Disclaimer: I do not own any of these characters. They all belong to Tetsuya Nomura and Square Enix.

After a long days work, the Turks decided to go to their regular bar, the Seventh Heaven, to relax. There was a show on today and they've announced a new stripper was up.

Rude: "I heard there's this new stripper working here now...apparently it's a guy with tits"

Reno stuck his tongue out "YEARGHHH why would you employ that! Strippers are supposed to be girls!"

Rude: "Well this one looks female enough…that's what people have been saying"

The waitress came to their table, which was placed in front of the stage, to collect their order "And what will you gentlemen be having tonight?"

"Double whisky on the rocks babe" Reno winked at the waitress and Rude rolled his eyes beneath his shades. "Ill have what he's having too"

"You guys staying for the show? It starts in a min"

"Yeah….I heard it's gonna be quite the freak show too!" Rude nudged Reno in his side. "OW!" He proclaimed "Well it IS!"

The waitress left and came back again with the drinks and the lights died down. Up came the orange sultry colours from the spotlights and lit up the stage where the single pole stood in the middle. The announcer started.

"And now Gentlemen for the moment you've all been waiting for! Put your hands together for this sexy silver haired mistress, SEXYROTH!"

Reno spat out his drink and choked "SEXY WHAT?!"

Out pranced the long silver haired general wearing nothing but a g-string and titty-tassels. The crowd roared and wolf-whistled at the stripper apart from the two Turks who were dumbfounded to see the newly imaged Sephiroth under the persona 'Sexyroth'.

"Oh…My…God…" were the words Rude managed to utter as the stripper started to straddle the pole rubbing himself against it causing the crowd to go wild once again.

"JIGGLE THEM TITTIES!" was screamed out from the crowd and the rest picked up and began to chant. The Turks were still staring with their mouths gapped open. But the moment was about to get worse as the former general spotted the two and began advancing towards the pair jiggling his titties of doom at turbo jet speed. Fuck.

"Fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK HES APPROACHING US RUDE WHAT THE SHIT DO WE DO?!" Reno screamed frantically flailing his arms in panic.

"LOOKS LIKE YOU BOYS WANT SEXY TIME WITH SEXYROTH ;D" He winked and inched closer to Reno



"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAARGGGHHHHDUJFBDSFS" The red haired Turk screamed as Sexyroth's tassels of doom slapped him across the face several times. "SOLAIDHASPFIHDS HELP ME RUDEBUJFSOGDS"

"OH GOD OH GOD WHAT DO I DO?! D8" Rude looked around helplessly and came to a decision. He was definitely going to run away and leave his partner behind. "FUCK THIS SHIT I'M GOING ILL SEE YOU AT WORK TOMORROW!" He sprinted out of the bar like a cheetah abandoning the agitated screams of his partner.

"IUGSADLSAIDVSAFHVSAFVD-RUDEYOUSONFOFABITCHHHHHHHHH"

-THE NEXT DAY-

At the workplace, gossip flew over the place and nearly everyone knew about last night 'incident'. Elena walked over to Rude who was sitting at his desk.

"So err Rude…you…you think snorts you think…Reno's gonna come into work today chuckles her face was bright red trying to keep back her fits of giggles. "Or…or…do you like think…like…he's staying with that….SexyrothahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA" She collapsed onto the ground with her hands clutched onto her sides. Everyone in the room fell into a fit of laughter but as soon as Reno and Tseng entered the room, silence fell over them quickly.

Tseng: "What in Gaia is going on here?!"

Reno: Don't worry Tseng; I know PERFECTLY what they are laughin' about. WELL you can ALL GO TA HELL" Reno pulled up the chair in front of his desk and slumped down, his arms crossed over his chest like an angry child. "Well GO AHEAD. LAUGH! SEE IF I CARE! I DON'T CARE!"

The sounds of muffled laughter emitted from Elena as the female Turk tried hard not to laugh at her fellow colleague. The silence was finally broken.

Elena: HAHAHAHAHAHA OH GAIA! WHO COULD HAVE THOUGHT YOU WOULD GET TIT SLAPPED BY SEPHIROTH!

The room fell into strings of laughter once again and Reno sulked even further.

Reno: mumbles I fuckin' hate you guys

AND THIS IS WHY RENO AINT NO FUCKIN' QUEER.