So like 5 months ago, I uploaded a fic for AO3. Guess what's finally going on to FFN! HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY, EVERYBODY.
Special thanks to magicasen for suffering through grammar checking this and also providing the idea for the last parts. Obligatory thanks to Angel, Miles and David as well. Especially Angel. Why aren't you in Love Live hell yet .-.
Days
It's December of their 1st year and Nozomi and Eli have slowly become closer, even if there's still a couple of walls between the two of them. They've even started walking home together, an accomplishment that Nozomi is proud of.
"Arisa's been wanting to see you again. She's always so impressed by a real shrine maiden." Eli's voice is always so affectionate when talking about Arisa, fitting of the doting sister that she is.
"Awww, you should bring her again! I'll even let you two borrow some outfits." Nozomi imagines the two siblings, blonde hair, blue eyes, in traditional Japanese shrine maiden outfits and wants to snicker a bit at the contrast.
"Maybe when I visit next time. She's been busy with her friends recently." Nozomi feels the slightest twinge of jealousy, fitting given her green eyes.
"Eli, are you," Nozomi doesn't want to spend another Sunday alone at her apartment but Eli's probably busy. "Nevermind." But it was too late, Eli had already stopped.
"What's wrong?" Worry really doesn't suit Eli's face. Nozomi wants it to disappear as soon as possible.
"I'm fine, Eli." Nozomi is, really. Nozomi is perfectly fine and happy, nothing's wrong.
"Nozomi… There's no need to lie to me you know, I'm your friend. You can depend on me too." Eli's eyes are a comforting blue that promise to never to lie. Nozomi wants to trust them so bad.
"I'm just worried about exams." Nozomi is lying and she knows that Eli knows.
"It's Saturday, right? Let's go to your house, we can study together." Eli knows the answer to the problem even if she doesn't know the problem. Nozomi can already feel the crush coming.
Months
It's a completely normal day, a completely normal day, Nozomi whispers to herself. But as Eli works studiously, Nozomi's hand stops. Thoughts are running through Nozomi's head, mostly concerning the current state of her life. Eli's hand has stopped too now.
"What's wrong?"
"We'll still be friends in the future right?" Nozomi sees empty desks and homes. The past and potentially the future.
"Of course."
"We won't." Eli never lies but she can't see the future.
"Huh?" No one can see the future.
"We won't." If there's a beginning, there is an ending.
"Nozomi what are you-"
"We won't we won't, none of these things ever last!" It's becoming harder to breathe and - Nozomi's losing track of everything.
"Nozomi, I-"
"Please stop stop stop stop please just stop talking." Nozomi's voice comes out a bit louder than it should. She's already on the ground, cowering, she's so afraid. Eli's stopped talking and Nozomi regrets asking. "Eli? Please say something…"
"I'm here. Tell me what you need now."
"Don't go."
"I'm right here. Can you count to ten?" Nozomi counts slowly, she's scared of disappointing Eli but Eli holds her hand in reassurance. "I am proud of you. Good job." It continues like this, simple questions simple answers and, very slowly, Nozomi regains her composure. "Are you feeling better?"
"Yes." Eli still looks worried but she seems happy with the answer.
"Do you want to eat anything?"
"No it's fine.. can you just…" Nozomi stops herself again. She hears all the potential reasons why Eli can't. Eli doesn't have clothes here, Eli has plans tomorrow.
"I'll ask my parents if I can stay tonight. There's no school tomorrow." Eli seems to have mastered reading Nozomi's insecurities. It's frightening and comforting at the same time.
Years
"But at times, she keeps pushing me away before I even try anything." Nozomi's hand stops at the door. The voices are definitely Eli and Nico's. They are definitely discussing Nozomi. Nozomi is definitely not eavesdropping.
"Nozomi's a troublesome person like that."
"Indeed. But that doesn't change what she's done for me." Eli's voice softens and Nozomi's heart quickens. Her crush is really stupid and she should stop getting her hopes up.
"You like her, don't you? You're both so obvious." Nozomi really shouldn't be hearing this. She's waiting for her hopes to be crushed, for Eli to deny it.
"Yeah, I really love her." Nozomi is going to die.
"Oh, Nozomi, why haven't you entered the club room yet?" Maki greets her and Nozomi jumps. Maki notices but seems to have decided to not make a comment.
"Sorry, sorry, I was just distracted for a moment." Nozomi opens the door to see Nico with suspicious eyes and Eli's worried face.
"Nozomi…" A softened voice but this time full of worry. It makes Nozomi unhappy.
"Elicchi! Did you remember to buy Arisa a gift?" It really doesn't suit Eli to be that worried. It seems everyone else also lets it slide as Rin and Hanayo come crashing into Maki who still squeaks a bit at physical contact.
"Nozomi, about today…" They've reached the intersection where they usually part. Nozomi knows that they'll eventually have to discuss it, but she can't help but try to divert the topic even a bit.
"Oh, did you actually forget to buy Arisa a gift? Geez Elicchi, way to be a bad sister." Nozomi tries to laugh, turning, around so that her back is to Eli. Nozomi doesn't want to see either of their faces.
"Nozomi, how do you feel about being in love with someone?" The question throws Nozomi off. She had expected other things such as whether or not Nozomi heard Eli and Nico's conversation, if Nozomi liked someone. Not something like this.
"I think… that being in love is a scary thing." Nozomi remembers empty classrooms and three person birthday parties. "I don't know if I could trust anybody enough. Until death do us part is an illusion."
"Then what if... what if it was me?"
"What are you-" Nozomi turns around, and see blue eyes, always so earnest. They're piercing and make Nozomi feel weak.
"Nozomi, would you be scared if it were me. If I say until death do us part, will you believe me, that it'll be reality?" Nozomi wants to look away. She wants to so badly. "Nozomi, I love you." Those are the words that she'd been expecting. Ones she had yearned for sometimes at night but also ones that she had feared.
"I'm sorry Eli… I…" It's too much for her right now.
"It's fine if you don't return my feelings. I wanted you to know, before graduation." Eli waves and leaves. Nozomi doesn't know what to do anymore.
The next couple of days become incredibly awkward. Nozomi makes very unsubtle attempts to stay at least 3 feet away from Eli at all times. The rest of u's must have noticed too, because Nico and Maki have Nozomi cornered in the club room after practice on Saturday.
"Did Eli confess to you?" Nico's eyes are sharp - she means business.
"What do you mean?" says Nozomi, trying to avoid Nico's eyes only to meet Maki's instead.
"Don't lie to us, Nozomi, we already heard from Eli." Maki's eyes are filled with worry instead.
"That's…" With two against one, it's not fair.
"Looks like we have no choice." Nico grabs one arm and Maki grabs the other.
"Come on, Nozomi, we're treating you to parfaits." Nozomi's trapped and she's got no choice but to comply.
"So, continuing this conversation, you can't avoid Eli forever." Nozomi's not sure if she wants to laugh. There's a jumbo chocolate parfait in front of her and Maki and Nico are discussing the current disaster of her love life. Couldn't they have at least chosen a flavor other than chocolate?
"It's obvious that you like her, why don't you just say so already?" Nico's serious tone has returned to the slightly more sarcastic one that Nozomi's used to. It's a shame Nozomi's become a bit serious now.
"You know why…"
"Nozomi, what do you like about Eli?" Nico tries to press again.
"Well first off, she's really pleasing to the eye." Nozomi's failed the last couple of times she's played it off but it never hurts to try again.
"Nozomi, we're being serious here." The disappointment on Nico and Maki's face hurts Nozomi a bit so she finally gives up for real.
"Elicchi is always so honest and reliable. She rarely lies and faces her problems head on. Even though she's accomplished in many things, she still underestimates herself, you know? When she looks insecure I want to tell her that me and the rest of u's are here to support her. She's starting to see right through me now, though but she never presses too hard. She's considerate, and even if she's a bit awkward at times, she's always trying her best to help me." Nozomi looks up to a phone. Her heart freezes.
"We recorded all of that." Nico looks so pleased with herself.
"What!?" Nozomi almost jumps up the reach for the phone but Nico's just a bit too fast. "Wait, is Eli going to hear this, no, please don't do that."
"She's only going to hear this if you want her to." Maki reassures Nozomi "But why wouldn't you? You guys both love each other."
"That's…" Nozomi averts her eyes.
"What are you so scared of?" Nico's eyes are serious again so instead Nozomi concentrates on her hair.
"Looks like we have no choice, Nico." The tone of Maki's voice makes Nozomi tense but she knows that Maki won't go back on what she's said.
"Yeah." Nico is tapping things on her phone again but this time Nozomi doesn't try to grab it. "Here, Nozomi, listen to this." Nico hands her the cellphone and Nozomi puts it to her ear. She gasps a bit when she hears Eli speaking.
"Even when I push myself too hard, Nozomi always holds me back. If it hadn't been for her, I would've never joined u's. She always sees right through me, no matter what I try. It's the same for me now, but she keeps on trying to hide things from me anyways. There's been these glass barriers around her that, no matter how many times I break them down, she still tries to keep. I love her, you know? I want her to know it's okay for her to tell me things, that it's okay to rely on me more often." Hearing Eli's words, hearing her say things like that really gives Nozomi hope. She's grateful for the rest of u's and she's grateful that Nico and Maki went through the trouble to do this for her.
"We asked Eli to record this yesterday. She'll be coming here in about 30 minutes. Don't worry, I already paid for your parfaits." Nico and Maki get up, leaving Nozomi a bit dumbfounded with an uneaten chocolate parfait.
"You can run if you want to. But I think you've realized that you're only avoiding the inevitable." Nico leaves with that remark, but Maki lingers just a bit longer outside. Nozomi watches her hair move back a forth a bit before finally deciding to finish her parfait. She's about to collapse when Eli walks in, still in school uniform.
"Maki, Nico? Where are you two? You asked me to come here but-"Eli looks confused but stops when she sees Nozomi. "Oh good afternoon, Nozomi."
"Good Afternoon Elicchi." Nozomi tries her best to be calm. "Maki and Nico have already left."
"Oh." It's time for Nozomi to face the music.
"Do you want to come over today?"
"Yes. I think we need to talk."
Talking with Eli has never been so awkward. Sure, it had come close like when Nozomi had to explain her situation for the first time but that was expected. Back then they were at least in the dining room, but now they're both sitting in Nozomi's room, on her bed facing each other. There's the dreaded silence before Nozomi decides she needs to speak.
"Nozomi -"
"Elicchi." Both of them open their mouths at the same time but Nozomi gestures to let Eli start.
"I'm sorry that I put you on the spot like that. I really should've thought it through." Eli's always so considerate. It makes Nozomi's heart want to beat a bit quicker.
"It's… okay." Nozomi's throat tightens, but Eli's patient and understands like she always does. "I'm happy that it was you."
"Huh?" Eli looks genuinely surprised, and a bit less in control, like their usual dynamic. Too bad Nozomi's still nervous and not at all in control.
"To be honest, I've always been afraid of commitment." A pause for Nozomi to calm herself a bit. "You know that, don't you, Elicchi? Scared that everything at Otonokizaka would eventually come to an end, just like before." So many years being a perpetual transfer student has left an unfortunate side effect. "Our friendship was a miracle. u's was a miracle. I didn't think that life could give me another miracle. Someone like me, who…" Eli doesn't wait for Nozomi to finish this time.
"But Nozomi, those were all because of you. You created those. Those aren't miracles! You were the original miracle." Eli isn't looking at Nozomi's eyes. Instead, she takes Nozomi's hand and squeezes it, attempting to reassure Nozomi. "When I was talking to Nico, I realized how happy I've become because of you. How I always wanted you to be by my side and supporting me." A pause, but Nozomi knows to wait."That's why, I thought I had to confess. To let you know how I felt." There's something captivating about Eli's eyes, a trusting reassuring blue that Nozomi simultaneously want to look at and look away. "So, once again, Nozomi, I love you. If you don't believe in until death do us part, then at least believe in me, who does believe in it."
"You were pretty cool just now."
"Huh?" Eli's blushing and she's back to socially awkward Eli. "Nozomi! Please at least answer me seriously."
"How could I say no? I may be scared to fall in love but I think I'm even more scared of losing you. I will trust you, just like I always have. If you say until death do us part, then you better keep your promise." Nozomi grins at Eli and Eli smiles.
"Of course." The tension leaves the room as they move closer together to kiss. It is December of their third year and Nozomi's a bit scared of what will come but she trusts Eli enough to fall in love and let the walls fall down.
(Outdated) Notes:
This piece came together much faster than the last one did but I wanted to publish this for Valentine's Day. With this, I'm done with my minimum Femslash February pieces. I'll be working on other pieces but those probably won't be done for a while. Ficlets posted to tumblr don't count of course. I originally wanted to title this off a line from Jashn-E-Bahara however I could not find a reliable way to know if I had the correct Hindi lyrics. The line would've said, "There's a glass wall between the two of us." Thanks to Garden of Glass, I can't take the word glass seriously without thinking of lesbians now. Thanks Love Live.