Perry judged the distance as carefully as he could. This was important. Finally, he swung the club and the ball bounced off the wall, a giant metal giraffe, Doofenshmirtz's head, and a passing plane, landing perfectly in the hole.
Doofenshmirtz leaned on his club. "No one likes a show-off, Perry the Platypus." He lined up a shot, but missed and hit his foot. "Argh!"
Perry sniggered silently, until he saw something out of the corner of his eye. He turned around and stared. Suddenly, he didn't feel like laughing anymore.
Doofenshmirtz rubbed his foot. "Oh, very funny. That's right! Laugh it up! I..." He trailed off. "Perry the Platypus?"
Someone had put a photo of the original creators of the mini-golf course up on the wall. Phineas and Ferb. Perry should have known. Only they would include a zoo hole with real robotic animals.
They looked so young in that photo. Almost a decade younger than they were now. Perry didn't remember them ever building a mini-golf course, but the days had blurred together, and in any case he'd probably been away when they'd built it. The picture made him... nostalgic. He didn't like to dwell much on the past, but...
Doofenshmirtz followed his gaze. "Hey... Aren't they those kids you used to live with?"
Perry nodded sadly. He hadn't seen them for months - they'd started college and their dorm didn't allow pets. He'd often thought about how much he'd miss them if he ever got reassigned, but speculating about it wasn't the same as actually experiencing it. Reassignment wasn't a problem anymore, of course. He wasn't on active duty, and he'd finally been able to tell the boys who he was. It had been an enormous relief, and they'd taken it much better than he'd expected.
"They don't remember you, you know," said Doofenshmirtz suddenly.
Perry gave him a sardonic look. Of course they remembered him. He'd been with them since he was a hatchling.
"I mean, college," Doofenshmirtz continued. "Time to grow up, you know? I mean, it's all well and good for a child to make life sized models of the Titanic and the world's best 1970s discotheque, but someday you have to come into the real world. Take some responsibility."
Perry rolled his eyes. Doofenshmirtz was the most irresponsible adult he knew. He had no idea what he was talking about. Did he?
"Get a job, discover girls... Basically, put away childish pets," Doofenshmirtz continued. "You're nothing more than a heavy-handed metaphor for childhood to them, I guarantee it." Something caught his eye and he pointed. "Ooh! A bratwurst salesman!" He smirked at Perry. "I told you they exist."
Perry rolled his eyes again. Doofenshmirtz was never going to stop rubbing that in his face.
.
Back at Doofenshmirtz's apartment - Perry still couldn't think of it as home - Perry slumped four-legged onto a cushion. He'd had fun, but he hadn't been able to stop thinking of Phineas and Ferb. The cushion whirred softly and began to heat itself to a more comfortable temperature for a monotreme, and Perry remembered that the boys had made him the cushion as well. There were reminders everywhere.
He curled up and thought of what Doofenshmirtz had said. How would he know? The boys would never forget him. He would never forget them.
But even though he was lacking in common sense, Doofenshmirtz did know more about growing up than Perry did. Perry was a platypus. Growing up had been uncomplicated. His whole world had been the burrow he was born in, then it had been the burrow and the circular, artificial river outside it, and then Phineas and Ferb had taken him home and he'd slowly learned to pay attention to the world around him. That was all there was to it.
But humans... well, according to Perry's favourite soap operas, human children got sent away and came back a year later all grown up, but from what he'd seen, that didn't actually happen in real life. Perry didn't exactly know what did happen, except that something changed, but humans had a whole genre of fiction all about growing up. It had to be complex.
Even Doofenshmirtz had grown up. Sort of. He couldn't have been so bitter and evil as a child. Everyone had to grow up. Everyone.
"Oh, draaagons live foreeever, but not so liiittle booooOooOOys!"
Perry became aware that Doofenshmirtz was walking through the room, singing at the top of his voice. Perry cracked open an eye to glare at him. Why did it have to be Puff the Magic Dragon? On a list of popular 60s songs that he really didn't want to hear at the moment, that song would probably make it into his top five. Doofenshmirtz was doing it on purpose, Perry knew he was.
"Have you ever had a song stuck in your head, and no matter what you do you can't get it out?" said Doofenshmirtz, conversationally.
Perry pushed himself up, sat like a human and shook his head, still glaring.
"It's annoying, I can tell you," said Doofenshmirtz. He rubbed his chin. "Maybe some kind of get-out-of-my-head-inator... I guess the song might come out as a giant monster and attack the city, but you know what, I don't care! It... It's annoying!"
Perry growled. Doofenshmirtz kept saying he was reformed, but Perry hadn't seen much evidence of it. That was why Perry was there. To keep an eye on him. Or so he told himself.
Doofenshmirtz held out his hands out placatingly and backed away. "Okay, okay! But you're going to have to listen to me singing this song for the rest of the day, I hope you know that."
Perry inclined his head slightly. He supposed that a terribly performed song was better than an evil scheme. Probably.
"Paaiinted wiiings and giant riiings make way for other toooOoOOoys!"
Perry curled back into a ball and sealed his ears shut. He almost wanted to let the giant monster attack the city, if it'd stop that noise.
.
Perry slept on Doofenshmirtz's bed that night. He disliked sleeping alone, especially when he was unhappy, but Doofenshmirtz was no substitute for the boys. Perry couldn't even snuggle against him without feeling like he'd betrayed his entire world view.
He couldn't stop thinking about the boys. He wondered what they were doing, and if they remembered him. At the start of the day, he'd been certain. But now he didn't know if he'd even be able to recognise them if he ever saw them again. Perry curled up tighter and tried not to think about it.
.
He opened his eyes. It was just before dawn, judging by the slight glow coming from the east facing window. Perry didn't know what had woken him up. It was mostly quiet outside, and for once, Doofenshmirtz wasn't snoring, mumbling or whimpering. Perry was a light sleeper, and there didn't seem to be any danger, so he relaxed and tried to go back to sleep. Then he remembered a flash of what must have been a dream.
Perry felt a trickle of sweat run down his face. He couldn't remember any details about the dream, but he could remember the sense of loss that had accompanied it. He couldn't go on like this. He had to see them. He had to see that they were still them.
Perry jumped off the bed, ran to a door marked "Perry's Secret Spy Stuff", punched in the door code, and entered the room. It was much smaller than the one he'd kept his equipment in back at home... Back before, but it served its purpose. The big, elaborate underground headquarters were for the younger agents, the ones who really needed them.
He inspected the jetpack for a few seconds, then decided not to waste rocket fuel on a personal errand. He'd take the hang-glider. It'd be hard finding enough warm air for lift so early in the morning, but there were enough factories along the route that Perry planned to take that he wasn't too worried. He'd get there.
He opened the door to the balcony, and a cold gust of air battered his fur and made him shiver. Oh well. He'd survived in East Antarctica for almost two weeks, and if he could do that, he could survive a bit of November weather. It also seemed to be raining a little, but that was okay. Perry's fur was waterproof. So was the glider. As long as it didn't rain too heavily, he'd be fine.
He went outside, making sure to close the door, held the glider above his head, and took a running jump off the balcony. If he was lucky, the trip should only take an hour or two.
.
Three hours later, the sun was well up, and Perry was still in the air. Despite the sunlight, he was colder than ever. He knew he was almost there, but he wasn't sure exactly where... He thought he could see some buildings, but his eyes kept unfocusing. He needed a bit more height. That would help. Perry was looking down, trying to find a road and get some feeling back into his fingers, when a bird crashed into his glider and sent it plummeting.
Perry twisted around desperately, and managed to get the glider back under control just in time to soften his landing very slightly. With the glider covering him, he lay there, waiting until for the fog in his head to clear.
"Perry?"
Perry couldn't see. The glider was in the way. He tried to throw it aside, but couldn't seem to unclench his frozen fingers. Who was that? He sounded familiar.
The glider was lifted off him, and Perry stared into Ferb's face. He seemed to be growing a beard, but otherwise he looked exactly the same as he had when Perry had last seen him - tall, green-haired, and stoic. He was also wearing a warm winter coat. It looked warm. His expression wasn't very different from the way he normally looked, but to Perry, he seemed concerned. Probably. Concerned.
Perry noticed how sluggish his thoughts were, and wondered if he was tired. He'd never needed much sleep before. Maybe he was getting old.
Ferb pried Perry's fingers off the hang-glider and picked him up. Then he frowned, shrugged off his coat, and wrapped Perry in it. It was warm. It felt good to be carried by Ferb again, even if it was just because he must have looked... tired. Or cold.
He closed his eyes, enjoying the warmth.
"Hey, Ferb," said a deep voice. Perry jumped, and realised that he'd actually fallen asleep. He was beginning to feel better, and recognised that unmistakable voice immediately. Phineas. "Watcha got there?"
Perry poked his head out of the coat and chattered weakly.
"Perry!" said Phineas. Perry couldn't tell if he was happy or upset. Just that he was surprised.
Ferb held out Perry's hang-glider.
"You came all the way here in that?"
Perry nodded.
"Just to see us?"
Perry nodded again. Now that he was actually there, he felt ridiculous. They didn't need to see their clingy pet again.
Phineas tilted his head to one side and said "Well... My shift starts at noon, and Ferb is meeting a date for lunch..."
Perry nodded one more time and jumped out of Ferb's arms. They were busy. He'd just leave them alone and never bother them again.
"So you couldn't have picked a better time!" said Phineas, his voice cheerful even for him. "We're free the whole morning! Come on, I'll buy you a hot chocolate."
Perry had taken two wobbly, four-legged steps before he registered what Phineas was saying. He turned around and looked at them wide-eyed, then followed. He didn't think he was ready to get onto two legs yet. He felt like he could barely keep his balance with four.
Coming out here in the freezing cold had been stupid, he realised that now. Everything that had seemed so important and frightening back in the night was fading into insignificance in the sunny morning. Of course they were still themselves, even if they'd changed a bit. Of course they remembered him. How could they not?
Phineas waited until they'd ordered from a little cafe before he started bombarding Perry with questions, which made Perry smile. That was an amazing amount of restraint for Phineas. Maybe he'd been worried.
"Is everyone at home okay?"
Perry nodded. As far as he knew, they were all fine.
Phineas didn't waste a second of valuable questioning time. "Has Candace had her new baby yet?"
Perry shook his head. He didn't see Candace every day, but last he'd heard it'd still be a few weeks.
"What do you think of the new interactive sculpture in the park? Ferb and I read about it on the Internet. Pretty neat, huh?"
Perry shifted his eyes and shrugged. It was okay, but he hadn't given it much thought.
Perry's hot chocolate arrived, and he sipped it. It was wonderfully warm and sweet. His head was definitely clearing now. He sat back and listened to Phineas take up enough conversation for three people.
"Remember how we tricked out dad's old car?" said Phineas.
Perry nodded. He remembered. He didn't think he'd ever be able to erase the initial tests from his memory.
"And remember how we could never got the faster than light drive working?"
Perry nodded again, though he wasn't sure he did remember. They'd added so many things to the car that Perry had lost track.
"Our friend Melanie helped us fixed it, and guess where we had lunch yesterday." Phineas didn't pause for a second. "Titania!"
"It was a bit cold," volunteered Ferb.
Perry smiled and gave a thumbs up. Titania was Uranus's largest moon. Perry had been there for the world-deciding, desperate battle that he and half the agency had fought there five years ago. It wasn't easy to get there at all, and he was proud of the boys. Proud to know them.
Phineas seemed to remember something else. "Oh! Tell him, Ferb!" Without giving Ferb a chance to speak, "Ferb got an internship, and you'll never guess where!"
Perry indicated that he was listening.
"He got a internship at your agency! He thinks he's going to major in intelligence, right Ferb?"
Ferb blinked once, which Perry understood to be agreement.
Perry was even prouder of Ferb. He knew he could handle himself in a fight, and what better career path was there than secret agent? He smiled at him. The OWCA wasn't one of the really big, hectic agencies, and sometimes Perry had to admit that they were kind of incompetent at times, but he was sure that Ferb would learn a lot regardless.
Then his phone gave a cheery jingle. Perry recognised the custom ringtone that he'd set to play whenever Doofenshmirtz called him, and considered letting it ring. Then he sighed a little and pressed the answer button. The phone advised him of an incoming video call, and Perry rolled his eyes and accepted it. He wished there was an option to turn off the notification. It was getting annoying.
Doofenshmirtz appeared on the phone screen, looking annoyed and a little worried. "Perry the Platypus, where are you? I've been worried sick!"
Perry held the phone out to show him Phineas and Ferb.
"Hi, Doctor Doofenshmirtz!" said Phineas, waving.
Perry turned the phone back so that he could see the screen. "Who are... Oh!" Realisation hit him. "Is this because I told you they'd forgotten all about you?"
Perry nodded and scowled. Doofenshmirtz's advice was never worth listening to. How could he have forgotten that? He did not want to become as much of a mess as Doofenshmirtz.
"And... They didn't forget all about you?"
Perry shook his head, his scowl deepening.
Doofenshmirtz looked thoughtful. "Hm. Well. I take it back. Wait. What about a metaphor for childhood, do they think you're that?"
Perry turned the phone around, and Phineas and Ferb both shook their heads.
"Technically, that would be an allegory," added Ferb.
"Ooh, look at Mr I-took-a-college-English-class!" said Doofenshmirtz. "Okay. You may not be a metaphor for childhood, Perry the Platypus, but they'll forget about you sooner or later, you know. They last saw you, what, like four months ago? In fact, I guess they're just being polite, because they feel sorry for..."
Perry snapped the phone shut, automatically hanging it up.
He took another sip of hot chocolate and leaned forward. He wanted to hear all about what the boys had been doing.
.
Doofenshmirtz stared at the phone in his hand. "Oh, I get it," he said to nobody. "I'm a metaphor for doubt. Ha ha, very funny. You're... You're not clever, you know!"
.
(I realise that an allegory is a type of metaphor. Ferb either doesn't or is being pedantic.)