"Hide your eyes and count to ten. Ready or not, I'm gonna find you again and again and again and again."
Never have truer words been sung than in this song by Hi-5. Why? Well, the simple answer would be that men never give up, but if I were going to give you the simple answer I wouldn't be here, telling my story, because, quite frankly, my story would be over already. No, I need to tell you the entire story from start to finish through the glories of flashbacks.
Now here I was in my regular uniform of jeans and a stretchy top scrubbing the hallway floor where the kids had tracked mud through (though where they found mud in this drought I haven't a clue) with Hi-5 blaring from the living room where my youngest child sat colouring in.
Frankly I would be happy to see the back of Hi-5; they were always so perky and energetic.
Everything was going just fine, if you excluded my raging headache, the man in the doorway to the kitchen that only I could see and the fact that it was almost noon and I had not yet eaten anything.
"You know," he said, "There is such a thing as food and if you eat it you'll actually function better."
I did not spare a moment to look at him, instead just telling him to piss off. Luckily for me he wasn't an angry spirit.
He chuckled at that and leaned against the doorframe. "I guess that means you're not hungry."
I sighed and brushed a few wispy curls out of my eyes. "You know what?" I asked him getting rather frustrated. "I'm sick of you always hanging around commenting on everything I say and do. Just pass over already!"
"I'm not always around," the very familiar man said, "I'm only here when you need me."
"When I need you?!" I screamed. "I don't need you! All you do is make my life a living hell! You're driving me crazy! Right now, for example, I'm practically yelling at myself; nobody else can see you!"
He raised his eyebrows. "Really? Maybe you should start living your life then."
"What do you mean live my life? What does it look like I'm doing? I have five kids and a husband who love me and I try to do what's best for the family and keep things in tiptop shape so that any mistakes are easily fixed. I live my life, just because it's not the life you envisioned for me doesn't mean it's not a life!"
"Suit yourself, but the dreams aren't going to go away if ignore them. If anything they'll just intensify."
"I liked you a lot more when you were Mr Silent-Man-of-Mystery. You talk too much now."
"I could be silent, but that won't help your situation. You need to forget about the could-have-beens and the what ifs and start living here and now." He crouched down in front of me, so close I could have reached out and touched him, but I knew better that to do so. "Stop dwelling in the past."
I glared at him. "But what if-"
He held up a hand to silence me. "Eliminated the what ifs." And he was gone, poof, disappeared, vanished, nowhere to be found, departed.
Well hell, as if my life wasn't complicated enough, now I was receiving psychological advice from ghosts!
"Cupcake, are you sure you're okay? You haven't touched your meatloaf. After Elexus put so much effort into making it you're not gonna eat it?" Joe was balancing four-year-old Nathaniel on one knee trying in vain to get him to eat at least some of his dinner, but Nathaniel had this thing about not eating when I wasn't eating, (it was only at dinner time mind you) That damned kid was too observant for his own good.
"I'm just not hungry, sorry." I don't know why I was apologising to him, its not lie it was affecting him… well, okay; it was because he was the one trying to get food into the kid.
"Could you at least take a few bites?" he asked pleadingly, inclining his head to the struggling child.
"It's okay, Mum," Elexus assured me, "If you're not hungry you don't have to eat it." I don't think she quite grasped the situation, but it was sweet of her nonetheless.
Nodding, I cut a piece of loaf into bites size cubes and slipped a piece into my mouth. Slowly, I chewed, but it wasn't enough to fool Nathaniel, so I swallowed and took another bite. Finally, Nathaniel allowed Joe to fork some of his own meatloaf into his mouth.
An hour later Nathaniel and Kegan were asleep in bed and the girls were in their respective room s finishing their homework or studying or whatever.
Joe was strict about bedtimes. Six-year-old Kegan and four year old Nathaniel were in bed by seven o'clock every night. While the twins, Elizabeth and Jocelyn (twelve) and Elexus (sixteen) had a bedtime of eight-fifteen. The kids were fine with this as it was the way they have been brought up their entire lives.
Meanwhile I was at the kitchen, my hands submerged in the warm soapy water as I finished the dishes.
Upon entering, Joe, having just finished explaining the importance of math to Elizabeth and Jocelyn, picked up a tea towel and started drying. "What's wrong?" he asked, not bothering to strike up a casual conversation first to lull me into a false sense of security, like he usually did.
"Nothing, I'm fine. Just, I don't know, tired I guess."
He watched me for a few minutes, forgetting about the dishes. "He's back isn't he?" Joe asked
Knowing that I knew he knew I knew exactly what he was talking about, I was forced to admit the truth. "He is, but it's not that. Lately I've been having these-."
"Dreams," Joe supplied dully before I could finish. "Of all different scenarios as to what might have happened if you had done something differently, or if you had prevented a certain event. Cupcake, I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times, everything is how it was intended to be. The kids are healthy, I have a steady income that covers all our expenses and we're together; that's all that matters."
"He said something today that got to me," I said, wiping my hands on the tea towel he was now hold at his side and leaning against the sink. "He told me that he only hung around when I needed him." I was still a bit confused about the whole conversation and this was made known through the furrow in my brow and the frown in my lips. "He told me to stop dwelling in the past. And I started to reply but he cut me off by telling me I should eliminate the what ifs… My dreams lately have been about what might have been, had he not gone after the stupid bastard." I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know. Something tells me there's more to his death than what was in the papers. I need more details."
Joe's arms surrounded my slight form, his way of letting me know everything was going to turn out okay. I guess he was reading more into the situation than I was. "I'll see what I can do," he whispered into my hair.
"Aw, ain't that sweet…" I glanced over Joe's shoulder and sure enough there was Ranger sitting calmly at the table I had recently cleared.
"Oh shut up," I whispered.
"What was that Steph?" Joe asked pulling away slightly with concern.
"Nothing," I told him. "I think I might turn in."
Joe kissed my forehead. "I'll be up in a few minutes.
"Steph? God I haven't heard for you in… wow, it must have been at least-."
"Seven years," I interjected. It was the next day and I had decided that in order to get all the facts of that fateful incident almost eight years ago I had to go straight to his right hand man. It had taken a good three hours to get to him (his 'receptionist' didn't want to put me through to him and wasn't answering his mobile. Eventually I got her to tell him that I was Stephanie Plum and I need to talk to him urgently. It worked). Now that I had him on the phone, however, I was unsure of how to go about getting the information.
"Well, to what do I owe the pleasure?" h asked pleasantly.
Well, here goes, right down to business. "I need some information."
"And…?" he prompted.
"And you're the only one who can give it to me."
Elexus's POV
He stood close. So close that had any school administrator walked past bot our asses would have been sitting in detention every afternoon until we graduated. His hands slid up my abdomen under my immaculate crisp white school shirt. He stopped when he reached my bra and just let his hands rest there as he deepened the kiss.
Okay, so I, Elexus Morelli, was probably the last person anyone would have suspected of making out behind T-huts, but hey, that's what made it so easy. I was your typical shy overachiever with a position n the student council and a secured placement as school captain for next year. In fact, that last point was exactly what had brought me to this secluded area of the school during break. Zaniel, my boyfriend (whom nobody knows about), had declared that celebrations were in order.
I ground my hips against him and he moaned, which in turn made me moan. His tongue made a pass over my teeth as I grasped his tie in an effort to stay upright. I could feel his hard… chest… beneath his clothes.
I broke the kiss with a sudden gasp.
"What is it?" Zaniel asked slowly retracting his hands.
"I was supposed to meet with Emily to help her stud for her exam. I'm sorry, I'll see you tonight." Straightening my shirt I picked up book bag and hurried back around the building, heading in the direction of the window.
The window was the area of the school that used to be the queuing area for the tuckshop but was now just a wall with roller half doors and an adjoining wall that had absolutely no purpose what so ever other than holding a single window that did nothing as both sides of the window were outside.
"I am so sorry I'm late." I apologised upon arriving, back to my shy innocence act (or was the rebel thing an act?) "Mrs Russel stopped me on my way out of the classroom to congratulate me and you know her, once she starts you can't get away."
Emily, my year eight buddy, looked up from the notes she was studying. "It's okay," she assured me. "I didn't expect you straight away anyway. You needed to hand that Ancient History assignment in, remember?"
"Oh, yeah, I did that this morning, thankfully. I would never have been able to get it in on time after Mrs Russel stopped me."
Emily looked at me in awe. "Wow, I wish I was as organised as you," she exclaimed. "You're always on top of everything. And your grades! I wouldn't be able to achieve anything like that in a million years."
I blushed slightly at the comment, even though I wasn't embarrassed or anything like that, a unique talent I had acquired at the age of seven. "Don't, you'll embarrass me."
"Sorry, I just really admire you." Her eyes were downcast.
"Okay, lets get down to business." I took he notes off her and started quizzing. After about ten minutes the whole group had turned up and everyone was congratulating me, unfortunately, this put Emily's study on hold. "Guys, please, I'm trying to help Emily study for her music exam this afternoon. We'll talk about everything tonight, I promise."
"Tonight?" Sasha asked not even looking up from her own studies; her final exam was in ten minutes and she didn't have a clue about anything to do with expressionism. "What's tonight?"
"Everyone laughed. "Lex's congratulatory bash. We've been planning it for weeks," Penny explained patiently as she closed her own book. She was only here because her mother didn't trust her at home alone during the day, everyone else had either just finished an exam or was about to go into one.
Emily looked a little confused. "You only found out this morning, how could have-."
"If she didn't get it, we were going to burn the banner and bag out whoever did get it," Penny said simply.
When I arrived home and hour later I found my mother fast asleep in my brother Nathaniel's bed, and Nathaniel on the floor colouring in.
"What are you doing awake?" I asked him. "You're supposed to be having the nap, not Mummy, what did you do to her."
"I colour," he said innocently holding up his crayons and book.
"I can see that," I told him, "Why don't you come down to the kitchen so I can keep an eye on you while Mummy sleeps?"
I lead Nathaniel by the hand down the stairs to the kitchen where I started on the preparations for that evening's function. By the time Mum was up it was two o'clock and I had sticked carrots and celery, mixed the dips and was starting on the coleslaw. Yes I was quite the domestic goddess.
"What are you doing home?" Mum yawned pouring herself a cup of coffee and taking up residence in the seat across from my brother.
"Duh, exam block. I only have to be at school if I have an exam. I had an exam this morning and now I'm home. I don't have another exam until Tuesday."
"Uh huh." She didn't sound too pleased to be stuck with me at home on Monday, but I'm sure she'll get over it. "So what are you doing there?" she asked indicating to the big bowl and the bottle of coleslaw dressing I had on the bench, as if it wasn't obvious what I was doing.
"Mum, you haven't forgotten about tonight have you?" I glared at her pointedly, although it wasn't heart felt. I knew that she'd had a lot on her mind lately.
"Oh crap, your birthday! I totally forgot! I'm so sor-."
"My birthday was three months ago. I'm talking about a party to celebrate a very special event that took place today at school regarding next year." I spoke slowly so that she could catch every word, but when I finished her face was blank. Why me? I bet I'm the only overachiever whose mother could not remember the reason for a party which is being held at her own house and thrown by her own daughter. "School Captain MUM! I'm in! I am the head honcho of the student body for next year!!"
Her face brightened. "That's great, sweet cheeks. What time is the party?"
"My friends will be turning up at five, their families are turning up at six and Dad won't be here until seven to cook the snake and snags, he has a stake out shift until six thirty over at boganville."
"Snake and snags?" Being born in America, Mum still hadn't caught on to the Aussie slang after, what, seven years of living here? It was rather embarrassing at times.
"Steak and sausages, mum, try to keep up." I put my carrot down and looked at her curiously. "What's wrong?"
"I found out some news on an old friend this morning," she said slowly, as if measuring each word. "In a way it's good news, but in another…" she trailed off, her eyes rimmed with tears.
"What happened?" I asked quietly. Dad had always told me that it was better to talk about things that evoked emotion (I think he my have been a psychiatrist in a previous life.)
Mum sniffed loudly and I noticed that Nathaniel had stopped colouring in and was watching her intently. "Do you remember Uncle Ric?" she asked me.