Author's Note: Hi again, it's your favorite author who writes comedies because if I try to write something serious it would be so bad it would itself be funny. Anyway, I've been reading fanfics here and there in the Higurashi section and have every now and then stepped into some "WTF?! is this legal" romances. You author's know who you are. So I decided to answer back with this fanfic in order to prove you can appease the horny masses without describing anything all that dirty. If you feel this is in any way dirty it's really your own perverse mind taking over all that makes you good and wholesome. If this happens then simply take a bath in holy water and lemon juice. It's like Jesus' Mr. Clean for your soul. Anyway, I present to you: Higurashi and Porn *porn not included.
Rated:T Genre: Comedy/Parody Warning: This probably won't have swears in it but it will be... well you'll see, but I might change my mind later. If you are easily offended don't read this and know that everyone is secretly laughing at you because you are weak!
It was a typical summer morning in the town of Hinamazawa. Due to Keiichi losing the club games at school yesterday however, the gang had to meet at his house in the morning for a special punishment game that Mion had cooked up.
"Wow. it's smaller than I thought." Mion smirked, as both her and Rena stared at what keiichi was holding.
"This is going too far, Mion." Keiichi grumbled, trying to hide his embarrassment.
"It's so adorable! I want to take it home with me!" Rena squealed as she hugged her own shoulders. Keiichi's face flushed a deep red as he tryed to avert his gaze from the the two giggling girls.
"Ha ha! I know why you'd be embarrassed by that shivering little thing, but then it wouldn't be a good punishment game if it wasn't embarrassing." Mion cackled.
"Fine, whatever Mion! You've had your fun but we have to get to school." he said as he started to put it away.
"No such luck, Kei-kun! You have to go to school just like this." Mion said with a playful tone.
"Wh-what are saying!? There's no way I could do that!?!" Keichi yelled in disbelief. Rena's face blushed a bit at the suggestion.
"I don't know, Mion. Kei-kun could get in trouble having something like that out in school. Is it really OK? Is it?" Rena asked, meekly.
"Not to worry!" Mion assured. "I hear Chie sensei is secretly obsessed with them. I even saw her looking at this magazine this one time..."
"That's besides the point! I'll never be able to show my face in town again!" Keichi cut her off.
"Hey, just think of how embarrassed me and Rena will be having to be seen with ya. Don't sweat the small stuff. Whoops, sorry! Sore topic!" Mion laughed.
"Fine! But we're taking the back road to avoid as many people as possible!" Keiichi said as he looked outside to make sure the coast was clear before pushing on.
"Good luck, Kei-kun! You can do it!" Rena said cheerfully before following him out the door.
"If you hold it with both hands no one will even see it." Mion sneered.
"Drop it already!" Keiichi could be heard, as Mion follow the two closing Keiichi's door behind her. Keiichi made his way down the road slowly, having to dive into bushes or behind garbage cans every time he saw someone else from the village until the group came across Rika and Satako.
" Hey, you two!" Rena waved at the two young girls, who in turn ran to meet up.
"Hey, Rena! Where's Kei-chan! School won't be much fun if I don't have anyone to pick on! Oh ho ho!" Satako laughed.
"Actually Kei-kun is here. Rena said, glimpsing behind her at some bushes by a bench.
"Huh? Kei-chan are you in there?" Satako yelled aloud as she came closer to the bushes.
"Yes, I'm here! Just stay away!" Keichi hissed, trying to keep his voice down.
"Oh ho! And what exactly are you hiding, Kei-chan?" Satako asked as she looked closer into the bushes. "What the? Aaagh! What the hell?! Kill it! Kill it!" Satako screamed, as she picked up a stick and chased Keiichi out of the bushes.
" I told you!" Keiichi yelled back at the girl in close pursuit.
"Mii? Why in the world would Keiichi-san be walking around with that in hand in public? Didn't he know that Satako is scared of those things?" Rika asked Mion.
" All part of the punishment game!" Mion responded obviously proud of her plans unfolding. Satako chased Keiichi into a tree before giving up.
"What the hell, Mion! *pant* I realize this is a punishment game but *wheeze* no one gains anything from seeing that disgusting, little thing!" Satako yelled back at Mion while trying to catch her breath.
"Will you all just drop the small thing, already!!" Keiichi yelled down.
"More than that. I think you may have gone too far this time Mion. If he has something like that out in school, Oiishi-san may come to take him away." Rika said in a concerned tone.
"If that happens I'm sure he'll let him off easy from what I've heard old Oiishi's a bigger fan of them than Chie sensei." Mion assured the group. Soon the group arrived at the school.
"Maebara-san! What is the meaning of this!" Chie sensei yelled as Keiichi walked into the classroom. The whole class erupted in chatter.
"I had always thought they were furrier." and "Wow, that's smaller than mine!" could be heard from the class.
"I mean bringing a Chihuahua to school is unacceptable!" Chie sensei yelled. "Now take it and tie it outside until class is done."
"Yes, sensei. Keiichi agreed as he carried the small dog out of the classroom.
"OK class, free study until Maebara-san returns." Chie said to the class. "Seriously, kids these days have no idea what's appropriate in school these days." She sighed as she sat down at her desk and continued reading her "Playgirl".
The End...or is it! (dum dum duummm!)