Disclaimer: I don't own High School Musical, Disney does. I don't own "All Grown Up," nor do I own bare, but the lyrics belong to Damon Intrabartolo.
A/N: This song is from the musical bare: a pop opera. I recently discovered the musical while youtube searching for Matt Doyle videos. He's on the studio recording of bare, which is where this version of "All Grown Up" comes from. Basically, the character, Ivy, is singing about the mistake she made with Jason, the guy she loves. A mistake that ended in an unwanted pregnancy.
I really, really love this song. And I was thinking about it, and wanted to set a fic to it. I finally, after a lot of thought, ended up with Sharpay. Sharpay's parents here are Vance and Olivia, I couldn't find her mom's name.
WARNINGS: Teenage sexuality/pregnancy; some cursing possible; discussion of sensitive issues
Enjoy!
Remember back in seventh grade?
Endless games of truth or dare
Double dates to Shea's arcade,
When I close my eyes I'm there.
Sharpay Evans sat on the floor of the bathroom she shared with her twin brother, Ryan, tears flowing without abandon down her cheeks as she stared at the little pink line in front of her. Pink. Her favorite color. The color signaling the end of her life as she knew it.
She hadn't even thought twice when she missed her period the first time-as a former gymnast and a dancer, it was pretty normal to skip. The nausea in the mornings? Explained by nervousness over the big show. The second month she started to grow suspicious; by the third, almost convinced. Too afraid what it would read, she hadn't taken a pregnancy test until three and a half months had passed, too afraid to face reality.
Now, looking at the little pink line staring back at her, Sharpay knew there was no escaping it. This was her reality. This was real. She was pregnant. With Jason Cross's baby.
I think my mother took this picture
Back when we were all just friends
Memories that fade and flicker
Burn again when I pretend
Fresh sobs wracked her slender frame as she thought back to the night that led to this moment. It hadn't been planned-hell, she had barely spoken to him before that. He was sulking in the back of the theater, watching Ryan and Kelsi Nielson dancing onstage, blocking the choreography for the prom scene. She stormed out of the theater following a confrontation with Ms. Darbus over the costumes, and over the duet Troy Bolton and Gabriella had been given to sing.
For some reason, he'd followed her. Maybe it was loneliness, maybe jealousy, maybe anger-she didn't think she'd ever know, or care to know. All she knew was, barely ten minutes later, they were ripping each other's clothes off in the janitor's closet, all thoughts of safety and restraint thrown aside.
He'd long since gotten back together with Kelsi, the latter having realized Ryan was only using her by asking her to prom, and she had quickly forgotten him in the race to finish the musical and rehearse. It was only now, looking back, that she remembered how desperate they'd both felt, desperate enough to do something she'd sworn she'd never do.
After they'd finished, he'd asked her if she was okay, wanted to make sure they both knew this was a one-time occurrence. He hadn't wanted anything to do with her after that. She was a release for him, a way for him to clear his feelings and emotions as his ex-girlfriend flirted with her brother. There wasn't supposed to be any fallout. It was no strings attached fun for both of them.
Except there was a string attached. One huge, looming string.
And now, it was her problem to deal with.
Life is short
And life is strange
Troubled now and troubled past
Times have changed, they rearrange
And little girls grow up so fast
Sharpay sat in the OB/GYN's office the next afternoon, having made the appointment and gone by herself, without alerting her parents or brother to her actions. Her knees bounced nervously, her fingers tapping on the arms of the chair as she waited for her name to be called.
"Sharpay Evans?"
A petite nurse had opened the door at the back of the room, and was waiting patiently for her patient to respond. Sharpay stood slowly, crossing to the door in a few strides, shoving her hands in the pockets of her jeans to stop them from shaking.
"How are you today, Sharpay?" the nurse asked, leading her to a room a few doors down, placing Sharpay's chart on the counter, motioning for the teen to sit on the paper-covered bed.
"Um, ok, I guess," Sharpay replied, her hands resuming their shaking as she sat on the bed.
"What brings you to the office today?"
Looking at the floor, Sharpay took a deep breath.
"I'm pregnant," she whispered, her voice barely audible.
"I didn't catch that, Sharpay. Can you repeat it?"
"I-uh," Sharpay stammered. She had yet to say it aloud, afraid to confirm what was real. "I'm pregnant."
Feel it how it grows inside me
Swirling ball of anguished cries
Haunted, daunted
So unwanted
Feel its anger in me rise
"Jason, can I talk to you?"
"Now? Sharpay, I'm kinda busy. I'm supposed to meet Kelsi for lunch."
"Jason, please. It's important."
"Ok, fine. Meet me after school by my locker."
"Jason-"
"I've gotta go, Sharpay, okay? I'll see you after school."
Sharpay watched him walk away, an unwanted tear streaming down her cheek. The day passed in a blur, her mind on anything but school. At 2:30 on the dot, she was at Jason's locker, wringing her hands impatiently as she waited for him. Fifteen minutes later, he finally rounded the corner, strolling casually to his locker and swinging it open, starting to gather his books for homework.
"What's this about, Sharpay? I thought we agreed it was one time."
"Jason, I'm pregnant."
The Pre-Calculus book in his hand fell to the ground with a loud clunk, its owner crouched unmoving on the floor.
"Jason, did you hear me? I'm-"
"I heard you," he whispered, standing slowly and facing her. "Are you sure?"
She nodded.
"I went to the doctor yesterday."
"Shit. Shit. What the fuck are we gonna do?"
Dream a dream, then dash another
Life is there to interrupt
Someone out there call my mother
Look at me, mom, all grown up
"I don't know, Jason. I don't know what to do. I'm scared out of my mind."
"Have you told anyone else?"
"Just you. I haven't even told my parents yet. God, Jason, they're going to kill me."
"Are you sure it's-it's mine?"
"God, Jason. Of course it's yours. You're the only one I've ever been with since I broke up with Michael."
"Shit."
Jason stared blankly over her shoulder for a while, clearly struggling with her revelation. Sighing, he turned back.
"Well, have you thought-I mean-I can take you after school, we can be finished with this in a couple hours, no one would have to know."
"God, Jason, how could you say that? I could never do that."
"Sharpay, we're seventeen. We can't raise a baby. I can't afford a kid right now. I've got enough to think about, I can't-"
"You can't? Jason, this isn't about you. You don't have to carry the evidence around for everyone to see."
"That's why we can just go to the clinic. Put it behind us. Please, Sharpay," he pleaded, reaching for her hand. She yanked it from his reach.
"Jason, no! I can't do that. I can't just get rid of it. It's a baby, for God's sake."
"Well then what do you want to do, Sharpay?" Jason asked, his voice rising. "What the hell do you want to do? Raise it? At seventeen?"
"No, Jason, of course not. But I can't-"
"Sharpay, I can't deal with this. I-I need to go."
He slammed the locker shut, grabbing his bag and turning to leave. Stopping, he faced her again.
"Listen, I just-I need to think about this. Call me when you talk to your parents."
He turned to leave again, leaving Sharpay standing at his locker, shocked. She slid to the floor, her body wracked with quiet sobs as she buried her face in her arms.
All those years she scrimped and saved
But now of course, it comes to this
If only Ivy had behaved
Or learned to stop at just a kiss
Jason reached his house in record time, pulling his car into the driveway and killing the engine, resting his head on the steering wheel.
"Shit," he muttered, banging his fist on the dash.
He'd had a bad feeling all day, since Sharpay had first approached him in the hall. In his darkest nightmares, however, he'd never imagined her telling him she was pregnant. He was now facing probably the biggest mistake of his life, a mistake he knew he'd be unable to erase. He didn't really believe in abortion, but to him, it seemed like it was the easiest option, the easiest way to attempt to restart their lives. With Sharpay's refusal, however, came a whole new set of problems.
If she kept the baby, it would be his responsibility for the rest of his life. He'd have to pay for it, take care of it. One decision in the heat of passion, and Jason was facing his entire future draining away in front of him.
A few tears escaped beneath his lashes, and he wiped them away hastily. This was not part of his senior year plan. A baby was not a part of his future.
Sighing, he climbed out of the car. He knew his parents were inside, probably cooking dinner, reading together. The last thing they expected was what he was walking inside to tell them. Opening the front door, Jason breathed in the familiar aroma of his mom's grilled lemon chicken, and he knew without a doubt that his parents were in the kitchen. Following the scent, he found his parents seated at the table, each reading a separate piece of the paper.
"Jason!" his mom cried, putting down her newspaper, standing up to hug him. "How was school?"
Pulling away, she looked him over critically.
"Jason? Sweetie, what's wrong?"
"Mom, Dad, there's-there's something I need to tell you."
It hits me, paralyzing shudder
Face the music, take a bow
Just another unwed mother
One more sad statistic now
Sharpay looked across the table at her parents, who looked as though they were fearing the worst. She wasglad Ryan was still at school, that he wasn't home to witness what was about to happen.
"I'm pregnant."
A deafening silence filled the room, broken only by the quiet sobs that began to pour from her mother's throat. Her father stood, pushing away from the table and turning his back to her. After several seconds, he whirled around.
"Who?" he asked, spitting the word out bitterly. "Whose is it?"
"Dad-"
"Troy Bolton? Chad Danforth?"
"Jason," Sharpay whispered, defeated.
"Jason Cross?" her father repeated, looking incredulously at her. "Jason Cross?"
"Dad-"
"Sharpay, how could you do this to us? What are we supposed to do? You're seventeen years old, for crying out loud. I thought you had more sense than this."
"Dad-"
"Vance, please, calm down," her mother placed a hand on her husband's arm, trying to calm him.
"Liv, she's having a baby. How do I calm down?"
"Mom, Dad, I'm sorry, I'm really, really sorry."
"You better be sorry," her father turned back to her. "Sharpay, I couldn't be more disappointed in you."
Dream a dream, then dash another
Life is there to interrupt
Someone out there call my mother,
Look at me, I'm all grown up
Look at me, I'm all grown up
"And you're sure you want to go with adoption?" the adoption counselor, Meggie McBride, seated across the table from Sharpay and her parents questioned, flipping open a folder in front of her.
"Absolutely," Vance stated, staring at the counselor. "She is not going to raise this baby herself."
"Sharpay, are you sure this is what you want?"
"Yes. I want my baby-my daughter-to have a good life. I want her to be taken care of," Sharpay whispered, her eyes glued to the table in front of her.
"Well, then, we have a few things to discuss. Do you want an open adoption or a closed adoption?"
"What?"
"With an open adoption, the parents could send you updates about your daughter, and, if your daughter someday wants to contact you, she'd be able to meet with you. With a closed-"
"I'd like that," Sharpay said quietly, not looking at her parents.
"Sharpay, don't you just want to put this behind you? Forget about it, move on?" her father asked, taking her hand in his.
"Dad, I can't move on. This is a part of me now. She is a part of me now. I want to-I want to make sure I did the right thing. I want her to know that it wasn't because I didn't love her."
"Sharpay-"
"It's my decision, Dad. My baby. And I want an open adoption."
She looked into her father's eyes for a few intense seconds, before he nodded, conceding to her.
"Okay, then, here are some potential couples for you to consider," Meggie said, pushing the folder over to Sharpay. The teen looked down at the pictures of the couples, third of them. The first was a young couple, who looked not much older than she was. The second was a couple around her parent's age, with two small children between them. The third was a picture of a young bride and groom, not quite out of their twenties.
"This first couple is Maria and Michael Sanchez, from right here in Albuquerque. Maria is 22, Michael 24. They've been unable to have children, and have been married for three years," Meggie started, handing Sharpay a short form the couple themselves had filled out. "The next is Lisa and Andrew Miller, both in their mid 40's. They've already adopted two children, a little boy, Alex, and a little girl, Julie. This last couple is Sarah and Kyle Larson, both 27. Sarah had a hysterectomy at the age of 17, and is unable to have children."
"I-I'm not sure-"
"You can take your time, Sharpay. You don't need to make a decision now."
"I'll let you know who I choose," Sharpay agreed, closing the folder and placing it in her bag.
Little lies and big decisions
Who to tell and where to go?
Follow someone else's visions,
Or trust my own
Cause I don't know
"I think I want to go with the Larsons, Mom," Sharpay told her mother three weeks later, handing the picture of the married couple to her mom. "They seem like the best fit. I think-I think she'll be happy with them."
"Oh, Sharpay," Olivia whispered, pulling her daughter close. "I know this is hard for you, but you're doing the right thing."
"It doesn't feel like it," Sharpay murmured, burying her face in her mom's sweater. "It hurts so much, Mommy. I don't want to give her up, but I know I can't keep her. I know Jason can't raise her with me. And it hurts to know I can't be there for her."
"Sharpay, I can't tell you I've been through this, or that I know what you're feeling. But I know that one day, you will be at peace with this. One day you'll realize that this is the right thing."
Sharpay nodded, wiping tears from her eyes as she pulled away from her mother.
"I should call Meggie, and then probably Jason."
"I'll be in the kitchen, sweetheart. Please, let me know if you need anything."
Nodding, Sharpay watched her mother leave the room, pulling out her cell phone. The first call she placed to Meggie, announcing her choice of adoptive parents. The counselor agreed to set up a meeting with the Larsons as soon as possible, so that Sharpay could be sure it was the right decision.
The next call was to Jason. After four rings, he answered the phone, his voice heavy and laden with sadness.
"Jason? It's Sharpay."
There was a long pause, during which Sharpay had feared he'd hung up.
"And?"
"I picked Kyle and Sarah."
"I liked them," Jason stated, his voice seeming a bit brighter than before.
"Me too. Listen, Jase, I-I'm sorry about all this. But in a few months, she'll be somewhere where she'll be taken care of, and we can just go back to pretending-"
"Sharpay, don't be sorry. This isn't your fault. If anything, it's mine."
"How is Kelsi taking it?"
"How would you expect? She's called me every name I could ever imagine, and then some. She won't speak to me. My parents are furious. My dad threatened to kick my out of the house."
"Jason-"
"I'm sorry, Sharpay. I'm sorry you have to go through this. I'm sorry."
Am I supposed to love this child?
Is it just that simple then?
Tell me how this change will happen
Tell me how and tell me when
Tell me how and tell me when
Five months later, Sharpay found herself at Albuquerque General Hospital, holding a pink wrapped bundle in her arms, tears streaming down her face as she looked at her baby girl. Meggie was outside with Sarah and Kyle Larson, preparing them to take custody of their new adopted daughter.
"Sharpay?" Meggie asked, sticking her head into the room. "Are you ready?"
Sharpay nodded silently, gently kissing the baby's forehead. Meggie led Sarah and Kyle into the room, Sharpay watching them with silent tears falling from her eyes.
"Sharpay, you are truly a blessing," Sarah whispered, walking to the bed and squeezing the teen's shoulder. "I know how difficult this is for you, but Kyle and I cannot thank you enough. We promise we're going to take good care of her."
"Please do," Sharpay whispered, reluctantly relinquishing her hold on the baby. Sarah took the bundle in her arms, an instant peace falling over her face.
"She belongs with you," Sharpay said quietly, unable to deny that Sarah looked at home with the baby in her arms. "I trust you."
Pulling a letter from her bedside table, she handed it to Sarah.
"Could you please make sure she gets this when she's 16? It just-I want-"
"Of course," Sarah agreed, taking the letter. "I'll make sure she knows how much you love her."
"Thank you."
Sarah and Kyle turned to leave the room, their new bundle in hand. At that moment, however, Jason entered the room.
"Jason?" Sharpay asked, shocked that he had come.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, addressing Kyle and Sarah. "I just-I had to see."
He reached out to gently touch the pink blanket, his eyes filling with tears.
"Oh my God," he whispered, brushing his fingertips along his daughter's cheek. "She's-"
"Beautiful," Sarah finished, smiling as she watched Jason fall in love with his daughter. "My husband and I cannot thank you and Sharpay enough. You are two incredibly brave teenagers. From the bottom of our hearts, thank you."
They carried the baby from the room, leaving Jason at the door, unable to control the sobs that now wracked his frame.
"I know," Sharpay whispered. "I miss her too."
Dream a dream, then dash another
Life is there to interrupt
Someone out there tell my mother
Look at me, I'm all grown up
Emily Larson sat in her room, picking out a quiet tune on the keyboard her parents had just given her for her sixteenth birthday. She noticed an envelope taped to the side, unmarked.
"I wonder if this is for me?" Emily asked aloud, picking up the envelope. Peeling through the glue, she pulled out a tri-fold letter on a piece of lined notebook paper. Unfolding, Emily began to read.
My beautiful daughter,
I'm sure your parents have told you all about me. And I'm sure you've wondered why I chose to give you up sixteen years ago, to let them raise you and care for you. It wasn't because I don't love you. I love you more than I thought possible. I think about you all the time. I wish you were mine to hold, to hug and care for, to play dress up with, to watch grow.
But I was only seventeen years old, a year older than you are now. I was young, I was foolish. I wasn't even dating your father. I couldn't possibly raise you myself, without feeling incredibly guilty about the life I was giving you.
That's why I chose to give you to Kyle and Sarah. They can take care of you, better than I ever could hope to. They can love you, cherish you, take you to doctors' appointments, feed you. I hope you don't resent my choice. I made it out of love.
I hope one day we can meet, and come to know each other. Until then, know only that you're always on my mind.
I love you.
-Your mother, Sharpay
Emily put the letter down on her keyboard, tears escaping from beneath her eyelashes. She had always wondered about her birth parents, since she'd known from a young age that she had been adopted. The only thing she ever knew was that both her parents were teenagers, unable to care for a child. And so they put her up for adoption, giving her to Kyle and Sarah Larson.
Reading the story in her mother's own handwriting, however, gave Emily a feeling of hope inside she'd never felt before. Her mom wanted to meet her one day, to get to know her. And Emily knew that she would await that day with great anticipation.
Nearly 3,000 miles away, in New York City, Sharpay Evans-Doyle sat at a desk in her apartment, penning a birthday card to her daughter. Finishing, she sealed the card in its envelope, opening the top drawer of the desk and sliding it in with the others. In the drawer were 32 letters, sixteen from Sharpay, and sixteen from Jason. Each had written a letter on every birthday, intending to give them to Emily when she was ready.
Closing the drawer, Sharpay walked to the cradle beside her bed, looking in on the tightly-wrapped bundle inside. She and her husband had just had their first child, a boy, Max. It took sixteen years for Sharpay to even consider loving another child, but she felt she as well on her way. Max didn't replace Emily, but he helped to fill the void until she could be reunited with her daughter.
The story ends in total damage
It's an unforgiving world
Seventeen, how will I manage?
How can I?
I'm just a girl.
A/N: Wow. That was awesome to write. Just to write for the first time in months, for one. And I love that song.
Anyway, please R&R.
Peace and love always,
jetsfanforlyfe
