So, I've written a couple of Shules one-shots and I've got some ideas for more, but I figure that it'd be easier to put them all in one convenient place for all my fellow Shules lovers.
Dedication: To every Psych addict who is in Shules recession.
Disclaimer: Someday I'll steal the contract to Psych from Steve Franks, but I haven't gotten around to it. :D
If you read, please review.
Road Trip
If there was one thing Juliet O'Hara hated, it was the Los Angeles Police Department. A few days ago, a body had turned up in an LA dumpster. When the man was identified to be a Santa Barbara citizen, Vick had called up Chief Watson from the LAPD and immediately, the stubborn LA chief had started a jurisdictional battle. Watson arranged a meeting in Los Angeles and Vick had taken Lassiter and Juliet with her.
It had been a six hour drive in Lassiter's stuffy police car and the Chief took the passenger seat, forcing Juliet to sit in the back alone. She knew it was petty, but she despised it when people stole her seat. Lassiter obviously felt a little bad about the whole situation, because he allowed Juliet to select a radio station.
The meeting was taking forever, too. Vick didn't mind handing over jurisdiction, but Watson had to make sure every tiny little detail was in order before he could begin the investigation and send the Santa Barbarians home. But, worst of all, the meeting had adjourned for a twenty minute break and Lassiter and Vick had sent Juliet on a coffee run. A coffee run.
So, here she was, crossing the street to get to the small plaza. Of course the LAPD would get a department that was actually around something more exciting than a few office buildings and a crummy sidewalk. She walked at her brisk, official pace through the plaza under the hot sun. As she passed by a bench, someone whistled at her quite obnoxiously.
She looked over at the bench; two men were reading the paper, probably just trying to hide their faces as they messed with the women around here. Pretending not to notice, she kept walking. As if my day couldn't get any better, now I've got some ass flirting with me, she though bitterly.
About 10 Minutes Later
Lassiter was the only person Juliet knew that could drink hot, black coffee on a hot, boring day like today. Balancing the Styrofoam tray carefully, she crossed over the plaza again.
And again, a shrill, seductive whistle cut through the air.
"Look, buddy I don't know who you think you are but today is not the day to mess with me," Juliet raved, pulling down the paper to reveal the face of the offender.
"Well, gee, sorry Jules, I thought you'd be happy to see us here," Shawn grinned his signature goofy grin as he folded his paper and rose from the bench.
Gus sighed as he stood, "I warned him not to do that."
But, all the same, Juliet was happy to see him and she planted a quick kiss on his lips.
"You two are turning into one of those couples that have to touch every time they see each other," Gus scoffed.
"I don't mind," Shawn voiced his opinion. "So, what are you guys doing here anyway?" Juliet asked.
"Well, when we found out there was a body from home here, we just had to come," Gus explained.
"And when you add in the fact that this is LA and I knew you would be here, it was set in stone!" Shawn exclaimed happily. "So, who's ready to grab some lunch and hit the beach before we check out this crime scene?"
"Here's the thing. We're in a jurisdictional meeting and we gave jurisdiction to the LAPD, but their chief is freaking insane and won't let the meeting end," Juliet sighed.
"Well, that's a bummer," Shawn said. "We'll just chill here for a while and when everyone's ready to go we can hit the road together."
"Sounds like plan," Gus agreed.
"All right. See you later," Juliet started back towards the department building.
"Look, Gus, she even brought us coffee," Shawn observed the tray that Juliet had left on the bench. Selecting a paper cup, he sipped the coffee cautiously. "Eww! Black! And it's hot, too!"
Not even seconds later, Juliet returned, grabbed the tray from the bench, plucked the cup from Shawn's hand, and received a quick goodbye kiss from Shawn.
"I rest my case," Gus said pointedly.
HHHHHHH
The sun was about to set when Lassiter, Juliet, and the Chief left the department. Juliet checked the time on her phone. 6:54. Crap. Now it would be almost one in the morning when they returned to Santa Barbara.
"How was the meeting?" Shawn's voice flowed from the parking lot.
Lassiter nearly fainted, "Spencer! What are you doing here?"
"We figured we may as well check the crime scene out, but then we found out we didn't have jurisdiction anymore," Gus explained.
"So we decided to hang here, then we could all go home together," Shawn finished.
"Whatever," the Chief sighed. "Let's just go home."
Shawn and Gus hurriedly got into the car. The Blueberry's engine sputtered, then died.
"Lassie, jump the car," Shawn ordered.
After a few failed attempts, Gus called a tow truck. The man arrived shortly after.
"Where can I take this thing?" the tow man asked.
"Santa Barbara," Gus replied.
"Suit yourself, but you better have enough money to pay for this," the man told him.
"Well, looks like we're riding with you, Lassie," Shawn said excitedly.
HHHHHH
Lassiter had honestly never heard of a more annoying person than Shawn Spencer. He was sitting in the back seat, right in the middle with Gus on his left and Juliet on his right, trying to explain Rebecca Black's "Friday" to Juliet.
"Unfortunately, me and Gus don't know the whole song so we can't sing it to you," Shawn informed her sadly.
"Oh dear. I may just die from that horrible news," Juliet teased. She had heard enough about this song to know that it was a pure annoyance, just like her boyfriend.
"Sarcasm is not a good color on you, Jules," Shawn said. Then his eyes light up, "Wait! My iPhone has Wi-Fi and Wi-Fi means YouTube!"
Soon, the shrill, annoying voice of Rebecca Black was blaring throughout the car. After a few verses, Juliet was singing along with Shawn and Gus.
" PARTYING PARTYING! YEAH! FUN FUN FUN FUN!" the trio sang.
"ENOUGH!" Lassiter yelled, pulling the car off to the side of the highway and stopping. He turned around and continued, "That is literally the worst song ever written. Now, why don't we turn on the radio?"
He slammed a fist onto the power button and the radio started playing a soft, barely audible country song.
It took Shawn mere seconds to find the backseat radio dial and change it to an 80s, 90s, and Now station, where "Take Me Home Tonight" by Eddie Money was playing.
"Now, here's a song!" Gus praised.
Shawn had not yet lost his singing mojo and was soon belting out the words, edging himself closer and closer to Juliet, "Take me home tonight! I don't wanna let you go 'til you see the light!"
Meanwhile, Gus was sensing that for the next few hours this would be all he was hearing. The Chief sighed, shrugged down farther in her seat, and tried her best to block out the singing. Lassiter clenched the steering wheel so hard his knuckles turned white and tried to ignore how red his partner's face was getting.
HHHHHH
Nearly three hours of various songs went by, including "Hungry Like the Wolf", "Friday I'm In Love", "Love Like Woe", "Your Love Is My Drug", "I'm Yours", and (Juliet's personal favorite, especially since Shawn had put all his effort into it) "Check Yes Juliet".
Now it was about ten' o'clock and after three hours of highway, the entire car was on the verge of falling asleep, if it wasn't for Shawn's constant chatter and Gus's constant interjections.
"…but, the thing is, they easily could've survived! They didn't have to die! If I wrote that play, they'd still be alive and well," Shawn declared.
"No way, Shawn! You can't rewrite Shakespeare! Romeo and Juliet was like his best play!"
At the sound of her name, Juliet stopped for a moment, checked to make sure no one was speaking directly to her, and then proceeded in trying to find a comfortable way to sleep.
"Here's my version: they run away. The end! No one dies, everyone's happy."
"You've never even read that play," Gus accused.
"I watched the movie last weekend while you were at that pharmacy thing and my romantic movie buddy was busy doing files or something," Shawn explained with a subtle jab at Juliet.
"I have an idea," Vick suggested unenthusiastically. "Let's play the quiet game."
"Aw, why?" the two men in the backseat automatically protested.
"Because O'Hara and I would like to get the same hours of sleep a normal person gets," the Chief said, with the same edge to her voice she got during the nanny case.
Recognizing the tired, overworked voice, Shawn and Gus immediately silenced. But that didn't stop Shawn from whispering the lyrics to "Friday" again.
HHHHHH
With only about an hour left to go, Lassiter was the only one still awake in the car. As the lights of passing cars and street lights flashed around him, the faces of his companions illuminated.
Chief Vick was curled up against her door with her legs pulled up onto the seat. Her mouth was half-open and Lassiter was forced to smile at her sight.
Gus had his feet up on the back of Lassiter's seat and his head resting on the window. His hands were folded neatly across his stomach and he had a pure look of peacefulness on his face.
Glancing at his partner and the pseudo-psychic, Lassiter almost gagged. Juliet was resting her head on Shawn's shoulder. And if that wasn't enough, Shawn was asleep with his head resting on Juliet's. And if that wasn't enough for poor Lassiter, their hands were interlocked, a look of happiness and calamity on both their faces.
Lassiter sighed and shook his head. He would never understand love.