Natasha Hughes ©
In the end, I'll always Remember
I could hear the waves crashing against the small expanse of sand, could feel the light spray as it hit the grey, moss-covered rocks I was perched on. Above me, on the ledge I first met Sam, I could hear a group of people laughing and joking. I listened harder, closed my eyes tighter, trying to tell if I knew them. I quickly caught the deep, resonating sound I had always associated with my ex. The reassuring voice that seemed to calm everyone and had an air of command was telling someone about the house he was restoring. Even from where I sat I could hear the happiness in his voice as he spoke. It brought a smile to my face; the first in around a month. At least, that's how long I thought it had been.
I could barely remember the first days. Time passed in leaps and bounds, so before I knew it, I was running low on food and my money was all but gone. The first thing I can really place is arriving at the small hideout I had found with Sam when we were younger.
The small beach was hidden by a cliff, and the water was shallow and full of rocks. From what I could remember, the place I was sitting was where Sam had proposed, the walls surrounding me keeping it private and with the sunlight shining behind him it had become romantic and surreal. His large form had taken up the small gap between this rock and the water, blocking the spray from reaching me. We had laughed about our childhood in that cave, how easy it had been to simply have a place to get away, some where that no body could find us. I could tell from the slight warmth on my skin that the sun was low in the sky, shining through the entrance for a little longer before it would finally set and leave me blind in the dark of the cave. I shivered as I remembered my first night here. I thought they had found me. The sound of footsteps across the floor caused me to curl up into the side of the cave, just waiting to feel someone grab me, but no-one came. The footsteps faded and soon I could hear splashing as the owner entered the calm water. That night I had finally realised how alone I was. I don't know how long it had taken me but sleep had finally come.
The next morning I had woken to see a large dog sitting with its head next to mine. That dog was my only companion, my only friend in this cruel world. He stole food, newspapers and pretty much anything else he found and gave them to me. That was how I had found things out; the newspapers. I had been up to date about my case and although I was still being hunted they were also after someone else. I wished I was still able to read the newspapers, so I would still know what was happening.
Keeping my eyes shut I reached over and started stroking the dog. I knew his golden coat would be shining in the last light of the day, that his eyes would be shut as he sat by my side. I ran my fingers through his fur, tugging lightly. I wanted to name it but the only name I could think of was Sam. This animal reminded me so much of him it was worrying, though I sometimes thought I was simply because of how much I missed Sam. As my hand paused on top of the dogs' head I felt him lift it and then stand. I didn't do anything to stop him as he trotted way, leaving me alone in the darkening cave.
My nose quickly picked up the smells of food cooking and bonfire smoke. I had recently noticed that my other sense had started to develop especially now I had run out of my prescription. The dog still had better senses and seemed to have picked up on the delicious smells of bacon and sausages before me.
Shifting slightly on the rock, I tuned back into the conversation Sam was having with the person I now recognised as Jacob, Sam's best friend since childhood. They were still talking about the house. When I heard Sam mention how Leah was meant to be moving in with him once it was finished I felt it. I felt my heart break more with each word.
The love of my life and my best friend. I felt so betrayed by both of them. I knew Sam would move on but did it have to be with her?
I blocked out the rest of the conversation, not wanting to hear about their relationship. I wondered if he ever thought of me now, if he wondered what had happened to me. I thought of his goodbye.
XxX
After Sam had packed a sports bag with some clothes, blankets, food and money he pulled me out of my flat and towards his car. I was still too shocked to say anything. All I could think was that I had killed my two best friends. I felt Sam push me into the car and shove my bag in behind me. I vaguely remember watching the trees pass by as we drove towards the woods outside the town. We were both silent and Sam was clutching the steering wheel so tight I thought it was going to snap beneath his strong hands.
The next thing I knew, Sam was standing in front of me blocking my way home, his face a hard, emotionless mask. But it was his eyes; his normally liquid blue eyes now looked like ice. Cool, distant, blank. I reached for his hand, hoping to bring life back to his eyes. But he pulled his hand back and stepped out of my reach. That hurt.
"Sam, come with me?" He smirked.
"Why would I want to live with a murderer?" He laughed a cruel, harsh laugh, nothing close to the laugh I had come to love. I reeled back and he continued talking. "I want the engagement ring back. If we're not getting married you won't need it anymore." I bent my head to hide the tears from him.
"Please don't do this. We can make it work. I love you." My voice broke on the last word but I looked up and met his gaze, once again reaching for him. For a moment I thought he was reaching for me too but he simply grabbed my hands and put them to my sides, slipping the ring off my finger at the same time.
"I don't want to come with you." His eyes melted for a minute when I fell to my knees but quickly hardened again.
"You don't want me?" The words sounded strange to me.
"No." Sam stepped back some more, his six foot seven frame blocking the path back to the road and towering over my trembling body. At that moment I was scared of what Sam would do if I didn't leave soon. I shakily pushed off the ground and stood before him, grabbing my bag from his feet and turning my back on him. I looked into the dark woods and was about to leave until I noticed I was still wearing the charm bracelet he had bought me when I was a teenager. I unclasped it, turned back to where he was standing and threw it to the floor in front of him.
"I don't want to wear something that reminds me of you." I hissed at him. When I was hidden by the trees I stopped and listened. After a moment I heard Sam sigh then start muttering to himself about how he was such a fool and how he would miss me. Then I heard the gravel crunching and a door slam then an engine start. After a sort wait the noise faded and I was left alone to face the lonely woods.
XxX
I pictured his face, before that day. I wished that I could see that again, his eyes smiling as well as a cheeky grin. He could make me laugh no matter how bad I was feeling. I cold never forget how he looked when he spoke about something he was passionate about, the look he would have on his face about now. It pained me to imagine Leah causing it, Leah being the one he woke up to every morning. He had always said that I brought out the best in him, that he could never be as happy with anyone else as he was with me. But then Leah had always wanted him, always held a grudge because I had him and she didn't. But she couldn't have done anything could she? I know she was at the party. No, she wasn't. She was meant to be but never turned up. If she had there would be no way she would have got away while Lily and Ziri both died. My mind started drifting back to what I could remember of that night.
XxX
The smell of fresh cake hung in the air of my apartment, a constant reminder of the disastrous cooking session earlier in the day. Leah was here, arriving earlier so she could help me get ready for the party. Sam had been designated a time when he could see me, which would be in about an hour, and Leah was leaving us alone so she had to get me ready now. I was just finishing my make-up when Leah started to pester me.
"Do you want a drink?" I shook my head repeatedly but she continued to ask until I just gave in. Once she had walked out of my bedroom door and into the kitchen I put on the necklace I had got from my dad last year then walked to my door, just about to walk out when I saw Leah putting something in one of the glasses. I stumbled backwards into my room, holding onto my bed post for support.
'That must be for her.' I thought. 'Leah doing drugs. I never thought she would do that.' I stood up straight when I heard the footsteps reaching my room and drank as if I didn't know anything, praying that I was mistaken.
Later once Leah had left, I tried to phone Ziri to see if she knew anything about it, but my phone was dead. The front door opening changed my focus to the one hour I now had alone with Sam before he had to leave me, what I didn't know was that it would be the last time we spent together as a proper couple.
XxX
I could feel myself shaking as I shifted on my seat, terrified now that I had realised that maybe that drug was not for Leah but me. What if she had planned to get me out of the picture so she could have Sam? I never thought she would go that far. I knew about the grudge but I had thought she had been happy for me and Sam. The only other explanation I could find was that she didn't want me to remember something, but what?
My head was starting to hurt so I stopped thinking and simply started listening to the noises my surroundings made. This meant hearing a few words of what Sam was saying. But those few words had a lot of meaning to me, even if they had very little meaning for most other people. He was saying that a kitchen knife had been used. I knew I had used a knife to make some of the food with Leah, so was that what I had used to kill my friends, a kitchen knife?
I really had to stop thinking about it, the thoughts just made me feel worse. The dog was still not back and judging by the coolness of the air and the darkness when I opened my eyes the sun had set so that not even the normal blurry shapes were visible to me anymore. This made me decide that maybe in was time for me to crawl under the thin blanket and try to get at least some sleep, even though I knew the closeness of Sam would make it difficult to relax enough. I pushed off the rock and fell to me knees, feeling my way towards the cave wall and my makeshift bed. I knew that it wasn't that late but I needed to relax, and I had nothing else to do now it was so dark, and it might also distract me from the presence of my old friends laughing and joking on the ledge above me.
Usually the dog would be here, keeping me warm and providing me with a feeling of safety but I would survive a single night. In my bag was a large jumper that had belonged to Sam as well as a pair of tracksuit bottoms I had used for football training. I hastily pulled the jumper over my head to keep as warm as I could with only a thin blanket and the bitter wind that was just starting to blow. I buried my head in my large coat that now sufficed as a pillow to keep some of the blowing sand out of my face, feeling the zip dig into my cheek while the cold floor made my body shape awkwardly over the natural curves of the cave, even though this was the flattest part I could find, and I had slept here before.
I could feel my eyes start to grow heavy as I stared unseeingly into the darkness, reminiscing about my sleeping arrangements in university and most recently. My last coherent thought before I drifted off into what I thought was a far less complicated world, was of Sam with his arms wrapped around my slight frame.
XxX
The knock on the door drew my out of the pages of my book and back into the real world where shadow hunters did not exist. I grudgingly closed the book and placed it to the side, pulling myself out of my chair and to the flat door. As soon as the door was open, Ziri and Lily pushed through and hugged me tightly, clearly more excited then I was. I loved my best friends, but I missed Sam already and it had only been about an hour since I saw him. Lily was bouncing happily next to a smirking Ziri.
"I'm so happy that you are finally old enough to get married! Our small friend!" I grimaced at the nickname. I knew I wasn't the tallest of people but at school I had always been the very smallest in our year, and I was also the youngest. I knew that Ziri was just trying to wind me up, but Lily responded before I could even think of a comeback.
"Ziri, don't be horrible. If you do I'll just take you on a shopping trip!" Ziri looked terrified at the prospect of a shopping trip with Lily and she quickly apologised. I laughed lightly at her reaction before I was practically dragged to the sofa, where Lily pushed something into my hand. It was a small blue box with a ribbon tied round it and had a small tag attached. I read the tag and giggled at what it said, before taking the ribbon off and lifting the lid.
I gasped at what was inside. There was a set of keys and a picture of a new apartment, the one Sam had been trying to convince me to buy so I was closer to him. I felt tears start to slide down my cheeks and looked up, hugging my best friends tightly, and knowing that I would have to thank everyone else that put some money towards it later.
Ziri was just putting another film into the DVD player when my mobile phone started to ring. I picked it up from the table beside me but before I could answer it Ziri had taken it from me and scowled, before answering it.
"No Sam. You can't have her back." There was a pause in which I heard Sam speak, before Ziri simply snapped the phone shut and put it in between her and Lily so I could get to it. I simply sat there staring until Lily spoke.
"Don't look like that. Tonight is our night with you, he always has you. Do you know when Leah will be here?" I shook my head then thought of something.
"Why didn't you use the spare key to get in earlier?" Lily shrugged before Ziri replied.
"It wasn't there. I thought you had taken it down." I shook my head and returned my gaze to the film.
I was vaguely aware of the front door opening and shutting with a quiet click. There was a light coming from the left and whoever was moving about my apartment walked softly towards the kitchen. I looked to my left and saw both Ziri and Lily still lying asleep. The figure stepped into the kitchen doorway, reached in and grabbed something before facing the room. I watched through lidded eyes as the shadow surveyed the room. There was something familiar about the shape of the figure. I let my eyes drift down until they rested on the hand and had to stop myself from gasping. Whoever it was had a knife in their hand, and it seemed to be getting closer. I realised that the person was walking towards me, until I heard the footsteps stop beside me.
"Hmm. This might be easier then I thought. With these two dead, Emily will be out of the way and I can have Sam. He won't be able to love Emily after this." The fact that I knew who was holding the knife made me more terrified because Leah knew all my weaknesses.
The sound from behind me made me start and I prayed that she would not notice me dialling a number under my pillow.
XxX
I awoke with a start, now remembering what had happened on that night. The dog still wasn't back and the sun had not yet risen but I crawled over to the water and splashed my face. I thought over my dreams that had bought back my memories and having no one else to turn to, began to cry into my hands, letting all of the pain and hurt spill out.