Just a heads up, the Italicised font is more the present action, the plain text is the reflection. Both go together but for distinction and structure they are separated. It shouldn't be too hard to see. Thanks for taking the time to read. Read & Review?

-NaniNeko

When 'I Love You's' Don't Fit

What is something that all women, young or experienced, find themselves saying, desiring above all else?

A decent man. A man who is kind at heart but strong outside. A man who loves and cherishes only them. One to care for them as an equal. One whom will never cause harm or toil.

I too said that, but here I find myself laying in the bed of a devil.

Whats worse?

I love every moment of it.

I've fallen for the worst: Uchiha Sasuke.

Dark black eyes. Spiked back hair. Calloused hands, strong build, antagonizing soft lips. He's the image of absolute luscious evil.

A delectable, forbidden treat.

By day, he was a cold brute.

Sasuke never smiled. He might smirk, on occasion, but that now was a rare occurrence. He was always busy in the day, avoiding everyone. He sharpened tools, stocked weapons, read scrolls, slit throats, planned his next move. There was no talking or being Near Sasuke in the day. The day was when Sasuke was alone; when he closed himself off to everyone and everything except for the man he had his sights on killing. Get in his way, friend or foe, and, if he is in a bad mood, you might not live. From the second his eyes opened to the rays of sunlight, Sasuke closed his eyes to the darkness.

It was only in the night, when the sky had grown black and the clouds were barely visible white lines puffs, that Sasuke closed his eyes to darkness and opened them to light. Every night, after exhausting his mind, and usually his body, the bed would dip with his weight. He would lay down on his back, staring up at the ceiling, to stabilize his breathing. I was never the first to roll over and touch. It was always him. The first night he did it scared the hell out of me, because I was yet to even realize he was capable of anything other than mass destruction or hatred.

I had never been able to bring myself to hate the dark boy. I don't know what I felt for him at the time, just that it wasn't hate or dislike. I could tell there was an attraction of some sort. Of course he was beautiful - flawless even. Even if I wasn't 'In love' with him, I could admit to his appearance. It was enough to cause even the slightest desire in any female.

I had joined Sasuke's team Taka when he came to my village during my supposed to be execution. I was a rouge ninja; a meister of shadows. My craft is one rare and feared. When one appears it usually falls to the hands of a male, but I was special. I was born a female and granted this special gift of manipulating shadows, and as my name might suspect, the human heart.

Kokoro Kage.

When I had asked Sasuke why he would bother saving me, he had asked simply for my name, which I gave without hesitation. I had never denied my name to anyone; it was who I am, and what I am, which I carry proudly on my shoulders as a heavy burden.

After that, his reply was simple.

"I'm interested in your talents, Kokoro Kage; Shadow of the heart."

A gasp passed my lips at his first advance of the night. His lips attacked my next first this time, leaving small love bites. As always, I arched my head to the side, stretching my pale, soft neck; my offering to his terribly soft lips. I relaxed, letting my eyes roll back and a soft breath release.

His teeth dug into my carotid. I gave a soft yelp as he ground the vein between his teeth, careful enough to just stop from breaking the skin.

"Ah...Sa... That hurts," I told him, in a small whisper. I felt his lips make a small, upturned motion.

"No it doesn't," He spoke, releasing my rather important artery. "You masochist..." His words brought a smile to my face. I let out a breath. Curling my lips up in to a wide smile, mouth opened, I grabbed his jaw on both side's bringing his face up to mine.

He graced me with one of those open mouthed kisses that always robbed me of my breath and my lacking sanity.

I joined Sasuke, simply because he was the first human being that did not turn me away because I was a freak. It wasn't that I craved attention. I was never loved and I never had anyone by my side. It was always me and my ridicule. I stole, I cheated, I killed. Yes, I'm not mother charity. Why should I care about humanity when they didn't care about me? It wasn't fair - no that it wasn't.

So when I was finally caught and sentenced to death, I was actually a little glad, mostly uncaring. What was life worth anyway for someone who did not belong? Perhaps, had I been a man, I could have a place. The male shadow casters were, as I'm sure I hinted, more common, therefore more accepted. I was a 'witch', an abomination, a mutation.

Who wants that?

Apparently, Uchiha Sasuke wanted the little creation called Kokoro Kage.

I knew it was just my rarity, my abilities that he wanted; I wasn't stupid. But still, there's that sense of belonging. I found someone who needed me, in at least the slightest way. I didn't care if he didn't like me, or if he absolutely abhorred me. I had a purpose, for just a little while.

Perhaps that is what caused me to fall for him, and I was completely unaware until the night he advanced on me. It was my duty, I felt, to do whatever Sasuke wanted of me. If he said to kill, I killed. If he said to wait, I waited. If he said to deceive, I deceived. If he wanted my submittence, I submitted.

I never questioned him. That loyalty I felt was foreign to me and I had no idea what to label it.

My confusion began the first night we slept together in the hotel room late night after finishing a 'mission'. Yes, by slept, I mean slept, in both ways. Some people call it 'making love'; I called it, 'this feels fucking amazing but I don't know what to call it'.

Sasuke never slept in the same room as his other three team mates: Karin, Suigetsu, and Juugo. Karin would always try something, Suigetsu snored, an Juugo took up too much space. He usually was closest to sleeping by me. I was small. I never tried to touch him. And I didn't snore. But even so, when he had come into my room, and placed himself beside me in bed, I was not sure what to make of it.

My first thought was of his confusion. Perhaps his room was the one beside mine and he got the numbers confused. Unlikely, as Sasuke was not the type to make that mistake. I turned around, having my back to him at first.

No, it was not a mistake. Otherwise, if it was, he would not be staring at me, intently. I stared back, unsure and curious. As I part my lips, ready to ask if there was some confusion - perhaps I had the wrong room- Sasuke lifted himself with one arm and leaned over, placing his lips on mine.

Sasuke was my first kiss. He was the first one I allowed to touch me. The first one to make my body beg with need for something I never experienced before, and the first to quench that need.

I had asked no questions, provided no resistance, as he pressed his tongue past my lips, palmed my breast, and swung one leg over my hips, placing a bulge between my thighs, and with his other hand, removed my clothing.

That was the first night I had sex and the last night I ever slept alone.

"Ah." I pressed my lips into a line, leaning up on my forearms to see him planting butterfly kisses on my breast. "Now you want to be gentle?" I asked. Balancing on one arm, I brought the other up and tangled my fingers in his hair.

He was right before. I was a masochist. I loved the thrill of pain and pleasure, especially when it came from him. The only thing I didn't always like rough were his kisses, which, both feather soft or bruising, always left me satisfied.

He turned his eyes up, lips parted slightly over a nipple; onyx met violet. He opened his lips a little wider. Closing his eyes he gave a soft suckle. He let his other hand lightly rub the other. I groaned, moving beneath him. This was where I liked my attention... My hips brushed against the rock in his pants.

The hiss he made brought a smirk to my face as I looked down at him, knowingly. I knew everything about him now. Where his body ached, where it hurt. I knew what the 'good mood' straight stare was and what the 'bad mood' straight stare was. I knew when it was good to approach him in the daylight and when it was bad. I knew when he needed a comforting hug in the solitude of our room, or when he wanted a kiss, or when he needed to hear someone talk or talk himself. I could tell the difference between when he wanted to fool around, let out frustration, or make love. I even knew that he had one ticklish spot; the section behind the back of his right knee.

Sasuke didn't laugh. He smiled seldom. He smirked mostly.

I lied back down, letting my other hand come up and caress his cheek. My thumb ghosting over his parted lips. Sasuke looked up at me, his breath fanning out over my skin, stirring excitement.

This was a moment we were making love. When he was gentle, careful. I tease, in these moments, only because he enjoys poking fun at my masochistic moments. I found my comfort in pain 9 times out of 10.

Right now was the 1 time out of 10 that I didn't.

I closed my eyes, feeling his lips on my cheek.

After a while of submitting to Sasuke, my curiosity got the better of me, and as we were catching our breath, I had turned to him and asked a very simple question: "Why?"

Sasuke had paused and looked over. "Why what?" He asked.

"Why would you..." I trailed off. What word was best? I went with the more subtle implication. "Sleep with me?" He never seemed the time to desire human contact. Or comfort. Or communication of any kind.

He didn't respond. I saw him sit up and shift. I gave up hope on an answer when he seemed not to want to give one. He had walked away on more than one of my questions, leaving me to ponder until it became a distant memory, locked away to never be touched again. Assuming he was going to get up and leave, I closed my eyes again to fall asleep.

My plans were disturbed by breath on my face. So, he didn't leave, and instead chose to hover over me, forehead pressing against mine. He seemed to struggle for words. Why, I didn't understand because he was normally so blunt with what he wanted to say.

Finally he blurted out my answer in a quiet voice, avoiding my gaze. "Because, you're like an angel."

I started up at him, trying to figure out I heard that right. Angel? If my life was not a lie, then I was no angel. I was a demon. For some reason those words felt warm; they meant something. To his surprise, and I suppose to my own, as I pondered his words I reached up and encircled my arms around his neck.

"If I'm an angel, then that makes you a saint," I said, clearly. And I meant it. If I was an angel to this devil, then that devil was a saint to this demon. A saint, because he gave me a purpose when I had none; showed me how to be a human, if just a little bit. I didn't care if it started with me becoming his tool, a source of dispensable power. I served a purpose to someone other than myself. If I could be an angel to someone then maybe life did have some sort of meaning for me.

I didn't feel so lost.

I was the only person Sasuke let close. I had no reason to doubt that and I never would. His actions were enough, even if his words were seldom. I understood that hidden language whispered in silence.

Not once had I heard the word, 'Love', or the phrase 'I love you'.

Not once had I uttered it.

The closest we came was, "You're an angel," and, "Then you're a saint."

I felt no need to utter that phrase to him. Had either of us, it would be meaningless. What purpose was there for two people who knew nothing but pain to utter desired 'I love you's' in a vocabulary that discluded the very word 'love'?

I closed my eyes, shifting over on top of his bare chest. Turning my head, I placed my ear against the left cavity. The quickening pace of his heart spoke louder to me in the silence than any phrase that could have been muttered.