The first thing I am aware of is the deafening roar of the crowd. They cheer as Peeta and I step off the train, me clinging as tightly to his hand as I did in the very beginning. He barely returns the pressure, and it makes facing this mass of people that much harder.
"Katniss! Peeta! Over here, look here, Katniss!" they scream at us. For a moment I am only very confused, blinded by the flashbulbs and deafened by cries of homecoming. And then, all at once, it comes back to me because I see Prim and my mother, the closest they have been in more than a month.
I let go of my hold on Peeta and run for them, sweeping Prim up in my arms, letting my mother hold me close. Prim is crying into my hair, and my mother probably is too, and I all I can do is tell them I love them, I love them, I love them.
Distantly, I am aware still of the crowd, and the people, and the cameras – aware that this is probably being broadcast to the better part of Panem, but I can't quite bring myself to care. Somewhere nearby, Peeta has found his family too. I can hear his brothers shouting cheers of delight, clapping him on the shoulder as they hug him tight. His father is looking sort of weepy, and even his mother is smiling and holding her son. It makes me happy to see a smile on his face; it takes away some of the guilt that is keeping this moment from being absolutely perfect.
Finally, after what seems like forever, I let go of Prim and my mother enough so that I can see their faces. "You won, Katniss! You came back!" Prim is saying, beaming at me as tears pour down her face.
"I told you I would do my best." I say, remembering my promise to her.
"I am so proud of you, Katniss." My mother says quietly, near my ear. Surprisingly enough, I find that I am pleased to have her approval, her pride. And I'm so relieved that she has stayed here for Prim, who, despite looking tired and worn, looks as well fed as ever.
"Miss Everdeen," a voice says from behind me, and I turn to see Mayor Undersee, a small, tired smile on his face. He holds his hand out to me, and I shake it. "Congratulations."
"Thank you." I nod respectfully, though I wonder if the Capitol has been in touch with him lately. In my mind, I can still see the cold, accusing glare of President Snow at the ceremonies. It sends a shiver down my spine, and my mother rubs my arm, mistakenly trying to warm me.
"It is the request of the Capitol, and the district, that we have a few pictures taken." Mayor Undersee says almost ruefully. "We can finish those very quickly and then you and your family may go home."
Home. What is my home now? Certainly it's not the little shack we have inhabited since I can remember. One of those vast mansions in the Victor's Village? Somehow, I cannot really picture either. I cannot picture having a home at all.
"Katniss?" Prim's voice breaks through my thoughts.
"What? Yes? What is it?"
"They want to take the pictures now – over there." She points to where Peeta, the Mayor, Effie Trinket, and Haymitch have all gathered in front of the Justice Building.
"Oh. Right. I'll be right back, promise." I smile at Prim and my mother before I turn to join the rest of them for pictures. The photographer groups us all together, Peeta and I on either side of Mayor Undersee, Haymitch and Effie to our left and right. He snaps at least two dozen photos, but before letting us go, he insists that one be taken of Peeta and I together.
I look to Peeta warily, and I'm not at all encouraged to see that the smile is entirely gone from his face. "For the crowd?" he mouths. I nod, relieved in a way, and stand by his side. I firmly intertwine our fingers, and, hesitantly, I feel his arm slip around my waist. The little cameraman clicks away, switching angles, flipping his lenses. Finally, it seems he is done.
"Perfect." He says, snapping one last shot. Yes, I think to myself as I see a new face surface in the crowd. "Perfect." I whisper, as my eyes lock with Gale.