Welcoming Changes
I'm not scared of lions and tigers and bears, no I'm not.
But I'm scared of, loving you.
I'm not scared to perform at a sold out affair, that's right.
But I'm scared of loving you
Am I the only one who thinks it's an impossible task?
Why it don't last? Is that too much to ask?
Why do we love Love,
when Love seems to hate us?
-Jazmine Sullivan, Lions, Tigers and Bears
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Fear, a word I defiantly know the meaning of. That word has ruined my life in so many ways. I feared my dad would leave, and he did. And now because of him I don't trust many men. I feared that I would choke and fall during the callbacks, I didn't. I didn't because of Troy Bolton, my first love. After the summer Troy began to care more about basketball and less about me, which brings me back to my trust issues. To be completely honest, that's not even close to my biggest fear. And Troy Bolton isn't helping much…
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Sigh
Troy helped out. That's all. He gained all of my trust and my heart. And he used it. Stepped on it, manipulated it, and crushed it. He helped raise my self-confidence and crushed it, yet I still go out with him.
So here I am, first day back at East High. Dating Troy had totally boosted my popularity credits. Not as high as Sharpay, but high enough to skip class and not even get in trouble.
And as if on cue, Miss Sharpay Evans comes in wearing an extremely hot, sparkly pink dress. And right behind her is her twin brother, Ryan. Ryan.
Love is my biggest fear, and to honest I haven't quite figured it out. Troy is popular, kind, handsome. But whenever Ryan walks by, my heart stops and my stomach fills with butterflies. When his precious ice blue eyes look at mine, I melt. Why doesn't Troy have this effect on me?
I must have been in deep thought, because Ryan's standing right in front of me with a concerned look on his face. Troy has never looked at me like that.
"Gabriella?" His voice calls out. My stomach sinks down to my feet. He says my name perfectly, no flaws. Troy constantly makes up ridiculous names like Gabbers or Gab Gabs. To hear my name for once is a welcoming change, especially coming from such a perfect voice.
"Yes Ryan?" I ask hoping he wouldn't look at me again.
"Oh, I just thought something was wrong. You okay?"
His perfect pink lips curl up into a humble smile as I replied,
"Yeah, just thinking." And then he nods as if he completely understood.
"Are you nervous?" I ask, trying to end the awkward silence.
"What homeroom do you have?" He questions. I wonder if he even heard me. A typical boy.
"Darbus." I respond. His face is exceptionally cheerful now.
"Not anymore."
He winks his eye at me and there goes my heart. He's not nervous because of me? I have homeroom with him? I was about to ask him, but he was already halfway across the hallway. His hips sway in rhythm simultaneously. And just now I realize,
I'm in love.
No. I loved Troy, right? Wrong. I liked Ryan. Like, I really liked Ryan. But I can't break up with Troy. That's like if Paula Abdul stopped flirting with Simon! Okay, bad scenario but who doesn't like seeing the mega couple flirt.
Love, I believe, isn't the problem. It was my status, I guess. Right now I'm Troy Bolton's smart girlfriend. And in order to even think about going Ryan Evans, Troy would have to break up with me, not vise versa.
"Montez, Gabriella?" Ms. Darbus' voice somehow brings me back to reality. Troy's looking at me, I know it.
Instead I look diagonally to my right, where I found Ryan looking at me also, another welcoming change. He smiles at me for the second time today and feel like I'm going to die. Why does he have to be oh so adorable?
"Miss. Montez?"
"Um, here Ms. Darbus." Ms. Darbus gives me an uh, quizzical look.
Yes, make it even more obvious that I love Ryan!
I turn to Troy, who was having some side conversation with Chad. Both Chad and Troy look at me. I feel kind of guilty, even though I'm not sure what I did.
I was kidding!
I give Troy a small wave, to let him know I, uh, care. And then he smiles, making me feel guilty, again. Why can't he make me feel the way I feel around Ryan?
So that's Chapter one. No, I don't own Hsm or American Idol. However I do own Jazmine Sullivan's CD Fearless... if that counts or anything.
Please Review! Nice words, bad words, encouraging words, they are ALL excepted. :)