Ianto turned over, shifting to accommodate Jack's arm that was half-splayed, half-holding him across his chest. Gwen had gotten married a few hours ago and no doubt was enjoying her newly non-pregnant state with her new husband. Ianto was stuck in Hub sleeping with Jack in his poor excuse for a room with no future in sight except Torchwood. Ianto was not one to lie to himself, he was aware that he'd most likely be dead by the time he was thirty but the more looked at it the more he was bothered by it.

His sister would miss him, so would his niece and nephew but how much of him would they really remember? He'd been lying to them so long that Ianto could only imagine his sister visiting his ''grave" while his body lay frozen in Torchwood's morgue, each trip being longer after the last until eventually she stopped coming altogether. He saw Mica and David asking about where their Uncle Ianto was before utterly disregarding him as they got older.

Ianto didn't sit up nor did his eyes widen and his heart quicken but he did inhale a small amount of air as he realized his life had been consumed by Torchwood. He glanced over at Jack's sleeping face: Jack with his eternally youthful face and longevity. At some point Jack would forget him, he'd be no more than one of his many stories probably involving his ability to make a damn good cup of coffee and his suits to another lover, Torchwood or not. It may happen while he was still alive should by some miracle he make it to seventy.

There was no consolation knowing that he'd made Jack's life slightly more tolerable because Jack was Torchwood. It was just another part of his life that'd been consumed by Torchwood. He loved Jack but he knew absolutely nothing about him and Ianto suddenly felt suffocated.

He shifted, hoping to get out of the bed but Jack's arm tightened, pulling him closer. Ianto froze, Jack was often a light sleeper, and if he moved now there was a guarantee he'd wake up and want to talk about whatever was bothering him. That was one of those other things that bothered Ianto. The man didn't actually need to sleep that often. He'd seen Jack go days without it and show no sign of weariness. It was like some demented luxury that made Jack feel normal.

It was cruel to think that but Ianto hated Jack and all he represented at that moment. If Lisa had died he'd have never joined Torchwood 3, if he had would his life still be consumed by it? Would Jack utterly remove everything about him: life, youth, love? Love, fuck relationships in general were about knowledge. Relationships involved growing old together not alone. Fuck. Ianto breathed in deeply.

Jack practically knew everything about him and he knew nothing. He didn't know if Jack had been previously married, if he had ever had children, HAD children out there with grandchildren.

Staring at Jack's face, a hint of a smile visible on it, Ianto decided he'd end it soon. Soon but not right then because Ianto cared too much about Jack to make it think it was his fault. It'd never been Jack's fault but Ianto couldn't stand the idea of it anymore.

-----

In the morning, Ianto did his best to avoid Jack's smiles and brief touches. The odd concerned look he sent him made Ianto realize he'd have two ways to approach this: he could either end it right then, talk to Jack and say he wasn't taking it, or he could distance himself, make it seem like a falling out. As he was pushed into the wall and kissed for all he was worth, Ianto thought the second approach was best for now, after all, number when could be implemented at anytime. He still needed Jack, this would make things more tolerable when he found he was alone at night again.

"What's the matter with you?" Jack asked as he pulled back.

Ianto smiled and shook his head. "Nothing, just tired. I couldn't go to sleep last night." He smiled at Jack and pulled him closer, this was wrong. He should be feeding whatever it was they had. He should pull away and make an excuse. Jack smiled back, a hint of concern on his face that turned into a leer.

"I'll make sure not to keep you up all night, then." He said. Ianto laughed. It wasn't all about sex like people believed but Jack could make it seem like it.

"I'm sure you won't, sir." Ianto said smiling back. He looked at his watch and sighed. "You should get back to your work, Jack. You have a call coming in a few minutes." Jack pulled back making a face at the fact, "No, I'm taking it for you, Jack." He said. Jack sighed.

"Fine," he said as if the ordeal was extremely harrowing. Ianto often wondered how much Jack actually liked working for Torchwood. Despite his bravado there was still a lot of paperwork involved and calls between departments, offices, and securities people in order to make sure Torchwood ran smoothly, if not covertly. Sometimes Ianto found himself doing paperwork that was aimed at Torchwood London, forms that were done but never really looked over. He'd taken care to getting rid of those forms and readjusting them. Jack suddenly pulled him in for another kiss, this one long and breath taking as the last. "That'll give me something to think over until tonight." Jack said smiling.

Ianto gave a very weary sounding sigh and tried to keep the smile off his lips. "Jack," he warned. Jack smiled innocently, well as innocently as possible for him. "Please pay attention, I don't want a follow up call coming in and you not knowing what they're talking about again." It rarely happened but the times it did Ianto pulled the long-suffering administrator card.

So Ianto watched as Jack walked away into his office and looked at the nearly empty Hub from the walkway. It was so quiet. It gave him room to think as he headed toward the tourist office. He needed something normal right now.

Three tourists actually came into the office that day. Two were together and one was lost. When five o'clock rolled by he saw Tosh leave with a cheerful goodbye to him. Owen left a few minutes later and looking around the quiet and damp office, Ianto took his keys into his hand. He looked at the Hub entrance and for the first time in over a month went home for the night.

It was half an hour after he had reached his flat when his phone rang. He looked at it knowing it was Jack.

"Hello?"

"Where are you?"

"Home," He said, stressing the word home.

"When are you getting back?" Jack asked as if he hadn't heard it.

"I'm not." Ianto replied suddenly dreading the upcoming words.

"What do you mean you're not coming back?" Jack sounded worried and something else he couldn't quite place.

"It means I'm staying home for once, Jack. I haven't been here all night in over a month and I don't know what happened to my houseplants." He said trying to remember what had happened to the ghastly decorative plant he had bought to try and cheer up his flat when he'd first moved in.

"You have houseplants?"

"Had, I think." He had looked and couldn't find them anywhere. "I think the Rift may have taken them." That was a real possibility but Ianto doubted it had actually happened. He'd probably tossed it at some point. Poor thing had never stood a chance after Jack had left, too busy. Then too much time with Jack and Torchwood.

"Right," Jack said before swallowing reflexively. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Yeah." Then he hung up.

Ianto stared at his silent flat and sighed. Letting them drift apart would be harder than he thought. He walked toward his living room window. The hard way was quicker and would hurt like hell but maybe it was better. He looked out onto the street. He'd end things tomorrow, after work.