Cearbhail:

So, I've been sitting on this for a while now. This is the story of Ahmbra Dragonis, the Khajiit that was in the same slave camp as Ruby, and was adopted by Ysolda. And... this is her story. It's pretty much what the Khajiit Battlemage was supposed to be before... before the Aedra somehow found their way into the story and screwed the whole thing up... leading to the whole series later on. So... without further adu... A Certain Mythical Ballista... as the Khajiit Battlemage should have been.

=^^= Enjoy...

[4e206, 29 Rain's Hand]

Dear diary,

So… hi. My name is Ahmbra Dragonis. This is my first time writing in a diary, which Ysolda… um… Mom, maybe? Yeah, Mom. That sounds nice but… well… kind of weird. But, whatever. Mom. So, Mom bought this diary for me, telling me that people write in these to record memories. So… here it is. This is my memory for now on. What to write? So many things I could write about. It's been a very long few days. So… I'll start from the beginning.

Until a week ago, I… I was a slave. I lived in a desert sanctuary designed to allow perverted people to do unspeakable things to slaves like me. I had to live and experience things no one should live through. However, there was one man, an Orc, that actually took good care of me. Umbra. He usually spent most of his time with me just chatting, telling me about his adventures and the battles he had fought in. Sometimes he would let me play with his armor and his sword. I never imagined what it would be like to be in full armor, swinging around a giant blade. So, with the exception of a few costumers that enjoyed my presence a little too often, my life in the slave camp wasn't too bad. I grew up a slave, never knew a different life.

Like I said, I grew up a slave, but that ended a week or so ago. When an old slave came back to us, a Khajiit named Ruby, trouble came with her. Her mother came to look for her; she destroyed the whole camp, killing all the slavers. And she did it all… with magic. It was amazing to look at. Her control of ice magicka was something else. When she finished killing all the slavers, she set all of us slaves free. This woman, her name was Lydia, she kind of took me with her under the promise that she knew someone that would love to adopt me… an old friend of hers named Ysolda Dragonis. And… that really happened. I met Ysolda, and her first greeting for me was bringing me into a hug and calling me her daughter. It felt… well, it kind of brought back fresh memories of how my customers would hold me before they took me. I wish I could say that my parents used to hug me, but I was force bred. Two Khajiits were forced to breed so that I would exist. My parents never wanted each other, let alone me. I know who they are, but they both rejected me just as quickly as my customers did when they were done. It felt nice to have someone that actually cared about me.

So… all the stuff that happened while I was traveling with Lydia, we met some people that lived in Rimmen, kids I knew I would probably end up socializing with. I didn't really talk to them, but it was nice to know that they were around. Everything else that happened was kind of rushed for me. It was an unfamiliar environment… being free. I slept, a lot, kept myself wrapped around Lydia's waist as she led me towards Skyrim to reunite with her own daughter while trying to find Ysolda in the process. So, when we finally ended up in Skyrim, I got to meet my new mother. She is… is there a word for dragon bait? I think her last name has a lot to do with it. Dragonis… does that mean I'm going to start being kidnapped by dragons now? Anyway.

How long do people normally write in these things? I'm not even halfway done, I think. Um… well… after Ysolda adopted me, we got on a carriage and went back down to Rimmen, where they lived. Ruby's father, M'aiq joined us on the way back. And I met Ruby's brother, Ksaan, when we made it to Rimmen, just four days later. He introduced himself to me. He's… he's… huh… I don't know what to think of him. I only mention it because… we're kind of living with him. You see… Ysolda's house was ransacked by bandits, slavers actually. There's a lot of blood, organs… stuff… well, either way, it needs to be fixed up before we begin living in it. So, Ralof, my new daddy, and his friends are helping to clean the house up, fix what's broken, and everything else. And me? Well… Mommy just wants me to sit down and relax. It's been a rough week for me. I guess I deserve some time to just… adjust? Something. I'm not sure. I really don't know. I really don't know what to do with myself anymore. I guess I'll just go talk to Ksaan, or something.

Ahmbra Dragonis.

…

So… I have a bedroom now. Sure, it's temporary, but it's the first bedroom I've ever had. And… well… it's not even my own bedroom. I'm kind of living in Ksaan's bedroom. And… uh… it's kind of weird. They brought out a roll-out mat and I thought, ok, I get to sleep in that. But then Ksaan falls right into it and just falls asleep. I… I really didn't know what to make of that. I mean, his bed was available but… it's his bed. But… he took the roll-out mat. So… was I supposed to sleep in the bed? Was he supposed to sleep in the bed? Was I going to get yelled at for sleeping in the bed? So many things, and it kept me up and pacing around the room until I was literally too tired to stand up. I ended up crashing on the bed, passing out before I could change my mind. When I woke up, the roll-out mat was already rolled up and put in the corner of the room. I was placed perfectly in the bed, tucked in. There was a note sitting right next to me, it read: Just sleep in my bed for now. So… I guess that note was for me then? Was I supposed to sleep here until we move out?

When I climbed out of bed, I didn't really know what to do with myself the whole day. I took a whiff of the air, detecting nothing. I picked up an older scent of them from a couple hours ago, but I couldn't pick anything up. This house isn't all that big, that being said… I could smell my parents from inside my room. Knowing that they weren't here, I pretty much knew they were definitely at the house, cleaning it up. I tried to go there last night when they were assessing the damage, but Mom just turned me aside, telling me she didn't want me to see the house as it was, and that it wasn't my job to help them clean it up. I should go be a kid for once in my life. A kid? What's a kid? Is that like the opposite of a slave or something? So, I walked back to M'aiq's house. And…that's it. I just stood around in the moon sugar field… looking at the sugar cane as the wind rustled through the stems. And… wow… is this fun? So, that's when I walked to the room and paced around for a few hours before crashing in Ksaan's bed.

Before crashing into his bed though, I did have plenty of time to walk aimlessly around the room. I got a pretty good look at what the room was like, and I guess you could say I got a good idea of what kind of person Ksaan was. There were just a few things in the room. There was a closet filled with clothes, most of which were standard robes, pants, and rabi, as well as sandals and boots. There were also a few long wooden poles that might be staves, but not really sure. On a shelf in the closet were a few board games, including some game called Risk. There was a desk with a notebook sitting on top of it, closed shut; a few other books lying in a pile on the right side; and a few straight sticks sitting on the left side. There was a teenage boy sleeping on a mat in the corner of the room, hissing quietly in his sleep. And his hissing rhythmically was making me tired too. So, that was when I started to fall asleep. And that's when I crashed on his bed. There really wasn't much I could do in this room.

And now… after waking… I found out that… I still had nothing to do. Normally, I would have found something to do. Something to clean, or something to cook. But… Mom already told me that I was forbidden to clean and cook for a while. I wasn't allowed to do anything that even looked like chores. Not until I learned how to be a kid. I guess Lydia gave her some notes on how to turn an ex-slave into a proper person, seeing how Ruby turned out, I'm all for this new training. So, my mission was to learn how to be a kid. I wonder if Ksaan knows what a kid is. I might as well ask him, he's probably the only person in the house. I can pick up his scent from the room, so he couldn't have gone far. So, I decided to go and try to find Ksaan, or anyone for that matter.

Before I left the room… I did encounter one problem… I was still wearing my old maid's outfit from when I was a slave. I never really cared for the dress, and I have some bad memories, not to mention stains, so I made sure to change out of it before I left. Mom left me a bunch of clothes she took from the house last night and left them in a folded pile near the door for me. I spent a few minutes just browsing through the clothes, examining them. I never saw this many different colors in clothes before, even with our customers. Bright pinks, yellows, blues, greens… some kind of swirly rainbow pattern stuff, which I decided I would wear today. And then I had to pick out a skirt so I picked out something just as colorful as my ruffled top. By the time I found myself in front of a mirror, I looked like a colorful rainbow threw up on me. I thought it looked nice (don't blame me, I've only ever worn maid outfits before). I made sure to slip on my sandals before slipping out the room.

Using my nose to sniff where people where, I was able to tell Ksaan was somewhere in the field. So, I made my way outside, walking around the sugar cane field. I didn't want to walk through it since the sugar cane was planted in a series of small trenches filled with water that flowed in from the nearby river. And since I didn't want to walk around with wet feet all day, I decided to walk around the field until I could see Ksaan. And he was indeed out in the field, sitting in small clearing. Well, it looked more like meditating, that thing Umbra taught me how to do a couple years ago. He taught me a lot of things, but meditation was the one he pushed on me the most. He taught me how to block myself out so that I didn't have to suffer while I was being used. I hear it was something a lot of slaves learned how to do… but only as they got older. And I witnessed Ruby exploiting it a few times just a week or two ago. It was sad that they managed to break her. She never broke… and I liked that about her. Seeing her turn into a rag doll while being tossed from Kim to Yun… it only depressed me.

I shook my thoughts away as I brought myself back to the present. I couldn't let myself think about those days anymore. I was free now. I had to look down at my hands, making sure I wasn't wearing slave cuffs. My wrists were still bruised, my fur still short and ruffled there, still bare in spots from where it was pulled. It was still a fresh wound… in all respects. But… I had to become better. I'm free now! I'm Ahmbra! Daughter of Ysolda Dragonis, and… I really don't know yet. What kind of person was I? Did I have anything to my own name? Daughter of Ysolda? Was that all I was? I'm free… I can be whatever I choose to be. Who am I? I felt a familiar darkness crash down around me as I felt trapped in a cage… a cage of my own making. Who was I? I never… I never had to ask myself that before. I always knew… I'm a slave. But… I'm not. I'm free. Is that who I am? Am I free? Is that all I am? I felt tears coming to my eyes… and I didn't know why. Were they tears of relief, confusion? I couldn't tell. But they were coming. And they were falling. And I was crying.

I fell to my knees, quietly trying to wipe away the tears, only to make it worse. Everything that had been building up for the past … whole life was suddenly coming out. And it was coming out fast and hard. I couldn't stop myself from sniffling, bawling, or convulsing as I curled up into a ball. I don't know how long I lied there, just within earshot of Ksaan in the field, but it felt like forever. Everything I had gone through, every experience… forced its way into my head, and it made me cry. Everything, even seeing Ruby in Solitude, hugging Lydia and then tricking her father into spending time with her. Every encounter I had with customers, every time I had to keep myself from crying because of the pain I was going through, it was all flowing out of me onto the ground.

I kept glancing through my blurry eyes over to Ksaan, who was still meditating. He didn't move, he didn't flinch. Only his ears flicked in my direction, so I knew he knew I was here. And that only made me cry harder. To think that I was troubling him over whatever was possessing me only made me feel bad. More and more memories and experiences gripped me, forcing me into a dark room where everyone I'd ever met stood around me, laughing as they made me relive what they'd put me through. I don't know how I stayed curled up in a ball, covering my ears and trying to hide from it… but eventually it started wearing down. My tears began to stop. My body felt weak, my limbs still convulsing uncontrollably. It was a while longer before I could open my eyes. I still didn't feel like moving. Ksaan hadn't moved either. He was still meditating.

Still longer passed, without either of us moving. My body was slowly calming down, and I began to calm down at well. I eventually was able to sit up, still feeling very weak though. I thought about waving to Ksaan, but he was sitting with his back to me. So… I should probably just leave him to his meditation then. I tried to turn myself around. I was just going to run back to the room and bury myself under as much blanket as possible. I just don't think I'm ready to do things yet. I probably need to let myself deal with some issues. So, as soon as I turned to crawl out of the field, I heard, "Good morning, Ahmbra." He glanced over his shoulder to me. "Did you need something?"

I sighed. Was he pretending that the past however long it was didn't happen. I guess I could do that. Why did I originally come here for anyway? "Do you know what a kid is?" Was that why I came down here? It was so hard to remember, but I just wanted to escape.

He glanced at me for a few seconds before nodding. "Yeah… we're kids. As in… not full adults yet. Well, I'm a teenager, but whatever. Why?"

"Mom wants me to learn how to be a kid." I said to him as I started to stand up. My legs quivered underneath me, but I found my strength returning to me slowly. "She won't let me clean anything until I do."

Ksaan glanced up at me from his sitting position. "Ok? Ahmbra… are you ok?"

I shrugged. "Sort of, why?" I don't get it… was he acknowledging that I was crying for a long time, or was this a different kind of question?

He smirked mischievously. That… that wasn't a good sign. "Well, first off… that outfit. That's just…who dressed you?" Seriously? I just got done bawling my eyes out, and you're insulting my outfit? That's rude.

"I did. Why?" I looked down at my extremely colorful outfit. "I thought it looked nice. Better than my maid dress that I've been wearing for the past year."

He nodded. "Right… you were a slave. That would explain a lot." He stood up. He walked over to me, taking my hand. "Ok, come on. I'm going to teach you fashion sense."

Fashion sense? "Is that a kid thing?"

He scoffed. "Actually, no, not really. More like teenager thing, but still… if you're going to be seen around me, you're not looking like a unicorn vomited on a clown. Besides, it will get you ahead of your peers who still dress like uncoordinated clowns."

"What?" I tried to pull my wrist from his hand. "And what makes you think I want to change how I look? And how will this make me a kid?"

He shrugged. "If you're going to learn how to be a kid, I'm taking you to my friends. We're all meeting up after school anyway."

"School? What's school?" My head was spinning from everything I was being taught. Fashion, school. Being a kid. Having to face my whole past in the time span of maybe an hour. Jeez… this is too much work. Can I go back to bed now? I think I need to just stay in my bed for a while. Bed just seems more and more like my only option for how to live out my day.

"It's a place where we learn stuff. I'm graduating this year from Rimmen Firedrake Academy. A four year program school designed to turn me into a Firedrake. You actually caught me doing my morning meditation. I'm a little behind on my studies thanks to my little adventure with Nisha, but that's ok. The final test, the Firedrake Placement Examination, is actually one month from now. I have plenty of time to get ready for the test, and to be honest, with my Sen'la'gar, I know I'll do just fine on it. But still, the written exam can take a lot of points out of me."

So many things I didn't understand. I couldn't even follow the sentence at all. "Um… firedrake? What's that?" He smiled, pulling me into his room. He started rummaging through my new clothes on the floor. He pulled out a red blouse and a black skirt, throwing them at me.

"First, get changed, and then, I'll show you what a firedrake is." He said as he left the room, closing the door behind him. I looked at the clothes in my hand. The red blouse was plain and dark red, the skirt looked a lot like the one I was currently wearing, only black instead of multi-colored. Well, I guess this looks ok. But… there was something else going on here. Ksaan was trying to get me to dress in a way he liked. In a way he found favorable. I'm not his slave; I'm no one's slave anymore. I threw the clothes in my hands on the floor, stomping on them a few times before I walked over to the pile of clothes. I may have liked what he picked out… I may have even thought they might look nice and cute one me… but that wasn't the issue right now. I'm my own person now… I'm free! And I will not dress in a way he finds favorable just because I like what he picked out. I have to send him a message. Ksaan seemed to hate seeing me wear colorful things uncoordinatedly. Is there anything else in this pile of clothes really colorful I can throw on to mess with Ksaan even more? After scratching around the pile, I found some really colorful plaid arm sleeves that were pink and blue, so I threw them on too. Since my top was yellow, magenta, blue, and green, I think it didn't match perfectly. And then I marched out of my room, wearing my tie dye ruffled blouse, my plaid arm sleeves, and my multi-layered ruffled color splotched skirt. And none of it matched, at all. I did a good job! And I felt proud of myself. This was the new me!

"Ok, done." I said as I looked at Ksaan, who was waiting right outside his door.

He glanced at me, his eyes looking in surprise before rolling his eyes. "Ok, I'll take that as a 'no' on my advice. Let's go." He started walking back through the doorway leading outside.

"If your friends ask, I'm saying you suggested it. I'll say how I stood there, all embarrassed as you personally dressed me. I was so desperate for your sage advice on how your 'fashion' works." I said as I followed behind him.

"Thanks for the warning. Last time I try to help you with your wardrobe choices."

"I didn't ask you the first time. I'm not your slave for you to dress up however you wish." More images of sick people forcing me to dress up for them flashed through my mind. If I keep thinking like this, I'll end up on the ground again. I could already feel more tears beginning to well up.

He paused as he looked over at me. "Wow… did not even think of it like that. Sorry."

I tried to wave it off, but honestly that's exactly what it felt like. Here, we don't like the way you look; wear this instead. I'm sick of wearing what other people want me to wear, unless it's a uniform. I don't know what this school is, but if they have to wear uniforms, I can understand that part. Looking at Ksaan, he was wearing what looked like a regular training rabi: orange top with black pants. I could see a logo of some kind on his sleeve that had some kind of flame symbol with RFA printed in front of it, but other than that, it looked like a regular shirt.

"So, what's with your wardrobe choice?"

"It's my school uniform. I have classes to go to in a couple hours." He said, looking over at me. "You can follow me to class, but afterwards, you have to find something else to do. And I'll be there until 4:30. Until then… well… you'll have to find some way to stay out of trouble." As he walked onto a dirt pathway leading to the town, I followed behind him.

"Can I just sit in on your class?" I wanted to see what it would be like.

"You can ask. Not sure how much fun you'll have, but you can ask." He replied. "Some of my friends will be there. A few others… well… they're around your age."

"Any rules I should know?"

He nodded. "Yeah, during class, no talking unless asked a question by the teacher… stay away from Ja'Loshin, or M'Ipyan. Ja'Loshin will probably try to take advantage of you like he does all the other girls. And if he finds out you were a slave… well… he'll definitely use that against you somehow. And M'Ipyan… she's the queen bee of our class, has all the girls wrapped around her claw. She will try to find a way to either indoctrinate you into being one of her carbon copies, or she will use her friends to socially destroy you. With your outfit… probably the latter."

"Why?" Not going to lie, both of those things seemed pretty scary to me. Another boy looking to take me, and a girl that wants to tame me. Jeez… might as well not have even left my sex slave camp. This school sounds exactly like it in every way.

"Why what? Why the boy, or why the girl?"

"Why to all of it."

He shrugged. "Social politics in our school. Our school… it's the top of the social ladder here in Rimmen, heck… top of the schools in the whole country. Everyone wants to go here; it's a very high ranked school. Everyone wants to be a firedrake, it's the dream of every Khajiit mageling."

"So… you're a mage then?" Just like Lydia, the woman that single-handedly brought down my slave camp. I think I would like to learn about magic. Sitting in on this class sounded like it could be fun.

He nodded. "Everyone you meet today is. This is Rimmen… the best city in Elsweyr for studying magicka. Before the rebellion of a few firedrakes against the Crushers… this town was nothing but a rat hole for skooma dealers. After Rimmen was liberated by a few firedrakes, this entire town became a city dedicated to magicka. Everyone who lives here is either studying magicka or farming. That's about it really. There are more than several academies, but only one dedicated to the traditional arts of training firedrakes for the Mane. And I'm in that academy… the Rimmen Firedrake Academy. I'm in the senior class, so we're all getting ready to graduate. I'm not saying we're the strongest of mage academies but… you know. It's just that we have a rich background in our history, and in this town. Our academy was the first and since it's only for Khajiits, more than a couple other magical studying academies have opened up here since. The only competing institute here worth mentioning is also pretty limited in its selection: Aldmeri Magicka Institute. It's where most of our elves study at. It's also very…well… elitist. Sometimes, we get in fights with their classmates, but they usually start the fights. In my class, it's usually Ja'Loshin or M'Ipyan. So, once again, do not mess with those two kids today. They can do things to you with very little effort. And they won't hesitate to pick on a slave either. To them, you're the bottom of the barrel, and they're the top. Too many of us believe that our power gives us an edge, privileged or something like that."

I was less certain of wanting to sit in on this class now. Heck, living in this whole town was starting to sound like a bad idea. Why was Mom living here? She wasn't a mage, right? To think people like Lydia would use their powers to control me or use me in any such way was… scary. I've seen twisted people, and some of them actually did have magicka. Some of them used that magicka to do things to me that I learned to forget. "Um, maybe I should just stay away from your school then." Or move out of the town. "And maybe move somewhere else."

"Your call." He said. "But, I think…"

We were cut off as we heard screaming coming from the town. We had just entered the town, and we could see a crowd starting to gather up. "What's going on?"

"I don't know. Come on." He took my hand and started pulling me towards the crowd. "You see… there's a rule in town that…" He paused as he ears perked up. "Crap…" He pulled me harder as he raced for the crowd.

"Can you at least tell me why we're hurrying?" I asked as I tried to keep up with the sprinting boy with legs much longer than mine.

"I can't be sure but… you know? I can scent two of my friends ahead. And… if there's a crowd like this… that means… well… you're about to find out."

Find out? What was I about to find out? "Why? What's going on?"

He smirked. "You wanted to see what a firedrake was, right? I think… I think you're about to see two of them fight. And… they're not pushovers. One's an enchanter/alchemist, the other an Alteration specialist. Seeing those two fight should be entertaining." An enchanter? Alchemist? Alteration? Ugh… I don't know these things! And why would they be fighting? They were Ksaan's friends… so… were thy not friends with each other? Would they try to fight me next? Can I just go home and hide under my covers and forget this day ever started?

"Can I go home yet?" I found myself mumbling.

He turned to look down at me, smiling. "Come on, Ahmbra. Your day has only just begun. We'll make this a day worth remembering… and something you'll never have to cry about."

Oh man… now I feel like crap again. Why did you have to go and say that? I don't want to be remembered about that. Now, I knew I wanted nothing more than to go crawl into my hidey hole and forget I'm even alive. At least until Mom comes home and makes me feel better. I have a mommy now… I have someone who can actually help me get rid of all this pain… to make me feel better. I really needed that right now. I think that's what I really want right now. Just to crawl into my mom's lap and cry while she rubs my head and tells me that it will all be ok. But instead, I'm being dragged around by a teenage boy, excited to show me two of his friends fighting each other. Jeez… I can't wait to get home.

Cearbhail:

This is only the first chapter. Things get a little better next chapter. We get to meet Ksaan's friends... and someone else.