Cersei Lannister looked at the computer screen in front of her. .com. She had finally decided to give online dating a shot. Anything would be better than being forced to marry that shitass tyrell boy. She entered her details in
NAME: cersei Lannister
SEX:
Cersei paused. Sex… hm…
SEX: hot, kinky sex
ERROR came up on the screen.
She retyped
SEX: Any sex is fine
ERROR persisted. She drummed her nails on the computer.
SEX: duh
ERROR
"PYCELLE!"she screamed. Maester Pycelle ran in. "what is this?" Cersei demanded. Pycelle sighed. "Sex, my queen, as in Gender." Oh. Cersei thought. Pycelle exited
SEX: female
ORIENTATION: straight-ish
AGE: 32
IM LOOKING FOR?:
She thought hard and typed in
IM LOOKING FOR?: Hot guys. Preferable if they look like Jaime or Rhaeger Targaryen. Must be up to any shit I want them to do. No fuckwits like Loras Tyrell, thank you. And wine, yes, they must love wine.
DESCRIBE YOURSELF:
She stopped again and pondered
DESCRIBE YOURSELF: Im the sexiest woman in westeros, I enjoy drinking and saracasm. I'm kind and sweet but you do not want to try and fuck with me (note: literally fucking me is fine though) or you're in deep shit.
She stretched her arms and smiled.
YOUR ACCOUNT ON HOTDATE IS CONFIRMED. WELCOME, CERSEI LANNISTER.
She pressed on a pink option on the top of her home page on hotdate. It said "matches for you". The page loaded as she waited excitedly. A list popped up
TYRION LANNISTER
MATCH: 97%
INFORMATION: I LIKE SEXY WOMEN, WINE, AND TITS. ;)
RESEMBLES JAIME LANNISTER
MESSAGE TYRION LANNISTER?
Cersei screamed. WHAT THE FUCK TYRION?
A message popped up at the bottom of the screen.
"TYRION LANNISTER HAS SENT YOU A MESSAGE!"
she clicked it
"Looking for someone to replace our dear brother huh? Sexiest woman on westeros eh cersei?"
she typed angrily
"fuck off Tyrion. Looking for more whores?"
"why yes! Are you offering?"
"Im telling father"
"Telling father what? That youre a whore?"
she ignored him
2) BRAN STARK
MATCH: 80%
INFORMATION: IMMA A GOOD BOY IN THE DAY AND A MOTHAFUCKA AT NIGHT ;) SEXY WOMEN ARE MA FORTE AND I HAVE A CRUSH ON THE QUEEN.. EVER SINCE I SAW HER TITS AT THE TOWER IN WINTERFELL... LAY IT ON ME BABE ;)
NOT A TYRELL
MESSAGE BRAN STARK?
Cersei choked. The stark kid….?
NO MORE MATCHES L PERHAPS UPDATE YOUR PREFERNCES?
Wait.. she had only two matches.. the stark kid and Tyrion? She facepalmed so hard that the red keep shook.
Cersei got mad. She typed in "Jaime Lnannister"in the search box. Jaime had to be on this shitty website.. why didn't they get a match?
Sure enough, Jaime's Profile loaded up
NAME: JAIME LANNISTER"
SEX: MALE
ORIENTATION: STRAIGHT
INFORMATION: IM HOT FUCK ALL OF YOU (:
HE'S LOOKING FOR: I THINK THE DRAGON QUEEN IS LIKE REALLY HOT… I USED TO FUCK MY SISTER FOR FUN BUT NOW I WANT THE SILVER CHICK LIKE RLLY BAD… DANY BABE IF YOURE READING THIS THEN LETS SHAG ;)
Cersei fainted.