Uhh. Honestly, this story sucks. When I started writing it, I didn't even have a plot line. But it's based on life experiences, so... I highly doubt anyone will like this, but I'm posting it anyway because this is the first story I've written since my story Konstantine. Uhm, hopefully someone enjoys this. Or, y'know, at least gets a good laugh out of it. :| It's based loosely on the song "I Love, You Love" by John Legend.
Disclaimer: Nothing is true, nothing is mine, blah blah blah. You know the deal.
won't give in completely, hearts break so easy
I know, believe me, I've tried
but my arms can hold you, my kiss console you
I'll come and love you tonight
-
Macy knew that the right thing to do would be to forget him.
Really, what other option was there? She knew that it was a lost cause after 5 months of fighting for Kevin's attention had landed her with the title of "best friend."
Best friend. It frustrated Macy to no end that that's all she ever seemed to be to people. The one you could rely on to make you happy, the one you could count on to believe in you. But never the one you could hold in your arms and kiss until you pulled away, gasping for breath, and then leaned back in for more.
But even though she knew it was a lost cause, it didn't hurt any less when he showed up to their lunch table one day with a big smile and proudly gushed about this girl he had met who was "so perfect" and "so talented" and "really understood him," and all Macy wanted to do was throw something, because she was trying to be so perfect, she was trying to be so talented, she was trying to really understand him, and God really seemed to hate her, huh?
But she was his best friend, and so she had to sit there and listen and smile and congratulate, all while trying not to throw up.
No one really seemed to notice, she had thought, until the bell had rung and Nick had walked up to her and stared intently at her, as if waiting for her to break down under his gaze.
"What?" she had asked harshly, trying to zip up her backpack. Her only thought process was get to the bathroom before you lose it, get to the bathroom before you lose it, and him staring at her like that was not helping at all.
"You're unhappy." The words were simple, monotone, as if he was talking about the weather or something equally innocuous.
Regardless, they were the words that broke her.
Macy couldn't help it; the tears were flooding down her face before she could stop them. He moved to take a step closer but she shook her head furiously, glaring at him. "Don't. Don't, just – I'm fine. I am fine."
And she turned around, ignoring his intense stare as she practically sprinted toward the direction of the bathroom.
"You're not fine."
The words came 6 weeks, 5 days, and 14 hours after The Incident.
6 weeks, 5 days, and 14 hours of Macy pretending to be happy-Macy, the Macy that everyone knew and loved.
6 weeks, 5 days, and 14 hours of having to watch Kevin and what's-her-face being sickeningly happy and in love all the freaking time.
6 weeks, 5 days, and 14 hours of Macy crying herself to sleep every night, choking for air, and wishing on fallen eyelashes and shooting stars that the pain would go away.
And after 6 weeks, 5 days, and 14 hours, the only person that seemed to notice was the person standing in front of her now.
"I am," she managed to breathe out, keeping her gaze on the untouched peanut butter and banana sandwich in front of her.
"You're not." Nick pulled out the seat directly in front of her and folded his hands neatly. "You're trying to claw your way out of this hole that you're in without anyone's help, because you don't want anyone's help. Because you don't want to trust anyone anymore, because my brother broke you and he doesn't even know."
"Stop trying to read me." She shot him the nastiest glare she could come up with, but he barely flinched, keeping his expression blank and unreadable. "Just stop."
"You want me to stop because you know it's true."
"I want you to stop because you have no idea what you're talking about."
"Or because I know exactly what you're talking about, and you're scared of that because that means that you'll have to trust me, so you know how to get over it."
"Who do you think you are?" Macy is angry. "What makes you think that you're allowed to talk to me like this? Like you're allowed to tell me what I'm thinking? You have no right."
By the end of her little speech, Macy's voice has gotten louder and people sitting in surrounding tables are blatantly staring at her, their eyes wide and their mouths dropped open in shock. Happy-Macy is all they've been seeing; no one even knew she was capable of being angry, much less at a JONAS.
Nick quietly waited for the people to look away and for Macy to take a few deep, calming breaths before speaking. "You're thinking that you're tired of feeling the way you've been feeling. You're thinking that nobody understands, that no one could possibly be able to comprehend that you've been hurting so badly over something that never really was in the first place. You're thinking that you're stupid for letting this affect you the way it has been, because there was never anything. You're thinking you're a jerk for wanting them to break up, because he's happy with her and if they break up, you know he'll be miserable. But you're also thinking that you deserve it more, that you deserve him more, because you've been there for so long and she hasn't. But you don't want to come across as selfish, because it's so unlike you. So you're pretending to be happy, you're plastering this smile on your face, you're trying to be a good friend to everyone around you. But no one is being a good friend to you."
Macy is quietly surprised, because it's all true.
Nick continues. "I know you don't want to, but you're going to have to trust me when I say that I know how you're feeling."
"How do you know?" Macy asks quietly, her eyes already flooded with tears. Because she is sorry for shutting him out, and even sorrier that he knows firsthand how she's feeling. It's not a feeling she would ever wish upon anyone.
He meets her gaze evenly, and his voice doesn't break at all. "Because that's how I've been feeling since I found out that you were in love with Kevin." He pauses when he hears her sharp intake of breath, but he closes his eyes and continues. "I've been feeling that way because I've wanted you so badly but you wanted him. And I never realized how much you loved him until he got a girlfriend." He opened his eyes and Macy saw just how hurt he was. And she recognized it, because it's exactly what she's been seeing whenever she looks at herself in the mirror. "I wanted you. But you didn't want me."
"I wanted Kevin."
"I deserved you more." His words are angry, sharp. She knows that this is the equivalent of him yelling at her. "I tried to be more outgoing, funnier. I even borrowed Kevin's clothes. I tried to be perfect for you. I deserved you more. You have no idea… when he was talking about his girlfriend, and I saw how upset you were… god, it took everything in me to not punch him out right then and there."
"He's your brother."
"He would've deserved it." Macy is silent, refuses to meet Nick's gaze. His words get softer. "You're too incredible for him, Macy. You need someone who will be able to treat your love in the manner that it deserves. I can do that for you."
She's still not talking, but she's not walking away either. Nick takes that as a good sign, and reaches over to hold her hand. "You're not ready for that because you're still getting over him. But I want you to trust me, because I want to help you get better. And if, when you're back to your happy-Macy self, you want to love me the way I love you, then I'll treat you right. But if you want to stay friends, then that's fine. All I want is for you to be happy. Because that's what you really deserve."
The moment is interrupted when Stella, Joe, Kevin, and what's-her-face join the table. Macy plasters on her smile like a trained seal, giggling like she's supposed to at Joe, who manages to fall off his seat as soon as he sits down. But now that she knows that one person can see through her acting, she is nervous. She knows he is watching and silently observing, and she doesn't know what to do.
"Hey, Macy!" Macy feels that familiar acid feeling in the pit of her stomach when she turns to look at Kevin, who has his arm around what's-her-face sitting next to him.
"Hey, Kevin," she says in what she hopes sounds like a happy voice. But she can already feel the bile rushing up, can already tell that if she doesn't escape from the table soon, she's going to ruin the entire façade she'd been building up for the past 6 weeks, 5 days, and 14 hours. She stands up and starts putting away her things, pushing her still untouched sandwich toward Joe, who eagerly picks it up and starts to devour it. "I actually have to go now, guys. I-" She frantically searches her mind for an acceptable excuse. "I told Mr. Rauschenberg that I would stop by the art room and finish the sculpture I'm working on." Good enough, she thinks, and she really has to get out of there like, now, if she's going to make it to the bathroom in time.
She's already taken a few steps away before she hears her name being called. Reluctantly, she forces on a smile and turns back to the table.
Nick is giving her the same look he's had on his face throughout their entire conversation. "Would you like some company?" he asks, and Macy knows what that means. It's his way of asking if she'll take him up on his offer, if she'll trust him and let him in and let him be there for her.
Macy pauses only a second. "Sure, Nick."
As they walk away from the table, Nick's hand brushes against the back of hers. "Are you okay?" he asks in a quiet voice, not looking at her.
She ponders for a moment before replying. "No, I'm not. But I am feeling slightly better. Thank you."
A rare, wide smile makes its way onto Nick's face as they walk through the hallway together, side by side.
And maybe she's still in love with Kevin, and yeah, there's the whole "Nick's in love with me" thing to think about as well, but for the first time in awhile, Macy smiles a genuine, happy-Macy smile.
-
I love, I love, I love;
Love hurts sometimes, but this feels right
And you, you love, you love, you love;
Though you've been burned, you still return...
So, yeah. I'm not even going to tell you to review, because there really isn't anything good to say about this story, haha.