All for kicks and giggles and for the simple fact that I am quite wacky. This was actually brought up by Shadow-of-a-wolf during some IM banter. In fact, he also supplied a lot of the punch lines. We hope that you enjoy.

Note: we do not own the DMC series, or the films being reviewed.

Chapter 1: Street Fighter

The camera wobbled a bit as it was sat upon its tripod. Dante sat at his desk, leaning back in his chair. His long legs formed a bridge to the large cherry finished desk. The camera panned over to the left, centering him in the frame.

"Let me know when," Dante said as he examined his nails.

Something was said off camera, at least not loud enough to be picked up by its microphone. Nevertheless, Dante answered with questions of his own, pausing only to listen to the answers of the unseen speaker, "Okay, so we're good then? ... Are you going to start us off or is it me?"

"Right, then," Dante begins as he looks directly at the camera, "Good evening kiddies. Ebert and Roeper have the night off, possibly spooning each other. So please enjoy this movie review from me and Verge."

The barely audible voice chided Dante.

"Look, no one cares about proper grammar, Vergil. Anyways, I guess we are here to talk to you about 'Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li'. Any thoughts on the flick, Verge?"

There was a short answer to Dante's question.

"Com'on, I'm sure that our viewers would love to here what you have to say."

"Fine," Vergil said walking in from somewhere off-camera. He pulled a kitchen chair near where Dante sat and continued, "On Friday, Dante and I had the horror of viewing that drivel at the behest of Trish."

"Whoa, isn't that a bit harsh?"

"No... 'drivel' is putting it mildly. I have some choice words for the producers and those at Capcom who decided to green-light this monstrosity, but those words may get us kicked off of you-tube. It was about as pleasant as the seven years I spent in Hell. Raul Julia must be turning over in his grave."

"Wow. Um... wow," for a moment Dante was almost speechless, "I agree with Vergil there. That train wreck was a piece of shit and it didn't even need Uwe Boll directing it to get there."

"Can you cite some points for the viewers?"

"What can I really say," Dante began, "The movie was supposed to develop a back story for Chun-Li. At one point, I was a fan of Chun-Li and I'm good friends with the guys of Street Fighter. Even they say they are going to boycott it. I'm going out on a limb and say that the '94 version with Van Damme was better."

Vergil shook his head slowly with his mouth gaping slightly in horror and body in a full shudder.

"No, no... Hear me out, okay? 1994 had the stilted acting of Van Damme and his thick accent as he tried to convince us that he was the 'all-American-hero,' that was Guile. Okay, yeah they had poorly choreographed fighting and this year had that chick from 'Smallville' pretending that she could fight."

Vergil picked up with, "This year's version featured acting that was twice as Cheesy... dare I say, almost as bad as your one-liners, dear baby brother."

"Hey, I resent that!"

"You say it like I care. Anyways, back to the film. 'The Legend,' had Chris Klein stiffly playing an INTERPOL agent, which actually made Keanu Reeves, seem as animated as Spongebob. Klein is sent to investigate Neal McDonough as M. Bison and his shady business dealings when some of the other crime lords begin to disappear. One may recall that Raul Julia played the role as megalomaniac dictator. Now, Bison is merely a hammed-up mad businessman slipping in and out of a strange Irish accent although, neither character nor actor are from the Emerald Isle. Then there is Kristin Kreuk, most noted for her role in Smallville as Lana Lang and in shampoo commercials with little personality. In all honesty, if I wanted to see a sub par actress fighting a clichéd, crazed entrepreneur, I would have played Devil May Cry 2."

"Watch it buddy! You're on thin ice. What did you expect from the movie? It sucked then and it sucks now."

"I did not expect much. It's a fighting movie and not much of that happened. Sure the starlet spent her time hanging from a wire for most of the movie... And it contained horrid dialogue, narration, and constant flashbacks that alluded to events that happened all of two seconds ago. I understand that you may have ADD, but that must have peeved you to some point, Dante."

"Yes, it did. Not as much as the pointless narration from Chun-Li. 'I had to do research on Bison,' she says as she walks to a computer to google his name."

"If not for name only, I wonder why the film has grossed over 4.5 million dollars already. Maybe it is that no one is quite familiar with our low-budget director. He is the one that has lent his name to such titles as 'Cradle 2 the Grave,' 'Romeo Must Die,' and 'Doom'."

"Ah. So that explains it all."

"Even the supposedly 'bad-ass' Vega is reduced to a one trick pony. That annoying buffoon Arkham made more of lasting impression on me when he was dressed as a clown." Vergil then shuddered at the mental image of Jester."

"Well, not so much. Although Vega and Balrog were the stereotypical henchmen, I can't say that I hated Vega. I mean, I love the Black Eye Peas and Taboo did okay for his acting debut. In a movie with no high points, his Vega was... all right."

"Uh huh," Vergil rolled his eyes, "I smell a lie. What about Balrog?"

"Huh?"

"You mentioned him and dance around the subject completely."

"I like Michael Clarke Duncan."

"Are you sure that you are not just being generous because you happen to be a fan of any actor that can perfectly play the part of a complete douche?"

"No," Dante's eyes shifted about for moment.

"Didn't you say that his incessant maniacal laughs got on your nerves?"

"No," Dante repeated, unsure of himself, "What score did you give it?"

"I gave it two stabs out of five," Vergil said as he created two miniature spectral swords.

"Really? And what redeeming factors did it have?"

"Not much. If you must watch it, see it for the mediocre fights... and then laugh at the obvious stunt doubles, wire work and computer generated images. Don't bother looking for a story, because I doubt there was one. I don't believe that casual watchers would even bother, but then again, this review serves as a caustic warning to the hardcore fans. Would you see Street Fighter again?"

"No! And that's a HELL NO! In fact, I can't believe that I wasted ten dollars and two hours of my life! Just say no, kids! Don't watch it, because I'm pretty sure that it causes eye cancer or something. Look, if you really are that curious... then you are better off callin' up Tyrone and getting the bootleg... or just torrent it. That's Right! Ol' Dante is telling you that you should pirate the movie because no one should have to endure PAYING for this torture!"

"You didn't answer the question. How did you rate it?"

"Zero out of five."

"You can't do that... the lowest score is one."

"Fine, I give it a one out of five. Although, I'd like to rip it in half and piss all over it; because that is what it deserves."

"Harsh."

"Honestly, if you really wanted to know Chun-Li's back story that badly, play the game or watch the Street Fighter anime. It is much more entertaining, without the questionable acting."

"This concludes our review of 'Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li'. Join us next time where we give you our thoughts on other movies that hopefully, don't give Jean Claude Van Damme more credibility after his stalled career."

"Until then, kiddies, go do something with your lives."

Like it? Hate it? This is really just a pilot and just some ideas we threw out there. Please, let us know how you feel.