AN:
Written while high on Harry Potter. Names, places and couples not intended to offend any person/s. Any similarities relating to any person/s living or dead-fictional or non is purely coincidencidal.Be prepared for SLASH, sexual encounters with plants and staff members.
Please Don't sue us we're four very poor teenagers with nothing better to do then write fic!! lol.
This Fic was written by four very talented fic writers they include: DirtyHarriet, Mojo-gasaraki, Scallywag, Remmy.
******
Addicted to Love and Other species.
Harry grabbed at the sleeves. He tugged as hard as he could trying to hold back the fast escaping Ron. But it seemed the more he pulled the more Ron's nightrobes came off. Which was precisely the effect Harry was aiming for.
"Harry, let go!" Ron urged.
"Where are you going?" Harry asked still clenching Ron's clothing.
"Harry, I told you before ,what and who I do is my own business." Ron said in a tone of anger.
"But Ron ,all I want to do is touch your arms" Harry pleaded.
"No , Harry, no. You may no longer touch my hand or upper arms. The fact of he matter is there's someone else. And we go beyond arms. He's even touched my thighs."
"No.... I don't believe you" Harry trembled tears begging to well in his eyes.
"Harry, let go" Ron said seriously.
Ron put his hand on Harry's. Harry held his breath. In one movement Ron forced Harry's hand off the sleeve.
"You always knew I liked force" Harry whispered.
Ron stared into Harry's emerald green eyes blew the piece of fringe out of his fore head and turned his back on Harry.
Meanwhile...
"Oh, please..." Snape begged, trying to see past the figure standing in front of him.
"No. Stay still! You'll fall out otherwise." Mcgonagall snapped, trying to keep the glamour in place long enough to get him into the corset.
"I don't see why we have to do this" Snape whined sounding evermore like the students he takes points of daily, than the 'scary' former Death Eater that he is.
"Because you need to get shagged that's why!" She snapped again, her accent more pronounced then ever.
Mcgonagall tugged hard on the last tie of the corset.
"Ow! Woman, watch it! Brake a rib why don't you!" Snape hissed while clutching his side glaring at the old Scots-woman.
"Shut up, you great dolt, it's all done." She stepped away from Snape and conjured up a full length mirror.
She smiled as she watched his expression turn from one of fury at her to down right astonishment at his new look
"Holy shite" he whispered "This is going to be fun" he smirked.
He glanced at Mcgonagall then strutted out of the room.
Snape glanced inside the strip club doorway before entering, dragging the train of the silk revealing dress. He straightened up his bustier (and rubber boobs) before lifting one leg seductively onto the round stage.
The women and men in the club stared at his hairy old man legs . Their eyes scanned Snapes body. On closer examination, Snape was wearing a purple silk g-string attached to a train, however, his upper body was even more revealing. His bustier merely consisted of a piece of raw string wrapped around his chest, his rubber boobs were dangling out the sides, Snape pushed up his "plastic mammary glands".
......
mean while
..........
Ron walked into the third green house, closely keeping a watch on his surroundings Ron shut the door with a minor creak. He showed himself into the sexy vegetation covered room. Ron walked over to the largest Mandrake and quietly initiated the whispers...........
"Don't worry my love, nothing will ever come between us again" Ron said, gently stroking the mandrakes half naked trunk.
"Harry tried to have his way with my sleeve just minutes ago, but I wouldn't let him, I couldn't let him, not now I have you, my irresistible leafy green plant mattered being".
(Voice over): And with that Ron passionately embraced the hard rough tree trunk, violently ripping the mandrakes dead leaves to get at the sweet smooth body that was the inner mandrakes G-spot.............
After Ron and the mandrake( we'll call him Georgie Porgie) had had wild hot passionate screaming (Ron passed out several times, not only from the screaming) sex they were quietly enjoying a hot Butterbeer and a cigarette.
" Ron, baby we need to talk,"
Ron fought back an eye roll and rolled over, draping himself across Georgie Porgie.
" What about?" he asked.
" Us,"
" Not again,"
" Yes again"
" Baby..."
" No, don't baby me,"
" Look, you know how I feel about you,"
" I'm not sure I do,"
" I tell you all the time,"
" Only because I let you spend nights in my leafy canopy!"
" Oh come on!!!"
Meanwhile...
Hagrid quietly let herself in the back door to the strip club. Ginny had told him that there was wild times to be had. He found an empty table and sat down.
" Something I can get you honey?" a goblin in a strategically placed snap crutched pair of panties.
" Uh, no thanks I'm fine,"
" Dancers are on a break at the moment but they should be back soon,"
" Oh okay thanks,"
The castle...
Lucius Malfoy let himself into Dumbledore's office.
" That was a very mean thing you did. The dark mark at the World cup," a lust induced voice said.
" I know, I've been really really really bad. I need to be punished,"
" Yes, yes you do,"
The roof.
" We should stop meeting like this," Ginny said as a pair of strong hands wrapped around her waist.
" I know, but really. It's fun isn't it?"
" True. But you're late,"
" I know, Flint wouldn't let me go,"
" Do I need to talk to him?"
" MMM... You taste good,"
" I know. Do you wanna know something about a certain professor?"
" Can't we just fuck already?"
" Draco Robert Malfoy!!!"
She quickly forgot all her thoughts as he got on his knees and pleasured her in ways she never thought possible.
The Strip Club
Hagrid was really enjoying himself. After several tequlia's with a very ugly looking "lady" he was beginning to loosen up, really loosen up. He had let the lady who called herself " Violet" into a room when...
" HOLY FUCK...SNAPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
There was a knock at the door.
"harry? harry are you in there?" Colin asked leaning on the door listening for a reply.
"Go away!" Harry sniffed.
"Harry, I saw what happened. Just let me in and we can talk about it" Colin pleaded leaning closer against the door.
"What's the point!" Harry moaned. "Ron's left me. Nothing seems worth doing or living anymore."
"Harry, there'll always be other people" Colin soothed through the door.
"He told me HE LOVED ME!" Harry yelled.
"I know ,I know they always say that, but you need to move on"
"You don't understand. You wouldn't understand what Ron and I had. No one would."
"Harry I know the pain your going through , vie been there myself. Now just open the door and we can talk" Colin said.
There was no reply. Just silence. then the door began to creak slowly open.
A teary eyed harry stood before Colin. His mascara running down his cheeks.
"It's all right Harry" Colin put a hand on Harry's back. "Everything's going to be ok"
Colin led Harry over to the bed where they both sat down together.
"It's just not fair" Harry put his head in his hands and began sobbing.
"I know , I know! They only use you for the sex and the next day they blow you off" Colin held harry.
"Colin, I'm sorry please don't tell anyone I've cried" Harry wiped the tears away from his eyes.
"No, of course not" Colin reassured. "You know you're quite cute when your face is all red and puffed" Colin said running a finger down Harry's face.
"Well, you know , I've always admired the dialation of your eyes" Harry kissed Colin gently on the neck.
The Castle.
The scene: Dumbledore holding a cigarette in one hand lying in bed next to Lucius who is resting his head on his hands.
"You know for an old guy you shag rather well"
"Well... My secret is dragons blood. As you know I did find twelve uses for it-Viagra was one of them" He finished, stroking his beard.
"Do you think you could go again?" Lucius rolled over and leant into Dumbledores neck.
"Lets go big boy!"
*****************************
"God Draco! Everytime we have an argument are you going to make it up to me in sex?" Ginny asked Malfoy whose lap she was sitting on.
"Maybe..." He grinned cheekily.
"In that case we ought to do a lot more argue-ing" Ginny giggled.
"But seriously, is the baby mine? I mean you did screw half the Syltherin quidditch team- and I know I was last but are you sure its mine?"
"I think so... But I'm not exactly sure"
"What do you mean you're not sure? I was the last person you fucked right?"
"Just then you were , but there could be a chance it was someone else. You see you weren't the last last person"
"What? Who else was there after me?" Malfoy raised an eyebrow.
"It was straight after we fucked in the Slytherin common room. I was heading back to Gryffindor tower when I ran into someone" Ginny looked at the ground.
"Who was it Ginny?" Malfoy asked suspiciously.
"It was Professor Mcgonagall" Ginny squeaked.
***************************************
"Oh dear this is a tad awkward isn't it?" Snape said twisting his leather whip.
"They told me yer name was Violet!" Hagrid boomed.
"Oh come on Hagrid open up your mind to new experiences!" Snape placing a hairy leg on Hagrids lap.
"Oh go on then..." Hagrid grudgingly replied
Snape smirked, got up off of his lap and stood in front of Hagrid.
"HIROSHIMA!!!" he yelled and jumped on to Hagrid growling
*******
"So...." Harry said quietly, while Colin got dressed.
"Yeah, so...." Colin replied pulling on his pants.
"About what happened..." Harry began awarkwardly,
"Harry, don't worry, I understand" Colin smiled in a reassuring way. He made his way slowly towards the door, swishing his hips seductively, Harry lying naked on his bed.
He creaked open the door...
"Ah, Colin...?" Colin turned around
"Yes, Harry?"
Harry held up a camera
"You forgot something." He smirked as Colin made his way back across the room.
As he was about to go through the door again Harry called to him.
"I want a copy of those pictures for....future reference."
Colin winked and closed the door
*******
***Boys lavatory***
Colin sat on his "lab" (the urinal on the far left) while he developed the photos from the previous evening. He glanced at a few, mainly of Harry swishing a pink feather duster in his face, before finding the one photo that would change eveything. Colin pocketed the image, straddled moaning myrtle, then left the room.
****3rd Green House****
Ron proceeded to replant a teenage Mandrake, Harry was watching from afar. Suddenly The small plant in Rons clutches twisted under his grip and said...
"Everyone's talking about it"
"About what?" Ron whispered, glancing at harry, then back to the bark baby with a head the size of 96 deformed testicles.
"you know, it's all over the green house!"
"What is!" Ron bellowed in a rage of disgruntled passion.
"We all know about you?"
"About what?" Ron said, relatively turned on by the texture of the Mandrakes leaves.
"YOUR A VEGETATION SLUT!" The plant screamed.
"Shut up and kiss me!" Ron yelled, to avoid Harry over hearing.
But to late, Harry had heard loud and clear.
The Mandrake was struggling under Ron mouth. The plant playfully slapped him.
Harry heard and saw everything, in a jelous rage Harry pushed everything off the Herbology table in a passionate rage, Grasped Seamus around the neck and forcefully embraced him.
" oh my lord. what are you doing!?!?!? You know I'm promised to Neville and or Dean!?!?"
" I'm sorry,"
" Look, for Merlin's sake make up with Ron already. You two won't be the same apart,"
Harry pondered this thought for awhile.
" yes yes YES OH MY LORD YES.........NOW NOW NOW!!!" Lucius screamed.
Dumbledore popped his head out of the covers.
" Now will you leave your wife for me,"
" You did Mcgonagall?"
" Yes,"
" Why?"
" I don't know. But well, she uh, threatened to give me an F"
*******************************
" Hiroshima? what the fuck was that?"
" Oh, after that. you still have a problem with that,"
" yah man,"
" hehehe, now wat to do?"
" Oh I know,"
***************************************
Colin was studying the photo.
" how does he do that with his tongue?" he wondered turning it upside down.
" would you like me to show you?" came a voice in his ear.
*******************************************
" Drac, come on, I know its yours."
" How?"
" Well, I don't know but well I don't want to be a slut..."
and in true Malfoy form he fucked her in the only way you can after an argument.
***********************************
Ron stood up and gulped.
" Hi, my names Ron Weasley and I'm an addict to vegetation,"
**********************************
A QUICK OVERVIEW
Harry and Colin quietly kept the relationship to themselves until the photos came out. they had to flee Hogwarts for fear oh yellow spacecraft's with horrid anal probes.
Ginny indeed was pregnant. Only the baby really really did look like Mcgonagall. they named it little Minerva. Minerva fought for custody and won, she moved to a dude ranch in Texas with Hagrid and Snape. Draco never recovered and quickly fell into the world of male models. Ron turned into the next Dalai Lama, overcoming all vegetation fetishes. Lucius did leave Narcissia and married Dumbledore in...Hiroshima.
The End...Or is it?
*****
Please review, and take no offense to anything that was written. Four Harry Potter fanfic writers, one obsessed with slash, should never be left in a room together with a computer...this is the result of that happening....be afraid...