Charlie is upset. That much I can tell. the only weird thing is that he's not angry, instead he's just...lifeless. He hasnt said a word to me since our fight last night and since I returned home. I had spent the rest of the night at Edwards house so, luckily,

I wasn't able to talk to Charlie or see the look on his face. I've taken the silent treatment from him as my punishment. I mean, I was still angry at Charlie for the things he'd said but I really don't think shouting was nessecary. If only I had listened to what Edward had said yesterday.
The day I announced the 'good news' as Alice would call it. "Bella, love, it would be best for you--escuse me--I mean, you and I if you'd just consider saving your voice even if he says something that is offensive to you. if you did someone would get hurt in the process", Edward had warned me.

someone would get hurt in the process...

that someone was me, but then again...I had seen the hurt look in Charlie's eyes when he looked at me...maybe I wasnt the only one who was hurting inside out...

I had to apologize for the way I acted yesterday. but I was just so angry...on the other hand I should'nt have lashed out on him that way.

I debated with myself like that all day of my Saturday morning, stopping ocassionally to think about what I was going to say to charlie. That's me, the planner. but, unfortunately, not a wedding planner.

I knew it was hard for Edward to stay away from me for awhile but I knew that if he were here I would not remember anything. not even my sarcastic sense of humor. So, I begged him to stay home or go hunting or do something to keep his mind off of worrying about me.

In the afternoon I cooked dinner. A simple plate of food that consisted of beans, mashed potaoes, and fish fry. He seems to like all that kind of stuff so I put them all together.

"Bella?" Charlie yelled from the living room. Startled, I knocked over a bottle that was on the table, it fell to the ground and shattered into a million pieces. "Bella?" he called again, sounding worried. "yeah, dad, I'm here", I said in a hoarse voice that didnt have much volume to it. Charlie hung up his gun on the hook on the wall and walked into the small kitchen. He smiled at me, but it didnt reach his eyes. "hey, kiddo, this food looks good", he complemented me.

I smiled back but it was not because of the complement, it was because I knew he was actually trying to make an effort to be nice even after receiving the 'good news' I gave him yesterday. Charlie sat down at the table and began eating his food, quite viciously, I might add. good, he's in a good mood. maybe I can get him to give Edward and I our blessing, I thought hopefully.

I sat down across from him and timidly stared at him while he was devouring his dinner. I waited patiently for him to finnish. tick tock, tick tock went the clock on the wall. I looked up at it and saw that three, no five minutes had passed already. I sighed and tapped my feet against the floor in impatience. The silence was too much to bear for me. it was driving me nuts! tick tock, tick tock. I felt like ripping the clock off the wall, but I knew I wasn't strong enough to do that, so I left that Idea alone. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore: the clock, the silence, my stomach that was churning like crazy, and the conscience in my head that was telling me to be quiet and wait patiently. I couldn't take any of it anymore. I had to ask. I had to talk to him. "Exactly why don't you want Edward and I to get married? don't you want us to be happy? don't you want us to live our lives together till death do us part?" I smiled a little at that last part that escaped my lips.

till death do us part...

Edward can't die unless another vampire rips him to shreds and after my transformation I'll live with him and his family forever...and ever...still looking like I'm still eighteen years old...
Charlie looked up from his dinner, surprised. after a minute of silence and the annoying constant tick tocking of the clock he said "It's not that I don't want you and Edward", he paused, gritting his teeth when he said my soon-to-be husband's name. "it's just that I think you guys are too young to be getting married at your ages", Charlie said.

I smiled again. if he only knew how old Edward was...I thought, smirking. "well, I can't help but want to marry him. he's just so...so...perfect", I said softly. I sighed. perfect wasn't even the word that described Edward. He was beyond perfect. He was a god compared to an ugly and stupid human girl like me. Charlie gritted his teeth and glared at me. "no one is perfect", Charlie said in a husky voice. I didnt argue with him even though I knew Edward was perfect and in his case...that probably is possible.

"why don't you like Edward?" I asked as innocently as I could. Charlie smiled and snorted. "you have got to be kidding me!" he said loudly. "why on earth would you want to marry a creep like him? he left you for christ sakes! honestly, honey, I don't see why you didn't just choose jacob over him. he'd be such a better husband", he said. Now it was my turn to get angry. "I thought we went over this already! I don't like jacob more than a freind. I love Edward. I can't live without him!" I shouted.

Charlie was about to say something else but I put up my hand to silence him. "save it for somebody that cares!" I shouted and stomped out of the kitchen and upstairs to my room. Angry, I pounded and pounded my pillow until my hands were tired then I crushed the pillow to my face and started to cry. At some point I fell into a dreamless sleep.

"Bella? Bella, wake up. your mother's on the phone for you", I heard someone say. My eyes fluttered open to discover that Charlie was staring at me, a phone in his hand. I glared at him before grabbing the phone. "hello?" I said. "mom?" I said again. "hey bella! I'm sorry I woke you. you're not mad at me, right?" my mother perked. She sounded so much like a kid that I just had to laugh. Charlie crossed his arm across his chest tightly, frowning. I ignored him. "no, mom, I'm not mad at you. actually, I'm glad you did", I said honestly. "okay, so, um, I hear you and edward are planning to get married. when is the due date? can I help you and Alice plan? I'd love to help", renee.

I was stunned. she's probably drunk and don't know what she's saying, I decided nervously. "uh, mom, have you been drinking? because I can't beleive you're allowing me to get married at my age", I said. Charlie looked surprised, for he stared at me with wide eyes. That's when I finally got what he thought would happen. He thought that since he couldn't talk me out of marrying Edward he thought that renee could do so.

I grinned at him. fat chance, I thought, happiliy. "sweethheart, I know what real love looks like and seems that you and Edward have that so I'm not going to stand in the way of things and I hope Charlie's being nice about it", renee said. I looked over at Charlie and saw that he was pouting with his bottom lip jutted out. I snickered.

"what's so funny?" renee asked, a smile creepimg into her voice. I continued to laugh."nothing", I lied, smiling. "well, sweetie, I have to go now okay? I'll be coming down there to help plan the wedding! love you!", renee sqealed. I laughed again. things were going well now. "bye", I said. The phone went dead and I heard the buzzing dial tone. I handed Charlie the phone and grinned at him.

"I guess you'll just have to deal with it", I said and angrily stomped out of the room. Charlie walked up behind me and grabbed my arm and swung me around. I had no choice but to look at him. "what do you want?" I asked him angrily. Charlie sighed deeply before saying"sweetheart, please don't blow this out of proportion. I love you, you know I do, but, honey, I don't want you to end up getting hurt". My angry didn't subside.

Charlie put his arm on my shoulder and I shook it off. "why can't you just except the fact that our love for each other is stronger than the love I hold for you or Jacob?" I said then regretted it. this wasn't true. this could never be true. not ever. I would do anything to keep from losing those too even give up my own life, as I would do for Edward.

I looked at Charlies watery eyes and saw that the answer was clear in his eyes that he was deeply hurt. I couldnt stand it. I hated myself for what I said. I felt so ashamed and embarrased that I ran into my room and slammed the door, like the coward I was. I buried my head in my pillow, completely ruining it in seemingly endless salt water. Eventually, I drifted off to sleep.

I was sure that Edward had come through the window but strangely I was so tired I didnt even open my eyes to greet him. and plus I didnt want him have to see that my eyes were puffy from all the crying I've done in the past few hours.

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