I don't own Naruto. This story is a parody of Naruto, which means it would be treated for mostly humor and slapstick just to make people laugh. If you don't like parodies, read something else.
Chapter 1: The Fox and the Acarophile.
In the village of Konoha, two twelve year old boys were running with paint cans in their hands and laughing hysterically. One wore an orange jumpsuit with blue sandals and has blond spiky hair with whiskers on his face. The other wore a similar maroon jumpsuit that has the kanji sign for laugh in the back with Columbia blue sandals and has short black cornrows and black eyes. They were being chased by four academy instructors two men and two women.
"Get back here you little monsters, you two are in big trouble now," shouted one of them.
"hahahaha, Ah man Naruto that was pure genius, painting the entire Hokage mountain by yourself without anyone detecting you until the last minute," shouted the black haired boy. "Even more hilarious than the time I put itching powder in Sakura and Ino's underwear."
"All in a days work for the future Hokage, Daisuke," shouted Naruto Uzumaki. "These guys are weak if they can't do anything this outrageous."
Daisuke looked back and shouted, "Nananananana I think we're staying alive cause y'all can't catch up with these Jives you slow turkeys."
Both boys leaped through buildings until the academy instructors gained up on them.
"Hey Daisuke, do you still have anymore smoke bombs," asked Naruto.
"Indeed I do buddy, Do you have a plan," asked Daisuke.
"Oh yeah," smiled Naruto.
Meanwhile the academy instructors were still giving chase when they were surrounded by smoke.
"Which way did they go," one of the teachers coughed.
The smoke cleared and the teachers saw the Naruto and Daisuke split up going different directions.
"You men go after Daisuke and we'll go after Naruto," one of the female teachers said.
"Why do you get to go after Naruto," asked one of the male teachers.
"You know damn well why," shouted the female teacher as she and the other female headed for Naruto's direction.
Naruto ran until he reached a dead end, he looked behind him and saw the two female instructors cornering him.
"Fun and games are over you little monster," said the first woman.
"You're going back to the academy, you little failure," said the second woman.
"Ladies, I'm not just any monster," said Naruto as his form begin to change to into a smiling Daisuke.
"I'm the tickle monster Bitches," said Daisuke as his eyes begin to glow pink.
Suddenly the two instructors screamed before doubling over laughing hysterically.
"hahahahahaha stop it you brat hahahahahahahaha," laughed the second woman.
"Stop tickling me you little acarophile bastard hahahahahahahahahahaha," laughed the first woman.
"You guys want to know how I tricked y'all," smiled Daisuke. " I threw the smoke bombs allowing Naruto to escape, then I made a clone, had it henge into me while I henge into Naruto, and have the clone send the the rest of the sensei's on a wild goose chase, clever huh."
"Oh and by the way I don't appreciate you calling Naruto a failure and a monster, And just for that I'm going to tickle you two until you pee in your pants, I hope you brought a fresh change of underwear," smiled Daisuke as he increased the ticklish sensation in their body causing the women to laugh harder.
Meanwhile at the ninja academy Iruka Umino was scolding a tied up Naruto about how he had failed the graduation exam twice.
"Where is Daisuke Yagani," asked Iruka.
Suddenly the classroom door opened up and the female teachers came in. They looked extremely tired, furious, drenched with sweat, and looked like they wet their pants thrice over. One of them was carrying a tied up white duck. One of the woman angrily shoved the duck into Iruka's hands.
"If I never see him again, it would be too soon," said the first woman seething.
The duck gently and playfully bit her nose. The entire class laughed. The woman was about to punch the duck.
"Animal cruelty, Animal cruelty," shouted the duck.
Iruka stopped the woman from hitting the duck.
"Don't worry, I will deal with both of them," said Iruka.
"Aflac, Aflac," said the duck loudly.
The two women left the classroom slamming the door shut.
"Aflac, Aflac," said the duck again.
Iruka sighed as he put the duck on the floor and tickled it. The duck laughed and turned back into a laughing Daisuke.
"What am I going to do with you two," sighed Iruka as he cut the ropes around the boys.
"I see they caught you first this time, huh Naruto," said Daisuke not paying any attention to Iruka.
"I was just careless this time," said Naruto.
Iruka put his hands over his face in frustation and look at the class.
"Because of the actions of these two, everyone will go over their transformation technique again," said Iruka.
"Alright easy A," shouted Daisuke.
The entire class groaned and lined up.
"Nice going bozo's," said Shikamaru.
"We always pay your screw ups," said Ino
"Like I care," said Naruto.
"Oh get over yourself you Blonde Oinker," said Daisuke.
Naruto stepped out of line and used his sexy jutsu on Iruka and was scolded some more.
After school Naruto and Daisuke cleaned the grafitti that they made on the hokage mountain.
The next day Naruto and Daisuke sat on the playground swings looking sad. While Daisuke passed his graduation exam, Naruto failed the clone test miserably.
"Hey cheer up buddy, there's always next year," said Daisuke trying to reassure Naruto.
They heard two woman talking about Naruto failing and that was a good thing and why Daisuke prefers to hang with someone like him instead of the normal kids.
Daisuke shook his head. "Those ho's don't have any respect for the future hokage," He mumbled. Naruto said nothing.
Daisuke smiled and asked, "Hey do you want to prank them, We can puts itching powder in their pant or put bubble gum in their hair."
"I don't feel like pranking anyone," said Naruto.
"Well, do you want to come over to my house for dinner, my family says that you are always welcome anytime," asked Daisuke.
"No, I just want to be alone for today," said Naruto.
"Well okay then, I guess I'll see you around then buddy," said Daisuke as he went home.
A few days later in the academy Naruto showed Daisuke his new headband.
"Hey, how did a deadlast like you graduate," shouted Kiba to Naruto.
"He had a three way with your Mom and Sister last night," shouted Daisuke. "I could hear them howling his name while he was thrusting into them all the way from my house. They shouted, Bow wow wow yippee yo yippee yay. I was like who let the dogs out."
"You son of a bitch," shouted Kiba leaping at Daisuke. Daisuke pulled out a frisbee and wave it in front of him. Kiba's eyes was focus on the frisbee. Daisuke tossed it out of a window. "Fetch the frisbee, boy," said Daisuke.
"Daisuke you bastard," shouted Kiba as he jumped out of the window after it. "I guess he's a mutt after all," Daisuke giggled as he sat down next to Naruto.
"Naruto, congratulation I knew you were going to pass somehow," shouted Daisuke showing him his columbia blue headband.
Suddenly they heard the sound of two girls rushing into the class.
"Oh great it's the banshee sisters, Sakura Haruno and Ino Yamanaka or as I would like to call them as I sing They're Pinky, They're Pinky and the Pig, Pig, Pig, Pig, Pig," sung Daisuke.
Naruto was too busy being infatuated with Sakura as she came closer. Naruto was about to talk to Sakura when she pushed him out of the way to talk to Sasuke Uchiha who was sitting next to Naruto the entire time.
"Whoa that is very disrespectful and out of line Sakura," shouted Daisuke helping Naruto up. "I'm sure your mother raised you to be better than that."
"Who cares he was in my way," said Sakura nonchalantly.
"Super cow bitch looking like she squirts strawberry milk from her orangutan titties," mumbled Daisuke.
"What did you call me," shouted Sakura walking toward him.
"The cow says moo trick and I'm only calling it as I see it," said Daisuke.
Naruto stood between them and said, "Daisuke it's okay I'm sure she didn't mean it."
"No way, she has to learn she can't treat anyone like that, but I suppose I'll let it slide this time," said Daisuke sitting back in his seat.
Meanwhile Naruto and Sasuke were having a glare off further provoking Sasuke's fan girls when one boy accidentally shove Naruto into Sasuke making them kiss.
"Oh dude, that is so wrong, brush your teeth Naruto and use some Listerine while your at it," laughed Daisuke.
Both Sasuke and Naruto were gagging, the outraged girls glared daggers at Naruto, and Sakura cracked her knuckles ominously.
Just as Sakura was about to pound Naruto, Daisuke grabbed her arm squeezing and twisting it.
"You got the wrong one pinky, swing at him if you want to trick and find out what happens," said Daisuke.
"Let me go, he has to pay for stealing Sasuke's first kiss," growled Sakura.
"Maybe a little therapy from me would calm your nerves down a bit," said Daisuke as he kicked Sakura's legs out from under her making her fall to the floor on her stomach. Daisuke sat on Sakura pining her down and smacking her ass repeatedly.
"Giddy-up Pinkie Pie, Hi Ho Silver away," said Daisuke as his eyes glowed pink.
Suddenly Sakura was laughing hysterically on the floor and begging Daisuke to stop. She tried to hit to get him off, but it wouldn't work.
Daisuke looked at Ino and the rest of the fan girls and said, "Feel free to jump in anytime girls, we can have a tickle party before sensei get here."
Iruka came in the classroom and yelled "Will all of you please shut the fuck up and sit your asses down for your team placements." Everyone quickly scattered to their seats and listened.
Team 1-6 Use your imaginations
Team 7: Sakura Haruno, Naruto Uzamaki, and Sasuke Uchiha. Your Sensei is Kakashi Hatake
Team 8: Kiba Inuzuka , Hinata Hyuuga , and Shino Abarame. Your Sensei is Kurenai Yuuhi
Team 9: Mai Kamaya, Sora Matsuki, and Daisuke Yagani, Your Sensei is strangely Anko Mitarashi
Team 10: Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara , and Choji Akimichi , Your Sensei is Asuma Sarutobi
"Great I got the idiot and the red head," thought Mai as she slammed her head on the desk.
"Drat's I'm not with Naruto my prank partner in crime. Oh well At least I'm cool with Sora, but as for Mai I hope she forgot that incident that has happened a while back," thought Daisuke.
"Yes I'm on the same team as Daisuke, now I will get a chance to tell him how I feel about him," thought Sora as she did a victory dance in her head.
Anko Mitarashi, snake mistress of Konoha and former student of a certain snake pedophile (yes I seriously think Orochimaru is a pedophile) was walking slowly to the classroom fuming because the Hokage has made her take a team by threatening to ban her every dango store in konoha.
Anko opened the classroom door and shouted out "team 9 meet me in training ground number 44," and then she disappeared.
After the team arrived at the entrance in the forest of death they all sat down and introduced themselves.
Anko sat up and start. "My name is Anko Mitarashi, the sexy and single kunoichi. I like dango, torture, and messing with other people minds for my own sick amusement. I dislike those that try to steal my dango and a certain snake pedophile. My dreams for the future is to kill said snake and now for you three."
"My name is Daisuke Yagani and I like playing pranks, hanging out with my best friend Naruto, and making girls laugh themselves silly by hilarious means. My dislikes are emo's, pricks, bitchy fangirls, like Sakura and Ino and those who don't have a sense of humor and certain ice princesses," said Daisuke looking at Mai. "My dream is to be the funniest ninja in the world, find a girl who would like me just the way I am and also has a great sense of humor."
Right next to Daisuke is a red headed girl wearing red pants, a red Chinese style shirt with a dragon symbol in the back of her shirt, and a red hitae-ate around her head, and has red eyes stood up and introduced herself.
"My name is Sora Matsuki. My likes are shopping, training to be a powerful kunoichi and hanging out with my team and a certain guy," she said looking and blushing at her only male teammate.
"Who is this guy?" asked Daisuke.
Sora just ignored him and continued, "My dislikes are kunoichi's that are fangirls, and those who threaten my friends. My dream is to be the best kunoichi in the shinobi world."
"Very good," said Anko. "I like Kunoichi's that are serious about being ninja. Your next" as she pointed at the last girl.
Right next to Sora stood a girl with white hair in a ponytail like shippuuden Ino, but lacking her trademark bang, wearing black clothes that shows off her figure, she has ice blue eyes that seem to stare at your soul, and a black hitae-ate around her waist. She stood up and introduced herself.
"My name is Mai Kamaya. I have no real likes, but I do have many dislikes, such as Fangirls that give us Kunoichi's a bad name, being in the same team as a certain semi pervert with Acarophilia(1) tendencies to girls."
Mai glared at Daisuke with red glowing eyes while he innocently whistled with Mai still glaring at him until he cracked.
"Oh come on, your not still mad at me about that are you, Mizuki-sensei made us spar and beside you needed to laugh more often," said Daisuke.
"You almost made me wet my pants in front of the entire class," growled Mai.
"I can't really control that," shrugged Daisuke. "Your a much better fighter than I could ever be and I really couldn't let you beat me up."
Sora and Anko giggled while Sora thought, "Yeah, but I wish he did those things to me as well."
"Girls that are preppy and over excited," Mai continued looking at Sora.
"Hey, I'm not preppy bitch, I'm just a little mature for my age that's all and I just get too excited sometimes," shouted Sora.
Mai looked at Anko and said, "Notoriously crazy snake ladies that acts like a kid sometimes." looking at Anko.
"I'm not crazy, just misunderstood," thought Anko.
"Okay, we'll meet me here tomorrow same place at 9 a.m. for your genin exams," said Anko and then she disappeared. "Well this is a colorful team, now I know why the Hokage wanted them on my team, although Mai needs to loosen up a bit and stop acting like an ice bitch." This could be one of the greatest genin team in Konoha under my tor-I mean training. Hehehehe.
(1)Acarophilia refers to a person that has a general love of tickling, but doesn't necessarily have any sexual and fetish components to it.
Yes I decided to start over again. There's going to be a lot of changes in the story though. I'll do my best not to make them Mary sue and overpowered this time. But if I do please let me know.