Alanna's Baby

by Lady of the Wolves

Dedicated to Vlad, though it's not really an honor or anything to have THIS story dedicated to him...


Author's Note: This story takes place when...I don't know, when Liam was still alive and before Roger died again. Please R/R!


Alanna was sitting in her room, trying to weave, although she still hadn't quite mastered the art of it. Suddenly, she felt a pain in her stomach, then another. They really hurt!

Then it came to her. She KNEW why this was happening! "Oh no," she moaned, and ran for the hospital wing in the palace.

Duke Baird was there, mixing up herbs. When he saw her, he looked concerned. "What's wrong, Alanna?" he asked.

Alanna gasped and clutched her stomach. "I'm having a baby!" she cried.

Baird gasped. "But-but-"

"I used my Gift to make it look like I wasn't fat," she snapped. "And I guess I-I just forgot...." Alanna clenched then unclenched her fist and suddenly her middle became boated; she was, indeed pregnant.

Baird shook his head. "How could you forget?" he asked incredously.

"I just did, okay?!"

Baird sighed, shook his head, and motioned for her to lie down.

***********

The news that the Lioness was having a baby swept through the palace like wildfire, and in an hour, when she was just beginning her labor, everyone knew. Everyone.

The door burst open and Jonathan ran in. He went over and stroked her sweat-soaked face. "It's all right, my Lioness," he crooned. "Just give birth to our child nicely; don't kill yourself in the process."

The door flew open again and George came in, sweating wildly. "I came as soon as I heard, darlin'," he panted, rushing to her side. "Why didn't you tell me I was going to be a da?"

Jonathan frowned at George. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "Alanna's going to have MY child! I will be the father!"

George shoved him against the wall. "Fat chance!" he said angrily. He bent down and smiled at Alanna. "We all know it's t' be my little one."

Jonathan got up and hit George. "It will be MY child, and the heir to the throne!" he roared.

"No, it's my child!" George yelled back.

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mine!"

"Mi-"

"Shut up!" the Lioness commanded. They both turned on her.

"Whose child is it, Alanna?" Jonathan asked, voice very quiet. Dangerously quiet.

The door swung open and Liam came in cheerfully. "Just think, Kitten," he said happily. "Soon there will be a Liam Jr. with us!"

"The kid is MINE!" roared George.

"Mine!" screamed Jonathan. Alanna just whimpered in pain from labor.

George, Jonathan, and Liam got in a huge fight, screaming at who the father was.

Just then, Myles rushed in, tankard of ale in hand. "I was wrong, Alanna!" he cried joyfully. "I said that it would be unlikely for me to have a child!" He came over and patted her heartily. "But now I'm a father! Or will be-"

"I AM THE FATHER!!"

"NO, I AM!"

"IT'S ME!"

"THE KID IS MINE!!!"

Then Gary, Raoul, and Coram came in. They immedately joined in the argument, all claiming to be the father of the child.

The door opened and Duke Roger and Faithful burst in. The Duke grinned happily and started handing out cigars. "I don't know what my baby will be, so I'm handing out both!" he cried happily. Faithful yowled that he was the father, and everyone could understand because he wanted them to. For a moment, everyone stared at the cat.

"Ew...." Jonathan said, face showing his disgust.

"That's not right," Liam said softly.

Baird opened the door and came in, singing, "I'm gonna be a daddy tonight, oh yes I am, oh baby," and was swept into the conversation.

"MINE!"

"I AM THE FATHER!"

"NO, I AM!"

"MEOW!"

"IT'S MINE!"

Then Cleon and Neal came in.

"Hey, this is the wrong series for you guys!" Jon said angrily. Neal shrugged.

"Well, I figured, since this IS my kid, I'd better-"

"It's my child!" Cleon screamed.

Then Numair came into the room. He was sweating heavily. "Geez, Alanna, I thought you promised protection!" he cried.

Everyone was screaming and arguning. Alanna screamed and began to push. "Help, I'm having the baby!" she cried.

"You stay out of this!" everyone roared and went back to arguing.

Suddenly, the room grew bright as Mithros appeared. "Has my child been born yet?" he thundered.

"It's not ye're baby!" Coram screamed.

Mithros frowned. "Of course it is!"

Alanna pushed, the baby was born, and everyone crowded around. Baird wrapped the screaming infant in a blanket.

"Alanna, whose baby is this?" George asked softly. All eyes turned to her.

"It's Ozorne's!" she said happily. Then she paused and thought for a moment. "Or maybe it was Chitral's. Or Alex's. Or Coram's, Jonathan's, or Liam's, or Numair's, or Roger's....I can't remember!"


Man, I cannot believe I wrote that. So I'll pretend I won't. UCK UCK UCK!!! But please review anyway. And yes, I probably will be flamed. Bring it on! Well not really. And please don't say I'm weird or whatever because I'm not, this was just a sudden idea that wouldn't go away.

~The very ashamed and embarrassed Lady of the Wolves