Title:
Beauty In The Breakdown by xKatieBearx
Rating:
T
Disclaimer:
I don't own Lost, or the songs.
Authors
Note:
Happy Birthday!! Love yuu! I've never done any charliexclaire stuff,
so I hope this does them justice!! Yeah, i've never been a fan of The
Beatles... is that bad? Well anyway, Strawberry Felds Forever gets a
few mentions too.
Beauty In The Breakdown
do you remember, when you were seven
and the only ting that you wanted to do,
was show your mum that you could play the piano
There is beauty in the breakdown, he guesses. Maybe Heaven isn't real, and maybe Hell doesn't exist, but his mum always made him go to church on a Sunday, and he's pretty sure he's been Christened. He used to ride his new ride bike through the Spring Meadow Estates, the pretty name not fitting with the towering black buildings, with crisp packets swirling around your feet. He used to ride there 'cause Lucy Matthews lived there, and he was always hopeful she might look in his direction, with her soft blonde hair and her fingers stained with pink paint.
He can remember buying comics and gum, and getting three quid a week if he did all the chores.
He's lived a pretty innocent childhood, and really- isn't that what matters? He guesses his childhood shaped him, and he just fell off the line somewhere in between. Somewhere in between alter boy and junkie. In between good and bad.
He's almost sure he can still make it to Heaven though... just say a little prayer, and after all. Its easy with eyes closed.
--
seems i'm lost in my reflections,
find a star for my direction
let me, keep my faith in innocent eyes
Claire can remember playing with pretty pastel dolls, finger painting on their scarlet lips and shiny blue eye shadow. She can remember playing with her friends in the backyard, with paddling pools and plastic buckets and spades.
A baby doll always lay in the grass, untouched. Once they gave her pretty names; Amy, Lucy and Jaime, and then the winter came along, and babies went out of fashion anyway.
She never went to church, and never believed in Heaven or Hell, although she supposes she does now. Just enough to get baptised, anyway. Doesn't want to take any risks.
--
Claire can feel the tension, and feel the way he lingers when he touches her. His hand stays on hers just a few seconds too long, and every time he smiles goodbye its like the finale of the two. She wonders if he knows that she can hear him sing to Aaron at late night. He sings Strawberry Fields Forever, but he voice is soft and harsh and heartbreaking all at once.
And she can feel there's something wrong, but when the world's shifting and changing around her, she doesn't want to believe that her Charlie, the only one solid in her world, she doesn't want to believe that the ground they walk on with each other is uneven with secrets. And they're secrets dark enough for him to hide them from her.
--
It all happened in a flash before his eyes, and it was such a shock. Because he was expecting Claire; Claire. Claire was meant to die, not him? But no. Its him.
And the relief he feels, knowing she's safe, knowing she's out of danger;
But then its shit, shit. Because he hasn't been to confession in years, and he knows Claire's going to the probable, possible Heaven. Of course she is, but him... He doesn't want to get left on his own in Hell.
--
Death and destiny entwined, and he feels like a train on a track. Because he's destined for death, and it hardly seems fair. So kiss her, and tell her you'll be safe. Give the ring to the baby, 'cause he's yours now. Yours and Claire's. No question about it. Take a step towards the beach, and the little boat. And shut your eyes love, 'cause lets face it. There's beauty in the breakdown.
I miss those days and I miss those ways,
when I got lost in fantasies, in a cartoon land of mysteries
in a place you won't feel cold, in a place you won't grow old, and i'll sing