This came from a weird, random dream. The lesson learned: never eat too much sugar before going to bed.
Pairings: Ichiruka
Summary: Ichigo, Rukia, and Kendai are all caught in a huge underground labyrinth, each level has a door, which you must pass through to get to the other door. There are only 7 levels, though none who have fallen into this hellish maze have come out alive…can three shinigami survive this nightmare? Can Rukia finally admit she has feelings for Ichigo, and will he do the same for her? Fluff, crack, randomness, OOCness, and complete chaos will ensue as these three try to survive. Has my OC, and Ichigo is a shinigami in this fic. Follows the story line to a degree.
Disclaimer: I don't own Bleach, so sad :(
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Rukia Kuchiki blearily opened her violet eyes. Her head was pounding, as if she had a hangover, but she couldn't remember drinking. All she could remember was sitting in Ichigo's room, talking about Chappy with Kendai, then she just randomly blacked out. Just like that, the room spun, and her world became dark.
Rukia sat up, and took in her surroundings. She was in a dark, cold, damp room, made of hard dark stone. There were cracks here and there, that mostly looked like they were from wear and time. Other than that, the strange room was completely bare and empty, except for two lumps on the ground. Rukia frowned, and got up. She carefully approached the larger lump, and then kicked it as hard as she could. The 'lump' yelped, and Rukia backed away rapidly.
Ichigo sat up, and glared at Rukia through the semi-darkness.
"What the hell was that for?!" he shouted, rubbing the sore spot. Ichigo could feel a bruise forming.
"Ugh, what happened?" Kendai asked, sitting up and rubbing her head. She looked around "Hey, where's Ulquiorra?".
Ichigo got up, and took in his surroundings, then he noticed a door next to the far right corner. By it was a sign.
Rukia noticed this too and frowned "Hey, that wasn't there a few minutes ago."
"Well, it's there now…that's kinda creepy." Kendai said, cautiously eyeing the door and sign next to it. The three of them walked over to it, and Kendai read aloud "Welcome newcomers, you have been invited to play-"
"Play? Play what?" Ichigo interrupted, and Kendai glared at him "I was just getting to that part."
"Oh, right. Sorry." he apologized, and the shinigami resumed reading. "You have been invited to play in the Wonderfully Random Maze of Doom-"
"That's a stupid name for a maze." Rukia cut in, then she noticed Kendai glaring daggers at her "Oh, um, sorry."
Kendai sighed, then started to read again, hoping she wouldn't be interrupted again "In this maze are 7 different levels, the easiest being 7 and the hardest being 1. You will enter the seventh level once you walk through the door next to this sign. You will have to face your worst fears, brave dangerous foes, and go up against complete and utter, chaotic randomness. May the Geek Squad be with you."
"Don't they mean force?" Rukia asked, confuzled
"Why is randomness so bad?" Ichigo asked, equally confuzled
"I don't know, and I don't care, all I want to do is get out of here." Kendai said, fighting down the growing sense of dread. "Let's just see what's on the other side of this door. I mean how bad can it be?"
"Yeah you're right." Rukia agreed, and the shinigami opened the door, and walked through it.
They were horrified and very confuzled by what they saw.
They were standing in a well lit, but dirty room that was hot and partially filled with a light steam. There were dishes coming from the center of the ceiling, and a big Chinese guy was standing behind a counter, washing the dishes that fell through, and cooking steamed noodles at the same time. There was a ton of dirty, moldy, rotten, and petrified food covering the floor. A cockroach scurried out from the counter. It was roughly the size of a football. Rukia and Kendai screamed so loud that a glass the guy behind the counter was holding broke, and suddenly a fat opera Viking dropped out of nowhere, landed on Ichigo, effectively squashing him, and screamed in Rukia and Kendai's ears.
This made the shinigami scream even more, but Rukia collected her nerve, and cast a high-level kido spell at the bug. It blew into to pieces which the shinigami dodged, but it hit the Viking. She disintegrated and Ichigo gasped like a fish out of water. He was a bluish color.
The guy behind the counter finally took notice of them.
"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HAVE CUSTOOOOOOOMAAA!!!!!!" he screamed, damaging the shinigami's ears even more.
"I GOTS COCKROACH STEW, FRIED AND O' STEAMED NOODLE SOUP, COCKROACH GUT STEW, AAAAAAANNNNDDDD-"
"SHUTUP!!!" all three shinigami yelled, and the man looked at them stupidly, then said
"ME NO SPEAK ENGLISH, ONLY ESPANOL!!!"
"THEN WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT, JUST A MINUTE AGO???" Kendai screamed back, but suddenly, something possibly even more random happened (I swear this all happened in my dream). Aang from Avatar appeared, and ogled at the guy behind the counter.
"OH MY GAWD!!! It's a celebrity chef!" he screeched, and started fanning himself, then "Can I get an order of your famous Cockroach stew, with a side of KFC noodles?"
Horrified, the shinigami trio desperately looked for an exit, some kind escape from the hellish room. Finally Kendai spotted a door at the other end of the room.
"There!" she pointed, and the shinigami dashed towards their escape. Just when they were a few feet away, something grabbed Rukia's leg, causing her to fall.
"Rukia!" Ichigo cried, and stopped, then rushed over to his companion to see what grabbed her. It was a large dark green blob of crusty food, that was now attempting to eat her.
Ichigo drew out Zangetsu, and carefully stabbed the food thing, and freed Rukia's leg.
Just as the guy behind the counter was handing Aang his 'food', he took notice of the escaping shinigami.
"AFTER THEM MY PRETTIES!!!" he yelled in a shrill, feminine voice, and an army of football sized roaches scurried out from the counter towards Ichigo and Rukia. Ichigo ran towards the open door, and jumped at the last second, just before Kendai slammed the door, and you could hear a sickening crunch and feminine screaming from the other side.
That door vanished, and now they weren't in a room anymore. It looked like the training ground beneath Urahara's shop.
Rukia started to cry, and her sobs shook her entire body. She was so traumatized by what had just happened.
"C'mon now Rukia, it's all over." Ichigo soothed, and stroked her hair gently, "It's all gone. Just you and me." he whispered, and Rukia looked up at him, and gave him a small smile. Kendai just rolled her eyes, but resolved not to ruin the fluffy moment by coughing loudly. She took in her surroundings, then noticed someone standing a little ways away from them. They had orange hair, and a big chest. Kendai frowned, then looked back at Ichigo and Rukia, and saw them about to kiss, and thought 'Aw.' then she realized something and though 'Aw crap!'. She opened her mouth to say something, but was cut off by a wailing sound. It sounded like a beached, dying whale.
"Kurosaki-kuuun! I thought you loved meeee!" Orihime screamed
"What the hell?!" Ichigo and Rukia broke apart, and Ichigo dropped Rukia, who in turn landed on her ass. She glared at Ichigo and brought out her Magic Sketch book and whacked him with.
"Baka!" she shouted and then angrily rubbed her butt.
"Kurosaki-kun! How could you?!" Orihime screamed again, and started sobbing hysterically "First I get kidnapped and you ignore my feelings, then Ulquiorra tells me he doesn't want to be with me since he already has a girlfriend, and now your kissing Kuchiki-san in front of me!".
"Orihime! Um, me and Rukia weren't about to kiss…we were just…um…"
"Don't lie to me!" then suddenly she started to glow orange, and her eyes turned blood red "I'm going to kill Rukia and Kendai." she hissed, then brought out Tsubaki, who turned into a fiery, orange, spinning wheel of doom/death.
Rukia and Kendai managed to dodge it, but it followed Kendai. She blast a powerful kido spell at it, and smoke rose up. She watched carefully, and just when she thought it was safe, Tsubaki came out of the smoke screaming "COME TO MAMA!!!".
Kendai screamed, and dove behind a rock, and because the little tight-wearing fairy was too stupid to realize she had merely taken cover, he assumed she had just disappeared. He turned to Rukia. She gulped, and started running for her life.
Rukia blasted powerful kido over her shoulder, trying every spell she knew, but nothing seemed to work. Suddenly a voice popped into her head. It sounded like Renji.
'Rukia, may the Geek Squad be with you.'
'Renji?'
'No, I'm just a professional voice actor.'the voice said, then left Rukia to ponder over what it had said. Then she finally realized what she had to do. She pulled out her phone and dialed 1-800-SeireiteiGeekSquad.
"Hello?" Nemu asked from the other side. She was sitting in a chair, filing her nails
"Nemu! It's me, Rukia! Listen, Orihime is-"
"Say no more. If it involves her, then it's ON!!! Daddy, red alert, red alert! Code 6078-04!" she yelled, and suddenly something started to come through Rukia's phone.
Rukia dropped it, and watched as Mayuri Kurotsuchi popped out, holding a purple lightsaber. He faced the insane fairy, and sliced him in half with the saber, then turned to Orihime with a creepy grin.
"HELLO, NEW TEST SUBJECT!!!" he screeched, and grabbed a screaming Orihime and then sucked her into the phone, which promptly shattered into a million pieces.
"..." all the shinigami were silent, and Kendai came out of her hiding place.
"…Guess we should get going?" she asked weakly, and they left the room, and went through the door that appeared on the opposite side of where they had entered.
The next room they entered was dark, and looked like the first one they had entered. Kendai squinted and could make a out the hunched over figure of a person.
Her eyes widened "Uryu?!" she gasped. He turned around, and they could see he wasn't wearing glasses.
"Orihime? Nemu? Is that one of you?" he groped his way towards them "Is that a beauty I see, or is it just me?"
"Is he speaking in rhymes?" Ichigo asked, and suddenly Uryu started foaming at the mouth "Rhymes and dimes are fun, but I like grapes and rape better!" he lunged at Rukia, who winced, and closed her eyes as she waited for the raving mad Quincy to fall on top of her. When it didn't come, she opened her eyes, and saw Ichigo standing there, enraged, and anger burning in his eyes. Zangetsu was out, and Uryu was twitching on the floor, mumbling and drooling on himself.
"Perverted archer." Ichigo muttered, and kicked him in the ribs for good measure. No one touched his Rukia. Wait, did he just think possessively of Rukia?
Rukia's voice snapped him out of his thoughts "Uh, thanks Ichigo." she said, and looked at the new door that had appeared at the very end of the room. "I guess we should get going before he wakes up." Rukia nervously motioned towards a twitching Uryu.
"Right." he nodded, and Kendai walked beside them, wondering when they would kiss. Damn Orihime, she ruined everything…though when was there ever a time where she DIDN'T ruin something? Kendai thought hard and couldn't remember.
Ichigo opened the door, and let the girls go through. Rukia stopped and looked down. The other two shinigami did the same and gulped nervously. Nearly 15 feet beneath them was an open pit of hot lava.
"Fresh from the volcano." Kendai joked, but Ichigo and Rukia just gave her a WTF look. She shutup.
"Wait, so how are we going to cross this?" Rukia asked, nervously eyeing the lava.
"Maybe we have to jump across." Kendai suggested, though she doubted that would work.
Ichigo and Rukia gave her another WTF look.
"Okay, never mind." she said feeling stupid. Where the hell was Ulquiorra? She made a silent promise to kick his emo ass after this was through.
The shinigami stared at it for a little while, then Rukia took off her sandal, and threw it in. It didn't land in the lava, but 15 feet above it. Realization dawned upon them, and they finally figured out it was an illusion. They crossed safely, and when they got to the other side Rukia smiled at Ichigo "That wasn't so bad."
"Yeah, but I wonder what's on the other side of this door." Ichigo said, eyeing it nervously.
Rukia bit her lip, and then reached out and grabbed Ichigo's hand.
"Whatever it is, I'll be here with you, Ichigo.". Ichigo gave her a small smile, and together they pushed open the door and went in. Kendai smirked. Maybe this God forsaken maze wasn't so bad after all. It was bringing Ichigo and Rukia closer together, and Kendai knew she wasn't the only person who would agree that they made a good couple. She then proceeded through the door to see what awaited her on the other side.
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Ichigo and Rukia stumbled along in the darkness. By feeling the walls, they had been able to conclude that they were in a narrow tunnel. Ichigo was going first, feeling his way step-by-step, and warning Rukia of anything in her way.
Kendai came up behind them and squinted. "Hey, isn't there some light up ahead?" she whispered, and then Ichigo saw it too.
"Yeah, your right." he replied, and then they just walked out of the dark, small tunnel. They took in their surroundings.
They were in a fairly large room like the rest, only it was somewhat well-lit by torches on the wall.
"Hey, there isn't a door here." Rukia said, sounding concerned
"Maybe it's some kind puzzle or trap." Ichigo said, and cautiously scanned the room. He took a step, then another step, and then another, but stopped when the room started to shake.
"Eek!" Rukia started to lose her balance and fall, but Ichigo caught her. Kendai fell face-flat on the floor and mumbled something about 'stake through his non-existent heart' and 'stupid damn emo'.
When the shaking stopped, there was someone, or rather SOMETHING in the middle of the room.
Kendai looked up and blinked in shock "Tesla?" she gasped. The arrancar was in his released form, which scared Ichigo. It brought back deep, painful memories.
"Um…why is here?" Ichigo asked, his voice a few octaves higher than usual. Kendai stared and him like he was stupid.
"That's not '' it Tesla." she said slowly, as if speaking to a small, retarded child.
Tesla grunted and snorted, then said something along the lines of "Oink Oink Onikidy Oink-oink!". Kendai seemed to understand this because she replied
"Um, well we just woke up here."
"Oinky Oinkity Oink Oink?"
"No. Hey, do you know where Ulquiorra is?"
"Oink-Oink."
"Huh? That doesn't make any sense."
"What part? The 'Oink Oink' or what he actually said when you translate it?" Ichigo said sarcastically, glaring daggers at the arrancar.
"Oink Oink OOOIIIINNNKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!" Tesla grunted, and then charged at them.
"What the hell?!" Ichigo yelled as he dodged the crazy pig "What did I say?!"
"Tesla doesn't like it when people make fun of his speech pattern!" Kendai yelled back, and watched as Ichigo tried to escape Tesla's wrath of piggyness.
"Isn't there something we can do?!" Rukia said, desperately watching Ichigo try to fend of Tesla. So far he was failing.
"…Well…there is one way…" Kendai said slowly, then whispered in Rukia's ear and she nodded.
Ichigo panted as he dodged another blow from . Why the hell wouldn't he just leave him alone? It's not like he made fun of his 'speech pattern' on purpose or anything.
"Hey, you! Yeah, ya' big tub of lard!" Rukia called from behind Tesla, and he spun around, furious, but quickly reeled back in shcok and horror.
The shinigami was standing there, grinning, wearing an apron with a pig being roasted on it, and underneath it had 'bacon' written on it. She had a frying pan, and a huge meat knife, and to top it all off, she even had a poofy white chef's hat.
Tesla squealed in fright, and then ran into a wall, destroying it, with his curly little tail between his legs. Dust rose up from the destruction he had cause, but when it cleared there was a huge Tesla-shaped hole in the wall, and behind it was a door.
Ichigo dragged himself over to Rukia and gave her an appreciative look.
"Thanks Rukia, if it weren't for you, I would've been a goner." he lay back and smiled at her. She smiled back, then dropped the pan and took off the cooking gear. She offered him her hand, and pulled him into a sitting position. For a minute Ichigo sat there and rested by Rukia's side, then he got up.
"Guess we should go now." Ichigo said and he got up. Rukia took his hand and they both walked over to the hole in the wall and then through the door. Kendai followed them, wondering what they would have to face in the next room.
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The shinigami trio walked into a room like the last, only this was darker. In the middle of the room was a single person. It looked like a clone of Rukia.
"What the f-" Ichigo started to say, but then the person/ clone looked up with energetic, way-too-happy violet eyes.
"Hop!" Chappy smiled, and then pulled out a large butchers knife "Hop! I'll kill you, hop!" she giggled and then hopped at them.
Rukia looked betrayed and hurt, Ichigo looked angry and freaked out, and Kendai was just plain pissed off.
"Listen, I'll take care of-I mean um," Kendai stopped to rephrase her sentence when she saw Rukia's face "restrain Chappy, and you guys can go into the next room." she pulled out her zanpakuto, and Ichigo nodded, then dragged Rukia away.
"Hop! Where do you, hop, think your, hop, going? Hop." Chappy turned towards Ichigo and Rukia, but Kendai blocked her path and pulled out her zanpakuto.
"Hurry!" she shouted over her shoulder as she distracted the crazy rabbit.
Ichigo ran towards the door with Rukia behind him, and once they were through, it slammed shut again.
Both of them took in their surroundings.
They were in a HUGE room, ten times larger than the largest room they had been in so far, it was probably five football stadiums wide. A large arching ceiling was barely visible because it was so far up.
"Damn, this place is huge. I wonder what must be in here." Ichigo thought aloud, and then looked at Rukia, who was staring at the ceiling.
"Hm." she agreed, and the two shinigami started walking towards the last door. When they were just 30 yards away, they stopped and heard something. A voice.
"Ichigo Kurosaki and Rukia Kuchiki."
"Huh? Who are you, and what do you want with us?! Are you the one who's controlling this twisted place?" Rukia shouted at the shadows, but received no response, only silence.
"Wait…I know that voice, its-"
"Ichigo! Look out!" Rukia yelled, and Ichigo looked up in time to see the bottom of a huge white sandal coming down on him. He jumped out of the way with Rukia, just barely avoiding being crushed.
Ichigo panted slightly, and looked at Ulquiorra. Fighting Ulquiorra with Rukia helping him would have been fine, though the only problem was that….Ulquiorra was nearly 50 feet tall.
"Whoa-what the hell has Aizen been feeding the hollows?" Rukia asked skeptically as she looked at the arrancar.
"Hn. I see trash doesn't change much, it just gets smaller which makes it easier to crush." Ulquiorra brought his foot down again, as if to emphasize his words.
"Ulquiorra…are you the one who's been doing all of this?" Ichigo asked angrily. Even if Ulquiorra wasn't responsible for everything, Ichigo still hated him for kicking his ass. Twice.
"Hey Ichigo, is this the arrancar that beat you up? Twice?" Rukia asked, which only caused Ichigo to resent him further.
"Well Ulquiorra?" Ichigo asked, ignoring Rukia. How did she know that Ulquiorra had even done that?
"I am not the one controlling this labyrinth. It is L-"
"Lord Aizen." Rukia and Ichigo said in unison, sounding almost bored. Really, they should have seen that coming.
"Do not disregard Lord Aizen as if-"
"Oh just shut up. We don't feel like hearing your stupid 'Lord Aizen' speech, which is surprisingly worse that Tosen's 'Justice' speech." Rukia spat
"Oh, Rukia, he'd probably go on and on about how 'Lord Aizen made my zanpakuto special so I could cut myself with it because I'm emo'." Ichigo mocked
"Yeah, and 'Lord Aizen is so great, blah blah blah and I'm a batty old emo jerk who goes around beating people up to make myself feel better'." Rukia laughed
"And 'I'm just so emo, and depressed, and lonely, and I go around biting people'." Ichigo couldn't help but grin. He looked at Rukia and laughed too "Yeah, Ulquiorra's just an oversized emo hollow. Who obviously has issues."
"Poor Kendai." Rukia said, and Ichigo nodded in agreement, but before they could say anything else Ulquiorra brought his foot down, making the earth beneath the shinigami's feet tremble.
"Enough of this. I don't have time to waste on trash like you." Ulquiorra said, looking a little angered, and then he tried crushing them again.
Ichigo and Rukia shunpoed out of the way, once again narrowly avoiding being crushed.
"Ichigo! Over there!" Rukia pointed to a human-sized mouse hole, and she ran over to it with Ichigo following her. They dashed in just as Ulquiorra nearly trampled them.
Both of them panted slightly, and it was very dark, but Rukia lit up the area with her kido.
"Ichigo…you don't think he's actually-"
"Yes. He won't hesitate to kill us if it's for 'Lord Aizen.'" Ichigo said, then gave Rukia a reassuring smile "Don't worry, we're safe here."
Rukia nodded, and stared blankly at the light she had created. There was a calm silence between the two (with the exception of Ulquiorra pounding on the wall, trying to scare them out/break open the wall then crush them). Finally, Ichigo broke it.
"…Rukia…um, back in that one room, with Orihime-no, all the rooms actually…it's just that…"
"Ichigo, what are you-"
"It's just that…the way you've handled everything…your kido, your zanpakuto, everything about you is amazing. Your eyes, your hair, and your smile." Ichigo stopped there. He felt very nervous, but he still wanted to tell her how he really felt.
"Ichigo…"
"Rukia, I just want…want…to……………………………………" he pressed his forehead against Rukia's, and looked her straight in the eyes, bluish violet meeting soft and battle worn brown eyes. The eyes of a warrior.
"I want to tell you, Rukia……..............that I love you." he whispered in her ear, then drew back slightly.
Rukia blushed and trembled just a little "I-Ichigo…I…I…I love you too." she choked out, and time seemed to slow down. Rukia's face drew closer to Ichigo's and then their lips met.
It was just a simple kiss, but it was pure and innocent. The whole world vanished, and only the two of them were left in the darkness, and they only had each other.
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Ulquiorra felt depressed and angry. Angsty and moody.
Why did he have to do this? Aizen was just so focused on getting Ichigo and Rukia together…why didn't anyone care about him? Stupid world. Stupid shinigami. Stupid-
"Ahem."
Ulquiorra turned around but didn't see anyone.
" *sigh* Down here."
Ulquiorra looked down and saw Kendai. She didn't look to happy.
"What?" he asked
"What? What?! That's all you have to say?! After I've been through six levels of hell, and tagged along with Ichigo AND Rukia, and that's all you say to me is 'What?'. Thanks Ulqui, you make me feel like I'm really loved." she said sarcastically.
Kendai sighed and rubbed her head. Damn, she better not be getting a headache.
"What's wrong Ulqui?" she asked
"…"
"Ulquiorra."
"…"
"C'mon, it can't be that bad." Kendai used a kido spell to shrink him back to his original size, walked over to him, and ruffled his hair playfully.
"Stop." he swatted her hand away, and still maintained his ever-present stoic expression, but Kendai knew better than that.
"Ichigo called you emo again, didn't he?"
"You don't think I'm emo, do you?"
"…Yeah, kind of. But listen," she said quickly after seeing his face "I don't care if your emo or whatever. That's just who you are, and I love you, emoness and all. People say a lot of stuff Ulquiorra. Beating the crap out of them won't change their minds."
"Says you." he muttered, shoving his hands in his pockets.
"I don't care what people say, I learned a long time ago that I'd just have to ignore most of it. People are gonna call you emo for a long time Ulqui, so you might as well get used to it."
"Hn." Ulquiorra turned his back on her
"If it helps I think you're a cute emo." she said, but when he didn't turn around, she just grinned "Ulqui-chan, I doubt you want me to take extreme measures, do you?" and then she jumped on him, and tickled him.
"No! No, Kendai stop!" he laughed, a smiled actually appearing on his face "Kendai stop it! Please!". No one except Kendai knew that Ulquiorra was actually very, very, VERY ticklish.
She stopped and grinned at him "Ulquiorra, it honestly doesn't matter if your emo or not. People will think and say what they want to, and most of the time their being complete idiots." then she kissed him playfully and got up.
She helped him up "C'mon, let's go."
"Where?" Ulquiorra asked, becoming stoic and emotionless again
"To the party."
"What? What party?"
"…That one." she pointed at the huge mouse hole, where you could hear music, smell food, and see lights coming out of it and illuminating the floor.
"Why wasn't I invited?" Ulquiorra frowned, losing his composure.
Kendai smiled at him, and grabbed his hand out of his pocket, and dragged him along with her "C'mon, you'll have a good time."
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Ichigo and Rukia were slow dancing now. Rukia was resting her head against Ichigo's chest, and she could glimpse Ulquiorra and Kendai across the dancing across the floor. Other couples were dancing, and pretty much everyone was here, every shinigami, hollow, Vizard, and arrancar was present. Even the Bounts and everyone from the high school.
Rukia smiled. She had a feeling of content, and she was happy. But most of all she was with Ichigo, and that's what mattered the most.
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Yay! Finally! Done…yay. Well, it took me a while to write this, but the original idea came from a dream I had, and I felt like writing for humor, with Ichiruka, fluff and some OOCness. And some UlquiKenda fluff too. Well, hoped you enjoyed, and please don't flame but don't forget to review! :)