Title: A Dangerous Plaything
Summary: Flack considers himself a true man, wanting two things from life: danger and play. FlackLindsay.
Disclaimer: The names of all characters contained herein are the property of Anthony Zuiker, Jerry Bruckheimer Television, CBS and Alliance Atlantis. No infringements of these copyrights are intended, and are used here without permission.
A/N: First part in a two-chapter story. Read and enjoy.
Rating: T

A Dangerous Plaything

"The true man wants two things: danger and play. For that reason he wants woman, as the most dangerous plaything."
- Friedrich Nietzsche

Part One - Danger

He first decides Lindsay is dangerous when they shake hands at her first crime scene in New York. It sounds innocent, shaking hands, but Flack decides that the way she smiles (more what it does to him, if he's honest with himself) isn't so innocent after all. He thinks maybe she knows what it does to him, because she looks over at him several times that day and just smiles. He doesn't take to people easy; maybe it's a byproduct if being a cop, but he just doesn't. It has kept him from committing to relationships in the past, but there's something about the new girl from Montana that makes him want to live in colors, to find that forever kind of love that keeps you going. He decides she's dangerous, and avoids her at all costs at crime scenes from then on.

Flack doesn't chase his women, or disrespect them. It isn't the way he was brought up. But there's something about Lindsay that makes him wonder what the chase would be like. He thinks it would be interesting, at least. And he knows that she's an honest sort of girl, and she deserves someone to treat her right. He gets all of this from a few moments at that first crime scene, and from scattered words here and there at the lab. He finds it dangerous that he wants to commit, wants to be with a woman just so he can show her what it's like to be respected and treated like the only thing of utmost import in the universe.

One day he comes to the lab and he sees her talking with Danny. She's laughing about something and he feels jealous because he doesn't know why. Something inside him wants to be the only one who tells her clever jokes and makes her smile. He gets angry with himself, for getting jealous, and angry with her for making him feel this way. It's not right but he needs someone beside himself to blame. When Lindsay comes up to him a few mintues later talking about DNA results, he snaps at her. Flack doesn't miss the hurt look in her eyes, nor the stab of guilt that etches itself on his heart. From that day on, he just calls her dangerous because she makes him feel.

One night he goes out drinking with Danny and Lindsay. It was a tough case, and he doesn't usually talk about the hard ones outside of work but this one was really bad. He doesn't remember most of the night, but he remembers waking up in Lindsay's bed with her honey-colored hair splayed across his chest and he's angry. Angry at himself for using her in this way. It's not really fair, not to her or to him, because he loves her and she doesn't know. Now he calls Lindsay dangerous because he remembers every moment of that night, drunk or not, and he can't get it out of his head.

The first time he kisses Lindsay (really kisses her, a sober kiss that means something to both of them) is during an argument. He doesn't know why he's mad at her; Lindsay has a way of making him feel things, of making him behave erratically. Angry sad joyous loved confused content. He can't decide. They're too close to notice that the space between them—a few feet only a moment ago—is now merely inches. Suddenly they're almost touching, and then they are touching and he grabs her round her waist and she lets him pull her those few centimeters closer. Dangerous, how when he feels his breath meet hers he feels his will disintegrate. It's downright damnable when she whispers his name—"Don, oh Don"—and he decides that she shouldn't be allowed to say things like that, to say his name in such a way that he knows he'd do anything for her.

On their first date he takes her to a small hole-in-the-wall restaurant that Stella told him about. It turns out that the haddock and codfish in her pasta make her sick and he feels bad. He holds her hair out of her face and rubs her back as she vomits in the alley beside the restaurant. Flack thinks it was a bad date, not just a bad date that you could make up by getting a girl flowers, but so bad that Lindsay will never want to date another man again. And when he does show up at her apartment with roses that he can't afford, he thinks it's dangerous that he wants to impress her so much, that he wants to make it up to her. He's never wanted that for anyone before.

The first time he and Lindsay make love it's at his place. She pulls him in by his tie for a kiss and he responds without conscious thought, to the heat of her body and the slow, sweet pressure of Lindsay's mouth against his. It grows from there and clothes are shed quickly; it's done nice and slow in his bed, but before they get there it's hot, urgent—she is the sun and Flack is the earth. When she gets up to leave he catches her hand with his own and asks her to stay. He's pleading, really, and he hates himself for it. That's when he realizes that she's not just dangerous; she's hazardous material.

Flack goes to see the NYPD homicide psychiatrist three days later. He passes the test but he feels he shouldn't have, so he asks for a leave of absence. It's granted and that's when he and Lindsay have their first real conversation. It's the first time he tells her that she's dangerous.

"The world won't just stop because you want it to," she says.

"I don't want it to, I want…" He stops there because he doesn't know what he wants. He doesn't know anything anymore, except for Lindsay.

"Why won't you let me in?"

"I have let you in," he says angrily, "and I can't get you out. That's the problem. I'm going insane."

Lindsay looks shocked and he almost feels bad for telling her how he feels in this way.

"What does that mean, Don?"

"You're dangerous, Lindsay," he says, feeling regret. He never meant for any of this to happen.

Now whenever he plays word association games in his mind, Lindsay Monroe is always connected to danger. Whenever he sees her, the word flashes like a neon sign in his head, and it's hard for him to see past it. Flack wishes he could, though, because Lindsay is wonderful and she makes him live in color. When he's with her he sees what it would be like if he had anything at all to say for himself. He loves her and it's dangerous, but he's a true man and he'll risk anything for her, for the woman who owns his soul because that just has to happen in order for him to feel whole again.

TBC.