Look at them all. Pathetic. Why the fuck did I transfer here again? In fact why did I even have to come to another school. They're all the same, they should have known that.
"Lewis please try and get through this year without any more problems"
"Why is it me who has the problem? It's them, all of them. They can't stand anything different."
"Just…just try and fit in please, we just want you to be happy."
"You know what would make me happy? If I could just fucking leave this town."
"Language!"
"Yep, that's what the words I'm saying are called."
"Watch it young man."
"I'm more man than you ever were."
"Get out now!"
"Fine. Don't bother picking me up. I'll walk."
"I don't care, get out and get to class."
I threw myself at the door and out onto the gravel. Slamming the door I hoisted my backpack closer to me and gripped the straps tight. Sometimes my parents really didn't get it. I wasn't built for school. Sure I was smart, just not in a school-learning way. I hated people, I hated being around them, I used them for sex and fun but that's about it. People are just notoriously useless. At least for me. I belonged outside of this place. Somewhere where people were scarce and I could be by myself.
Our black sedan sped off back towards my new home. Lima Ohio, that's where I'd been exiled to. I'd caused enough problems in Phoenix and Washington. Why we came here I'll never know. Probably for another "fresh start" as my Ma put it. I'd had too many of those to count.
Just as I thought, everyone here stared at me, like they'd never comprehended another person before. I didn't look out of place, I never did. It wasn't until I spoke, and said things about myself that problems would begin.
I passed a group of kids, all wearing letterman jackets, jocks probably, by a dumpster. They watched me like hawks, probably sizing me up, whether I was next in line for a trashing.
The rest of them? They all just watched, neither interested nor oblivious to my passing. Screw them. I thought. I stuffed my headphones in and blasted my music as loud as I could and made my way to the office. It didn't take me long to get there but on the way I passed a room, in it held several kids, all my age it seemed. They were sitting to the back of the room looking directly at this teacher. He was dressed in a sweater vest like one his grandmother had made him and he'd never quite learnt how to dress in anything else. His hair was ridiculously wavy compared to how short it was. I counted twelve kids. They seemed varied enough, three looked like they could have been cheerleaders. A couple of the guys had on the jocks jackets, one girl looked like she'd thrown herself into her grandmothers closet and wore whatever stuck to her. As I stopped and watched a couple of them noticed me, and drew the teachers attention to my presence.
"Can I help you?" He asked. He seemed friendly enough but I wasn't in the mood to reciprocate.
"No." I replied. And continued to the office. I arrived there to see it was a relatively small room with glass doors. I could see a rather tall woman, she looked about late forties, in a wildly inappropriate tracksuit and boyish blonde hair. She was yelling at the man who I assumed was the principal sitting at his desk holding his hands up in surrender. Weak.
They finished whatever they had started and the woman left, she stopped infront of me as she exited, looked me once up an down.
"Yeah? Need somethin'?" I asked. Sure I was being rude but hell, I hadn't planned to stay around all that long.
"You smell like rebellion…" was all she said.
"Uh…thank you?" she sniffed derisively and left. The principal now beckoning me in.
"You are?"
"Lewis Wright."
"Ah yes, the transfer student from Arizona?"
"Yeah."
"Very well, I have your timetable here, you have Spanish first up this morning. Then just follow the schedule. Welcome to Mckinley."
I snatched the timetable from his hands and left. Spanish. I don't even remember ever learning another language. Fantastic. A deafining bell sounded and I made my way towards the classroom. In it I found the same teacher I spotted in the room before. He noticed me again and came to talk to me.
"Uh, hi, are you a new student?"
"Yep. Lewis."
"Okay well, Class!" he said turning his attention to the rest of the room.
"Hold it." I said stopping him." I don't want to be introduced, just tell me where to sit."
"Uh sure, just over there next to Dave." He said pointing towards a set in the middle row. Next to where he pointed was a large, well not large but definitely larger than your average teenager. Short brown hair, another letterman jacket, so a Jock. He was broad and kind of average looking, and he didn't seem all that…happy being there. I tossed my books down on the table. He turned to me and gave me that obligatory once over that every new student gets.
"Where are you from?" he asked. I thought that was counter to his demeanour, why should he care. So I said so.
"And what makes you ask"
"We don' get a lot of new kids." He replied. "Jus' tryina' be nice."
"as if Karofsky." Barked out a kid behind us. "You're never nice unless you get something out of it."
"Beat it Puckerman." I turned to face this kid. He looked about twenty years old. Give or take a few years,
"thanks but I can handle myself."
"Suit yourself new kid."
"I'm from Arizona" I said, turning to face Karofsky.
"So then why are you here?"
"Left my last school." I said, better to seem somewhat normal why go into specifics if I wasn't going to be here long enough for it to matter.
"That it?"
"That's all you need to know." I learned that the teacher was called MrSchuester. He was nice, too nice. Always going slow, I tried to listen but his pace was just too far behind mine. I put in my headphones and drowned him out, copying out the work on the board and just hoping he didn't single me out.
An hour into calss I felt a tap on my shoulder. I pulled out the headphones and turned to that kid behind us, Puckerman.
"Hey, you know you're singing pretty loudly right?" he gestured to around us and I saw that a lot of kids were looking at us, even Mr Schuester had stopped talking and was watching me.
I hadn't even been paying that much attention. Until now that is. "Well now I do."
"Lewis can I speak to you after class please?" Mr Schuester asked. I nodded once and looked down at my book, not really doing anything but staring at it. Karofsky smirked next to me.
"Nice one new kid."
"Shut it."
"Hey watch your tone. I can look out for you As long as your on my side."
"I don't do sides, or teams, or friends Karofsky. Now shut it."
He shook his head in disbelief. "You'll learn."
"What, is that a threat?"
"An inevitability"
-
"Were you paying attention at all Lewis?" Mr Schuester had pretty much cornered me after the class he seated himself on my desk, looking down at me with pity. "I know it's tough being the new kid in school. Doesn't mean you can just slack off."
"Mr Schue, do you mind if I call you that?" I started. He shrugged and let me continue. "I have no problems being the new kid. I could care less what these idiots think of me. I've changed schools so many times that I'm just waiting it out till I'm gone from here. "
"Maybe you could try and you wouldn't have to leave?"
"Maybe, but why break my stellar record sir?
"Because you're lonely?"
"Ugh, this again. Why does everyone think I'm lonely, I like solitude, loneliness means I'm unhappy, that I want company. All I want is to be left in solitude, I'm a recluse. I like being by myself."
He just observed me, like I was a particularly difficult phrase that he couldn't work out. "Is that all?" I asked, making to stand and gathering my things.
"No, I wanted to ask you to come to the choir room after school.
"Which ones that?"
"You stopped by it today. I run a glee club. Do you know what that is."
"I'm aware of them, yeah."
"I think you should join."
"Why on earth would that be a good idea?"
"Because you can sing."
"Yeah when I think no one else is listening. I can, but infront of a crowd? In front of anyone that isn't myself?"
"Maybe it'll help you realize that you don't have to be so alone all the time. We're pretty good, we won Nationals in New York last year."
"Yay for you guys."
"Look just come by and give it a shot."
"Maybe. Don't hold your breath."
-
I entered the choir room, after much deliberation and berating myself for considering it and then actually doing it. They were all there. Even Karofsky which I found incredibly strange. Him, Puckerman and Mr Schue looked stupefied that I'd actually shown up and I considering doing a one—eighty and getting the hell outta there.
"Lewis I'm glad you came. Guys, this is Lewis, a new student from Arizona."
"Welcome Lewis, I for one am glad to have a new addition, we need some more people to stand at the back." Came the ridiculously chipper voice of the grandma-girl hybrid. "I'm Rachel, Co-Captain of the Glee Club."
Right, this was NOT where I wanted to be, I needed a cigarette, maybe some coffee, not this bullcrap. "I heard Lewis singing in class today, he's pretty good guys We need more members, we need to expand. So I invited him to give it a go infront of you guys." He looked at me pointedly. "Wanna give it a shot?"
"You're going to make me aren't you?"
"If he doesn't want to be here then why is here?"
"If you try it, I won't hassle you in class."
"That's blackmail Schue."
"I call it creative bargaining."
I sighed loudly and turned to the band in the room. "Look if we're going to do this then can you give me a guitar please." I hadn't really played much but I did enjoy it and made a point to learn my favourite songs.
"Alright, since you all look like pop, r'n'b, and classic rockers. I'll drop some knowledge on you. That's not all there is to good music, there's a world of other genre's out there."
"That's a tad presumptuous don't you think?" The only asian girl in the room stated. "We do all kinds of music."
"okay, answer me this, do you know City and Colour? The Doves? Marina and the Diamonds? Anyone like that?"
A resounding silence followed by awkward admissions of no. I smirked, at least I could open them up to something new. I turned back to the band. "You guys know Sleeping Sickness?" Only the guitarist and drummer nodded. "Alright, that'll do."
I started strumming, picturing the song in my head, blocking out the faces of the people sitting infront of me and started to sing.
I awoke, only to find my lungs empty And I'm afraid to sleep because of what haunts me Someone come, Someone come and save my life (Gordon Downey Singing This Verse) Someone come, Someone come and save my life
Through the night, so it seems I'm not breathing
And now my dreams are nothing like they were meant to be
And I'm Breaking Down
I think I'm breaking down
Such as living with the uncertainties
That I'll never find the words to say
Which would completely explain
Just how I'm breaking down
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice
I've become, the simple souvenir of someone's KILL
Like the sea, I'm constantly changing from calm to ill
Madness fills my heart and soul
As if the great divide could swallow me whole
Oh, how I'm breaking down
Maybe I'll sleep when I am dead
But now its like the night is taking up sides
With all the worries that occupy the back of my mind
Could it be? This misery will suffice
"Good, are we done?"
"Well, I was hoping you'd want to join…"
"Maybe." I replied. Unsure if I wanted to commit myself to this group. "Later" I called as I snatched my bag from the ground.
Why break the pattern right?