Title: Summer Regrets
Author: Nicole
Summary: Jason's thoughts as he thinks back on the summer and Mimi.
Jason's POV.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything.
I enter my bedroom quietly and set my suitcase down. I walk over to the stereo and turn it on. "I can't believe that it is actually over" I say to myself softly as the music starts to play. So much happened this summer. I broke up with Jan, fell in love with Mimi, and managed to screw up any chance I ever had with Mimi. I still don't know how any of that happened.
"I wish I could just go back and do things differently." I say as I sit on my bed. I wish I could change the way things happened with Mimi. Why did I treat her like that? Why couldn't I just tell her how I felt.
As the music plays I remember the events of the summer. I remember thinking that this trip would be stupid because we had teachers there. Once again I was proven wrong. I only went because Jan had to go. I just wanted to be with her. I would have done anything for her.
Jan played me for a fool. I stood by her during the trial. I even put my life on hold to go this trip with her. I should have known that it wouldn't last. I remember everything that happened the night we broke up. I remember walking through the mass of trees when I heard her voice. I wanted to see who she was talking to so I followed the sound. As I got closer I could hear laughing. I heard another voice that sounded like Hawk. Finally I could see them and I just stood there in shock for a minute. I remember yelling at Jan and beating the crap out of Hawk. I couldn't believe that I caught Jan cheating on me.
After a while I just walked along the beach trying to clear my head. I let the scene of catching Jan with Hawk run over and over in m head until I couldn't take it anymore. I sat down on a tree stump and cried. I had been holding back the tears. I didn't want anyone, especially not Jan, knowing how much she had hurt me. After a few minutes I stopped crying. I didn't to risk anyone seeing me like this.
I stayed on that beach for most the night. I didn't fell like seeing everyone. I knew that everyone had probably heard about what happened. I just didn't fell like putting up with the looks and remarks that everyone would have been giving me. After a few hours I heard someone humming. When I looked to see who it was I saw Mimi walking along the water. She was singing a song that I couldn't place. She was so caught up in her own little world that she didn't notice that I was there. Eventually she noticed me and we fought like usual for a few minutes. Finally she got fed up with me and walked to the other end of the beach. I remember how shocked she looked when I apologized to her. We spent the rest of the night just talking.
We met there every night. We would sneak away when no one would notice we were gone and meet at the beach. It was the one place where no one would look for us. Every night it was the same thing. We would sit and talk for a couple of hours, then swim for a while, and then we would finally go back to our tents. It was the only time that I got to be myself. I didn't have to be mean and rude like Jan and everyone expected me to be.
Mimi and I never talked when we were around other people. It was an unspoken agreement between us. It would raise to many questions if we suddenly were friends after we hated each other for a year. It was easier to just pretend like everything was the same between us.
I remember one night we sat by the water and Mimi was telling me about when she was younger. I looked over at her and realized for the first time how beautiful she really was. I just kept staring at her and thinking about how she looked amazing with the moon shining on her. I realized then that I was falling in love with her. I never told her though. I kept it to myself at all costs. I couldn't risk falling in love and getting hurt again.
Everything was going great with Mimi and me until our last week on the island. In one night I managed to destroy everything I ever wanted. Mimi and I met on the beach like we always did. We did all of the normal stuff, talking and swimming. When she was getting ready to go back to camp I grabbed her arm and kissed her. I didn't think about why I kissed her, I just did it. I was really surprised when she started kissing me back. Things went a lot farther than I intended that night.
I remember laying next to Mimi on a blanket. I couldn't believe how beautiful she was. I was so in love with her. When she smiled at me I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. I just wasn't ready to admit it yet. When Mimi told me that she loved me I freaked. I didn't know what to do. I just mumbled that I had to go and got dressed and ran off before she could say anything else. I made the mistake of looking back at her before I left. She had tears rolling down her cheeks and a look of complete betrayal in her eyes.
I didn't sleep at all that night. I just kept thinking about how hurt Mimi looked. I don't know why I acted the way I did. I was scared so I ran. I waited all night at the beach the rest of the week. I knew she wouldn't come back but I still hoped she could forgive me. She avoided being around me the rest of the trip. She wouldn't even look at me. I tried to talk to her on our last day on the island, but she ignored me.
Now that I'm back in my room, I wish I go back and change everything. I would give anything if she would only talk to me. I wish I could tell her that I loved her.