinking back the tears that threatened to escape, Ronnie looked at some of the faces closest to him. Matt's sister, Judy, stood across the grave from him, a sort of numb look on her face, as if the emotion of the past few days had left her exhausted. To his left, Natalie's lips trembled, determined not to cry even as a few tears trailed down her cheeks. On his right, Alesha clung to his arm as if it were the only thing holding her up. She didn't even try to hide her tears. Beyond her, James Steel looked as if he were still trying to come to terms with it, that the vivacious, young detective he had worked closely with for years was dead. The eyes that were so sure in the court room now held confusion and loss. George Castle had instantly cancelled a holiday in Glasgow with his wife when he had heard; they stood next to James, completing the front line of mourners. Jake and Henry stood at the foot of the grave, both wearing somber expressions. Joy and Teddy were somewhere in the crowd—Ronnie remembered seeing them at some point.
"We commit Matt Devlin's mortal body to the ground, just as we commit his immortal spirit into God's hands," intoned the priest, drawing Ronnie's attention once again as he reached down and gathered a handful of soggy dirt to toss over the lowered coffin. "Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. For out of the ground were we taken, and to dust we shall return. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
The priest motioned a cross over the grave, and that concluded the service. That was it. It didn't seem right in Ronnie's mind that Matt Devlin's life could end so unceremoniously. There was still the wake at Matt's sister's house, but it still didn't seem like nearly enough.
The mourners began to disperse, but the ones immediately around the grave stayed behind. No one spoke; no words were necessary. Judy left with the last of the mourners, needing to get ready for the wake. Jake, Henry, George and his wife left shortly after. Natalie left, needing to be with her family. That left Ronnie, Alesha, and James standing in the mud as the drizzle increased to a steady rain.
"He never lost faith in me, even when I'd lost faith in myself," James said quietly.
"If I ever had a bad day, he was there to listen," Ronnie added, wrapping his hand around the coin in his pocket.
"He was great with kids, would have made a great dad," Alesha said softly. The sorrow in her voice at the lost possibilities was enough to make Ronnie wince.
"He would at that," he agreed.
The steady rain hardened to a full on downpour, and the three finally turned away, raindrops mixing with their tears.
They didn't go to Matt's sister's house once they left the cemetery. Instead, they went to the pub near the Old Bailey for their own wake. The place held a somber mood, as most of the patrons were barristers, and had dealt with Matt on at least one occasion. It still managed to bring back memories of happier times, and they quietly basked in the warmth that accompanied.
They all knew there would be rough days ahead. But today, they were just going to think about the good. Because that's the one word that they all agreed described Matt Devlin.
Good.