Four Times, One Time
This is the prize fic for my recent one shot giveaway over on tumblr. The winner was sand1128 , who requested Rucas, a happy ending (spoiler alert), and this particular format to deal with some canon moments of Lucas' feelings for Riley and vice versa. And this is what happened.
Four Times Riley has the Obvious Pointed Out to Her…
I.
She walks down the stairs to the subway platform side-by-side with Maya, resisting the urge to cling to her best friend for dear life. This is it. Her first real date. And with Lucas no less. She's had butterflies in her stomach from the moment he first asked her, and now that the moment has finally arrived it feels like they're fluttering up a storm. Inside a tornado. Along with a million dancing elephants. There's a menagerie living inside her, acting out every ounce of her nervous anticipation. She just wants this to go well. She needs it to go well.
She likes him so much.
Her hope and excitement and anxiety all swirl together to the point where Riley isn't sure if she's coming or going, even though she's obviously moving forward with each step they take further down the stairs.
She spots Farkle first then Lucas' familiar form and reality sets in. Some of her nerves fall back because if the boys are here, that means the date is actually happening (and one of her imagined nightmare scenarios had been getting stood up or dumped before they even went out) and at least she knows for certain that she and Lucas get along and have things to talk about so it can't be too awkward to actually have their night out, even if they are trying something new. It's possible that maybe, just maybe, this could work.
Lucas turns around and Riley's mouth goes dry. He looks good. He's in a sweater that she's never seen before, and it just looks so nice and put together, and the blue makes his eyes pop in the most interesting way and—and why is he looking at her like that?
Riley stops in her tracks.
Lucas is frozen and staring. His jaw is slack, mouth slightly open. Riley can't figure out the expression on his face. It doesn't really look bad, so she doesn't think it means he thinks she looks awful or anything, but it's not a happy or good expression that can identify right away either, so she can't just move forward and go on the date. Who knows what will happen?
"Why are we stopping?" Maya pauses next to her, leaning over a little to whisper in her ear. "Do you want to back out and go home? Does this mean I don't have to go out with Farkle?"
"Lucas is looking at me funny."
Maya glances down at the boys and shrugs. "What are you talking about? He looks at you like that all the time."
"He does?" Riley can't remember ever seeing a look like this.
"Of course he does. Maybe most of the time it's when you're not looking but...he likes you, Riles. He gets all weird and stupid around you every time you're...well, you. Even when you're having a bad hair day. And the way we've got you all gussied up for this little get together...Huckleberry's just staying true to form and getting all caught up in your special-ness. If it's bothering you I'll go make him stop."
Maya moves to go down to the guys, but without really thinking about it Riley grabs her friend's elbow and stops her. "No, don't." Now that Maya's explained it, Rile can see some of the little signs in Lucas' gaze that make it clear; knowing what it is she's looking at, she can almost see a whole warm, happy universe in Lucas' eyes. And she put that there. Her little stomach zoo calms down a lot with the realization that he really does like her, enough so much that others have actually noticed before, leaving only the flight of butterflies lingering in a much more sedate manner. "It's OK."
Riley starts to walk again, a small smile on her face. She's going on her first date. With a boy who likes her.
II.
Riley sighs from her place on the couch and flips backward a page in her book. Her eyes may have been looking over the last few pages, but she's fairly certain that she hadn't actually read a single word. Try as she might, she just can't focus on her English homework. Not with this whole...thing with Lucas and the new kid, Zay, and Lucas' dark and semi-secret past still weighing heavily on her mind. And it's really starting to annoy.
Even the fact that she's still thinking about it bugs her because it should be over and done with. They've worked everything out. They know more about Lucas, and he'll share the rest when he's ready. Her dad's whole 'secret of life' lesson got all wrapped up with a neat little bow. Lucas and everyone else got reminded that talking and sharing are two of the cornerstones of a strong friendship.
It's all resolved and dealt with. Only…
"That was an awful big sigh." Her mom comments as she returns from Auggie's room. "Everything OK?"
Riley explains that she can't stop thinking about the past few days, even though it's all been figured out. As she talks, running down the list of resolutions with her mom as she had in her head, it starts to hit her where her hangup actually is. She finishes with another sigh as her mom sits next to her. "I don't understand why Lucas didn't think he could be honest with me in the first place. We've always been able to talk to each other."
"Well, did you ask him?"
"All he said was that he wasn't the same guy anymore." Riley nods. "I just...I can't believe he thought I would judge him for something that's in the past. I've never been that person. With him or anyone else. It hurts that he thought so little of me."
"Oh sweetie...it wasn't you he thought little of."
Riley frowns, hating it just a tiny bit that her mom is making it sound like this should be obvious to her. If it were obvious, it wouldn't be bothering her. She can't figure out why Lucas would be worried about anyone else; if he asked her to keep something private, she'd never violate his trust. She tells her mom as much and her mom shakes her head.
"Riley, he didn't want to tell you because he probably thought little of himself. Of the boy he was before he came here. Lucas has grown a lot since he moved to the city, probably more than you or I could ever really understand. He said it himself. He's not the same guy anymore. He might be really ashamed of what he did and who he was, and when you factor in how he feels about you, he probably couldn't help but worry about your reaction to it all."
"That's still him assuming my reaction." Riley protests. "We've been friends for a year." And something else undefined for a few months. "He should know me better."
"And in his head, I'm sure he does." Her mom says. "But feelings can mess with your head. And make you think weird things. Things like, 'I don't want to lose Riley and if she hears about this, it might be the thing that makes her decide I'm not worth it.' It's not rational, but the heart rarely is."
If what her mom is saying is true, it's touching in a way. And scary at the exact same time. Could Lucas really care about her so much that his heart messes with his brain and makes him do things that he knows are mistakes or wrong? She knows it's possible for feelings to make you do weird things (she's done her fair share this past year) but is Lucas at that same place?
Riley thanks her mom and turns back to her homework, even though she's certain she'll get even less done now.
She has a lot to think about.
III.
The counter in her mom's bakery is damaged. It's the first thing Riley notices when the group gets there after school. It's been a long day, trying to avoid the issue at hand with her friends while they try to get more information and come up with some sort of solution while at the same time hoping beyond hope that her dad wouldn't start demanding answers (not to mention receiving a few more messages) and she just wants to bury herself in a pile of pastry for a little while and keep avoiding it all, but the visible destruction gives her pause.
"Did I miss something?"
"What?"
At Maya's question, Riley points across the room. "Did the Hulk come and get a smoothie or something?"
"You could say that." Zay smirks a little, scratching behind his ear.
Riley notes that the other boys look just as awkward; Farkle is rocking on his heels staring at the ceiling to avoid her gaze and Lucas almost looks to be shrinking in on himself while looking at the floor. She frowns. "What does that mean?"
"It means that it wasn't the hulk per se..." Zay replies, "just that it's not exactly hard to imagine Lucas in the shredded shirt and shorts after he gets like that."
"Zay!" Lucas groans and glares at his friend.
The answer stops Riley in her tracks. "Wait. Lucas did that?" She can't even imagine how the damage would be accomplished, let alone by Lucas. This isn't just a few things strewn about out of place, or a couple of scrape on the surface of the counter. This is pieces of the counter that are just...missing. They've been torn up or out or…something.
"We knew he'd be upset when he heard what you were going through." Farkle explains after a moment of tense quiet passes. "So Zay and I tied him to the counter with some spare towels only he still-,"
"Why?" Riley's frown deepens. "Why were you so worried?" Her situation isn't that different from what Farkle went through last year, and Lucas had gotten upset, but he had mostly controlled himself. And when Zay had gotten himself into trouble on his arrival, Lucas had rushed to his defense, but nothing had gotten out of hand. So what made this time so different?
Lucas is still staring at the floor but everyone else shares a look. Riley has to wait while they appear to be having a silent conversation via tilted heads and wiggled eyebrows until Maya steps forward. "They were worried because out of everyone here, Lucas cares the most about you. You being upset brings out the cowboy caveman in him."
Riley knows that they're close—definitely closer than he and Maya, and probably closer than he and Farkle—but she can't believe that he cares more about her than he does Zay, who's one of his oldest childhood friends. Only the more she thinks about it, the more she realizes that the reaction he had bursting through her room like that was also bit wilder and more out of control than she's seen from him when helping other friends.
So maybe Maya is right. Maybe Lucas cares about her more than than their other friends, and when she's in trouble that brings out the side of him that he'd been trying to leave behind since moving to New York. The side of him that he doesn't want to embrace anymore.
And Riley's not sure what to think or how to feel about that.
IV.
One thing about high school that Riley has noticed is that when the bell rings to signify the end of class, everyone really books it out of the classroom. She likes to take her time, make sure all her things are organized and say a proper goodbye to the teacher, but everyone else just sweeps things into their bags and runs out into the hall.
Which is part of the reason she's so surprised today that anyone has lingered and is trying to talk to her.
"Riley, hold on. Do you have a minute?"
She's even more surprised that it's Lucas. He'd made his feelings plenty clear after their fight in the hole the other day, and even though the group has reunited again, not once has that moment been addressed. Riley's fairly certain that he's realized that by losing his temper he's given himself an easy out from the triangle; he's stopping her now because it's private, and because they've been in English (a class that they don't share with Maya) so the likelihood of a scene on anyone's behalf is unlikely. She takes a moment to steel herself for the inevitable before she turns around, determined that if this is the end for her and Lucas, she take it well and save her tears for her pillow.
"Of course." She forces a smile and turns, vaguely aware that even the teacher is leaving the room now. "What did you-,"
"I need to apologize." Lucas cuts her off. "For what I said. I was upset and I let my temper get ahead of my mouth."
An apology being the last thing Riley was expecting, she immediately feels off-kilter. She shakes her head. "It's fine, Lucas. You wouldn't have said it if it wasn't something you felt. If you think I'm too much for you then-,"
"But you're not." He interrupts a second time. Riley would normally get upset over something like that but she's too unsure about what's actually happening to protest. "You could never be too much for me." Lucas continues. "Not in a bad way."
"There's a good way?"
Lucas doesn't answer that question, and Riley realizes that he has some sort of speech planned out in his head and that's why he keeps interrupting; he's worried that if he deviates he'll get into trouble again. "I was...completely thrown off between starting school and feeling totally overwhelmed and then the thing with the seniors... When you tried to stop me from trying out for football and told me I'd get killed...it felt like you didn't believe in me anymore. And you've always believed in me so I got scared that it meant you didn't care anymore, and angry at the situation and this damn triangle for messing everything up and I just lashed out because I didn't want any of that to be true."
"What?"
"I hated feeling like our importance to each other was gone. I want you to care about me and believe in me Riley."
"Of course. Always."
It occurs to Riley that maybe Lucas didn't pick this moment, in a class that they have without Maya to avoid some sort of a scene. Maybe, he picked it to avoid having to even any of this up.
Huh.
And One Time She Points it Out to Lucas
"So..." Riley drawls, picking up the little red jewelry box that's been sitting in her lap with her free hand. "Have you been really been carrying this around for a couple of weeks now?"
Lucas glances down, chuckling nervously. Riley thinks she might see a hint of pink in his cheeks but it's just too hard to tell. "Well, I kept the jellybean from my thing with Farkle and Zay, and I knew I was going to give it to you. But when it turned out that the time wasn't right I started leaving it in my bedside table." He explains. "Then we were getting ready or the trip and I just...had a feeling that the moment was coming, so I made sure I had it. Turns out I was right."
"You were." Riley nods. "And I'm really glad you were. I'm going to be extra careful to hold on to this."
"You didn't think it was over the top, or too cheesy?"
Riley shakes her head, smiling broadly. "It was perfect."
"You know, a part of me was terrified that you were going to say no." Lucas admits after a moment, twirling his newly acquired orange maple leaf between his finger and thumb. They're still sitting in the ski lodge's bay window, having inched closer and closer to each other over the course of their discussion. They've officially been out of the triangle and together for three hours, twenty-six minutes and forty-two seconds.
Not that Riley's counting.
The whole evening stands out so vividly in her head, from him giving her the jellybean and coming out and actually choosing her, to every last detail of the conversation they've been having since. They're talking, making up for lost time, reveling in happiness, and even dipping into some more serious moments and discussing some of the harder moments of the past year and how they've really felt.
Still, she's incredibly surprised at Lucas' new admission.
How could Lucas have worried that she would turn him down? She thought she'd been more than clear about her feelings throughout the triangle—at least she had after the New Years fiasco. And even ignoring that, there had been a lot of opportunities for her to back out if her feelings ever changed. 'You still like him?' had been a stalwart part of the triangle's routine. Riley's such a demonstrative, caring person...she had thought for sure it would be easy for Lucas to understand how she felt. To hear that maybe it wasn't is shocking.
They're already holding hands, so she squeezes his. "That wasn't really a possibility for me."
"It wasn't?"
She shakes her head. "Lucas, I was worried that I wasn't the girl you wanted, but ever since I got to know you, you've always been the guy I wanted." They're three hours, twenty-seven minutes and thirty-three seconds into their new official relationship and she's not about to let it start with insecurities and doubt; Lucas has made it more than clear that she was always going to be his choice, and she's more than happy to make the same clear for him.
"Really?"
Riley leans over and pecks his cheek.
"Really."