A/N: My first fanfic on this website. Based primarily off an experience I had last night with my dad at a restaurant. Unfortunately, I do not own Final Fantasy VII, the Turks, or even a restaurant. Although I might be able to legally claim David the waiter, but I don't want him, so I won't own him either. Please review and tell me what you think! (And no flames, please. O.O)
It was supposed to be a nice, friendly, let's-unwind-after-work dinner. As soon as plans had been made, Tseng had made sure to lay out a few basic ground rules, just to make sure the evening would be stress-free for everyone concerned. Nothing very complicated–no painting lines of gravy on your face and hurling wheat rolls at Cid Highwind from the cover of an overturned table, for instance. And, of course, Tseng had mentioned the subjects which were automatically inappropriate topics of conversation:
1) Any animal or monster with more than four legs or one mouth
2) Which Turk(s) couldn't hold their liquor
3) How much wood a woodchuck would chuck
4) What they really put in sausage
5) Elena's underwear
Tseng addressed the rules to everyone, but it was obvious who they were really meant for. Although, to Reno's credit, he hadn't been the one to get them kicked out of the last establishment they'd visited together. Elena had been the one who had disrupted the other patrons' meals when she stood up and screeched, "IF YOU DON'T STOP MAKING PLANS TO RAID MY PANTY DRAWER, I WILL RIP OFF YOUR PONYTAIL AND SHOVE IT DOWN YOUR GREASY THROAT!"
The fact remained, though, that Reno almost invariably had a hand in most of the mischief around the office. And, in retrospect, Tseng should've guessed that Reno would've just invented new ways to stir up trouble.
The whole mess started when their waiter winked at Elena. Knowing her as well as they did, Tseng and Rude were smart enough not to comment when she blushed slightly and looked down at the tablecloth. Reno, however, was never one to let social graces stand in the way of a little fun.
"Ooooh, Elena," he crooned, grinning at her from across the table. "Someone's got the HOTS for yoooou!"
"Reno, shut up," Elena muttered, glaring. "He's standing like two tables away!"
"He is?" Reno glanced over his shoulder in surprise, then turned halfway around in his chair to face the server. "Hey, waiter guy!" he called. "Do you think Elena's ho–OW!" The redhead turned around and glared at his female coworker. "What was that for!" he snapped, rubbing his hand where four tiny puncture wounds had suddenly appeared.
"To shut you up, idiot," Elena hissed. "Even though now I have to get a new fork."
The waiter walked over at that moment, looking slightly confused. "I'm sorry–did any of you need something?" he asked, glancing from one Turk to the other.
"Yes, actually." Elena answered quickly, holding out her now-dirty silverware. "Could you get me a new fork? This one's dirty."
"For you? Sure," the waiter replied, grinning at Elena.
"And try to get one that's not so sharp, waiter guy!" Reno called after their server.
"His name is David, you dummy," Elena commented.
"Well, you would know, wouldn't you?" Reno shot back.
Elena started to make a snappy comeback, but Tseng grabbed her shoulder. "Don't," he interjected. "We've barely ordered, and you two are already at it? Grow up. We can at least enjoy a nice, friendly dinner together."
"Well, I didn't start it," Reno and Elena grumbled in unison.
"Sure, you didn't," Tseng answered, rubbing his forehead in an attempt to ease the headache that was already forming.
Throughout their appetizer and then the main course, Reno continued to badger Elena about the waiter's flirtations. Tseng was almost convinced–almost–that Reno's intentions were good, but unfortunately, his choice of words wasn't as sensitive as it could have been. "I really think you should flirt back," Reno commented. "I mean, when was the last time someone showed any romantic interest in you?"
"Gee, thanks, Reno," Elena grumbled. "You're all heart."
"I didn't mean it that way!" he answered defensively. "I just meant, since you wear a suit all the time and you've kind of got a butch haircut, a lot of people probably mistake you for a guy."
"What!" Elena snapped, looking up with anger blazing in her blue eyes.
"From a distance!" Reno amended quickly. "Only from a distance. But still! Just ask for his number, or something. It won't kill you!"
"Why should I ask for his number?" Elena demanded. "One, I'm not really interested in him, and two, I don't have time for a relationship right now. Putting up with you is taking all of my spare energy."
"Okay, then..." Reno shrugged. "Do it as a favor to the guy. You know, it really boosts a guy's ego when a girl asks for his number. Even if you never call him, it would still make his night to have a beautiful woman like you show some interest in him. Think of it as a non-monetary tip."
"I'd rather just leave 15 percent of the bill, thanks," Elena answered dryly.
"Then do it as a favor to me! To your dear friend who only wants you to be happy," Reno said brightly, patting Elena's hand.
"Reno, back off!" Elena said in annoyance, jerking her hand away.
"Both of you, stop it," Tseng spoke up sharply. "Eat your dinner already."
"Okay, okay," Reno conceded, shaking his head and seeming to drop the conversation.
And, had she been arguing with Tseng or Rude, that likely would have been the end of it. Reno, however, rarely surrendered so gracefully. He pulled an inkpen from a pocket and scribbled something on a disposable napkin, then folded up the napkin and handed it to Rude.
Rude sighed, unfolded the napkin, and glanced down. Then the corner of his mouth quirked up in a half-smile, and he folded the napkin up and handed it to Tseng. Tseng similarly scanned the napkin and smirked.
Elena glared at Reno as she stabbed at her food, pretending she were spearing her redheaded co-worker instead of some innocent green bean which happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. I know that he wrote something about me, she fumed, staring down at her food. But I'm not going to try to read the napkin. I'm not that immature. Not like some people. I'm just going to sit here, and not notice that Tseng is snickering, and not notice that Rude is actually smiling for a change, or that stupid smirk on Reno's face...
She looked up. Reno had unfolded the napkin to look at it again himself and was adding something else to it, chuckling under his breath as he wrote. Oh, who am I kidding? Elena wondered to herself. Throwing down her fork, she leaned across the table and seized the napkin. "Give me that, you creep!" she yelled, tugging on the thin paper with all her might.
Most people would have fought back, she reasoned. Not Reno. "Okay," he said good-naturedly, letting go without warning. Elena flipped backward in her chair, landing on the floor with a definite lack of grace.
Son of a...ooh, I hate him, she fumed. Elena scrambled to her feet and righted her chair, then unfolded the napkin as she sat down. The paper was crumpled, but not so much that she couldn't read the messy blue letters that passed for Reno's handwriting–
Elena is a chicken. Pass it on.
Followed, of course, by a rough sketch of Elena in a giant chicken suit.
"You are so stupid!" she snapped, flinging the napkin down to the table. "What, did you never graduate from junior high? I swear, Reno–this is why you can't get a girlfriend!"
An expression of annoyance flickered on Reno's face, and he began to make a cutting remark, but at that moment the waiter walked over to the table and interrupted them. "Is everything all right over here?" he asked, frowning.
"It's nothing out of the ordinary," Rude answered calmly.
"Okay..." The waiter looked uncertain, but shrugged. "Just checking." He smiled at Elena before turning and walking to the next table.
Tseng glared at Reno and Elena. "Do you two children think you could call a truce, at least until we're out of the building?" he demanded.
"Sure, why not?" Reno replied amicably, glancing over at Elena. "What do you say?"
Elena had a strange expression on her face; she wasn't even looking at her coworkers, but instead was watching the waiter leave. "Reno, do you really want me to ask him for his number?" she asked, keeping her gaze trained on the waiter.
"I already said I do," Reno replied, nodding. "Why, are you really going to?"
"I'll be right back," Elena announced, standing and walking over to the nearby servers' station.
The other three Turks exchanged glances. "Wow, I didn't think she'd really do it," Reno commented, starting to smile. "I guess I was wrong."
"Quiet, or we won't be able to hear what they're saying," Rude said.
A waitress turned to face Elena as she approached the servers' station. "Yes, miss? May I help you?" she asked curiously.
"Can I have a word with David for just a moment?" Elena asked, giving the waitress a winning smile. "I promise I won't hold him up for long."
The waitress returned her smile. "Sure thing," she replied, turning and motioning for David to come over to the station.
"Hi," Elena said brightly once David had walked up. "This will probably seem a little funny, but...well, my friend over there–the one with red hair?–well, he's been after me to ask you for your number all night."
Reno's smile suddenly became frozen onto his face. "Wait a minute..." he began suspiciously.
"I think he has a little crush on you," Elena went on with a grin. "So, would you mind giving him your phone number? So maybe you guys can hook up sometime outside of the restaurant?"
David glanced from her to the other Turks in surprise. "Well...I'm flattered, but–I'm really not into guys," he replied slowly. "Tell him I'm sorry–"
"YOU LITTLE BH!" Reno snapped, jumping to his feet. "WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!"
Elena smirked and stuck her tongue out at Reno, then made a break for the door, laughing as she ran. "GET BACK HERE!" Reno yelled, chasing after her through the restaurant and nearly knocking over several people as he went.
David approached the Turks' table quietly. "I'm sorry, gentlemen," he began. "But in light of the circumstances, I'm going to have to ask you–"
"–to leave?" Tseng finished for him. "Why am I not surprised?" He sighed and handed David his credit card. "Add your tip onto the bill," he instructed.
David nodded and left quickly, then returned a moment later. "Thank you for your patronage," he said dutifully as he gave back Tseng's credit card, although from the look on his face, Tseng guessed that David could have done without their business for that night.
Tseng and Rude walked out of the restaurant with as much dignity as they could muster. Upon seeing that the others were ready to leave, Elena and Reno ceased their chase around the parking lot, instead racing toward the car they'd ridden together in. "I call shotgun!" Elena announced.
"What? No way!" Reno snapped. "I hate riding in the back seat!"
"Then why don't you call your boyfriend David? He'll let you ride up front!" Elena retorted.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY!"
Tseng sighed as he pulled out his keys. "We're going to end up only being allowed to eat at fast food burger stands before they're through," he commented dryly.
"Please," Rude answered, shaking his head. "Even they have their standards."
Reno and Elena stopped arguing long enough to look at their coworkers curiously. "Hey, are you talking about us?" Reno asked, giving Tseng and Rude a suspicious frown.
"No," Tseng lied. "Just get in the car. And no talking on the way home."
Elena looked confused. "Why not?" she wondered aloud.
"Who knows?" Reno replied in an undertone. "Tseng is so weird sometimes..."
Tseng started to reply, then changed his mind. After all, he reasoned, it really wasn't worth the effort.