"Jess would you calm down... you barely slept last night, you cleaned all day, and you've been pacing for almost an hour now. You're freaking me out." Nick said as he sat on the brown leather sectional in their living room and watched Jess fidget.
"I'm sorry. It's just... he said there was something important that he needed to talk to me about but he refused to tell me over the phone. He was just here for Cece's wedding two months ago Nick, what could be so important that he'd fly back just to tell me in person? What if he's sick? Oh god, what if it's diabetes? Did he seem like he was limping at the wedding? What if they're gonna amputate his toes? What if he can never wear flip flops again!?" Jess's left eye twitched and Nick's eyes grew wide with concern and also because she was creeping him out.
"Amputation and flip flops? Jess do you hear yourself? You're talking like a crazy person, sit down. I'm sure if it were anything really bad he wouldn't have made you wait a week to tell you in person. I'm sure everything's fine." He rested his hand on her knee and looked at her, trying to ease her anxiety by using mellow tones and tea. He handed her a fresh cup of camomile tea with honey in her favorite mug with the dancing fairies on it.
As she took a sip there was a knock at the door and Jess shot up in a frenzy and opened the door to reveal her father Bob Day, standing before her with his eyes squeezed tight.
"Everybody decent?" Bob asked.
"Dad you're at our front door. You didn't just barge into the bathroom, open your eyes!" Jess replied.
Relieved, Bob looked into the loft and at Jess, "Well I don't know what to expect now that you and Rick-"
"Dad." Jess said with a stern tone as if she were reprimanding a small dog.
"I know, I know." Bob said, rolling his eyes. " I promised to be nice... I know your name is Nick." He said glanced at Nick and sighing slightly.
"Nice to see ya Bob." Nick said.
"Yeah yeah," Bob replied, shifting his carry-on suitcase in Nick's direction. "Here, take my bag."
"Oh, I'm a bell hop now. That's a step up." Nick said sarcastically.
Jess shot him a look and whispered, "Bell hop Nick is better than lazy cable-thief Rick don't ya think?"
"You're right, I've moved up in the world," Nick joked, "plus bell hops get tips right?"
"I've got a tip for you." Bob glared at Nick and stepped past him to have a look around the loft. "Keep your hands to yourself while I'm here."
"C'mon guys," Jess said sweetly, "you two got along great before we started dating. When are you gonna cut this out and play nice already?"
"He started it Jess." Nick said defensively.
"Ok ok, I'll be good." Bob agreed.
Unable to wait even another minute, Jess took her father by the arm leading him toward the sofa to have a seat, "Sooo I can't take it anymore, why the cryptic call about "something important" you need to tell me? Why did it have to be face to face?"
"Breathe Jess." Nick said, touching her shoulder lightly.
"Don't worry Nick, I'm cool as a cucumber." She said unconvincingly to Nick then turned to Bob. "Dad, come sit down. Relax. Those shoes look uncomfortable, why don't you take them off and get comfy. Nick, get this man some flip flops." She said, giving Nick a not so subtle wink. She obviously thought this was a clever way to examine the state of her father's feet.
"Nope. We're all out of flip flops Jess, just talk to your dad." Nick replied.
"Flip flops? Jess what is this? Is flip flop a street name for drugs? Is that why you're sleeping with him? Are you really a drug dealer?" Bob blurted out a flurry of panicky questions.
"No I'm not a deal- are you serious? I can't believe you just said that!" Nick defended himself, "she means real flip flops Bob. And I don't wear 'em cause I don't like stuff between my toes."
Jess looked at Nick apologetically but clearly she was still desperate to rule out amputation, "Speaking of toes! Dad, can I see yours?"
"Why would you wanna see my toes? Oh god, do ya have a foot fetish now?" Bob asked then he spun to face Nick, "What have you done to my little girl you sick son of a-"
"No!" Jess cut him off.
"Bob settle down, nobody has any foot fetishes here. Well Schmidt has these weird sneakers in the shape of a bare foot... looks like he's wearing big foot's foot over his real foot. He loves them but they're really creepy."
"Nick focus!" Jess snapped.
"Sorry." He replied. "Look Bob, Jess has been freaking out ever since you called. She thinks your sick and that you came all the way here to tell her face to face."
"That's why you've been acting so strange?" Bob asked his wide eyed daughter. "Jessica I'm fine. Sit down, there's nothing wrong with my health. You don't have to worry, I'm ok."
"Oh thank god." Jess exhaled in relief. "But then what is going on? What's so important that you flew all the way back here from Portland?"
"I'll tell you." Bob said taking a deep breath, then looked over at Nick. "But first, have Prince Charming get us some drinks. I'm sure he's got a stash of cheap whiskey somewhere in his room."
"I resent that." Nick said standing up from his spot on the couch before quickly muttering under his breath, "but he's right so I'll go grab it."
When Nick returned with the whiskey, he placed three old-fashioned glasses before them on the table. "Nick, you know I don't like whiskey but thanks." Jess said, covering one of the glasses with her hand so he didn't serve her unnecessarily.
Bob raised his eyebrows and looked at Nick, then at Jess. "Are you really not drinking because you don't like whiskey or because you're pregnant?"
Nick's eyes bulged.
"I don't care if your eyes pop right out of your head, my first grandbaby won't be a bastard so if she is, you'd better take a knee." Bob warned Nick.
"Whoa!" Nick said putting his hands up in surrender.
"Dad! I'm not pregnant, I just don't want any whis- can you just tell me why you're here!?" Jess snapped.
"Alright alright..." he began. "Well Jess, as you know when I first met your mother, we were fresh out of college. I was just a kid. No ambition, a lousy job makin' peanuts. But we were young and in love and I wanted to propose but I needed some money to get her a ring."
"Yeah, I remember this story." Jess interupted. "You sold your blood and passed out at the clinic and mom had to come get you. What does this have to do with you coming here today?"
Bob took a drink of whiskey, "Well Jessica... the blood bank wasn't the only ummm donation I made that day."
"Please don't say what I think you're gonna say Bob." Nick said as he closed his eyes and ducked his head down, wincing at the thought of what was coming.
"I also donated to a sperm bank." Bob said.
"Eww, dad!" Jess shouted as both her and Nick's faces contorted at the icky thought.
"I did not need to know this." Nick muttered.
"Look, the reason I'm here is because the sperm bank contacted me a couple weeks ago. Apparently you have a half sister Jess and she wants to meet me. She lives here in L.A. and I agreed to meet with her but I wanted to tell you about it first and see how you felt about that." Bob looked at Jess waiting for a response.
"On second thought I will have a whiskey Nicholas." She said in a daze.
As Nick reached for her empty glass, Jess took the full bottle from his hand and began chugging. Nick's eyes grew wide as he watched her gulping straight from the bottle. "Still think she's pregnant Bob? Look at her go!" Nick said with pride.
Bob and Jess both shot Nick a look.
"Sorry, bad time to joke." Nick said with a nervous laugh then after a long moment he went to reach for the bottle, "Jess you're on an empty stomach don't make yourself sick," but Jess put her finger up to stop him, downed another large gulp and handed it back to him. She exhaled painfully as the whiskey burned down her chest and into her belly. Both Bob & Nick stared at her cautiously awaiting her reaction.
"So I have a sister." Jess said, in a near catatonic state of stillness. "I always wanted a sister." She paused, "How old is she?"
"She's not much older than you actually," Bob replied, "she was born about five months before you were."
"Can I meet her?" Jess asked.
"Of course!" Bob replied, "I told her I'd call her once I'd spoken to you, I'll see if she's free for coffee tomorrow afternoon."
"Great." Jess replied as the whiskey began to take it's effect. "I'm gonna go to bed now, it's getting late. Nick c'mon."
"Jess it's barely 7:30... and your dad's here. We agreed I'm sleeping in my room while he's here remember." Nick whispered.
"I have a sister and the whiskey seared hole in my esophagus to prove it, don't argue with me Nick!" She snapped, pulling him by the hand towards her room.
Nick looked back at Bob for a reaction, "Given what I just sprung on her, I'm gonna let this slide, just remember your tip from earlier bell hop Nick, no hanky panky!"
"You obviously don't know how she gets when she's had a few too many," Nick began, his eyes lighting up like a kid on Christmas morning. Then realizing what he'd just said he backtracked, "I mean, you got it Bob! Message received, loud and clear." At this Jess yanked Nick into her room, slamming her door shut.
For about five minutes Bob just glared in the direction of Jess's bedroom trying to think of something that would be enough of a mood killer that it would ensure nothing would happen between them while he was there. That's when it hit him and walked over to her door and shouted out, "I really am sorry to spring this on you sweetheart... I guess I wasn't thinking about something like this happening... you know, when I, BOB DAY, YOUR DAD made a deposit at a SPERM BANK! Hey Nick, you live off tips, have you ever sold sperm?"
Just then the door opened and Nick stepped into the hall pulling the door shut behind him. "Yeah, you can stop now Bob, she's out cold."
"Oh good." Bob replied smiling.
"You hungry? Let's grab a burger, on me." Nick offered.
Taken aback by the gesture Bob replied happily, "Ok."
"One condition," Nick replied.
Bob nodded, "Don't say sperm anymore?"
"Never. Again." Nick insisted.
Nodding, Bob agreed, "Fair enough..." and they walked out of the apartment, Nick pulling the door shut behind them and locking Jess safely inside. "It paid good money though."
"Bleh! Bob! We're going to eat!" Nick
Bob laughed then looked over at Nick, "So... Jess seems happy."
At that, a sweet smile crossed Nick's face and he replied, "We really are." Then his smile faded as he remembered that Bob disapproved of he and Jess being together so he backtracked, "Sorry, I know you weren't asking how I was. Jess is happy though."
Seeing the look in Nick's eye, it finally hit home for Bob. How much Jess's happiness meant to Nick... maybe he wasn't so bad. Sure he wasn't successful but he was trying to get his life together... and he was protective of Jess. Being there for her really seemed to matter to him. "No that's good," Bob said, extending an olive branch to Nick, "if being with you makes my little girl happy, then it makes me happy."
Nick's eyebrows shot up, "I'm sorry did you you just say what I think you just-"
Bob's face instantly fell, "Settle down Rick."
"Can it be?" Nick asked with a smile spreading across his face, "Is Bobby D... starting to like the idea of me & Jess being together?"
Exhaling in a huff, Bob replied, "I didn't say that, stop it."
"You do!" Nick's face lit up as he teased Jess's dad playfully.
"That's it! You asked for this." Bob said with a mischievous tone, "I didn't want to do this but you've forced my hand."
At this, Nick smirked and frowned at the same time, "What're you talking about Bob?"
"I'm talking about sperm, SPERM!" Bob yelled at the top of his lungs.
"Bleh ok ok fine, you don't like me. I'll never be good enough for Jess ok? You can stop now." Nick said as he cringed and covered his ears.
"And don't you forget it." Bob said, then he slapped Nick on the shoulder and walked past him out of the elevator adding, "Alright c'mon where's a good burger place. Tell you what, they're my treat."
"S'ok Bob you don't need to-" Nick stopped himself just then because he realized that right now, the fact that Bob Day wanted to buy him a burger was as close to him saying that he approved of Nick and Jess being together as Nick could hope for. So he smiled and said, "Thanks Bob, that'd be great."