Disclaimer: I do not own himym :(
One Rule.
"I only have one rule," Barney Stinson declared as he slid into the empty booth opposite two of his best friends, Marshall and Lilly.
"Barney, you can't have only one rule if the one rule is different every time!" Marshall sighed, taking a swig of beer.
Barney swirled his scotch, ignoring the remark. "I only have one rule- never, EVER, EVER, EV-ER sleep with a Can-adian."
He grinned and laughed, turning to the empty space next to him he frowned, he looked at Marshall and Lilly, his face fell, "hey, where's robin?"
Lilly and Marshall fell silent. Barney frowned. Marshall cleared his throat.
Lilly smiled gently, "Oh, Barney, sweetie, Robins on a date, I'm sorry."
Barneys face fell before he quickly grinned falsely, "pshh- the Barnacle doesn't feel, Barney Stinson is- pshh, what up! AWE-SOME." He leapt out his seat, grabbed his scotch and ran over to the bar haphazardly.
Lilly frowned at the disappearing Barney at patted Marshall's hand. "Baby, mind if I take this one?"
"Sure thing, baby" Marshall replied, smiling sympathetically at the blonde at the bar who Barney was now throwing himself at.
Lilly got up and walked over to Barney and the blonde, who looked even sluttier close up.
"So, after my girlfriend died", Barney faked breaking down, the blonde touched his arm gently, "I haven't been able t-to- to sleep with a woman since." She pouted; Barney put one arm round her waist.
"owh, that's soo sad," the blonde cooed, subtly pushing her chest out before learning forward and pressing her mouth next to his ear and whispering something.
Barney raised his eyebrows, catching Lilly's eye he half laughed and half nodded, and raised his free arm for a high five. Lilly frowned and grabbed his arm and pulled him off the stool and away from the blonde. She released his arm from her grip and he rubbed his suit gently. She folded her arms and glared at him.
"Lilly! This is a one of a kind Gianni Manzoni!" he rubbed his suit again, his mouth down turning slightly.
Lilly unfolded her arm and slapped his arm, "Barney, you've got to stop running away from your feelings! And some blonde bimbo won't make you forget that you're upset that Robin's on a date."
"Upset? Lilly, please."
"Yes, Barney, upset. You like Robin, and that's why you're not going to sleep with some bimbo tonight!" Lilly sighed, Barneys shoulders dropped.
"You're right. I'm not going to sleep with a bimbo tonight.. I'm going to sleep with two- TWIN SISTERS- what up!" he raised his arm again for a high five and Lilly ignored it.
"Barney, stop it, I'm not going to high five you until you admit you like Robin."
"pshh, me, like robin? Lily, please. Now, if you don't mind, I've got some very naughty things to do in a bed, in a hot tub, on the floor, against the wall, on the windowsill- you get the picture." He turned his gaze to the blonde and winked. Lilly slapped his arm again.
"Barney! Stop it! You're not sleeping with some bimbo tonight!"
Barney turned to Lilly, looking sad for a moment, "If Robin's allowed to be on a date, then I'm allowed to sleep with a bimbo, and, a very slutty one at that!" he raised his arm for a high five, Lilly frowned and stormed off over to Marshall.
Seizing the moment of freedom, Barney ran to the bar, grabbed the blondes hand and pulled her towards the door.
"Wait I need my coat!" she moaned.
"Baby, you won't need any clothes when you're with me tonight! STINSON- OUT!"