Fun with Mihael Keehl
A/N: Hi! This was inspired by a list of things you can do to Mello that will ruin his life ^_^ My friend Serina gave me the lists (there are more for Near, L and Kira and such). I thought I'd turn them into a fanfic, since I could totally picture myself doing them all. Oh! In this universe, L never died. He pulled a Charlie Offdensen- pronounced dead on the scene only to return a few months later. :D Enjoy!
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Mello's House; 2:13 a.m.
Mello turned in his sleep, scratching at his scar. It was cold in his bedroom, though Mello only had on long, black pajama pants. The rest of his scar was so, so obviously visible on his chest and shoulder.
And then…
"THIS IS THE POLICE! OPEN UP!"
Mello's blue eyes flew open at the sound of the megaphone-amplified voice. "Oh…damnit!" He cried, still drowsy. He glanced over at his alarm clock. It was 2:13 in the morning! Didn't the Police Force sleep?
There was banging on his bedroom door. Mello pulled on a black tee shirt and walked over, opening the door reluctantly.
"Fuck you, K" Mello said, his anxiety dropping as soon as he saw the girl's face.
K leaned over and smiled. "You wish" She said.
Mello pushed the teen against the wall, walking out of his bedroom and down the hall of his warehouse. "You're such a bitch" He growled, not looking to see if the raven-haired girl was following him.
"Well, you're such a chocolate-eating whore!" K countered. She examined Mello's body. "You even sleep in tight black pants?"
"They're not tight" Mello said.
"The hell they aren't!" K tugged at the waistband of Mello's pants. The blonde wanted to turn around and slap her. But she was one of two real friends he had. Even if she was friends with Near.
"Y'know, Near was looking beastly last night" K grinned. "I think he's getting smarter"
"I'll beat Near" Mello said triumphantly, still walking.
"In bed"
It took all Mello had to refrain from slapping the girl.
"Since you so kindly woke me, I might as well stay up." Mello said, turning around to face the girl who was EXACTLY his height. "What are you doing here anyway?"
K smirked. "Insomniacs need fun too. I'd think you'd be up all night long from all the chocolate you eat"
Mello ignored her, heading towards the bathroom. "I'm gonna shower. Be out in a little bit"
"Have fun!" K called, waving dramatically. Suddenly, she was grabbed from behind, arms clasping around her waist. She shrieked.
"Hey there" K grinned, turning her head to see Matt.
Matt had a cigarette in his mouth, go figure, and his goggles rested on the top of his head. "Now then, what are you doing here?" He asked.
"I'm here, actually, to annoy the fuck out of Mihael" K said, leaning against the wall as Matt let her go.
The chain-smoker grinned. "Sounds fun"
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Mello finished washing his hair. He pulled the clip from in between his lips and pinned the blonde locks back. He closed his shampoo bottle, put everything away, and stepped out of the shower.
"Good God, I didn't even know they came that small!"A sickeningly familiar voice shrieked, obviously loud enough for all of Mello's thugs to hear. K was standing there, trying not to laugh, pointing a finger at Mello's groin. She finally burst into psychotic giggles and leaned against the wall of the steamy bathroom for support.
Mello went red, speechless. "You…cunt" He stammered, for lack of a better word. "What the fuck!"
K grinned. "C'mon, Mello Yellow." She leaned her back against the bathroom wall, eyes locked with Mello's. "It was a joke."
"Don't…call me that" Mello said, somewhat embarrassed. He grabbed his pants, pulled them on, and walked out of the bathroom.
K followed, concerned. "C'mon, Mihael! I didn't mean it! Near thought it was funny!"
Mello stopped dead. He turned and took K by her shoulders, looking into her eyes. "Listen. I don't give a goddamned rat's ass what Near thinks, okay? I'll be number one"
"In accordance with the prophecy"
Mello rolled his eyes.
K frowned. "I'm sorry, Mello. I couldn't help it. It was a joke. Get over yourself"
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Mello's House; 8:12 a.m.
As much as Mello despised her for that crack about his manhood earlier, he allowed K to stay. After all, he hadn't seen her since the Kira case. Since L's faked death. That had been a real shocker- seeing the insomniac detective sitting at Headquarters one day. Like he'd been there all along. Which, according to Matsuda- he had.
K was usually quiet, reading or writing horror and fantasy novels. She occasionally watched television, though it didn't hold her interest like it had when she was younger. Mello recalled his friend sitting in front of her television for an entire day one summer at Wammy's. The only time the girl was really "loud" or "outspoken" was around the few close friends and people she trusted- this meant Near, Mello, Matt and L.
Kal and the rest of Mello's "henchmen" sat around the make-shift living area. Matt was sucking down cigarettes faster than Mello could count, playing his PSP. From the sounds he heard, the blonde reasoned that his accomplice was absorbed in a game of Grand Theft Auto.
Mello was sitting in a chair, munching on an oversized chocolate bar, watching K as she stared at Matt. She was hanging upside down from the couch, head rested on the floor. Her somewhat pale face was flushed with blood, though she didn't seem to mind.
"Kill anyone lately?" She asked suddenly.
Matt snickered. "Mello hasn't been out of here since L came back"
K frowned. "Well that's no fun. Tell me, Mihael-" K was probably the only person who could call Mello by his real name and not get shot. "-do you burn off all the extra calories from the chocolate you eat working out with Matty?"
Mello ignored her. That was until she came up and started poking his stomach at constant intervals.
Mello looked at the girl. "Would you stop?"
"You're asking for it, showing it off like that"
"Don't!"
K put on a confused face. "But Matt said you like it when he does that" She said innocently.
Mello facepalmed and Matt burst into hysterical laughter.
"I'm gonna get more chocolate" Mello said huffily, walking out of the living area.
K suddenly took Mello's seat as soon as he disappeared into the hall. Matt paused his game- knowing something interesting was about to happen.
"I can't believe that little asshole beat me again!" She shrieked in a flamboyant impersonation of the chocoholic. "Ohmigod, right?" K flipped her spiky black, L-esque hair the best she could and began again. "Can you believe that? I can't fucking believe him. I'm better, right!" K exaggerated Mello's inferiority complex to sheer genius levels. Matt was trying not to choke on his cigarette, holding a hand over his mouth to stifle the laughter. He loved Mello like a brother. He also loved K like a sister. This was just too good to pass up.
"Well since I didn't beat him at Kira, I can certainly beat him at something, riiight?" K took this opportunity to, in a rather Mello-esque slutty fashion, run her hands down her sides. "I bet I've had wayyyy more boyfriends than he'll ever have. Right, Kal?" K winked sexily at Kal, who raised his eyebrows in surprise.
K then scurried back to her seat as the door opened, revealing a Mello who held chocolate in his hand. "What?"
"Nothing" Matt said, smirking. "Nothing at all"
"Mello-Chan, why don't you have any eyebrows?" K smiled.
Mello frowned. "I have eyebrows." He countered, lifting his bangs to reveal thin blonde lines above his eyes.
K frowned, and Matt tried to stop laughing.
"Anyone gonna fucking tell me what's so mutherfucking funny?" Mello hissed. Kal and the rest of the thugs, who had been smiling until this point, abruptly stopped.
"The mafia wrecked your hummer!" K shrieked. "No, I'm kidding. But we thought it would be funny if they did"
Matt nodded and resumed his game, still smirking.
Mello grinned. "Y'know…that would be fucking funny, eh?"
"Hey Mello" K said in a sly voice. "Did you know that "gullible" isn't in the dictionary?"
The blonde stared. "You're kidding"
"No, no" K said in a very serious voice.
Mello stood and walked over to his barren bookcase that held a few books on motorcycles and one very, very battered dictionary from the Wammy house. It had a black M on the cover and Mello's full name on the first page. He didn't notice that K was giggling and Matt was smirking, still playing Grand Theft Auto.
"Yes it-" Mello dropped the dictionary. Damn.
"I love you, Mello" K cooed, smiling.
A/N: First chapter! WOoOoOoOoO! I think I'll have two more chaps of this and then I'll do a few other stories for Raito, L, Near and such. :] Please review!