I started writing this story just after Christmas, but was not ready to publish it until just now. This is my first fanfiction story, so reviews are appreciated!
I do not own Hogan's Heroes, but I do own this story.
Chapter One
Sergeant Kinchloe, more commonly called Kinch, sat in the freezing cold tunnel, starting to relay the locations of the newest anti-aircraft locations to London over the monstrous, black, flashing radio.
"Following message from Papa Bear concerns recently tasted Hofbraus." Kinch began to say in the new code. However, before he could get one more sentence out, he heard someone coming down the ladder into the tunnel.
"Kinch, turn off the radio and disconnect our antenna, and that's an order." Colonel Hogan yelled as he landed with a small thud onto the hard packed dirt.
"Yes, sir." Kinch said as he cut off communications with London and began to retract the antenna from the flagpole situated directly above them. Within a few moments, Kinch was holding any incriminating evidence from the flagpole that could point to their "Underground" operation at Stalag 13. Kinch looked up at Colonel Hogan with a questioning look as he held the only antenna that they had.
"What happened with Klink and Burkhalter, Colonel?" Kinch inquired. Hogan began to pace in the limited space of the tunnel.
"Colonel?" Kinch asked once more.
"Burkhalter had to do it, didn't he?" Colonel Hogan said as he slammed his fist on the table in frustration. "He just had to decide to give all of the Kommandants under his command new flagpoles for Christmas. I mean, whatever happened to socks? Or scarves for that matter? Heck, he could have even gone all out and given them each some candy, but flagpoles? How did this nut ever become a general?"
"The same way Hitler became the leader of Germany." Kinch said. Some dust fell from the ceiling, coating Kinch and Hogan in a layer of dark brown dirt.
"That's the crazy thing! Hitler was the one who passed a new rule that the Nazi flag has to be flown ½ meter higher than it is currently being hung! So naturally every single flagpole in Germany will have to be replaced."
"So, when is the flagpole going to be torn down?"
"About thirty seconds ago." Hogan said, looking at his watch
"When will the new one be here?"
"It'll arrive the day after Christmas. The mail is running a little slow. There is a war on, you know."
Hogan strode towards the ladder. He motioned for Kinch to follow him as he ascended into the main portion of the barracks. Newkirk and Carter were sitting at the table playing Gin Rummy while LeBeau was stirring some heavily spiced batter by the stove. All of the men in the room were wearing every article of clothing they possessed and the majority of them were huddled around the only source of heat in the room, which was the potbellied stove.
"Are you alright, guv'nor? You rushed into that tunnel as if the entire German High Command were hot on your 'eels!" Newkirk said, suddenly forgetting his card game.
"Oui, either all of them or one of Frau Linkmeyer." LeBeau said.
"I've got some bad news, guys." Hogan said as he stood next to the table.
"It's Frau Linkmeyer, the German High Command, and Mrs. Tanner." Carter said eagerly.
"Who's Mrs. Tanner?" Kinch asked.
"My high school Algebra teacher. Let me tell you, she was a mean old goat. I remember one time…"
"Carter," Hogan said, interrupting another one of Carters ramblings. "This is serious. Burkhalter just demolished the flagpole inside of camp."
"The one we've been using for an antenna?" Newkirk asked.
"How many other flag poles did you notice around here?" Kinch asked dryly.
"Knock it off." Hogan said "Now, this wouldn't be much of a problem, as London promised us to give us a break until after Christmas, but we didn't have enough time to send the anti-aircraft data to them."
"Colonel, how are we going to send London the information?" LeBeau asked, pouring his batter into a dish that Schultz had happily provided for the fee of an extra large helping of the finished product.
"I haven't the foggiest." Hogan said. He strode towards the window and peered out into the compound, where freshly falling snow had destroyed the evidence of where the truck that had demolished the flagpole had been. "At least it's close to Christmas; more of the goons will be on leave."
"Yeah, because today is the twenty second, it's exactly two days, ten hours, twelve minutes and…" Carter checked his wristwatch "twenty nine, twenty eight, twenty seven..."
"Blimey, Carter, I didn't think you were tracking it that closely." Newkirk said, rolling his eyes.
"Christmas has always been my favorite holiday. Me and my brothers and sisters and aunts and uncles and cousins would all sing Christmas carols as we decorated our tree. Once, we went a little overboard on the tree. We picked the biggest one we could find. It barely fit inside the house and…"
"Carter, shut your mouth before I shut it for you." LeBeau said, waving his spoon menacingly. "The last thing we need is to remember what Christmas back home is like." LeBeau quickly wiped away a tear, hopefully before any of the others had noticed it. "Anyways, my Christmas tree would put any American tree to shame."
"Sorry to burst your bubbles, chaps, but could we quit talking about Christmases back 'ome and focus on how we are going to transmit our bloody message to London?" Newkirk said, annoyed at the open sentimentality the other prisoners were displaying.
"Hold on." Hogan said softly as he sat down on one of the rough-hewn benches. His eyes twinkled like they always did when he had a plan. "Kinch, how high would our antenna need to be to transmit a message to London?"
"I think about 20 feet would be the shortest we could do."
"Fellas, what would you think of putting up the tallest, best decorated tree of all of the Luft Stalags in the area?" Hogan said, grinning from ear to ear.
"I think the Colonel's gone off his rocker this time, I really do." Newkirk said, rolling his eyes at what was shaping up to be another one of Hogan's crazy schemes.
"But Colonel," Carter began perplexedly "How will this help us transmit those anti-aircraft locations to London?"
"Because," Hogan's mischievous smile grew even wider "This will be the only Christmas tree in Germany that has a radio antenna running up it."