Stephenie owns everything……
This takes place somewhere between the end of new moon and the beginning of Breaking dawn, I leave that to your imagination, and it's about Bella dealing with her self doubt, and realizing she is more than enough for Edward.
Is my first twilight fanfic, and in fact the first one in a long time….
I hope you enjoy it, and please review, some constructive criticism is always good!
Fragments from new moon, chapter 22 "the truth"
And is somewhat a songfic, because I got the inspiration from a song (the title)…not really though; you'll see
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She opened the door and scanned quickly her room, even when she knew he wasn't going to be there, her heart expected him to be; all the Cullen were away hunting on a 3 day weekend, the next Friday was supposed to be too sunny for them, so they went on one of their known family excursions.
She had her human moment, while her decrepit computer came to life, Renee was surely expecting an answer to hundreds of mails, it was just that she was too busy with Edward, since the fateful Volterra excursion, they spent all their time together.
She remembered almost perfectly that night, when he came back, and her life started all over again.
"Oh!"
"Bella?"
"Oh. Okay. I see."
"Your epiphany?" he asked, his voice uneven and strained.
"You love me," she marveled.
Though his eyes were still anxious, the crooked smile she loved best flashed across his face. "Truly, I do."
After taking a shower and brushing her teeth, she opened her email and while waiting for it to load, her mind wondered to her boyfriend and the afternoon spent in their meadow, his eyes, his crooked smile, and his skin sparkling in the sun. And off course their conversation, her never ending self doubt and his annoyance while explaining she was wonderful. "When will you see yourself clearly?" he had asked her.
And even after her epiphany, knowing that HE loves her, still a part of her refuses to feel worthy of such love.
It was hard to understand that he had flaws too, even when she condoned them daily, she couldn´t see he did the same with her, she was clumsy, and he found it endearing; he lusted after her blood (and more; and that was even more difficult for her to understand) and she admired his self control. It was a difficult complicated relationship, but she failed to see that they both struggled and fought for it, so BOTH deserved their happiness.
"It never made sense for you to love me," she explained, her voice breaking twice. "I always knew that."
His eyes narrowed, his jaw tightened.
His facial features were perfect, angular enough to be manly, but soft enough to be beautiful, with high cheekbones and strong jaw line, his messy attractive hair and those temping full lips; But his perfect appearance changed if he spent long without feeding: his amazing golden eyes darken, and purple bruises appear beneath his eyes. And he was still perfectly attractive to her.
And off course his sometimes outdated speech from the early 20th century, that was funny….and very romantic.
Then there was this whole "I'm a monster" thing, why couldn't Edward see himself like she did?? But then why didn't she see herself like he did??
The other part of her understood that they were meant to be, after all her instincts were all wrong, she wasn't afraid of them, instead she enjoyed all of the Cullen company, and they thought she was brave. She was willing to risk her life for him without a thought, and her love changed him he was not the odd man anymore, and was carefree, and then, her weird brain, she was the one human whose thoughts were hidden, being the sole exception to the rule.
This part of her knew that even when the gap between them was huge, they were linked, and shared a soul (because she knew he had one) a part of him resided in her and vice versa. This rationality was what didn't allowed her to receive any gifts from him, the gap was big enough already.
Bella read her mother stories and laughed for a while at her occurrences, and then she turned her radio on ad started on her calculus homework.
She started humming some of the songs and some lyrics stayed in her brain, danced and mingled with others opening her eyes.
Love of mine some day you will die,
But I'll be close behind.
I'll follow you into the dark.
She was important enough for him to want to end his life, that was something, it was important, she was important.
Not even after traveling the world, knowing how to speak in dozens of languages, having a loving family, the perfect looks, having tons of money, playing the piano like a virtuoso, possessing superhuman beauty, strength, speed, endurance, and agility, he saw the world, and his existence like something worth while, no, not without her.
I'm a peasant by some standards
But in your eyes I'm a queen
You see potential in all my flaws
And that's exactly what I need
You catch me when I fall
Accept me flaws and all
He could be with any human, more intelligent, beautiful and interesting, he could even spend his eternity with some incredibly inhumanly beauty, a vampire, strong like him, someone equal, and he wouldn´t have to be hurting, in pain denying his nature.
Instead he spent all of his time; his nights with her watching her sleep, that had to mean something.
All his effort at holding, hugging, kissing, just standing close to her had to give him something in return, otherwise he would have grown bored of it a long time ago.
And he had defects too; after all he could kill her in a blink of an eye "I'm the world's most dangerous predator. Everything about me invites you in. My voice, my face, even my smell. As if I would need any of that. As if you could outrun me. As if you could fight me off. I'm designed to kill" he had said once, but she ignored it too, like so many things…
He said he was better because of her, and his family said it too…. They wouldn't all lie
Can you still see the heart of me?
All my agony fades away
When you hold me in your embrace-…
Make my heart a better place
His family…. Her family….
Alice loved her, Emmet did too, Jasper liked her and accepted her around even when it was difficult for him, Esme already thought of her like a daughter, so did Carslile and Rosalie, well she ignored her, and her reasons were really valid. She had a family in them.
Not only Edward loved her, so there was something valuable in her, six other vampires accepted her…
Her thoughts drifted in another direction, and she shuddered at the thought but if she was honest with herself a lot of boys invited her to the dance, and Tyler even had the nerve to stop by her house the prom night, and Jacob, he was in love with her, that she knew, so she couldn't be hideous after all, off course not beautiful like Alice, not even dream about comparing herself with Rose, that was a blow to the ego; but surely more than plain, pretty perhaps.
There was just something that had to be admitted when she was comparing herself daily with perfect looking, coordinated mythical beings, her defects stood up just a little bit. And her self esteem was never big, she was just a regular girl, invisible in her previous hometown, the whole change in her social status was staggering, enough to throw her out of balance, this added to spending her time with her Greek god of a boyfriend, and her best friend a beautiful, coordinated wolf.
But she failed to see that beyond being a klutz, she was an understanding, caring, and intelligent person, she happened to be shy, and had a very dry sense of humor, she was serious beyond her age and also stubborn, two characteristics that matched perfectly with her vampiric family.
She was also a terrible liar that occasionally demonstrated a good acting ability. But that was just a part of her behavior; it didn't define her as a being. It was just that her lack of self-knowledge made everything harder, nobody is perfect, her idealization was stupid, Alice was a shop-holic, Rose has vane…. She was allowed to have defects.
Another song played in the background, someone wrote it for a special person, and Edward wrote a lullaby for her, that was something, you just don't write a song for anybody, even if you have unlimited time…
They explained her once that change in a vampire's existence was rare but when it happened was total, there was no turning back, and if destiny crossed her path with his, who was she to deny it? Certainly something in her was made for him.
And now she was more alive than ever, he wanted her to enjoy her humanity, her life, but her life was him, he was her fuel, what kept her going.
"Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars—points of light and reason… And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything."
I wanted to believe him. But this was my life without him that he was describing, not the other way around.
"That's funny," I muttered.
He arched one perfect eyebrow. "Funny?"
"I meant strange—I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." I filled my lungs, luxuriating in the sensation. "And my heart. That was definitely lost."
And she has his, his reason for existing.
And then everything clicked when yet another song started playing
Under your spell again
I can't say no to you
Against her better judgment she accepted him back without much fight, just seeing him in her room again, after so long, was enough to understand they belonged together, her heart was whole again, the hole in her chest covered, like if it was never there to begin with. Besides who said love was always happy, laughs, smiles and hugs?, love is about dealing with everything life throws at you, it's about standing beside the other, helping through difficult times, surviving crisis and learning from the mistakes.
Shouldn't let you torture me so sweetly
Now I can't let go of this dream
I can't breathe but I feel
They were meant to each other, he waited a whole century for her, and now she knew, she knew that she was capable, more than, to be with him, and bring joy to his life, that was her mission in her life now, making him happy.
Good enough
I feel good enough for you…
She was going to stand next to him, proudly, without feeling unworthy, while being human… and then as a beautiful immortal perfect like him.
Now I can't let go of this dream
Can't believe that I feel
And even if it was somewhat scary, depending on him so completely, she knew it was reciprocated, they both needed each other like she needed air, and he needed to hunt, he depended on her too, and the knowledge was empowering, she was indispensable, she was like he told her once, his heroin.
Good enough
I feel good enough
It's been such a long time coming, but I feel good
And I'm still waiting for the rain to fall
Pour real life down on me
'Cause I can't hold on to anything this
Good enough
Am I good enough
For you to love me too?
Always together, forever linked because they belonged to each other, and she was capable of dazzling him too, she could convince him of everything, and they accepted each other just like they were, and there was no turning back on it…. Whatever he needed, she would find and give, and whatever she needed he would provide.
So take care what you ask of me
'Cause I can't say no
She had never felt like this, whole and complete. The loneliness didn't exist if he was around; and it was the same way for him and she could feel it, in his every word, in his kiss, in the way his body has in sync with hers, in the intensity of their looks, they were a perfect match. There was no choice for either one. He was as much a part of her as she was of him.
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Songs: I will follow you into the dark – Death cab for cutie
Flaws and all - Beyonce
All I need – Within temptation
Good Enough - Evanescence
REVIEW PLEASE!
criticism is always good!
no flames though, be respectful.....