Ghost was lying in his bed in the dark, looking up at the ceiling. Tomorrow was the day Roach, him and a few others were gonna storm Makarov's safe house. He hoped the bastard would be there so they could end the war, deep down he knew that wouldn't happen. It would just be another wild goose chase.
Though, Makarov was the least of his worries. There was a thought echoing in his mind, that this would be his last mission. He didn't understand why his mind was saying that. He's survived a lot worse than Makarov and his men and he knew he would survive this.
He shook the thought from his head and turned on his side and closed his eyes. Hoping sleep would come. When he kept tossing and turning, he groaned and sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed. He ran both his hands through his black hair and grabbed his boots.
Ghost knew he wouldn't be able to sleep and if it was going to be his last night, he wanted to spend it with Roach. Spending it with someone he cares about sounded better than being alone. But he was worried Roach wouldn't let him in. It's wasn't an occurring thing that Ghost would go to Roach's door in the middle of the night when he couldn't sleep.
Hell, the only place Ghost would go is either to the rec-room or outside. He didn't want to burden people with his problems and he had a rep to protect. The only person that new most of his past was Soap, even then he was hesitant in asking him for help. But Roach, Roach was different.
He was one of the very few Ghost could be around in silence and not feel awkward about it. And for a while now he finds himself wanting to be around Roach...more. He didn't understand why the sudden change in his feelings for the man. Or why he wanted to spend every minute with him.
Ghost shook the thought from his head and laced up his boots. Deciding to leave his balaclava on the nightstand, he got up and headed for Roach's room. When he got there he let out a breath and raised a fist to tap on the door. Only he didn't, he just stood there.
"Oh bugger this." He dropped his hand and walked away, cursing himself as he walked. He figured some fresh air would help and headed outside. When he got there, he stopped in his tracks. He didn't expect to see anyone, normally everyone is sleeping. Only this time, he saw Roach outside. Standing under the moonlight.
It made him look angelic in a way. He couldn't help but smile, and then walk over to him. "I wasn't expecting to see you out here mate?"
Roach looked over and gave him a small smile. "Couldn't sleep. Thought I'd come out here and get some fresh air." Roach let out a sigh and put his hands in his jacket pocket.
Ghost nodded, then looked up. The moon was full shown down on both of them. He glanced over at the younger man and his heart skipped a beat. Like it has for a while now, every time he glanced or looked at him. Nothing really made sense anymore. He joined the army to get away from his family, not fall in love. Is that what it is? Love? He didn't believe it.
Was he even capable of being loved? Or giving it? He wasn't sure and was too scared in finding out. But he couldn't just ignore that thought that kept playing in his head. If it was going to be his last night, wouldn't he want Roach to know how he truly felt? Then, what if he felt the same and he left Roach behind? It would be easier on Roach if he didn't know the truth and it would save him from more heartache.
"Ghost? Are you okay?" Roach looked over at him with worry showing over his face.
"Yeah. Just a thought I can't shake, nothing to worry about." He cursed himself again for saying that. He knew Roach would ask what was wrong.
"Do you want to talk about it?...I know you like your privacy, and keep to yourself a lot. But you do have friends you can lean on when you have problems of your own." He gave him a small smile and placed a hand on his arm.
Ghost wasn't expecting that. He was only expecting to be asked if he wanted to talk about. Then he would say no and that would be the end of it. Not have Roach say he has friends he can lean on. Roach was making it difficult and Ghost didn't like that. He sighed and turned to him.
"It's like a voice in my head saying I'm not coming back. It's never happened before. I usually don't feel anything before a mission. And I though if it was going to be my last day then I wanted to spend it with someone I care about." His heart started to beat rapidly in his chest. He never thought he would actually confess these things to anyone. Yet, here he was.
"I wish I could help you out with that, but I'm not sure if I can. As for the person you care about, I take it you didn't go seem them? Since you're out here with me."
Ghost could tell he looked hurt, if that's the right word for it. He wasn't his normal happy-go-lucky self and it was disheartening. "I did go to their door, but I bloody chickened out. Luckily I found the person I was looking for when I came out here."
Roach looked at him in disbelief. He could hardly believe Ghost said that, then happiness shown over his face. "It's a good thing you didn't knock. You wouldn't have gotten an answer...And I care about you too Ghost, I have for a while now. Maybe even more than I let on." He rubbed the back of his neck and made eye contact.
If Ghost's heart was beating anymore wildly, it would be on the ground by now. So Roach does feel the same. He wasn't sure if he should kiss the man or hug him and never let go. "Good thing I bloody didn't. I would've looked like and idiot standing out in the hallway alone. I know I'm not good with this type of things. But I do care about you, a lot Gary. I just needed you to know that."
He didn't know what to expect. However he truly wasn't expecting to be in a tight hug by the man. He tensed for a few seconds, then settled down and wrapped his arms around him. It's been years since he's been touched with affecting instead of cruelty. He's forgotten how it felt, and he found himself to be graving more of it. A few minutes later Roach pulled away and smiled.
"Do you want to head to my room then? We should probably get some sleep before the mission or we'll both be a liability instead of help. If you want, that is?" He chuckled and gazed into Ghosts blue eyes.
"You're probably right. And to be bloody honest, I just want to be with you."
Ghost smiled down at him. It felt good getting his feelings out. Then Roach grabbed his hand and led him inside. Whether tomorrow would be his last or not, he was happy he told Roach the truth. Maybe being opened wasn't such a bad thing after all.