To all my readers, this is just a one shot not connected to any of my other stories. I hope you enjoy this. This was partially inspired by an old comic of Elecktra standing over her grave. (Yes I am a comic book fan).
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It was raining outside, just a long steady stream of water. It was very cold and also very depressing. The weather had made the day seem very grey indeed.
Reid thought it was actually quite fitting considering his current location. He was at a cemetery after all.
After parking his car in the lot Reid reached into his messenger bag and pulled out a bottle. His doctor had given him a prescription for his headaches. He didn't like taking the medication, but it did provide a small relief, enough for him to be able to function.
Reid shook out a couple of pills and swallowed them with the coffee he bought on the way there.
He did not get out of the car right away. Reid just sat there and waited. He wasn't waiting on anything in particular, just lost in thought.
His sickness had been taking a toll on him. He wasn't eating quite like he should. He definitely wasn't sleeping either. Hotchner had forced Reid to take a few days leave; he recommended that Reid see his mom. He did go and talk with her.
Reid told her what was going on and why he was scared. Diana had provided comfort to her son and reminded him that he was special to her and that she did love him.
When Reid had returned from seeing his mom he got a pretty interesting surprise. There was a familiar face at the round table. J.J. had returned home. Someone at the Pentagon had arranged for her return to the FBI. Hotchner and Rossi went through everything they could to get her back.
Seaver was a different story. She was offered a position in a California office, working for Missing Persons. The team had wished her well and she had a great kick off for her career.
Everything had almost seemed right to the world again, almost.
After he swallowed the pills Reid got out of his car and opened up his umbrella. He then reached back into the vehicle and pulled out the flowers. He had purchased a bouquet of purple lisianthus and limoniums.
He had no idea what kind of flowers Emily liked. She never had any flowers on her desk and he didn't see any in her house. Reid had ended up choosing ones that he thought looked nice.
It was traditional to place flowers on the grave of loved ones. The tradition spanned centuries and cultures. The placement of flowers on graves was a sign of respect for the dead and a way to bring comfort to the living.
Reid looked towards the path that went into the cemetery, and Emily's grave. After taking a breath he made his way across the familiar trail towards where Emily was buried.
The funeral had been a closed coffin. It was documented that it was Emily's final wishes. Reid had almost wished that it was an open casket, that way he could see her face one last time.
Because of the rain and the lack of not needing to be anywhere, Reid walked up slowly. He held the flowers under the umbrella so they wouldn't get wet on the way up there. He couldn't give Emily wet flowers.
Several of the graves he passed had been decorated already with flowers. Reid could see the water landing and bouncing off of them.
Reid had turned the last bend towards Emily's grave. When he looked up he saw a figure standing by Emily's grave. At first he thought the person was standing at the grave next to hers, but they weren't. The person was standing over Emily's grave.
Wanting to be respectful to the other mourner Reid walked up quietly. He wondered who it was.
The figure was defiantly feminine. She had a long black coat on. The hood had been pulled up to obscure her head. Reid could not see any features.
Slowly, Reid continued walking, his feet made a slick sound on the ground underneath him.
The sound had caused the figure to move. She lifted her head slowly and turned towards Reid. The hood on her jacket slipped back slightly.
Reid looked at the side of the face.
He could see the pale skin against the dark raven hair and the pale lips. Reid could see the woman's dark eye that had made contact with him.
"Emily." Reid breathed. His heart started beating quickly. Blood was racing. His knees were weak. Without realizing what he was doing, Reid dropped both the umbrella and the flowers.
The figure took off running.
Reid was dumbfounded for a moment. He just stood there and watched her run away from him. After a moment Reid snapped out of it and took off after her. "Wait, don't run, please." Reid called out.
The woman changed directions running, trying to evade Reid.
Still struck by the unexpected encounter, Reid did not have full capabilities. He slipped on the wet grass and stumbled. He hit the ground, hard.
The figure had taken advantage of this, she moved out of his sight.
Reid used his arms to lift himself up. He looked around to see where the figure had run off to. He couldn't see her. Reid positioned himself so that he was sitting on the ground. His front was covered in wet dirt and grass.
Had he imagined that? Was that real? How could Emily be alive?
The questions circled around Reid's head. He gripped his hands into his hair. Reid felt his breathing becoming erratic. He felt dizzy.
Understanding that he was having a panic attack, Reid bent his head down and braced his hands on his knees. He wasn't losing his mind. He couldn't be.
Reid continued breathing carefully until he regained his control. He then got up and walked over to Emily's grave.
He looked down towards the bend. He didn't even realize he had dropped the flowers that were intended for her.
Reid couldn't stay here any longer.
He quickly made his way to the car. Once inside he braced himself against the steering wheel in an attempt to regain control of all of his facilities.
From there he drove to the one place right now he could go to, Morgan's.
Reid wasn't entirely sure how he had made it there but he did. He got out and knocked on the door, hoping Morgan was home.
From inside he could hear Clooney barking. Morgan was putting him in the back before answering the door.
Morgan opened the door and saw a wet and dirty Reid standing on his doorstep. His face was pale and he looked like he had seen a ghost.
"What the hell happened, kid?" Morgan said guiding Reid into the house. He helped Reid take off his soaked trench coat. It was covered in mud just like his front.
He set Reid on his couch, taking in the sight before him. "Talk to me."
"I was placing flowers on Emily's grave." Reid started. He had his head bowed and was gripping his knees with his hands. "I saw a woman standing there. I know how it sounds, but it was Emily."
Morgan couldn't say anything.
"She was standing there staring over her own grave."
"Did you approach her?" Morgan asked trying to think reasonably.
"I tried but she ran." Reid said.
Morgan kept his voice calm. "Could it possibly have been someone who looked like Prentiss?"
"No, it was her. Please tell me I'm not crazy."
"Reid I told you. When you're walking around the streets aimlessly, that's when I'll worry." Morgan said. "There's a reasonable explanation for what you saw."
"What would that be?"
That was a question Morgan didn't have an answer for.
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J.J. was playing with Henry when she heard her door bell ring. "I'll get that." She said passing Henry over to Will. Will gladly took his son and started playing with him.
She was grateful that she had returned to the BAU. Her job at the Pentagon had provided her more time at home, but because of the nature of her job, it was creating a rift between her and Will. Now that she was back with her family, things were right again.
When she reached the door, J.J. looked through the peephole. "Emily," she said opening the door quickly. "How?"
"I heard what happened, I wanted to come back, see everyone." Emily answered.
J.J. immediately invited Emily in. "Will, I'll be in the bedroom."
Emily and J.J. walked into the bedroom. There was a desk in there with a chair. Emily took the chair while J.J. sat on the edge of the bed.
"You heard about Doyle?"
"Yes, you know I didn't buy the story." Emily answered.
"I don't know who did. But that was cause of death. I saw the body myself and the DNA."
"Does the offer still stand?" Emily asked.
"Yes it does. If you feel safe they will reinstate you. Something happened didn't it?" J.J. may not have been a profiler, but she knew her friend.
"Reid saw me. I think he recognized me."
J.J. bowed her head. "Where?"
"He was putting flowers on my grave."
"Why would you go there?" J.J. asked.
"I needed to contemplate my decision. How can I have my old life back? How is the team going to trust me again?"
"They'll remember who you were to them. They'll see that you are still the same person." J.J. said. "It will be hard at first, but they will accept you again."
J.J. reached for the phone on her hip.
"Who are you calling?"
"Reid." J.J. answered. "I need to make sure that is alright."
"What's going on?" Emily asked.
J.J. put down the phone and looked at Emily. "Reid's health, it's deteriorating."
"The headaches." Emily said.
"It's more than that."J.J. said. "He's been . . . he thinks he's becoming schizophrenic."
"Our there signs?"
"He hasn't been taking care of himself like he should." J.J. said staring at the phone. "He came to me some time ago and said that if I wanted to name someone else as Henry's Godfather he'd understand."
"What did you say to him?"
"I told him that he was going to be fine. That this was going to pass. I asked him what his mother always said about mother's knowing."
"Mother's know." Prentiss said, remembering when Reid had told her that.
"Right now he doesn't know if I was real or an illusion." Emily said. "He isn't going to trust me. J.J., help me tell him. Reid deserves that."
J.J. called Reid's number. The phone rang several times.
"J.J." Morgan's voice came on.
"Morgan, what are you doing answering Reid's phone?" J.J. asked.
"Reid was just here. He took off a moment ago." Morgan answered. He was looking around the house and outside.
"Do you know where he was headed?"
"No I don't. I was getting the guest room ready for him and he just snuck out." Morgan answered. "His car is still here. He took off on foot. I was about to go chase him down."
"Did he talk to you about anything?" J.J. asked standing up. She was going to help Morgan find Reid.
"Yes, he saw something at Emily's grave. It scared him real good." Morgan answered. He wasn't going to go into detail as to what Reid told him he saw.
J.J. knew what had happened. "I'm going to call Hotch, we'll start looking for him. There is something we need to tell you before we start looking."
Morgan knew when somebody wasn't telling him everything they knew. J.J. was not telling the truth. But he wasn't going to ask. Right now his priority was finding Reid.
J.J. hung up the phone. "Reid went over to Morgan's. He took off when Morgan turned his back."
"We need to find him." Emily said. "He needs to know he's not crazy."
J.J. had called Hotch and told him what had happened. Hotch said that he would meet J.J. and Emily at Morgan's.
Hotch had called Rossi and told him to meet him at Morgan's. The only thing he said was that Reid ran off and Morgan was worried about him.
Within fifteen minutes the team was gathered inside Morgan's house.
"Can you tell me what's going on?" Rossi asked when he came in.
Morgan recounted the entire story that Reid had told him to the team.
Garcia looked shocked.
Rossi's mouth hung open in surprise.
"Before we go looking for Reid, there is something that needs to be said." Hotch began he then looked towards J.J.
J.J. took her cue; she walked over to Morgan's front door. "There was something we had to keep secret from all of you." She then opened the door and let Emily in.
Emily slowly walked in lifting her head to look at her former teammates.
Morgan and Rossi stood there completely speechless. Garcia let out a gasp, covering her mouth.
"I did what I thought was right to protect all of you." Emily stated.
"Then Reid did see you." Morgan asked.
"Yes." Emily answered.
"Damn it, Emily." Morgan started moving towards here. "How could you do that to him and us? Who knows what is running through his head right now. That was really selfish of you. You were my friend, how am I going to trust you again?"
"Morgan, this isn't the time for this." Rossi quickly mediated. "We can do this later."
Morgan shook his head and turned his back to the team.
"Right now we need to concentrate our efforts on finding Reid." Hotch immediately said. "Does anyone have any idea where he could have gone?"
The group shook their heads.
"Then we'll split up." Rossi said. "Each of us will take a direction."
"I'll go on foot." Emily said. "I won't run if he sees me."
"You better not. I don't know if you realize what you did to him." Morgan said moving past her out the door.
Emily looked hurt.
"Give him time." Rossi said taking Emily by the arm. "He'll come around." With that he took her into a hug.
"You just gave me another reason to believe in miracles." Garcia said hugging Emily as well.
The team then went out to find their missing member.
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Reid got up from the couch and looked out the window after Morgan left to prepare his spare bedroom.
The rain had let up and the sun was starting to shine through the clouds now. Reid thought about what he saw.
It was too real. If he could no longer distinguish between reality and fantasy he was a danger to himself. If Reid was a danger to himself then he shouldn't be allowed in the field. If he wasn't allowed in the field then he shouldn't be allowed to be an agent, even at a desk.
If he could no longer be an FBI agent then his life was over. His reason for living was gone.
On that thought Reid took off. He didn't head in any particular direction, he just started walking. While he was walking the rain had started coming down again. Reid didn't even let it faze him. He just continued walking until he made it to a park.
Because of the weather the park was empty. Reid made his way over to a bench that was under some trees. He took a seat and just contemplated.
If his life was over, what was the point in living? He would have to be medicated and institutionalized. Maybe he could go to Bennington and be with his mother?
That really wasn't his option was it?
Reid pulled out his revolver from the holster. He stared at it in his hands.
There was a 16% suicide rate for males his age. These chances increased based upon occupation, which meant that he had a 10% increase. Suicide rates were also higher for those suffering from schizophrenia. That rate was at 5% higher than the national average. The chances of him being suicidal were 21%.
He continued to look at the gun in his hand. Reid knew how he could kill himself to make it effective and less of a mess. Women don't leave messes when they commit suicide. They worry about who will clean up the mess. Men don't care. For some reason he did.
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J.J. was driving looking out the window for Reid. That was when she saw a park. She quickly parked the car and got out.
This looked like a good place to go.
Ever since J.J. had given birth to Henry she felt herself become more instinctual. It was something Henry gave to her. She ended up relying on it and right now it was telling her to go to this park.
She walked around the park until she came to the trees. There were benches there under the tree.
J.J. could see someone sitting with their back turned towards her. She knew who it was. But there was something wrong. She just knew it.
Keeping her distance, J.J. called Hotch and told him where Reid was. She also said there was something wrong, that they needed to get there quickly.
She walked up slowly towards the bench, approaching from the side. "Spence." She said gently.
Reid looked up at her then turned himself away, tucking into himself.
J.J. recognized that posture. She had seen it before. He was closing himself off to her.
Keeping her motions steady and slow, J.J. knelt down in front of Reid. She saw the gun in his lap.
During her time with the BAU, J.J. had never taken an instruction on hostage negotiating or talking someone off a ledge. She had to do it once for the un-sub known as the prince of darkness. Hotch had told her to that when she talked to him that she needed to empathize and be sympathetic and not to judge.
That had been very difficult for her. But this was Spence, she cared about him.
J.J. took a breath. "Spence." She said.
Reid didn't even look at her.
"I know you're scared." J.J. said. "It's understandable. What happened, it would set anybody off."
Reid still didn't talk. He continued to stare down into his lap.
J.J. wasn't deterred. She looked up and was relieved when she saw Hotch and the others coming. She quickly shot them a look.
Hotch had seen the look and knew what J.J. was communicating to him. He held out his hand to the others so they would know to walk up slowly.
She then turned her attention to Reid. "You don't want to end it, I know it. This is not the way. You're still needed. Think about all the people that care about you."
Reid tightened his grip around the gun.
J.J. now looked at Reid with a motherly authority. "Spence. Give. Me. The. Gun."
Seeming to have decided, Reid slowly handed the gun over to J.J. She pocketed it out of sight.
He started crying right then moving into the fetal position.
Morgan was immediately at his side. The team had surrounded him. Rossi stood behind him with his hand on his shoulder. Garcia had taken a seat next to him gripping his arm.
No one on the team said anything. They let him get all the emotions out of his system.
After he regained himself Hotch knelt down next to J.J. "I know what you saw in the cemetery." He said. "You're not crazy."
"It was Emily I saw, I know it." Reid finally spoke. "I was hallucinating."
"Do you trust us?" J.J. asked
Reid looked at J.J. wondering why she would ask such a question. "Of course I do."
"What you saw was real." J.J. said. She then looked over to Emily who had stayed a good distance away.
Slowly Emily walked up and stood next to J.J.
Reid's eyes grew wide when he saw Prentiss. He stood from the bench and just continued to stare at her. Slowly he started to back away.
"Emily had to fake her own death to protect us from Doyle." Hotch explained. "He wouldn't have stopped hunting us. Now that he's dead . . ."
"You couldn't have told us." Reid said in an angry tone. "Why did you run from me?"
"I was afraid." Emily answered. It was the truth
"You were never afraid of anything." Reid struck back.
"Yes I was, anytime my family was hurt on case." Prentiss answered. "That's why I had to protect all of you. If Doyle thought I was dead, then that would have been his revenge."
Reid stared at Prentiss shaking his head.
Emily wasn't too sure what else to say. "I saw the flowers you left for me. They were beautiful."
Reid's expression then became that of anger. "I mourned you. I felt abandoned by you. You couldn't have told me. I would have kept it a secret to protect you."
"I know you would have." Emily said. "I didn't want to risk it."
Reid had enough. "Stay away from me." He turned and walked away from the team. Garcia tried to stop Reid, but he pushed her aside.
Morgan was the one that chased after him. "Kid, listen to me I'm angry too. She lied to all of us."
"So what she wants things back to normal." Reid said. "How does she expect us to trust her again?"
Morgan was fighting his own anger over Emily's return. But he wasn't going to openly show that to Reid. "I'm angry at her too. She could have let us know. It was enough that she shared it with Hotch and J.J., but we were her friends too."
Reid crossed his arms over his chest in a defensive manner. "Do you know how close I actually was? If J.J. hadn't shown up when she did. I was so afraid that if I was hallucinating and not being able to tell the difference, my life wouldn't be worth living."
"Reid, you know what you saw wasn't in your head, take comfort in that. After the headaches started who did you go to?"
"Emily," Reid answered.
"Why?"
"I thought I could trust her." Reid said. "She listened to my fears."
"Do you think she changed all that much?"
"No," Reid answered. It was the truth, he still cared about her. He also knew how unhealthy it was to stay angry.
Reid turned around and walked back to the team. They were standing in a half-circle around Emily.
He walked up to Emily and stared at her for a minute. He then did something a little unexpected. He grabbed her in a hug.
"I'm sorry." Emily whispered into Reid's ear.
"I missed you." Reid replied holding onto her.
Emily was home.