A/N:
This is what happens when you have a binge on Evanescence, you get
addicted to one song and you insist it's written into a songfic,
however depressing it turns out. And there fore, this is what I've
brought you! I can only apologise for the ending as it does seem
rushed, sorry. Disclaimers: I don't own the Boosh, or
Evanescence – Imaginary, so don't sue me, I'm skint.
I linger
in the doorway
of alarm clock screaming.
Monsters calling my
name.
Let me stay.
Where the wind will whisper to me,
Where
the raindrops
As they're falling tell a story.
I groan as the alarm clock rings through the air, the morning noise echoes through the windows, the wind howling and the cars speeding down the roads. The usual racquet crescendos through the walls of the flat, growing louder as the bedroom door is pulled open, feet shuffle along the carpet and I know that I'm once again going to be exposed to the cruel morning, and the ever crueller day to ensue.
"Morning Vince." A familiar voice says to me, chirpy and happy as ever, although I just groan and try to pull the duvet back over my head engulfing back in the darkness where I belong. Howard sighs, and begins his usual fight to wake me up, the monster. I shouldn't be so cruel to him, but he is a monster and so is every other being of human kind. The world is an unfair place, everyone who lives in it is unfair and therefore that makes me unfair and a monster too, but that is what I am; a monster.
"Come on little man, it's a new day – lets try and get you up and get you some clothes sorted out that don't come in the 'various' shades of black." Howard smiled, his teeth brimming down on me glinting against the violent sunlight that was making it way, most unwelcome, into the bedroom. I mumbled.
"Leave me alone." Pulling the covers back over my head as I did, Howard just sighed and trotted back out the room defeated again. I don't know why I am like this, I mean once upon a time I basked in the sun, danced around in my full glory, went clubbing every night. And now, nothing. I hated the sun, I barely left the house let alone danced around and I always stayed in at night.
Night.
The most liberating, beautiful time of day; the time where I can finally rest my head down on my pillow and sleep. I can only trust my dreams now, the world I slip into when I close my eyes I can only trust the people there and all the creatures and cultures. I don't belong in this planet, I belong in my own. In theirs.
In my field of
paper flowers,
And candy clouds of lullaby.
I lie inside myself
for hours,
And watch my purple sky fly over me.
Don't say
I'm out of touch
With this rampant chaos - your reality.
I know
well what lies beyond my sleeping refuge.
The nightmare I built my
own world to escape.
The cover is once again pulled from me, this time by Naboo. I grumble as he turfs me up, grabbing my wrists and dragging me out of the bed I sigh and stop resisting, I break free of his grip and run straight to the bathroom. I close the door and look directly in the mirror, tracing my eyes with my fingers, running them nimbly over the panda eyes from yesterdays uncared for eyeliner. It's not that I don't clean my face before I go to bed, because I do, it's just the eyeliner represents me now – it's who I am and without it my eyes are just ghosts. I grab my makeup wipes and rub it away, rubbing vigorously at first but slowing eventually as the eyeliner starts to lift and my eyes become sore. I reach for the kohl pencil on the shelf and uncap it, I poke the tip with my finger and pull my bottom lid down before running a thick line of it across my skin, repeating the action on my upper lids and my opposite eye. I run my comb through my hair and then use the tool to back comb my roots allowing the back of my hair to stick up in all directions.
I don't bother straightening anymore. I slouch back into my room and pull my outfit for the day out the wardrobe, today I choose black drainpipes a black tee and a black and white checker hoodie, hoping the contrast of colours would make me appear a little bit happier to Howard however gloomy I actually am. I pull the clothes on without haste and slump on the sofa, staring at the wall opposite.
"Good morning." Howard smiled over his paper and cup of tea I look back at him and force a smile.
"is it?" I reply, turning back away and examining the walls with fascination. I hear him sigh from behind, his paper ruffles as he puts it away and then suddenly I feel his arm around me, bodily contact. I shudder as he arms snakes around me, pulling me close to him.
"What's all this about little man, you've be frightening me lately. Why are you so insistent of being so miserable?"
"Howard you know why, I'm living in a nightmare and my dreams are the only place where I feel safe, and happy."
"I know that, but I don't understand it." He replies, I sigh on the outside and fill with rage on my insides.
"You don't understand because you don't see what I can see." I reply, repeating the words I've said to him over and over again, he doesn't understand why and neither do I entirely, it's just I love my dream world, where my imagination takes me. Every night I lie on my back watching as the skies zoom past in amazing Technicolor, the suns always shining and the grass is always green, where the old Vince dances around, talking with his friends. I love my dreams, because it's a reminder of who I am, and who I. It was then I decided. I stood up and made my way again back to the bathroom, ignoring Howards comments, when I got there I grabbed my razor from the side and climbed into my bed, I fiddled around with the clasps on the side of the rubber case and watched as the blades fell, I grabbed the first one I spotted and smiled.
Swallowed up in the sound of my screaming.
Cannot
cease for the fear of silent nights.
Oh! How long for the deep
sleep dreaming
The Goddess of imaginary light.
I'm wearing glitter, the sky is green and the grass is even greener, the clouds zoom by glowing aluminous pink and the a large rainbow sits suspended in the sky. I'm standing on top of a hill and at the bottom is my best French, perched on a park bench eating a orange apple, I smile and run down to him, jumping on his lap as I reach the bottom I hug him and smile.
I must be dreaming, dreaming forever.